Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Where are you and where are you going?
Stahlmann
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Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Stahlmann »

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Last edited by Stahlmann on Wed Jun 01, 2022 4:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Miss Lonelyhearts
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Miss Lonelyhearts »

Are you familiar with the concept of “talking your way out of a great deal”?

chenda
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by chenda »

Miss Lonelyhearts wrote:
Mon Mar 28, 2022 8:22 am
Are you familiar with the concept of “talking your way out of a great deal”?
+1

7Wannabe5
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

+1

Also, it has been my experience that it’s not uncommon for men to be suspicious of women who give it away for free. That’s why it’s sometimes easier to just choose to play with players and/or to adopt the practice of not giving it away for free. It’s often like men perform an unconscious dance with their own internal vulnerability and then project it on you. So, you have to let them make themselves feel safe by allowing them to give you that which would make them feel safe within their narrative.

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Sclass
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Sclass »

:D @Stahlmann this post made my day.

Whatever you’re doing keep doing it. Sounds great. Relax and go with the flow.

chenda
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by chenda »

Stahlmann wrote:
Mon Mar 28, 2022 5:02 am
2) The same for STDs.
There is something oddly romantic about going to a clinic together.

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Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Mister Imperceptible »

it’s all that and a bag of phimosis I would hold on like grim death

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Jean
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Jean »

Learning about women from mgtow is like asking rape victims about men. They are not wrong, but you'll probably be luckier than them.
This woman probably enjoy your company, and she feels Richer than you. You'de probably pay for your date with a younger less lucratively employed woman.
So, enjoy the fun, the sushi, and the ego boost that comes with the expérience of a woman enjoying your kielbasa.
If you're worried about kids and std, use condoms.
You seem already ovewhelmed, so other women should wait.

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C40
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by C40 »

This lady likes spending time with you. If you're feeling uncomfortable about the money, here's what you do: bring it up with her. If you're worried that she is going to be expecting you to spend a lot later, tell her about that and let her know you can't/don't. Just let her know how you feel.

It's good to phrase things like "sometimes when X happens, I feel Y, because Z" (X is a specific occurrence... Y is a feeling that you have.... Z is some expectations you have, or something you worry could happen). Then, listen to what she says. If you want to ask her about something, ask her.

A lot of women (especially those who fucus on things like psychology) appreciate a man who can recognize how he is feeling, and share it with them.

Just relax and enjoy your time with her. . You don't need to break up with her because she spends more money than you.

*SERENITY NOW*

Cam
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Cam »

Stahlmann we have never met but you sound just like me. With a beautiful woman but consciously or unconsciously finding a reason that it wouldn't work...talk about shooting oneself in the foot. The others are all right, go for it!

Stahlmann
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Stahlmann »

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Last edited by Stahlmann on Wed Jun 01, 2022 3:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

chenda
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by chenda »

Just go and nail her again.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@chenda:
Lol

@Stahlmann:

You might be right about the polyamory. The energy with a significantly older man is very different from the energy with a significantly younger man, and she might want both forms of energy. Go for it!

Stahlmann
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Stahlmann »

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Last edited by Stahlmann on Wed Jun 01, 2022 3:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Stahlmann
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Stahlmann »

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Last edited by Stahlmann on Wed Jun 01, 2022 3:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

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C40
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by C40 »

It wasn't going to work out long-term with her. Notwithstanding your own likely strange behavior, she seems unstable, with all this blocking and unblocking.

In general, especially as the man, it is usually better to spend time with women that are not significantly 'above' your own financial situation.

white belt
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by white belt »

Stahlmann wrote:
Wed Apr 06, 2022 12:49 am
How to deal with such situations in the future? I'm still interested in physical affection, even if I have to pay for it (in different way in comparison to prostitution). But simply having to pour money on successful yuppie (who is living my dream while me not)... Eh. Her noble background was somehow important to her. Eh. How to sell just coming back to student time and enjoying simplicity together?
If you’re going to attempt to signal financial vulnerability, then you’re going to have to go further in bringing other attractive traits to the table. This is actually good in the long run because it forces you to develop and signal good traits without trying to smooth them over with money. You’re also going to have to sort for women who aren’t expecting a guy to buy them a bunch of things.* Many of these women exist, but it sounds like she was not one of them.

* = You are always going to have to spend some money for a socially acceptable first date because more creative solutions generally require some level of comfort/familiarity with you to ensure you aren’t dangerous. My strategy was to opt for something cheap like coffee or drinks for a first meetup, rather than something more involved like a sit down dinner. If you click, then you can do a second date where you demonstrate your competence with a home cooked meal, creative date idea, something unique you can offer due to social connections, etc. Be forthright and straightforward from the start with whatever justification you use for living a frugal lifestyle (e.g. environmentalism, minimalism, hedonism, anti-consumerism, freedom to do X grand project/pursuit).

Stahlmann
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by Stahlmann »

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Last edited by Stahlmann on Wed Jun 01, 2022 3:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

white belt
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by white belt »

Stahlmann wrote:
Wed Apr 06, 2022 12:49 am
She proposed activities for closest weekend during yesterday chat and I think I pushed her for paying (I definitely haven't come with proposal to pay full, I simply didn't want to be left with hotel reservation for two as single in different city).
What activities did you propose? Some alternatives off the top of my head to getting a hotel in another city:

-visit a city where you have friends that you can stay with (demonstrates social value)

-visit a place where you can camp (demonstrates outdoor adventure/excitement)

-explore a side of your own city that she hasn’t ever seen before like historical sites, subcultures, or just an interesting event (bonus adventure points can be obtained if you tell her the itinerary/plan is a surprise and just give her the initial time, place, and type of clothing to wear)

Pushing someone to pay for you isn’t the approach you should be taking. Instead, try something like “I definitely want to spend a weekend with you but how about one of these alternative ideas xyz? If you’re set on that hotel in X city, then that’s a bit out of my budget but maybe I can make up the difference to you in other ways (home cooked meal, handmade/thoughtful gift, and so on).

7Wannabe5
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Re: Stahlmann is trying to achieve mental peace - again

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

+1 to what white belt conveyed. Some of my best ever second dates involved minimal money spent. Also, I have had the sort of terrible second date where the guy takes you to an expensive restaurant, but then behaves in a distracted or rude manner. It’s always a little bit scary getting into a car or being alone with a man you don’t really know. The best daters strike a balance between safe comfort and fun adventure. All of this can be done without spending much money.

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