Just Gravy

Where are you and where are you going?
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7Wannabe5
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

The funny thing is that IRL (as opposed to my usual writing voice/outre topics), I am actually highly experienced and skilled in all things conventionally associated with a Nanny, and I even look/vibe just like one too! In fact, the last time I helped out for a couple weeks at an upscale kindergarten, a parent tried to hire me right off the playground :lol: This came to mind because I was discussing realms of early exposure mastery with Alphaville on other thread. For some reason the women in my upper middle middle class childhood neighborhood thought it was a good idea to pay me to watch their infants when I was only 9 years old, so it’s a very intuitive skill set for me. OTOH, framing carpentry...not so much.

Western Red Cedar
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Post by Western Red Cedar »

The notion of your 3yo requesting Modest Mouse really made me happy. Reminds me of my nieces. I listened to Good News on my lunchtime bike ride in honor of your post. I hadn't heard it for many years. The Moon and Antarctica and Everywhere and His Nasty Parlour Tricks were my favorites back in college. From one of my favorite MM tracks - "The rich get money but never what they want."

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

I’ma just go ahead and do my May update, since my savings rate is already at 24% and I'm going to eviscerate my 9-day sobriety streak this weekend. Oh, wait, I missed the little "-" in front of that 24. My May savings rate was -24%. Please don’t kick me off the forum. Have mercy, Dear Leader Jacob. It's all the divorce, I swear. I'll do better!

May was meditative and marshalled in a Zen acceptance. I have fought and resisted life up until this point. I thought I knew better than life. I would wade upstream against a robust current, scale a thundering waterfall, and then whine and cry about my inevitable frustration and failure. This May, this 33rd birthday, I have submitted to the forces a mere human could never hope to overpower or outwit and serenely slipped into the current of life. I will experience the awesome gamut of human emotion. My life will be pockmarked by craterous events. I, and everyone I love and know, will eventually die, and there will be no everlasting pow-wow in the sky. And that’s okay.

My (blush) boyfriend helped me define what I'm feeling right now. As I fumbled for the adequate English, he synthesized my diffuse, discursive thoughts into one word: "closure." ("What you're feeling is closure," he said, his frustratingly handsome smile spreading across his frustratingly handsome face.) And it's true. The other day, my ex said about the kids, "it's clear to me that there is no emotional trauma going on here," and although that is the conclusion I have also drawn, I needed to hear him say it. The kids are fine. Absolutely fine. In addition to the love and support of two college-educated, stable, involved, interested, relatively rich parents, they have quite the loving, hands-on village here to care for them. Somewhere, I read that post-divorce a person's social circle contracts; you lose in-laws and potentially friends. That is not my experience. My ex-in-laws just threw a birthday party for me, I'm closer than ever to my ex-sister-in-law, and our couple-friends-with-babies (while having expressed the appropriate sympathies), are totally fine with continuing to have play dates like normal, with all of us present. In fact, my social circle has expanded. I am putting more effort into other relationships--my mom, my (blush) boyfriend, and my existing friends--and I'm finally feeling the stirrings of actually wanting and having the energy to engage with others and potentially form new friendships. We'll all be just fine and I'd even go so far as to say the kids will benefit from the divorce, in that it expands their village, reduces the conflict they experience at home, and increases their resilience to change.

And if all of ^^that is me exercising some sort of cognitive black-magic-fuckery/confabulation to make myself feel better, then damn, I am a marvelous magician, because I feel great.

But I also feel poorer. So much poorer. :P

Numbers
Brokerage: $27,000
Roth IRA: $8,700
Retirement: $87,000
Cash: $7,400
May SR: -24%
Weight: 135
Days sober: 9

The significant dip in my brokerage came from selling my stake in KO to fund what will hopefully be the final expenses in the divorce (all in all, this particular life experience has cost me nearly or just in excess of $20,000). We’re almost done. He moves into a home big enough to host the kids in early June and then we’ll start our 50/50 custody schedule. Like everything else, there are good days and bad days. Good days we joke and laugh and enjoy our kids and plan family vacations together. Bad days we blow up at each other over trivialities and spend a day or two sullenly ignoring the other, the silence punctuated by bitter text fights and exasperated sighs. It is a strange feeling and thought to know that, come mid-June, I will no longer see my ex on a daily basis.

