AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Where are you and where are you going?
Jin+Guice
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Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 8:15 am

Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by Jin+Guice »

Great job finding yourself. Just like running a 10k, I think giving yourself permission to fucking exist as you want to be is a skill that 95% of people lack.

Sorry you had to grow up in a place that didn't accept you.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

@dustBowl - Thanks for the book rec. I'll check out "You Are Your Own Gym." As I've been on the road for three weeks now, my fitness routine has definitely fallen apart. :lol: It's been motivating to get both that and my diet squared away when I get home.

@grundomatic - Thanks for the rec on Steamboat, I'll check that out too. I'm going to take a closer look at some Colorado towns when I get back. I do worry that the Mountain West and Southwest are going to be crispy fried hotspots for climate change, but this is a topic I need to do way more research into. If not that, more northern parts of the West, like parts of Wyoming, might be a better fit.

@ertyu - I'm glad the write up was so helpful! That sounds like you're making a major change in a positive direction. Framing "weaknesses" as simple misalignment has been a helpful framing reference for me. I've read a lot of psychology, and I'm starting to grow suspicious that it places way too much emphasis on the individual and "self-improvement." Certainly there is a time and place for changing behaviors and outlooks, but it's possible to fall so deep into that that you start gaslighting yourself over every single non-normative trait you have. As soon as I decided I'm just fine the way I am and don't need to change for anyone, it helped a lot. It's better to focus on the bigger picture and find environments that are a better alignment for traits I have.

@J+G - I feel that one. Existing how you want to is shockingly hard. The biggest thing I'm learning is that you can wait around for someone to give you permission to be "you" all day, and it's never going to happen. I am genuinely at the point now where I feel like I'm just going to do whatever I want without worrying if it conforms to expectations, and it's freeing. I guess I just realized how small I am in the grand picture of the universe and therefore what shirt I want to wear or what job I want to have just does not fucking matter.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

Work Update

In an unfortunate turn, work went to the dogs as soon as I started to travel. What happened is we got a new managing director, and new managing director always means everything is about to go to shit. I've had this happen at literally every single company I've ever worked at. You get a new director who has some ridiculous scheme to pad their resume with fake accomplishments before they ditch the company for someplace better, and you as the developer on the ground have to implement whatever harebrained scheme they come up with while they themselves leaves before they have to pick up the pieces for the bad decision.

Now keep in mind, I write B2B tax software. To say this is a not an industry of dying urgency would be an understatement. But the Powers That Be have decided they need to speed up the development process so they can say they did something, and now there's an absolutely absurd amount of urgency over something that is not urgent. We're talking about people literally screaming at each other on Zoom calls and pointing finger to avoid taking the blame because being the person who's caught slowing things down is now a death sentence. This has created a toxic work environment in what had been a good job in a matter of weeks.

Anyway, this has a lit a fire under me in terms of ERE urgency. I was slacking before because my job was fine, I had enough time to do what I wanted to, and I struggled to see anything for me to do outside of work. But now that I've been traveling, I've realized life outside of work exists, and my desire to put out fake fires at work has plummeted to zero.

When I get back home, I'm going to find a new job and double down on actually doing ERE. I feel like this trip has rekindled my motivation and I see the real need now to make the actual changes I want to make.

Finding a new job is going to take awhile because I'm going to be selective. I've made the mistake before of waiting around until I got desperate and then jumping onto the first offer that came my way that seemed better. This has led to a series of underwhelming jobs and I think I can do better if I'm more patient with my job search. I'm giving myself a few months to go and find the perfect job while also cutting back expenses/working on web of goals/etc.

I'm not going to quit right away because I want to basically make work a node in my web of goals that I later cut out, so I'm using the job search while building the web of goals to actually accomplish this.

(I'll be writing more about the traveling in another post once I get home.)

lightfruit55
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by lightfruit55 »

Sorry to hear about the negative developments in your work life. But you can look at it positively as this part of your life coming to a natural end. In my experience, the best "ends" are the natural ends! In fact, being a (very) slow decision maker, I've experienced many natural ends (in terms of past relationships, works, etc) which I was able to process and transition out of quite gracefully, having already put in all the mental work/acceptance previously.

