Moochdocking is a term that comes from full-time RV'r culture. Boondocking is when you park your rig out in the boonies (BLM, NF) and dry camp. Waldocking is when you park in a WalMart or equivalent. Moochdocking is when you park in your friend's sideyard and mooch electricity and water from them. The implication is that you're *not* paying rent, and it's more than just a visit.
Technically moochdocking refers to people with rigs, but I'm including people crashing in a spare room/ADU as well. This post isn't about being a good guest, aka someone who is just visiting for a time, it's about how to either park your rig on someone's land, or even crash on their couch/spare room for a non-insignificant amount of time, without paying rent. So we're getting into relationship dynamics, social capital, emotional intelligence, and all that.
Obviously this is related to C40's lentil buddy strategy. But moochdocking means you're not explicitly providing a service for the host.
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Rule Number Zero: Observe your hosts. Build a mental model of who they actually are. What are their habits and proclivities? Are they tidy and organized or chaotic and spontaneous? Introverted or extroverted? Night owls or morning people? What are their friends like?
Rule Number One: Attempt to make your presence better then your absence. In an ideal world you're striving for your hosts to prefer that you stay, rather than be looking forward to you leaving. This is often simply not possible, and that's okay. All of the other rules simply follow from Rule One, just applied in different ways.
Rule Number Three: Never Leave a Mess. This should be a no brainer. If people are letting you mooch in their space, it is straight up disrespectful to ever leave a mess for them to clean up. There's a little wiggle room here, if your hosts aren't super tidy people to begin with, and a dish or two left in the sink until next mealtime is normal. But, if your hosts are on the tidier side, then it's on you to never leave anything behind that'll brainworm your hosts. (You'll know how your hosts are because you followed Rule Zero).
If you're parking a rig, make sure you keep your site tidy and don't let your stuff explode everywhere. Don't leave muddy ruts in their lawn. Don't break the branches on their tree getting your rig in. If you use their laundry, don't leave clothes in the machine or on the line past when they're dry.
Rule Number Four: Don't Act Like A Guest. Having guests is great, but they take energy. Everyone needs guests to leave so they can recharge, even extreme extroverts. You're a moochdocker, not a guest, and you need your presence to be energetically sustainable for your hosts. In brief, this means exhibit initiative and take care of your own shit. Guests wait around for the host to cook and things like "so what are we going to do today?" It's certainly appropriate to play like a guest for the first day or MAXIMUM two when you arrive, but you should quickly settle into moochdocker mode. Take the initiative to get acquainted with the kitchen so you aren't always asking "where's the whisk again?" and cook for yourself. Learn where the hookups are for your rig and just take care of it yourself. Take the trash out. Don't knock on the front door every time you come in to take a leak. Say things like "I was thinking of going for a walk this afternoon / collecting acorns, if you wanted to join?"
A big point here is you want to be as independent/self-sufficient as possible, so the host doesn't feel like they really have to "manage" you at all.
The main Observation (Rule Zero) that is relevant to how to appropriately nail Rule Four is how introverted/extroverted your hosts are. There are four host:moochdocker options: I:E, I:I, E:E, E:I
- Host is Extroverted, moochdocker is Introverted. The biggest risk is that the introverted moochdocker sulks in their rig/room and the extroverted host feels like they have to walk on eggshells so as not to 'disturb' them. This can be intensely uncomfortable for extroverts in their own home. As an introvert, you ought to intentionally put forth the effort to engage the host in conversation, and make them feel like you are welcoming to conversation. You don't need to do this all day, and in fact you shouldn't because even extroverts need their space, but probably a couple intentional easy and light conversations throughout a normal day is enough. Body language is big here too: if you pass by each other, go out of your way to have an open face and smile, even if you don't say anything. You can subvocally communicate that you are open to social contact without actually having to speak. ["But I'm an introvert, and I hate making shallow talk, it's inauthentic to my being and draining!" --Then don't moochdock with an extroverted host.]
- Host is introverted, moochdocker is extroverted. The obvious risk is that the moochdocker is "too much" for the introverted host, and the host feels like they need to escape their own damned home to get some peace and quiet. This is an *intensely* uncomfortable feeling. The practice here is to make sure that you aren't engaging them too often. You might set yourself some boundaries: only actively engage the host during certain "windows of time", like around dinner. Otherwise, the practice is the same as for the previous situation: when you pass each other, smile and have an open face, indicating that you're open to
social engagement, but don't say anything. If the introvert wants to talk to you, they will. ["Oh, that sounds painful, I don't know if I can do that, being extroverted is how I authentically express myself!" --Grand. Don't moochdock with an introverted host.] - I can't speak to E:E. I assume the risk is that they wear each other out, or their need for solo time doesn't sync up and so their recharge time gets interrupted.
- I:I can be a little awkward. It helps to explicitly mention the dynamic to ensure the silences are "comfortable" and not "strained", because a lot of introverts have learned that long stretches of silence are typically uncomfortable for less-introverted people. Simply acknowledging/confirming that you're both cool with it can help.
By far the easiest, highest-leverage location to do this is in the kitchen. You don't have to do everyone else's dishes all the time, but if you're doing yours and there are not-yours dirty dishes on the counter, wash those too. In @mooretrees' place, I tried to clean out the french press any time I could because it's an obvious annoying thing to have to do (and she even told me it'd be appreciated). The host is likely to invite you to more house meals that they prepare for you: *always* clean up the meal table and do the dishes. Don't ask, because hosts are supposed to say no. Just do it as a matter of course. The only time you should acquiesce is if the host is particular about the cleaning of some bit of equipment and wants to do it themselves (examples I've experienced: particular about how the stove gets cleaned, about how the dishwasher gets loaded).
Watch out for not totally screwing up their methods. e.g. some people don't use the dish-scrubbing sponge to wipe down counters. Some people don't leave dishes out to air dry, they always dry with towel and put away. Rule Zero / When in Rome...
A small risk here is that if your host isn't very clean, you can make them uncomfortable or feel judged if you're constantly cleaning up their house. It can make sense sometimes to not totally clean up the kitchen, or intentionally leave dirty dishes in the sink every once in a while, so they don't think you're some kind of anal-retentive Mr Clean Freak.
Other ways to provide positive:
.Take out the compost, trash, recycling when it's near full.
.Offer to cooks meals every once in a while. (make sure not to cook food they hate).
.Chop wood
.Carry water
.Hang out with their kids. Parents will appreciate having a break every once in a while. (I'm not very good at this, due to a long-standing self-label of being "bad with kids due to inexperience", but I'm trying to work on it.)
Rule Number Six: Communicate Well. In most cases, simply having light but direct conversations about some of these issues goes a long way. You can also express that these are on your mind, and you're open to ideas from the host on how to best navigate them. If you're feeling any kind of 'pressure', try to find a way to bring it up without being passive aggressive.
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That's all I got. Any other points?
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