@WRC Glad you got a happy! After your post, I had to go on a long drive. I listened to Good News and thought about you riding your bike listening to it. Heh heh, inception-ing the shared music experience. I think my favorite lines are from Bukowski: And yeah, I know he's a pretty good read / But God who'd want to be? / God who'd want to be such an asshole?

7Wannabe5
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Two kitchens always cost more $$ than one kitchen, but same holds true for singles who choose to live alone as divorced folk. It’s just that the math doesn’t come on as sudden and shocking. So, maybe divorce expense should/could be depreciated over time until your next shack up?-lol. I was a complete mess after mine. I couldn’t even read! Give yourself at least 3 years to return to normal-for-you functioning.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

@7w5 I actually feel... great. Is that bad? :? As for my next shack-up, yeah, I don’t really see that happening. The wonderful man I’m seeing now is a long-distance thing, which is great because it affords me ample alone time to process what I need to process and learn how to live on my own. As I said at one point in my old journal, “I don’t need no man,” to which I’ll add... but I certainly like having one. ;)

The cost of the divorce, at the end of it all, was well worth it. Hell, I sunk over $20k into updates for my last house. This is way better than a new driveway.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Of course it’s not bad to feel great. I found myself joyfully dancing across the living room floor the day after my ex moved out. However, I would note that your feelings may and likely will vary over time. It’s a process.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

<sobriety eviscerated>

Ugh, a process?! Aren’t I done with those yet?! My ex is boxing up the remainder of his stuff at my apartment now, and I am shamefully giddy.

For realsies, though, I fully anticipate good and bad days in the future wrt this decision. The 50/50 custody is not ideal, but a battle for even 51/49 custody would have been bitter, litigious, expensive, and ultimately fruitless. So, all I can do is make do, or make great.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

Oof, you turned out to be right, 7w5. After I signed and submitted the proposed final decree, I was a complete mess for a few days. Felt like all synapses firing at once for three straight days, trying to solve the problem for the nth time of "what would have to change for us to live together as an idyllic family?" I'm not proud of those days. I knew I would have them, though, and I survived, like always.

Today was my first non-custody morning. Last night, I got a full, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep; no toddler feet in my face, no blood-curdling screams for milk at 2 a.m., no DD creepily hovering by my bed at 5 a.m., demanding I put on Frozen. I naturally awoke at 5:30, tidied the kitchen, ran 5k along the bayou, came home and fully stretched (with no babies clambering over me), showered (without DS full on crying, trying to climb into the shower with me), spoke in Mandarin aloud to myself while I made breakfast tacos and had coffee, caught my bus on time, and even got to work before everyone else.

My point of listing all of that totally mundane stuff out is that... well, this is the mundane stuff I haven't been able to do since I had kids. And the lack of opportunity to participate in mundane daily activities such as taking an uninterrupted shower has definitely eroded my Self, my sanity, and my satisfaction with life. This factor (while one of many) absolutely contributed to the divorce.

Anyway, I was dreading my first non-custody days. Thought I'd feel like a horrible monster that abandoned her children. But they're fine, and I'm fine. Per my ex, they pulled the exact same shit at his new house that they do at mine, so that's probably a good sign. I tried to have a meaningful conversation with DD3 about how she felt about daddy having a house and mommy having a house and all she cared about was the fact that she wanted more ketchup on her plate, which is frustrating only in that it offers me absolutely no fodder to ruminate and self-flagellate over.

Laura Ingalls
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Laura Ingalls »

“My point of listing all of that totally mundane stuff out is that... well, this is the mundane stuff I haven't been able to do since I had kids. And the lack of opportunity to participate in mundane daily activities such as taking an uninterrupted shower has definitely eroded my Self, my sanity, and my satisfaction with life. This factor (while one of many) absolutely contributed to the divorce.”