When the door naturally closes on itself, there is no need to look back (opportunity costs, regrets, etc, except fondly that you'd spent a part of your life in that space) and you can walk forward with more confidence!

avalok
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by avalok »

It sounds like you are responding to this negative turn of events positively, in seeing it as a catalyst for the changes you want to make; that is a great way to think about it. Nevertheless, I am sorry to hear this has happened at work.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

Thanks @lightfruit55 and @avalok. I do agree that this turn of events can be turned into a positive thing. I historically had a lot of trouble with actually pulling the trigger. But I've been at 6 different software jobs now over the course of my career, and they've all run into this problem eventually. The software industry is just increasingly dysfunctional, and I've been here for over a decade now, so I really think it's just time to move onto something better.

I will say, the fact this job is remote is turning what would be a 2/10 work environment into a 5/10 work environment, so there is that. It seems like there are fewer remote jobs now than there used to be. I get the feeling employers are pulling people back into the office when they are new hires. Working remotely has its share of challenges, including the relative isolation of it, but being in the office subjects you to so much more of management's terrible ideas that I really don't know if I have it in me to go back.

Anyway, what I'm doing is getting my ERE lifestyle together, including cutting expenses, diet and exercise, possessions/minimalism, etc. Then I'm going to decide where I want to live by renting my condo here and doing some month-long stays at various cities. During this time, if I find a better remote job, I'll take it. If I find the perfect in-office job next door exactly where I want to live, I'll take it. Otherwise I might eventually just pull the trigger on freedom.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

Travel Review

So! I'm back in Denver today after spending a whopping 18 days on the road. This was quite the adventure. Here's the itinerary:

1. Las Vegas - First stop actually involved flying to Las Vegas with some friends for my birthday. This was a spendy vacation that included staying in the Palazzo and overspending on Las Vegas restaurants. In the spirit of being a party animal, I spent $20 on slots and then quit as soon as I broke even. :lol:

Also got to go to Omega Mart (very cool and I recommend it) as well as the Atomic Testing Museum. The Atomic Testing Museum had a genuine enigma machine for some reason, and seeing that was the highlight of the month because I have a huge interest in cryptography.

My opinion of Las Vegas is that it's Disney World for adults. Everything is obviously totally fake and expensive, and you feel like they're trying to scam you out of your money in everything you do. I still had fun, though. It was worth going and being "spendy" to remind myself that I'm really not missing out on anything with that lifestyle. You're just paying companies to impress you, but you aren't actually that engaged in it. There are deeper experiences that require more skill without costing much that end up being more fulfilling because the skill requirement forces deeper participation.

2. Taos & Albuquerque - Flew home, then drove to Albuquerque and stopped in Taos for lunch. Unfortunately, I could not spent much time in Taos, but it was a cute town with a fun downtown and some good outdoor stuff. Taos is pretty close to Colorado and felt like smaller Santa Fe. I'll probably go back someday because it's fairly close.

In Albuquerque, I went to the Atomic Science Museum and Petroglyphs National Park. Both of these were pretty cool. The Atomic Science Museum had a 50s style bomb shelter exhibit that I like, and I got my National Parks Passport book stamped Petroglyphs plus a small, 2 mile hike to see the petroglyphs.

I was staying an extremely cheap hotel in Albuquerque to save money, and combined with trying to work from home, this sucked. Spending all day staring at your computer screen inside a roach motel starts to wear you down psychologically.

3. Las Cruces & White Sands National Park - Drove to Las Cruces next. Not the biggest fan of this town but I might have just been staying in the less fun part of town. That being said, the Albuquerque hotel sucked so much that I didn't care because the hotel I got here was cheaper and way better.

White Sands, however, was an awesome national park. If you've never seen it, I highly recommend it. It's the world's largest gypsum dune field, and the geology of the place was fascinating. I went on a guided ranger tour where he explained all of the geology. Apparently, the gypsum is a very light material but highly water absorbent, and there's an aquifer under the dunes that keeps them saturated and stops the gypsum from blowing away. As a result, the sand is very cool, even in the blazing sun.

He also mentioned that one of the towns nearby was going to start draining the aquifer, and this would eventually kill the dune field because the gypsum will all blow away without water. I found that upsetting because the dune field was such a remarkable place, and the idea of it being killed was horrifying.

I also laid in the sand for about an hour and watched the sunset. It's amazingly quiet there. I've never been anywhere so quiet in my entire life. Being there was honestly nearly a spiritual experience. You just lay in the sand for an hour at these geological structures that are so much larger and older than you are, and it makes all the problems in your life feel so small and distant. This experience really made me realize just how petty and small 99% of the shit I worry about is, and realizing just how insignificant you are compared to the entire planet is honestly liberating.

