Re: Methods and examples of highly developed social capital
Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2021 12:13 pm
One approach that works well for me is to try to develop skills and build relationships simultaneously. Healthy relationships are an element of my web of goals, so learning from and helping out friends and family represents a natural path toward developing skills.AxelHeyst wrote: ↑Mon May 31, 2021 6:30 pmFrom the WL6>7 thread,
I'm interested in:
1) Stories/examples of how folks have employed high level social skills/capital, and what yields those skills/capital generated. Particularly where one could have employed a technical skill (fix leaky sink), but chose to employ social skill instead (did/called in a favor with a plumber friend). The idea here is to help forumites get a sense for ways social skills can be employed that they might not have considered before.
2) Thoughts and stories of how folks have developed high level social skills/capital. Books? Experience? Nature vs nurture? The use of social skill to develop social skill (i.e. by hanging out with a high-social-skill friend in order to learn methods)?
ETA 3) Mixing technical and social skills. (e.g.: social + cooking skills = start a "dinner and conversation nights" thing, which positions you as a social hub)
Some examples:
1. A few years ago I had woodworking as one of the skills I wanted to focus on. I decided I would build a table and found some plans online for a cheap, farmhouse style table from dimensional lumber. I decided I would build it with my dad to learn from him and make sure it turned out okay. We went to one of the locally owned stores and they didn't have what I was looking for, but I snagged some beautiful, thick blue pine slabs for the table top and benches, and hemlock for the trim and bench legs. My dad has never been into power tools, and I soon realized we weren't going to be able to make the cuts I needed with his hand saws. I sidelined the project for a few months, but brought it up with a few loose acquaintances when I found out they were into woodworking. Both of the guys I discussed it with would have helped me if I followed up, but I ended up working on it with my brother-in-law over a few weekends. I turned out great and it was the longest time I'd spent with my brother-in-law. It's a nice memory, and something we share. My sister really liked the look, and when they bought a new house he built a really large farmhouse table for their dining room. The whole experience really solidified the notion that "I built that feels better than I bought that" discussed in ERE.
2. I brought my guitar with me both years I taught English in South Korea. Each time I found a coworker who also played and had a guitar with them. Both times I was clearly the inferior player, but we would regularly meet up with our guitars and some beer on the weekends. I was gaining much more from these interactions, but they always had fun. I'd often bring a new song that I wanted to learn, and they would pick it up quickly and teach it to me. I met up with one of them in the States two years ago, and he was really impressed with all of the progress I made. I credit those relationships with really learning to play my guitar. I'd happily teach one of my friends if they wanted to play, just as a means of hanging out and pursuing a shared interest.
3. I've been interested in hunting for a while and think it would be a natural fit in an ERE framework. Every year I go on a camping trip with guys from middle/high school. We have a core group, but there are often a few others who filter in and out. Some of them have become regulars. I found out a few (what I would call really loose acquaintances) regularly hunt. They all go out separately with other groups, but they all offered to take me out and show me the ropes. They know I'm a backpacker and one of them was talking about a backcountry/backpacking hunting trip. I never followed through with my hunter safety test because of Covid, but know that I have that network there if and when I decide I want to go hunting.
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As a bit of a counter example to number 1 above, I persuaded my parents to fire their financial advisor. They knew that I was learning about investing and tax optimization, but kind of got swindled by an insurance salesman masking as a financial advisor. I happened to be over for dinner one night when he stopped by. We were talking about a social security loophole that the IRS was closing that allowed a spouse to maximize their earnings by claiming early. He didn't know about it, and said something to the effect of "I don't get involved in politics." He seemed like a polished salesman and was pushing annuities pretty heavily even though my parents have plenty of income through a pension and their social security.
It took a few weeks of discussions, and a PBS Frontline special on financial advisors and fiduciaries, but they ultimately got rid of him. I convinced them to ask him to sign a fiduciary statement, and he wouldn't do it.
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In regards to number two above, I'm just naturally curious about people and their stories. I tend to ask a lot of questions to help fill in the story. I am a bit of a geography nerd, love cities, and travel so I'm always curious where people are from and why/how they ended up here. As someone said upthread, you have to avoid it coming across as 20 questions if it is a new relationship.
It also helps to be curious or interested in a lot of subjects. People love to talk about their hobbies or interests.