Re: Vaikeasti to ERE - Family Journal
Posted: Fri Nov 15, 2019 8:21 am
I happened to find the Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman in our school library and because I've seen it mentioned here I took it with me. I'm just a few pages in and it already has widened my knowledge on the biases of the mind. Clearly much thought has been put in to making it easy to read. I'm really enjoying it.
I've also crossed the mid point in reading the ERE book. I can't say anymore that it has been only a warm reunion and nice reminder of the basics. I've forgotten about and misunderstood some points (or at least I see them differently now). Also the "everyone is technically able to retire in five years but not everyone can still do it" is harsh to deal with. I did read about ERE over ten years ago but I'm still not FI or even very ERE. But I'm going to keep on trying even though I feel like an utter failure. But real failure would be to stop trying.
Focusing on things that work and things that are good would be a good start.
I just seem to just roll around in the mud of self pity lately. Maybe it's the coming winter and the darkness or the end of school but I find this quite troublesome. At the same time I'm dreaming about all the fantastic things I could do with my time when finished with school and only working and taking care of the kids.
I went to a "free" shopping center and indoor activity park visit my kids and their cousin. I ended up spending 20 eur on food and 15 eur on a t-shirt. I should do a budget and see how many trips like this we can sustain (if any). I know these trips are mostly throwing money at a problem. It feels easier to let the kids loose on a safety regulated place like that. Taking them outside to play would be free money-wise but requires more mentally so I'm substituting money for paying attention to my kids. And naturally I feel bad for this.
I find it fascinating that alienating your kids by letting them play in an indoor activity park or giving them sweets or letting them watch videos instead of really engaging with them seems to be seen as normal/good parenting.
I actually heard the other day how day care personnel told a parent that half an hour of videos/screen time is too low for a five year old. That kids need to learn how to navigate the digital world before school. Made me really think about the world and how it is a different place than in my childhood. And also about how much the social norms affect my family and how do I feel about that.
The public opinion affects me way too much and I see it limits my options with the kids. My kids seem to be "lively" so taking them to public places is a stressful experience. I don't blame them for being kids or for the fact that I haven't established proper manners on them. But the fear and actual experiences of adults taking their distaste of my kids behavior on my kids is optimal material for my self punishment.
I found the puttylike site mentioned in horsewomans journal really inspiring. Those articles really touched on subjects I've been mulling over. The point about living your life instead of constantly being a work in progress resonated with the thoughts I've been having about changing one's frame of mind to a more positive one.
Oh. And had another date night with SO! (Maybe we'll get this back to being a routine and this will make things better in the long run?)
This time we stayed home, ate a home cooked meal, watched TV-shows and ate ice cream. We didn't buy anything but one could count the ice cream as a cost. We didn't really get around talking about anything important so I think the date could've gone better. Talking about interesting things we can do, but deep or important things just causes SO to feel sleepy. It's really frustrating and I feel this limits my life and the kids. But I'm not certain that I'm not just projecting my fears and insecurities on SO so until I'm more stable myself I won't press this issue. Thinking back, I guess I overreacted to Suomalaisen journal entry because it hit too close to home. I really hope on an update on his progress, but I'm guessing that will take a while. (I'm partly making this entry to fight the fear of posting. I wish to grow as a person even if I feel like never writing again. Someone else stated in their journal that they avoid posting because having your journal in the top of the page is scary and I can relate to that too.)
Short update:
Money: talked a little with SO, some reallocation's made
Lifestyle: Still crap
School: minuscule progress
Work: normal ok
Family life: debatable, ok for the moment
Hobbies: Meetings, reading and knitting (small positive cash flow even when overspending on yarn)
Motivational phrase of the moment: Work to learn, not to earn.
I've also crossed the mid point in reading the ERE book. I can't say anymore that it has been only a warm reunion and nice reminder of the basics. I've forgotten about and misunderstood some points (or at least I see them differently now). Also the "everyone is technically able to retire in five years but not everyone can still do it" is harsh to deal with. I did read about ERE over ten years ago but I'm still not FI or even very ERE. But I'm going to keep on trying even though I feel like an utter failure. But real failure would be to stop trying.
Focusing on things that work and things that are good would be a good start.
I just seem to just roll around in the mud of self pity lately. Maybe it's the coming winter and the darkness or the end of school but I find this quite troublesome. At the same time I'm dreaming about all the fantastic things I could do with my time when finished with school and only working and taking care of the kids.
I went to a "free" shopping center and indoor activity park visit my kids and their cousin. I ended up spending 20 eur on food and 15 eur on a t-shirt. I should do a budget and see how many trips like this we can sustain (if any). I know these trips are mostly throwing money at a problem. It feels easier to let the kids loose on a safety regulated place like that. Taking them outside to play would be free money-wise but requires more mentally so I'm substituting money for paying attention to my kids. And naturally I feel bad for this.
I find it fascinating that alienating your kids by letting them play in an indoor activity park or giving them sweets or letting them watch videos instead of really engaging with them seems to be seen as normal/good parenting.
I actually heard the other day how day care personnel told a parent that half an hour of videos/screen time is too low for a five year old. That kids need to learn how to navigate the digital world before school. Made me really think about the world and how it is a different place than in my childhood. And also about how much the social norms affect my family and how do I feel about that.
The public opinion affects me way too much and I see it limits my options with the kids. My kids seem to be "lively" so taking them to public places is a stressful experience. I don't blame them for being kids or for the fact that I haven't established proper manners on them. But the fear and actual experiences of adults taking their distaste of my kids behavior on my kids is optimal material for my self punishment.
I found the puttylike site mentioned in horsewomans journal really inspiring. Those articles really touched on subjects I've been mulling over. The point about living your life instead of constantly being a work in progress resonated with the thoughts I've been having about changing one's frame of mind to a more positive one.
Oh. And had another date night with SO! (Maybe we'll get this back to being a routine and this will make things better in the long run?)
This time we stayed home, ate a home cooked meal, watched TV-shows and ate ice cream. We didn't buy anything but one could count the ice cream as a cost. We didn't really get around talking about anything important so I think the date could've gone better. Talking about interesting things we can do, but deep or important things just causes SO to feel sleepy. It's really frustrating and I feel this limits my life and the kids. But I'm not certain that I'm not just projecting my fears and insecurities on SO so until I'm more stable myself I won't press this issue. Thinking back, I guess I overreacted to Suomalaisen journal entry because it hit too close to home. I really hope on an update on his progress, but I'm guessing that will take a while. (I'm partly making this entry to fight the fear of posting. I wish to grow as a person even if I feel like never writing again. Someone else stated in their journal that they avoid posting because having your journal in the top of the page is scary and I can relate to that too.)
Short update:
Money: talked a little with SO, some reallocation's made
Lifestyle: Still crap
School: minuscule progress
Work: normal ok
Family life: debatable, ok for the moment
Hobbies: Meetings, reading and knitting (small positive cash flow even when overspending on yarn)
Motivational phrase of the moment: Work to learn, not to earn.