Tucson - Tucson next, where I met up with @grundomatic and went on the ERE-tour of the whole city. This was very cool, and meeting up with @grundomatic was a lot of fun. We looked at a lot of the permaculture stuff going on in the city, such as what all the native plants are and how they are used to manage water. Given how hot and dry the climate is there, seeing the plants in action gave me a new appreciation for the desert.

We also went to improv and met up with @grundomatic's ERE friend and had a great discussion about ERE topics. Then we participated in a cycling event. All around, very cool to see the city and meet up with some ERE-minded folks.

Tucson itself was a pretty cool city. It has that mid-sized college town vibe where it seems like there's a lot of quality cultural and community events going on that. Given the more moderate cost of living and community vibe there, it did seem like a pretty ERE-friendly place to be. And given it's still snowing in Colorado, getting some sun was nice!

I also went to the Pima Air and Space Museum here as well as the Titan Missile Museum. The Titan Missile Museum was very cool because it's an old nuclear silo and they run through a simulated launch using the real equipment. Pima Air and Space was also cool, but I've been to a lot of aircraft museums before, so nothing there was groundbreaking. Still, they had a lot of WWII aircraft that were cool.

Phoenix - Drove to Phoenix next. Phoenix seems like Denver mixed with Utah but bigger and without the Mormons. It was an absolutely huge, sprawling suburb-city just like Denver. Phoenix was so huge in fact that I couldn't see very much of it. At first, I was going to go see Culdesac, the carfree neighborhood that MMM wrote about recently, but given Culdesac is still mostly under construction and I only had one afternoon, in Phoenix, I skipped out on that and went to Scottsdale and the Desert Botanical Garden instead. Scottsdale is pretty much just the rich part of town with some shops, but I did go to an old, 50s-style ice cream parlor, so that was cool. The Desert Botanical Garden was very cool, and I enjoyed seeing many of the plants there that I saw on the Tucson permaculture tour.

Flagstaff - Next, I went to Flagstaff and saw the Grand Canyon. Flagstaff was a cool town that reminded me of a lot of the mountain towns in Colorado. It had a fun, casual vibe with a lot of good outdoor stuff. Also, after being in the desert heat, the cold mountain atmosphere with the total lack of oxygen made me feel like home. :lol:

The Grand Canyon was very cool. The view is absolutely stunning, and the geology there is INCREDIBLY old. They had some really good hiking routes to go on if you had more time to go hiking, but again, I only had one afternoon, so I just walked the Rim trail then took the bus out to Hermit's Respite and back.

I will say, the Grand Canyon was INSANELY touristy. There were SO MANY TOURISTS, and so many international tourists in fact, that I literally felt like how I did when I went to touristy places in Europe (like Versailles).

I'd like to go again someday with some more time and planning and actually do the real hikes.

Then disaster strikes - My plan at this point was to drive from Flagstaff to Santa Fe before heading home to see the Manhattan Project in Santa Fe, but this was not meant to be. You see, I-40 between Flagstaff and Santa Fe is a dystopian hell road full of potholes and semitrucks going 80 MPH. There is also debris EVERYWHERE, ALL OVER the road. I saw literally about five people pulled over with flat tires while driving on this road.

Now you think such a sight would have been a warning to me, but no, I didn't think much of it. Until I end up hitting something on the road (either a pothole or debris, not sure which), which absolutely DESTROYS my driver's side rear tire. We're talking this tire is KILLED. And not just the tire, either. The fucking RIM HAS A HOLE IN IT.

So I'm like, fuck. There is no civilization between Flagstaff and Albuquerque. I guess I'm going to have to drive back to Flagstaff to get this fixed because there's nowhere along the way.

Then I pull out my spare tire, jack up my car, and start pulling the old tire off when the lug nuts just. Snap. Off. The bolts that hold the lug nuts to the tire just SNAP OFF so that there's NO WHERE TO PUT THE LUG NUT. I am down to 3/5 lug nuts on my tire and this sad spare tire that can only go 50mph and is half a normal tire. There is also NO OTHER ROAD back to Flagstaff except the hell road that is I-40.

So I limp back to Flagstaff going 50mph on I-40 and praying my fucking tire doesn't fall off the car. I finally make it back but have to go get a last minute hotel for $$$ because at this point, it's too late to call any repair shop. Luckily, I do get a hotel and my car makes it back to Flagstaff in one piece.

The next day, I have to call about 10 tire shops to find one that even has a rim that will fit my car because my old rim has gone full rest in pieces. Also, no tire shop wants to sell me just one tire. I understand that you don't normally replace just one tire of a car because of how tires wear out, their sizes, etc etc, but I really just want one tire so I can get back to Denver and fix the bigger tire problem later when I'm not paying a bazillion dollars for hotels.