This is pretty much how I felt circa 2008 with 2 young ones and a partner that traveled for work. I was bitterly jealous of his expensed restaurant meals and uninterrupted sleep. DH ended up getting laid off which probably saved the relationship. We ended up working through it partially by being better humans and working on our issues. The other factor was that our children became more self sufficient.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

@Laura I hear you. When I wrote that factor out, the "permanent solution for a temporary problem" interpretation crossed my mind, which is why I couched it with "(while one of many)". If that were the only reason, it'd be like nuking an entire apartment complex due to one scuttling roach. I'm glad and impressed you and the Mr. avoided the nuclear option and became better humans, together. That's quite the feat. I appreciate your comment and also would like to tell people that are following along that I realize divorce is a sensitive issue, but if you feel you have some insight or wisdom to pass along, feel free. Even criticism and judgment is fine, as no one can be harsher to me than I am to myself.

@ertyu will probably be happy to hear that I start therapy on Monday. I find the reality of 2 to 3 day long separations from my children so repulsive and reprehensible that I have started having panic attacks, which I haven't experienced since my diagnosis of OCD back in 2015. All day and night, I am submerged in a deep pool of guilt, and any small incident concerning the children (e.g., DS2 gets a fever or DD3 seems anxious) provokes a tidal wave of guilt that completely engulfs and drowns me. I endure fantasies of crawling back to my ex, begging forgiveness, swearing endless martyrdom, and I even sometimes balance on the cusp of believing I could manage to escape, or even obliterate, my ego for the remainder of my life in order to facilitate this idyllic family unit, but as Siddhartha found during his time with the Samanas, a man can only temporarily flee from his ego. I was, as Emerson says, "placed where one ray should fall, that [ I ] may testify of that particular ray." Though the suffering and pain (this "burning wound") I feel now and likely will always feel is indeed excruciating and at times overwhelming, it pales in comparison to waking up every day and tearing the head off of my ego and burying it, burying it, burying it. To not only ignoring that iron string, but ripping it out and shredding it each and every day... which is what being married to the wrong person felt like.

Anyway. It's a gd process. Hopefully y'all glean something useful from all of this.

Laura Ingalls
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Post by Laura Ingalls »

I have changed my tune on divorce=failure. As someone that aspires to be married long into the future I would grant myself more grace if I was wrong. At this stage in the game it would create less logistical and economic chaos.

My circa 2008 self would have been an even shittier ex than I was spouse since my main personality flaw was my font of anger. It’s easier to be angry at someone you aren’t having satisfying sex with.

I do think the time scarcity of the two jobs, multiple small children situation requires a relationship that is functioning high on all domains. “pre-existing conditions” in a relationship make an already hard job harder.

People do probably give up on partners as a long term solution to a part term problem but not usually.

ertyu
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by ertyu »

Biscuits and Gravy wrote:
Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:28 am
All day and night, I am submerged in a deep pool of guilt, and any small incident concerning the children (e.g., DS2 gets a fever or DD3 seems anxious) provokes a tidal wave of guilt that completely engulfs and drowns me. I endure fantasies of crawling back to my ex, begging forgiveness, swearing endless martyrdom, and I even sometimes balance on the cusp of believing I could manage to escape, or even obliterate, my ego for the remainder of my life in order to facilitate this idyllic family unit
I don't have children, so this is spoken from the POV of someone who was once a child: you seem to have taken upon yourself a task that's impossible, and assigned to yourself powers you don't have. Your children have negative experiences not because you fail as a parent and have failed to prevent them, but because life sucks and in life, people have negative experiences. You can't stop the negative experiences and thinking you can is hubris--in this case, it seems, assisted by a dash of magical thinking where if you just did X thing and sacrificed yourself to the gods that keep family units idyllic by erasing the humanity of the individuals within them, you can somehow bargain with fate enough to make sure bad things don't happen.

But bad things will happen. Imo the role of a parent isn't to prevent them, it's to model how we get up and deal with them. Otherwise you get those overprotected helicoptered kids who flounder and don't know what to do with themselves in life, and hit college and therapy basically at the same time. If you get someone with my temperament, a drive to keep swaddled and protect would also make your kid rebel and get themselves into much more bullshit than they would have just to carve out a separate space for being agentic and having a self where parent wouldn't necessarily intervene and swoop and tell me what i should do or how things should be, obliterating my self, agency, and individuality. The drive to live life according to one's own will is strong. You will do much more hurt trying to prevent every last possible thing than you would accepting that bad things happen and thus statistically, some of those bad things will happen to your children and there's nothing you can do about that other than be there and use them as post-catastrophe teaching moments.

