The Education of Axel Heyst

[jacob]

Jacob has a post on it.

Nope, that's the end of chapter 1.

[AxelHeyst]

Nope, that's the end of chapter 1.

Oh right, the post just presents the equation, end of Ch1 is where you presented it as mapped to 3 dimensional space.

[jacob]

Oi! You're right, I was wrong. (I don't know my own blog nearly as well as the book.)

[AxelHeyst]

I've spent some time getting more precise about my plan around semi-ERE.

I've also been rereading the book, and am currently working with the material about Strategy, tactics, plans, strategic principles, etc. It feels super juicy but I think I'm like 2-3 epiphanies away from really being able to work with it. I get it and I don't get it (which means I don't get it). The relationship between precisely what a strategy is, vs a strategic principle, vs. a goal, vs a plan, all that stuff, isn't clear to me on a practical level, meaning, I'm not sure I could recognize and classify those elements in the wild, and surely I'm making errors in the construction of my own strategies and plans.

That said, here's my work in progress thinking around The Event.

Current Strategic Aim: Quit job with >=5 years of living expenses as quickly as possible.
[I don't want to let what I built at my company disintegrate. I want to shove it in the right direction and hand the keys to someone else. Also I feel responsible to not drop the floor out from under my new hire. With those elements sorted, I'll feel good about quitting.]

Plan:

• Reduce expenses to <1 jafi for minimum of 6 months (aiming for unconscious competence at ~1 jafi spending, but will settle for conscious competence as a prerequisite)
• Investigate a financial strategy for protecting my savings from inflation
• Find cheap catastrophic health care to cap my health emergency downside.
• Build my team in to an institution that I can hand off to my new guy, if he wants to take it over.
• Work with DW to increase her income to self-sufficient levels
• Get physicals, dental work, glasses, etc now.
• Build up 3 months stash of food and basic supplies for slack, and operationalize the maintenance of that much slack.

Recovery Period Strategic Aim: Recover from burnout/16 years of chronic stress.

Plan:

• Cancel cell phone plan
• Buy some minutes for my burner phone for emergencies (maybe)
• No screens or digital communication for min. 1 month ("digital detox")
• Execute some long trips: moto overland, camping, dirtbag climbing, walking, biking.
• Daily yoga, meditation, spirituality practice
• Phase back in lifting and training.
• Traditional art (watercolor, sketching, etc).
• Small build projects, try not to take on anything huge.

Strategic Aim Following Recovery Period: Invent and Cultivate a Post-Civ Lifestyle
Other ways to state this strategic aim:

• Become [a psuedo-fictional personal myth I've constructed]
• Fully internalize ERE (Wheaton 7), then turn attention to Wheaton 8+ (a potential future Strategic Aim)
• Cultivate my life as a work of art

Plan:

• Renaissance Pursuits: Execute Ultralearning Projects on the following topics (this list is a starter). The point is to achieve adequate mastery in enough domains that a) I build multiple and diverse income streams, in b) domains I'm interested in and want to do anyways, that c) decrease my dependence on industrial civilization
  • Investing
  • Motorcycle repair and customization
  • Metal Fabrication
  • Natural building methods
  • Gardening, Permaculture
  • NAI stuff (aquaculture etc)
  • Solar devices (solar ovens, concentrators, domestic water heating, hydronic heating, etc)
  • Cooking
  • Hunting
  • Foraging
  • Bushcraft (shelter, firemaking, survival foraging, overland travel, water harvesting)
  • Violence (evasion and deployment)
  • Biodiesel brewing
  • Diesel engine maintenence
  • Bicycle repair
  • Gymnastic strength training
• Do freelance digital art (potentially my most efficient source of income).
• For income, focus on building passive-income generating assets, such as digital products, writing, etc. Mockups, training, videos, etc.
• Write. One goal of writing is to get enough readers that I can get trips sponsored, so I don't have to pay for gas, tickets, maybe even vehicles. Get #adventuresponsored.
• Read
• Execute Grand Adventures
• Convert a Mercedes 300d to an overland buggy, run biodiesel in it

[RoamingFrancis]

Exciting to hear your updates, wishing you the best.

I started a permaculture thread in the Skills and Tools section you might be interested in; people have been very nice and sharing good resources.

Buena suerte, amigo.

[mooretrees]

"The relationship between precisely what a strategy is, vs a strategic principle, vs. a goal, vs a plan, all that stuff, isn't clear to me on a practical level, meaning, I'm not sure I could recognize and classify those elements in the wild, and surely I'm making errors in the construction of my own strategies and plans."

I resemble this comment! I have been rereading that section in particular and feeling the same swirling excitement/confusion as you. However, executing some plan and seeing where it goes seems to be one way to just get data about whether it worked, what you learned, etc. I am really excited to see what you figure out and would totally be doing the same if I wasn't the breadwinner with a kid. I still might, come to think of it, I'm more comfortable with risk than many.