Finally, I find a tire shop that has a steel rim and is willing to sell me one tire. They tell me they will sell me the tire but they won't install it because 3/5 lug nuts is too sketchy. Alright, that's fine. I can live with this. My plan is to get the tire then install it myself then go back to Denver with 3/5 lug nuts and deal with the lug nut problem later.

So they give me the tire, I go to put it on, and ANOTHER lug nut breaks off. I now have 2/5 lug nuts holding the spare tire to my car. At this point, I'm like, yeah the game is over. GG me. I need to take this to a real repair shop and get them to fix the lug nut posts and then put the tire on.

Luckily, I find a shop within a mile of the tire store that will do this, and I manage to make it there. They accidentally snap the remaining two lug nut posts off when trying to get the spare off (no surprise there) but they do install the new posts, put the tire on, and then I am free.

At this point, I just want to get home. I end up driving straight home by going through four corners/Durango, stay overnight in Durango (more $$$) then just immediately drive back to Denver.

Thankfully, I am home now. That whole tire thing was a nightmare but at least I didn't get hurt and my car is relatively okay. I do still have a tire problem because my new tire is slightly bigger than my old tires and has a steel rim instead of a normal rim, but this is a problem I can fix later.

AnalyticalEngine
Posts: 949
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

Trip Takeaways

Overall, I'm glad I went on this trip. It was a good experience and I felt like it helped get me out of the rut I've been stuck in. Traveling can be escapism to some extent, but putting distance between my normal life and routine helped me see there's a whole world of possibility out there that I could be experiencing if I only make the right choices.

It was also good to meet such a wide variety of people. The contrast between staying in rich places like Vegas and then poorer areas the next day helps you see just how many lifestyles are really possible.

I will say though, working while trying to do this was more difficult than I first thought. The problem is I'd be online from 7am-2pm trying to deal with work then only have 2pm-9pm to explore the city. This put me driving around during rush hour and dealing with the fact most museums closed at 4pm-5pm. Trying to find consistent internet access so I could do my job was also a pain, especially when I was between hotel rooms. I ended up either hanging out in the hotel lobby or trying to find a Starbucks.

Trying to do my job in constantly changing environments was also stressful because I had to deal with noise, finding power, finding internet, etc every single day, and these tiny logistical challenges started to wear me down, especially on top of the fact my job got so stressful.

I was also traveling so fast that I couldn't see much of wherever I was staying. This was because I usually only had one afternoon to see somewhere, as the other time I was either driving or working. The two places where I stayed there on the weekend, Tucson and Flagstaff, I felt like I got to see much better.

It also got EXPENSIVE. Renting hotels for two weeks straight + having to eat out every meal is not ideal. My diet and exercise really suffered because I basically had to ignore those in order to see everything.

Also, it goes without saying, but I did not write anything for my novel at all during this time.

However, I think the trip was very good for me overall. It helped me reflect more on my lifestyle, the fact that you didn't have many things you take for granted made you way more aware of just how much your lifestyle costs, and I got to see some very cool stuff. Also the fact it was so fast meant that I didn't spend long in places I didn't really like.

What I'm going to do next is rent my condo to someone then do some research into various cities based off more data. I'm then going to go do month stays at those various cities so I can see more of it on top of working, spend less, see more local stuff and less tourist stuff, and not let my diet/exercise fall apart.

chenda
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by chenda »

The Grand Canyon is one of those heavily marketed tourists destinations which actually isn't a let down. I don't remember it was being very touristy but it was over 20 years ago I was there. Monument Valley is also great and worth visiting.

theanimal
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by theanimal »

What a wild ending! Glad you were able to make it home OK without damaging yourself or your car further.

My grandparents started living in Scottsdale in the winters starting in the 80s and we used to travel out there during the 90s, early 00s when I was a kid. At that time it really was a separate place than Phoenix (with half the population it has now) and just beyond Scottsdale was raw desert. That changed year by year though. Some of my fondest memories there are spending time with my family and cousins going to this fake Wild West town called Rawhide and this outdoor motorcycle bar called Greasewood flats that played bluegrass music and we could throw horseshoes. Both were not far out of Scottsdale and both ended up closing down (and moving elsewhere?) due to housing developments. The hiking in the area (like the Superstition Mountains) is outstanding, but the sprawl truly is massive there.