Also, last I checked, a marriage takes 2. It's not just on you to somehow bend yourself into a pretzel to make sure the family unit stays cohesive. Your husband had enough warning to step up and he didn't, and no amount of pretzeling on your part would have changed that. You can't pretzel yourself into making other people take action. Good call to take this to therapy, imo, sorting what's yours and what isn't here is going to help you for life, moving forward.

mooretrees
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by mooretrees »

Wow. So much going on for you. I wish I could bring over a strong coffee or lasagna and just sit next to you while you poured it all out. Not that it would fix anything of course, but I wish I could support you some more meaningful way that some words over the internet. I hope therapy helps, I hope long walks help, I hope time heals, I hope you can forgive yourself again and again and again for leaving the marriage THAT WAS NOT WORKING and really, really pay attention to how your children are doing. I know it is next to impossible to not see how they might struggle, but if you can get a glimmer of sense that they are, in this moment, doing just fine, then maybe you can give yourself the teeniest, tiniest break. I know that break is only likely to happen for a brief second, but maybe it'll grow.

Your life has changed so fucking dramatically in recent history, that it actually seems really appropriate that you're FINALLY having panic attacks now that the dust is settling. Divorce, covid, moving twice, two broken wrists and two young children, PLUS MAINTAINING A FULL TIME JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girl, you are surviving and will continue to survive. You're trying new ways to take care of yourself and your kids and its damn hard. I hope you can give yourself a break and that you find a good therapist that will help. It's a hard time for sure.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

@ertyu Totally agree, parenting is about modeling and not protecting. Life does suck, but I was hoping to shield the kids from that reality for a bit longer, to, I dunno, assuage my guilt for even having brought them into this dying, frying world. Oh god the guilt is just an endless spiiiiraaaaallllll...
ertyu wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:12 am
Your husband had enough warning to step up and he didn't...
"Why men great 'til they gotta be great," amiright? (See, generally, Lizzo's Discography). Ex and I have actually talked about this, post-divorce. Per him, he didn't "step up" because I was so good at doing everything by myself. Dude, of course I was. I am adept at everything* I do.

*With the following exceptions: marriage, easing off the clutch, celibacy, establishing and maintaining boundaries, fully feeling my [shudder] emotions, telling my children "no, no more books," not breaking bones, and skiing.

Anyway, irony is he can clearly do all the things I did as a one-woman-show just as well, if not better in some instances. He has his own house now, seems to run it just fine, and the kids are alive and, holy cow, thriving. We'll see how he does come income tax time.

@Mooretrees Yes. Lasagna. Please. Barring the super heavy post I just laid on y'all about guilt, I am generally doing okay. It's just a tough transition. I've at least found what helps me get through the worst of it: exercise, talking to friends and family, work, and staying productive (i.e., doing chores instead of getting drunk and watching Hoarders). After about a decade hiatus, I started playing tennis again, and the thwock of the ball hit just right really, really helps. It's really fuggin' hot in Texas right now, but that kinda helps, too. Just sweating, not thinking, smacking that ball, feeling nothing but the dire threat of dehydration... it's nice.

Thanks for the kind words, and sorry for the heavy shit.

Oh, speaking of heavy shit, I bought a bigger car. Now you can kick me off the forum.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

June “savings” rate was -150%. Has to be a record. Only one more month of paying for two households + everything and then I’ll start pulling myself out of this terrific tailspin. Thought I’d leave the ex on my credit card for kid emergencies, but my good will is—finally—drying up.

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Alice_AU
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Alice_AU »

Good for you! Big boy can get his own credit card)

Biscuits and Gravy
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Feelings. Fucking Feelings.

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

@Alice_AU Thanks! I'm sure he'll be okay.

So, like a totally normal human, I was lying awake in bed at 2 a.m., saying aloud to myself, "I feel guilty. I feel anxious. I feel ashamed." And then I thought I should share some of what I've learned about Feelings with y'all, because what I've learned in the last two years has made me a better human.