[classical_Liberal]

@axelheyst

Looks like a great plan! As long as you don't let your workaholic/high performer self take total control. This is a constant battle, one that is more easily waged in semi-ERE with the right mindset. It so much easier to reach "flow" in a project/goal when you wait for yourself to be ready to get wrapped up into it. This vs the idea "I need to get this done today because it's the only day I have time". It can completely change your mentality about wanting to do some of these things.

My current life meme is, attitude is everything, and attitude towards goals completely changes when you don't feel pressured to do them. Let the natural desire well up until you can't wait to get working on something. Then when the excitement begins to diminish through accomplishment or boredom, move on to something else, or a bit of decompression, or whatever. Soon you begin to find your natural flow with these things. Also learn your weaknesses, so you know where you may need to push yourself a little to avoid falling into previous bad habits, (like workaholism, or maybe procrastination, not finishing what you start, ect). Some people prefer to be immersed in something completely for awhile, some prefer a bit of many things each day or week, etc. I'm in the process of learning this for myself, finding my happy balance.

Personally, my current risk is relapsing into more wheaton 4-5 thinking because I've been back into work/earn a bunch of money mode for the past couple of months. Since I spent so long doing this prior to semi-ERE, it's kind-of a comfortable state to be in, so I need to check myself regularly to remember that nursing/making money is now only one of many strategic aims in my life. IOW, It's a hobby, not a career, and I need to treat it as such.

[classical_Liberal]

The second option, what in my mind I call "bottom up" would be to attempt to incorporate your web of goals and truly reach FIRE (or some variant) as a side effect of doing work that aligns with your web of goals. Certainly a messier and riskier way to do it, but with a less expensive starting point.

Your posts in totality very much aligns with my beliefs. Although I don't think the second way is more risky.

These folks are mostly subdivided the "greens", "preppers", and "dirtbags" around here. I'm not trying to specifically label anyone either, as most people have a mix of backgrounds that are unique. Also, I'm using these terms as general society would think of them, but without any negative connotations.

I think of people coming from "bottom up" in ERE terms the way society looks at "privilege". People who have either been socialized into, or learned independently from personal tendencies to think in these higher wheaton levels have a huge ERE advantage. Yes, the FIRE part may be a bit more difficult from a pure financial aspect, but they already think beyond FIRE. Maybe the most frustrating part to these folks (I'm not part of this cool group, I'm top down) is having to "backtrack" wheaton levels a bit, in order to gain the capital they need to fully embark on an ERE life. In fact, they may actually have some animosity towards the whole idea of using financial capital because of their higher wheaton levels. Because let's be honest, mostly it's just not that hard to make and save 2-3 dozen JAFI's over a period of time. But it may be hard to do it if there is some cognitive dissonance towards having money.

tl;dr It's not riskier, just different. But if someone is completely committed to an ERE goal, like @axelheyst, I think it's easier to start "bottom up". Because it's probably easier to learn to earn and save some money, than it is to learn a lifestyle of systems thinking. Of course, my opinion is biased by my background.

[RoamingFrancis]

By bottom up vs top down, do you mean in terms of social class?

I grew up with a solid middle class background but just wanted to be a hobo and go Into The Wild. Curious as to where I would land in your way of thinking about this.

[classical_Liberal]

@RF
Sorry if my post wasn't clear. I was referring to J+G's descriptions of ERE'ers. Top-down being the standard consumer moving through Wheaton levels to ERE, they likely found ERE through mainstream FIRE (me). Bottom-up being someone who already has knowledge of systems-type thinking but has not included the financial component. They found ERE through environmentalist/permaculture, prepper, or living small off waste-stream and gig economy(dirtbag) background (AH or J+G).

I suppose someone like you, being so young that ERE has always been there for you, could represent a newer class of adherents that found ERE due to interest in ERE itself (maybe THF is an example?). Or given the "hobo" comment maybe from the dirtbag side. Socioeconomic class really has nothing to do with it, outside of potentially giving someone exposure to these types of lifestyles. Each could have easily come from any class, but I suppose it's likely people being born into certain classes are more likely to come from some of these generalized backgrounds. Again, not trying to completely pigeonhole any particular person, just that this seems to be a pretty good model of the types of folks that frequent the forum.

[RoamingFrancis]

Thanks for the clarification.

I've been an anticonsumerist Waldenite as far as I can remember, so I guess I would be in the "bottom-up" camp. Reading the book seemed like it gave me a vocabulary and map for managing the whole "having to get a job" thing. It was sort of a lightbulb moment in terms of how to live the kind of life that I want to live, at least in terms of livelihood. I'm glad to have found it young.