I'd like to check out the south rim of the Grand Canyon. We spent a week near the North RIm in December and saw hardly anyone. I just looked at the park statistics out of curiosity and saw that the north rim gets about 10% as many visitors as the other side during the high season (now) and even less during the low season. There are less services and it is less of a touristic experience IMO.

Checking out the cities further on a monthly basis is a great idea. Plus you'll be able to stay in more residential areas instead of hotels, save on costs and get a better idea of the surroundings. I'll be looking forward to reading about what you find.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

@chenda - It was seriously one of the coolest geological formations I've ever seen. I think hiking deeper into it would be amazing. The formations there are so incredibly old.

I'll check out Monument Valley too. Sounds interesting.

@theanimal - The car drama was a bit of a wrench in the plans, but at least it wasn't too bad when it was all said and done. I will say, it made me think how knowing more about cars than I do is important if I keep car ownership inside my web of goals. I'm not terrible with cars, I can change the tires and oil on my own, but there's a whole body of knowledge about them that would be useful to save me from potential catastrophe for future roadtrips.

That's interesting to hear about Scottsdale. It reminds me of where I'm from in Utah originally. The area was pretty rural when I was growing up but has since evolved into massive suburban sprawl. I feel like sprawl is a serious problem with Western states because all the development has been fairly recent, so instead of building up into walkable cities like some places in New England, they instead get developed for cars and you end up with an endless suburb.

The south rim was pretty cool. I figured it would be pretty busy/touristy right now since it's spring break for some people. I'll have to check out the north rim someday if I'm ever on that side of the park.

And thanks! I'll report back here as I explode different areas. This method will also let me bring my dog too, which will be important if I'm doing longterm travels.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

May Updates

So, after my road trip, I've had a bit of a shift in my thinking that I want to elaborate on here. What I've come to realize is that I'm extremely burned out, which manifests as depression, but the cause can be complex. Burnout is basically caused by being over stressed without an outlet for too long, which means it's a chronic condition and getting out of it requires a chronic response. Burnout is not cured overnight, but subtle changes do add up over a long period of time.

As such, I've been trying to do and think about things different. Here's what I'm doing:

Mental Shifts

1. Accepting reality/the fact my life couldn't have played out any other way. This has been a huge one. I think it's easy to get caught in the trap of going "what if?" about everything and regretting your entire life. But the simple fact is, my past really couldn't have played out any differently than it did because earlier conditions in my life caused certain outcomes and responses. Thus accepting the fact that my life has constraints, many of which I don't really like, but they're going to keep existing is important. I don't need to hold myself to unreasonable standards nor do I need to get caught up in the fact the state of the world isn't what I wish it to be.

2. Letting go of judgement. This is an extension of #1, but I'm trying to unlearn my tendency to have an opinion on everything and simply let things be. My opinions and judgements just do not matter, the world is incredibly complex, and these things just tend to keep me inside my own head.

3. Accepting that I can't escape the experience I'm having. My life is just going to be what it is. Constantly wishing it otherwise is worse than just accepting then hardship and moving on.

Behavioral Shifts

1. Giving up reddit/youtube/the entire internet. This was an addiction I was struggling with for years, but as soon as I realized being constantly stressed out by micro internet distractions was causing half my burnout, I was able to dump all of this overnight. Now I literally only use this forum and Discord for a few friends, and I only stream podcasts/audiobooks while working out. This has been a huge boost to my mood.

2. Diet/exercise/sleep. Current routine is two days of cardio, two days of weights a week. Slowly working up to more. Diet is vegetables, meat, whole grain bread. Very limited alcohol and only green tea. Dumped fast food. I still get some intense sugar cravings when I'm stressed out and feel bad, but hoping those slowly go away.

Web of Goals Shift

1. Changing how I spend money. I am no longer focusing on being cheap for the sake of being cheap. Rather, I am going to use money to cultivate serendipity in my social life. I've written in this journal my struggles to cultivate a social life I enjoy, and this is largely because being cheap in the suburbs is a very quick way to cut all people out of your life. I also feel like I have been in too much of a rush to get to FI through my young adult life that I missed out on important opportunities to build connections. I basically started pursuing FI at age 22, so this meant I was always living in cheap, suburban neighborhoods, eschewing travel, etc. Now that I'm in my 30s, this means I have money but missed out on building relationships.

It's harder to make new friends in your 30s than your 20s, but this isn't because you're suddenly too old. It's because people often behave differently in their 30s than their 20s, so if I want to cultivate more serendipity/opportunities to meet new people, I have to "unsettle down."