Permission to Feel
It's not an overstatement to say this book by Marc Brackett changed my life. I'm a freak of an INTP in that I am crushingly empathetic and feel every goddamn thing intensely, and then of course I have to dissect my feelings and the feelings of those around me (even rando strangers on the bus; for a good twenty minutes my soul is like, oh yeah, let's walk emotionally in that dude's shoes just by what we see in his face, cuz we don't have enough of our own shit to process). I've spent my life avoiding feelings because I found them overwhelming and confusing and "irrational" (thus, bad). I discovered, however, unprocessed emotions metastasize into all sorts of problems. Like... all sorts. If any of that sounds familiar to you, read this book. If you don't want to, here's the meat:

This book is full of very helpful definitions of common words that I have never bothered looking up. Some important ones:
Emotion - arises from an appraisal of an internal or external stimulus
Feeling - our internal response to an emotion
Meta-Emotion - emotions about emotions
Mood - More diffuse and less intense
Shame - a judgment from outside, from our perception that other people believe we broke a moral or ethical rule or some shared convention
Guilt - a judgment we make of ourselves when we feel remorse or responsibility for something we did, usually something that feels wrong
Anxiety - fear of intangible harm; a signal that we feel something important is beyond our control
Stress - a response to too many demands and not enough resources
Attribution bias - to observe someone's cues or behavior and wrongly attribute them to our own emotional state
Emotional labor - the effort required to manage the way we express our feelings
Display rules - the unwritten but widely agreed-upon guidelines for how, where, when, and in whose presence we may express our feelings

According to Brackett, we base most of life's decisions on how we think our actions will make us feel, and well-being (which is the ultimate goal, right?) depends less on objective events than on how those events are perceived, dealt with, and shared with others. Basically, feelings matter. The whole book is based around an acronym:

Recognize
Understand
Label
Express
Regulate

We need to Recognize we're having a feeling (standing on top of this ladder is giving me a feeling).
We need to Understand and determine the source of the feeling (I really don't like heights; I might fall). Ask: What am I reacting to?
We need to Label the feeling with nuanced vocabulary (am I feeling fear, anxiety, maybe shame or guilt about feeling the fear and anxiety?). When we don't have the words for our feelings, we lack authorship of our own lives. Without the skill of labeling, we remain unknown to ourselves and anyone else. English has approximately 2,000 words that broadly refer to emotion. Of those, 50% are negative, 30% positive, and 20% neutral.
We need to Express the feeling(s) in a way that invites empathy (can't just flail around at the top of the ladder crying and screaming or stand there frozen in fear). When we "suffer in silence, we make it impossible for anyone to truly know us, understand us, empathize with us, or help us." It's all about connection, baby.
We need to Regulate the feeling with practiced strategies. Some suggestions in the book: mindful breathing, forward-looking, attention-shifting, cognitive-reframing, and "meta-moment." Mileage varies for different people; you need to find the strategy that works for you. For me, cognitive-reframing is the best fit, which Brackett describes as "consciously choosing to view a situation in a way that generates the least negative emotion in us or attempting to take the perspective of the person who is activating you and assume the best intention." Simple example: you walk into a store and the clerk is a massive dick to you. You feel angry at the injustice of being treated rudely by a stranger, especially one in the goddamn service industry. To regulate the anger, you think, "well, maybe his girlfriend broke up with him this morning or whatever." Then you remember when you were a dick to someone because you were having a bad day, and instead of feeling angry you feel empathy and understanding. Maybe you even ask the clerk if he's okay and create a moment of genuine human connection.

Over a year after reading this book (three times), I very consciously practice RULER and it has dramatically improved my relationships and allowed me to sorta kinda lift the lid on the decades of emotional kimchi I have let ferment. The latter is a slow... very slow and deliberate process (UGH! PROCESS! UGH!), but check that shit out, I'm actually working on it. Anyway, to sum up two years of work on Feelings:

1. Feelings matter.
2. I am atypical in the intensity with which I feel and that's okay.
3. It's okay to feel. All feelings. Negative and positive.
4. Sharing feelings sparks connection, not rejection.
5. I am not my feelings. It's important to say "I feel [anxious, scared, happy, etc.]" not "I am [anxious, scared, happy, etc.]."
6. Feelings pass. Sometimes it's a brutal ride, but they pass.
7. Again, unprocessed emotions metastasize into all sorts of problems.