[AxelHeyst]

The internet at the family land is bad (satellite internet, throttled always because there are 3 millennials + 2 boomers sheltering there who exceed the monthly bandwidth limits in a couple days), and I decided I really needed solid internet to crank on work this week. I hitched up Serenity and drove 15 miles away to a spot tucked off the highway with good cell service, where I can hotspot my phone.

Not only is the internet solid here and I'm ripping through tasks I've been putting off for weeks, having some completely solo time is really good for me. Dealing with the multiple personality dynamics was starting to drive me nuts. Plus, it is gorgeous here in a wide-open, desolate wasteland that makes you realize how insignificant all your bs is kind of way. I'm up near the top of an alluvial fan, able to look back up towards the pass, and down in to the valley, with a visibility of something like 70 miles. The wind *rips* up-canyon in the mornings, is calm midday, and rips back down in the evening.

Every time I get away in Serenity by myself, I fall in love with the lifestyle all over again. The ability to find and use good spots to boondock is a skill, and I've developed my spot-finding sense to an intuitive level that serves me well (and, sometimes, friends who opt for the Call a Friend option while doing some desert wandering of their own .

When it comes to frugality, there's often a discussion of discipline, "going without", sacrifice, etc. There's no sacrifice in this lifestyle for me. If you plonked ten million well-invested dollars in to my name tomorrow with a one millions "you have to blow this on something", I'd still want to just wander the desert in my rig (I'd upgrade a thing or two here and there, but that's about it). There's an easefulness in having such simple systems for living, with so few moving parts. I wonder if I can convey it.

I poop in a bucket. It doesn't smell ever, because I throw coconut coir in there after. There's nothing to break, there's literally no moving parts except the hinge on the toilet seat. I don't require a gallon of purified drinking water with a complex system for bringing it safely in to my domicile and then safely out of my domicile to convey my "waste" away. I dispose of it in my compost pile, where it turns in to nutrient-rich soil, or if I'm out for an extended time it goes in a big cathole per NFS/LNT best practices. Normal toilets piss me off, the sort that require this enormous industrial infrastructure that no one (except water and sewer engineers) ever think about.

My fresh water is in a stainless steel tank (a fusti tank, familiar to brewers I guess). A marine foot pump pushes the water through my copper pipe "faucet". The sink drains in to a 5 gallon bucket. When its full, I water some plants with it. If my foot pump broke, I could put the fusti tank on the counter and just use the spigot. I use 1-2 gallons of water a day for everything, +1 gallon when I shower (1-2x a week if there's no lake nearby, 1x month if there's a lake nearby).

Serenity isn't big and has good ground clearance, so I can tow her places most trailers and even many vans can't get to. So I can get tucked away in spots away from crowds and roads.

My greatest vulnerability at the moment is refrigeration - I use a yeti cooler, and so rely on ice. Good DC fridges are ~$600-800. But if I gave up eggs (or got them straight from the coop - for those who don't know, here in the USA we have to refrigerate eggs because regulations require they get pressure washed, because we're terribly frightened of chicken poop, which makes them vulnerable to spoilage), I could do fine without.

One 5gal propane tank will serve my cooking needs for 4-6 months, and I have two. A fill-up for one is something like $20? I forget. In the future I'd like to hone my woodfire cooking and solar oven cooking, and eventually pull the propane bottles off for good.

From a young age I was averse to overly complicated systems. My dad designed a drawbridge for the treefort he built me when I was 6, and I vetoed it because a permanent bridge would be stronger, more robust, less prone to failure. Yes, this lifestyle has many limitations and vulnerabilities to it (can't stash much food, dependent on fuel for my tow vehicle, I can go through that list some time), but to me it reduces complexity and dependencies to a great degree. And, I intend on combining this lifestyle with a small scale homestead lifestyle, so, optimizing the best of both worlds. I'll have a structure with a stash of food and supplies, tools, a greenhouse and a garden. I'm terribly excited to free up more of my time to pursue this synthesis.

Last night, while watching the sun turn the jumble of rainclouds over the far range into a dreamscape, I remembered that I'm going to walk across the Mojave. It came to me in the middle of a yoga class maybe 3 years ago - I entered a pose, and I wasn't going to walk across the Mojave, and by the time I came out of the pose I was going to walk across the Mojave. I'd forgotten all about it in the past year. I'll probably do it in my recovery phase, so, next spring?

[2Birds1Stone]

Would love to see some pics of serenity, if you don't mind sharing! Looking for ideas and inspiration for future project.

[RoamingFrancis]

Fuck Western toilets! The Asians have it figured out.

Fascinating; I'm excited to hear more about your Mojave desert adventures.