This means I'm probably going to be spending more money on travel/living in a "fun" part of town. I have this money to spend, so I'm going to use it to realign my web of goals.

Now I'm not going crazy with overspending either, but given my INTJ-lentil-hoarding personality, I doubt there is any serious risk of becoming too spendy.

That being said, I am ruthlessly cutting expenses that add no value. Eating out all the time at fast food, buying stuff I do not need, etc, all that is getting set to zero. I was overspending on these categories to make up for the fact my environment is not stimulating enough.

2. Work. - I'm still trying to figure out how to put work into my web of goals. The thing about work is that it can give you opportunities to meet people, work on large projects, or build new skills that are difficult to replicate outside of work. I don't think working from home to do the least work for the most money is good for me because it's limiting the degree I interact with the world, so I am looking into possibly shifting careers. I hate software engineering so I'd like to find something "cool" to put my skills to use elsewhere.

I'm still on the fence if I want to pursue writing full time or not. I want to finish my novel but I sometimes struggle with internal doubts. Writing is basically shackling yourself to the entertainment industry, and society is completely drowning in entertainment. But this might just be a North sub talking me out of trying to do anything, so I don't know.

A bit of a tangent, but the novel I'm working on has shifted to a detective story about a KGB agent, and living mentally in the Soviet Union gets depressing and draining lol. The cultural barrier is real and sometimes hurts my head.

3. Relationships. - Rather than "making friends," I'm viewing relationships as something that happen as a result of other activities I'm engaged in. Therefore I'm going to try to pick up hobbies that cultivate this. I'm looking into joining a casual co-ed sport's league or other such group activity. Where I live and what I'm doing is a far bigger determinant to whom I meet than going to random meetup events or the bar.

4. Unlocking myself in. - I feel limited by choices I made in my 20s, and getting out of these has been hard. I mean, the things I'm dealing with aren't the end of the world, but I do feel constrained by my house and pets. If I want to go to Europe for a few months, these things make it much harder. Sometimes I wonder if I should just sell the house and rehome the pets, but I don't know. Still trying to decide what to do here.

So what's next?
1. Need to deal with lifestyle debt (house, pets) and travel more to find a location I like.
2. Shift careers (government? law enforcement? writing? computer security? I have no idea).
3. Keep up good lifestyle habits (diet, exercise, sleep, no internet, no sugar, no caffeine/alcohol).

daylen
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by daylen »

The classic paradox of judgement without judgement. ;)

Embrace the paradox by becoming the shears that cut Gordian knots and the glue that binds trajectories.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

@daylen - All very true. The risk with judgement is that it drags you into moralizing about the way you wish the world was, not the way it actually is, which limits your experience of a given moment. When I catch myself judging something, I try to redirect myself to be curious with the emotion and ask myself what this judgement says both about me and about the way the world actually works. By trying to step outside of the problem and view it from above, it's easier to see what's actually going on and react in a way that's more beneficial both to you and the situation/the other person.

OutOfTheBlue
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by OutOfTheBlue »

Maybe you don't need to have everything figured out, well thought out and planned in advance. Especially in a burned out state.

The process of disentangling and simplifying is not straightforward. It is also emotional and demanding. The is upheaval along the way. It may demand sacrifice.

I feel you on the pet department. My last relationships have had dogs and (especially) cats. I love cats, and had to push back on the thought/desire to have one myself. I didn't want to be tied to a place, and I didn't want a kid substitute, so no cats, no possession of pets. I had to put this desire in the wider perspective of my life. It would interfere too much. There are other ways of relating to other than human life, and I am glad with that decision.

Decisions have widereaching impact, and some engagements are sacred, but as per How I Found Freedom in a Unfree World, there is always a price you can pay to free yourself from a box. Determine what it is. Sometimes that price is very high. But the resulting freedom can be worth it. It's only your life.

I would look at the work situation from that perspective.

It truly looks like a boon that you are free of work at this point. And that you have the means to not need to be looking for work or figure out what place writing will have in your life. Why not give yourself some indefinite time to deal with your sense of burn out and carry out the changes you want? You have the skills to pick up later, and lowered expenses (or continued income streams) might mean FI is even closer. Take time to listen and tend to yourself and your needs. To give space to emotion. You can change the past, but you may live out your grief of it. Give yourself permission to do whatever it takes to go towards what makes you feel alive. Maybe you are more free than you imagine. Sometimes all it takes is granting ourselves that freedom.