If all of this seems elementary to the reader, fantastic, good on you and your parents for raising you to be an emotionally intelligent adult right off the bat. I'm going to try to raise my kids with ^^this in mind, and hopefully it helps in some ways. I regularly ask them how they feel and aim to encourage a comprehensive emotional vocabulary so they don't, you know... exist for 30 years as an emotional zombie and then suddenly slam into a brick wall of Feelings. I'll let you know how it turns out!

7Wannabe5
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Is it okay if the feeling you express is that you feel mildly guilty for not wanting to deal with people who express intense feelings? What if you are the one who tells your therapist that your major relationships have been with the Drama Prince, the Drama King, and the Drama Duke, and you would greatly prefer in the future just to be around people who fake pleasant behavior?

As in:

Drama Guy: “I feel so angry, because...”
Me: “I feel like I no longer give a fuck what you feel.”

Myakka
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Re: Just Gravy

Post by Myakka »

Hey there, I've been on a journey into my emotions (in someways much like yours) for about 20 years now and want to put my 2 cents in.
My process begins at a point before RULER is at all applicable. If I don't consciously allow myself to tune into my emotions, then they are suppressed. I know nothing about them. So, all advice to turn my attention elsewhere does nothing for me. And also what my emotions are and what caused them is unknown to me too.
To dare to tune-in to them and notice them is terrifying for me -- kinda like Bilbo venturing down to have a talk with Smaug. And those initial steps are just about letting them out of their box and venting them by doing things like roaring my anger or moaning out my pain. They need to "cool down" a bit before anything much can be discerned about them. Once I can do that, I think the only important thing is just to listen to them and try to make your best decision about what to do with what you find going forward. I've make mistaken decisions lots of times. It isn't about instantly making the perfect decision; It's about just keeping on trying and eventually making a better decision so that the world I live in becomes less painful than it was before.
On the changing them from reinterpretation front, I have learned quite recently that looking at people through the eyes of the heart (something I insist on calling 'heart eyes') is key to being in a less painful state of mind. You gave an good example of this sort of change into heart eyes from your book in these words: "consciously choosing to view a situation in a way that generates the least negative emotion". But heart eyes also helps with feelings of jealousy, so instead of being jealous of someone like you who can articulate their emotions with a counselor and therefore possibly find that process meaningful, I can tell myself, "Well, isn't it wonderful that that approach maybe works for somebody."
If you can forgive a pinch of religiousity, I think there is an almost immediate karmic impact from thinking meanly of someone, and when we clean those thoughts up, we find greater peace within ourselves.

Jin+Guice
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Post by Jin+Guice »

I too have been learning how to do emotions with the help of the therapy people. I wanted to add that emotions communicate information from the subconscious, although usually in the form WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING AND WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M DYING YOU STUPID AWFUL EMOTION. Trying to figure out what they are saying and "communicate" with them can be useful and is sometimes important.

Once I learned to feel my emotions, which took awhile, the next thing that happened, in addition to trying to communicate with them as I described above, I also learned to move through them more quickly and enjoy them more. I think moving through emotions quickly is easier if you are taking care of yourself, are in pretty good physical shape, sleeping enough and pretty happy in general. So maybe difficult while you have two young kids... Anyway, when I repressed emotions, it felt like if I let them out I would just be sad forever, but it is actually hard to cry on a floor for that long. Even catastrophic events where your body and mind assure you that you are in fact dying, usually pass within a few days (I also don't eat when this happens so it's a great diet). Also, helpful is tracking where in your body you feel the emotions. Once you get good at feeling emotions you also get to feel the good ones more intensely and I've learned to enjoy the bad ones. And like gd, what a wild ride. Def at least as good as any drug. Mild anxiety actually feels kind of good to me, especially when it's triggered by something that isn't actually that threatening.

Anyway, I think you're doing a great job with the emotional stuff, which is really not taught and mostly mocked in our society, which is kind of fucking wild considering it's importance to day to day existence and human interaction.

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