[ertyu]

Fuck Western toilets! The Asians have it figured out.

This is a fact. Not just because tp is bullshit - wash. your. damn. ass. But also, because asian toilets tend to be squat toilets and most westerners don't spent nearly enough time squatting. As a result, they lose mobility and strength in the hips, which are essential joints. Fun fact: in bourgeois England, when the ladies used to sit while the servant girls used to squat doing the washing and cleaning vegetables, it was noticed that the health effects were so large that "ladies" had significantly more complications while giving birth than their poorer, less well nourised maids.

tl;dr: squat. it's good for you.

[RoamingFrancis]

Fuck chairs too!

And silverware! One year I fasted for Ramadan and was invited to some iftars with a Syrian friend. They sat on the floor and ate rice with their hands - less dishes!

[ertyu]

As a person who loves to sit cross-legged, I'm with you, fuck chairs. Silverware, I'll keep though

[RoamingFrancis]

Minus 100 minimalist points for using forks! lmao

[AxelHeyst]

Last week was the wildest roller coaster I've ever had at work. We're scrambling to keep the firm afloat without laying people off, keep existing work, win new work, and figure out how to start designing for a post-COVID world.

I also didn't get the raise that was agreed upon back in November, so my 22% pay cut is being applied basically to my 2019 salary. Put another way, (what I'm actually making now, including C19 pay cut) / (my 2020 salary as agreed upon, not including any pay cuts) = 66%. I'm making 2/3's what I was expecting to be making right now.

Good thing my quit date isn't being governed by a financial line in the sand. I'm still eyeing Fall this year as my end date. On one hand, if we do start to financially recover, it's the worst time to quit because I'll probably dip out right before salaries start to go back to normal and the a-team maybe starts getting eyed for emergency bonuses or something. On the other hand, I no longer give a shit.

--//--

One method I use for studying books is this: on Sunday, I read back through the section I read the past week, and I write down 5 excerpts in a notebook. No more than a couple lines. Each day for that week, I aim to discursively meditate on that excerpt throughout the day. Any time I have a moment, I pull the notebook out, read the excerpt, think about it, etc. I'm in the web-of-goals sections in the ERE book, and today's excerpt is:

Consider the sum total of all the effects of your actions. Since adopting specific actions lead to specific outcomes, all effects can be considered goals...

This effects=goals concept unlocked a couple things in my brain. First, the web-of-goals concept makes way more sense to me now that I think of it as a web of effects.

Second, I realized I've spent way too much time thinking about conscious goals, and not spending any time thinking about my unconscious goals (unintended effects of my behavior). For example, forget what my intentional goals have been for my life. The actual effects, thus realized goals, I've been pursuing simply based on an observation of my life, have been:

• Increase stress to the point where I'm short-cycling ("bouncing off the rev-limiter")
• Maximize spending
• Maintain a shallow / scattered mind
• Run at a life-energy deficit; spend all available life-energy immediately
• Master a small number of software platforms and maintain a narrow specialty
• Invest in building social capital in one organization
• Maximize location independence
• Decrease-minimize time with friends

I would much rather that an objective observation of my life yielded the following effects:

• Minimize stress; maintain relaxed state of alertness
• Mind is steady, deep, focused
• A reserve of life-energy is maintained at all times (aka I possess life-energy 'slack', so I'm capable of sprints and epic feats of life-energy expenditure, but I never dip below a critical threshold)
• Minimize expenses, thereby
• Minimize dependence on an income
• Broaden remunerable skills in enjoyable fields, so that
• Income is diversified, and
• Serendipity is increased
• Be in excellent physical condition
• Low dependence on industrial civilization
• Optimize time with friends

The way of thinking of life-energy in terms of flow and stock is very interesting to me. I've been treating my life-energy like a Wheaton 1 treats money: get some, spend it. Then spend on credit, then take out another credit card to pay off the first credit card... I'm massively in debt in terms of available life-energy. Last week was super hard on me, mentally, physically... I chose not to go on a motorcycle ride on Saturday because I was too loopy and out of it to safely ride. I slept 11+ hours Friday and Saturday night. I was bitchy with DW and mostly avoided my parents because I couldn't deal.

I was thinking about how to approach life immediately post-quitting, and I think the best thing I can do is to take that first month and do minimum 2 hrs meditation/day (morning and evening), with mellow yoga at midday, every single day. Anything else I do that month is bonus.

[classical_Liberal]

Again, your emotional experiences mirror my own.

In my initial experience in an off phase of semi-ERE, the most dramatic difference wrt life energy was based on sleep. I mean constantly getting enough, waking every day naturally without being tired. I even sort-of slipped into a biphasic sleep schedule. IMO there is nothing that can bank life energy better than consistent, great, anxiety free sleep on your natural schedule.