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grundomatic
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by grundomatic »

I tried to fix my burnout with softer measures, and have some positive things to take away from the effort. As you know, I’m now on to drastic measures because no amount of push ups or spinach was going to solve my problem.

Spending a little money to improve your social life is a good move. A life-improving move away from singularly focusing on financial capital and developing other forms of capital. I’ve also relaxed in this department because I’m too tired to always be the one organizing or hosting events so they are cheap/free, but I want to see my friends. I’m also not too worried about going off the deep end, as I’ve internalized frugality enough that last night while my friends were ordering hundreds of dollars worth of MtG cards, I was in the kitchen serving up instant pot vegetarian tacos instead of ordering takeout when it was my turn to cover dinner.

I think your relationship strategy is a good one. Joining a group with regular, scheduled, semi-mandatory events will give you “reps” with people, and that’s how relationships develop. What I’ve found is that after expanding my circle by doing what you are doing, I eventually find myself spread too thin and the quality of my relationships diminishing. I’m currently consolidating my social circle, and I’m pretty happy with the results. I know when you were here you called it networking, which at first felt yucky because it conjures images of career fairs, business card swapping, and schmoozing with the most “important” people one can find. Networking is probably an accurate description, though, the thing that makes it not yucky is making sure I am contributing as much or more to the network than I take, which I think some people forget. Reality also necessitates pruning the friend tree. If I have 10 gaming friends, 10 improv friends, and 10 work friends, I simply can’t be besties with all of them. So I select the highest quality individuals and focus on my relationship with them. The happiness science claims the largest benefit comes from the larger network of acquaintances, but I’m no longer chasing “happiness”. This quest for personal development and edification requires friends of virtue, with the good news being that a larger acquaintance network happens as a side effect.

Oh, the pets. I don’t envy you having to make that call. The house seems much easier. You can rent that out for years before having to pay capital gains taxes if you sell it (you have to have lived there 2 out of the last 5 years), or you can house swap. People obviously want to live in and visit Colorado, so it should be easy to find a temporary swap. Both of these things allow you to reverse your decision, which hopefully gives you some peace of mind.

So all that was from the responsible @grundomatic that hangs around the ERE forums, calculates savings rates, and was known at work for his daily salads. Fun @grundomatic (that eats ice cream for breakfast, lets kids dance on the tables, and has the loudest laugh in the room) says go run out that YOLO life for a bit. Cut all attachments and go visit Europe. Invent alter egos for yourself (or I guess just live out the cardinal directions Plotkin style). Visit all the cold war museums. Make out with a punk chick in a nightclub. Check out what the eco-dorks are doing. Take ironic selfies at the landmarks. Lay on a beach on the Riveria. Dig a hole and sit in it on the North Sea. Eat weird food. Go to Oktoberfest. Ski the alps. You’ve got a decade worth of living to do. Do it until it just isn’t fun anymore. Caveat–I want pictures and stories.

AnalyticalEngine
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by AnalyticalEngine »

@OutOfTheBlue, @grundomatic - Interesting thoughts and perspectives. It's definitely given me a lot to think about. A paradigm I've been trying to apply with decisions lately is asking myself, "If I were 22 again, would I make this choice?" or "Imagine I'm 22. Now what do I want to do with my life?" This has been helping me get out of some mental constructions I've been stuck inside.

Of course, the fact remains that I'm not 22, I get overstimulated easily, and I have a much lower tolerance for discomfort than I used to. These three facts are putting a lower limit on how cheap I'm willing to get. For example, like most people, I lived with some less than stellar roommates in college to save money. College-Me was willing to tolerate this but Present-Me would rather just pay my way out of dealing with petty problems. Given I can afford to do this, I'm not losing sleep over the lack of frugality. Especially because I do get overstimulated easily, if I spend all my energy dealing with petty issues, I don't have the energy I genuinely do need to make socializing fun.

So it's a constant balance of pushing myself out of my comfort zone enough that I can grow in the directions I need to without doing it so much that I just crash and burn (which I have plenty of examples when this happened). Spending money on less hassle helps. So really what this is going to amount to in practice is spending more money on housing and comfortable travel (aka no cheap hostels), and this is a price I'm willing to pay.

But the corollary is I'm really only FI at my current lifestyle. If I increase my lifestyle by spending more on travel and housing, then I am no longer FI. But I do also feel I've been so cheap that I've missed opportunities, so this is what it is. Plus this is a way to make up for lost time. I can experience more faster and get a better idea of what I'm looking for if I'm not so cheap about it.

In terms of relationships, this is one area I've learned a lot. I think casting a wide net then also putting energy into the top people is the way to go. It's a very active strategy, but if one is looking for very specific people or personality types for one's social network, than this is what it requires. I also think cultivating an environment where relationships happen naturally helps too. This is one reason I wanted to try a team sport, like co-ed/women's softball or football, because those have a built-in comradery aspect to them.

The pets are definitely a hard one. I'm still not sure what to do here because I do feel like I have a responsibility to take care of them, and I don't want to abandon them. But they certainly do limit your freedom. I did find a relative who would be willing to take my cat, so I'm thinking about that. I will say, once these pets reach the end of their lifespan, I am definitely not getting more lol. I do love them but I'm not sure they're worth the limits.

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grundomatic
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by grundomatic »

If Hanzi Freinacht can write the Listening Society in an alpine getaway without even knowing or caring who owns it, I’m optimistic there is an ERE housing solution that will serve as your hassle-free fortress of solitude from which you can embark on your social undertakings. I don’t think you have to spend more on housing than you do now, unless of course you decide you just have to live in NYC. Also, casual coed sports leagues aren’t going to cost that much.

Traveling might prove more challenging, but I’m convinced that, for both you and myself, some of these things that we just don’t have energy for and that seem too daunting will be easy problems to solve without the whole work shitshow to deal with. But, yes, if you have to, spend that money on a blowout round-the-world home hunt / vacation and don’t even feel bad about it. No working allowed this time.

I think I told you that DW and I were going to go pet free, but adopted two more cats about two months after our old cat passed away. I think that the longer you have them, the harder it will be to go pet-free. I love them, but it does cramp my style when I go to play the possibility game.

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mountainFrugal
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by mountainFrugal »

The forum is rooting for you @AE! Keep going through this turbulent time to find greener pastures.

Jin+Guice
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Re: AE's Journal Round 5 - Finding Freedom To

Post by Jin+Guice »

I think the bottoming out of cheapness is what happens once you start to reach the top of WL5 and begin to yearn for the darker shores of WL6+.

One thing I've found useful in this space is the concept of survival CoL. This is your shtf CoL. The key is, you have to have lived it. Have you lived for a year off of lentils? Then your survival CoL food budget is the cost of lentils for a year. Is buying some mushrooms occasionally or all the time going to change this? Only if you can't go back if your life falls apart.

The next level up is minimizing your real life recurring expenses. If you are maxing out WL5, you should be getting close to your shtf CoL or getting some extreme value out of what you are paying for. I can and have lived on multiple friends couches, but I chose to live in my own house. So much more expensive in money, but the value is there. If you're not naturally cheap, there is a danger here, bc "value" is subjective, but if you find yourself losing out on opportunity bc you are cheap, then you are prob going to be fine.

The next step is injecting value in your life by spending more. What opportunities are you missing you on? Opportunities, even expensive ones, tend to be one time costs. Aside from purchasing a building or business, large one time costs in the realm of opportunity or skill building are generally affordable. Knowing your money slippery slopes here is important. I like eating out. I feel like I have a good ERE handle on eating out which makes me enjoy it even more when I do it. But I have a little mental red flag where if I suddenly need to use eating out to create opportunities, I'm probably just eating out bc I want to. I think this risk is generally overstated though if you've really spent years optimizing and minimizing expenses and thinking about value.

I think the goal is to recognize money for the tool that it is. Money gets you the fast, easy, socially acceptable, comfortable solution. People shit on those things, but sometimes you need that solution. But that solution is rarely the most interesting or fun. Do you want the most interesting or fun solution to the problem or do you just need to solve it in any of the above ways? Situation will dictate.

I think it's hard to make this decision in the way we all strive to if you haven't spent years undoing our societies money values. But, this forum is rare in that it is a collection of a lot of people who have done that.

I think social engagement is the same as anything else. It's a thing that requires some money, but less than most people tell you. You can get creative about minimizing expenses, but sometimes you are tired and you just go to the bar and buy some beers bc it's what your friends want to do*.

*Ok you can be creative here too, although again energy. Can you get your friends to pick a cheaper/ closer to you bar? Can you go to the bar and not buy drinks while everyone else does? Can you get your friends to buy you drinks without feeling pressured to buy them any in return? Can you buy all of your friends drinks all night without expecting reciprocation? Can you buy everyone in the bar a round of drinks for attention? Can you do it anonymously?

I def started spending more at WL6 than at WL5, although eventually expenses tend to dip as you gain more skills. I guess you have to spend money to save money, after a certain point.

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