Frita’s journal

Where are you and where are you going?
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Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

classical_Liberal wrote:
Thu Jul 02, 2020 2:20 pm
You're putting too much pressure on me! :D

Well, YOU inspired ME to apply for a couple of different jobs today, as I'm still not really looking forward to hospital nursing again.
Good for you in considering your options outside of hospital nursing! Are you looking at trying something completely new?

classical_Liberal
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

@frita
Thanks for the interest!

One is a temp position involving COVID epidemiology stuff. It pays OK and had a barrier of needing some type of Bachelor's in a health or medical related field, plus experience. So I'd be using my nursing degree and experience as a height requirement, but not really nursing duties specifically. I'd be more in a public health/epidemiological role. I have a fair amount of interest in this stuff, but I need to know more about the day to day activities to see what I'd get to do and learn. If I score an interview I'll update what I learn about it in my journal.

The other is literally a hobby. $12/hr library assistant,10 hours a week. The libraries have been closed and I miss them! I find the atmosphere therapeutic and would probably be spending 5 hours a week in there if they were open anyway. :lol: They currently have a curbside pickup, so my duties would be gathering the reserved materials for pick up the next day. I really have no idea how to tailor a resume to something that's probably designed for a college kid. But it's a gov't job on the same site I had to use to apply for the other, everything was prefilled, so I submitted it. :D

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

@c_L
Two interesting options, looking forward to an update! Not having the money be (much of) a factor certainly allows for a range in what jobs could be desirable. Suddenly, it is more about the cultural fit and what one could learn/contribute.

Gearing one’s resume to entry-level gigs requiring a high school diploma is tricky as it seems redundant, unnecessary, and a waste of everyone’s time. This is what I did: Dropped some education, highlighted more relevant experience (volunteering), and condensed all professional work into one entry. Then I wrote an enthusiastic cover letter.

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

Yesterday I went into do my work paperwork and shadow for some work activities that I will need to know but don’t occur frequently. Talking to the director I am replacing, she said she took one unpaid week in two years there. I hope they don’t expect that from me! Not having any benefits is bad enough but not having any travel adventures when things open up again?! (I am glad that I don’t have nights or weekends.) I am already feeling trapped by the part-time gig.

When I met my spouse and he told me he planned to be done by age 50, I planned to continue until I aged out. A couple weeks off at Christmas, a week at Spring Break (not Easter anymore), and a couple months off in the summer seemed like the perfect intermittent work. (Note that when he was working, he just didn’t have the vacation time or later had it but couldn’t actually take it.). Now that he’s done, I don’t have an education job anymore with zero prospects in that area. Te I am not complaining so much as noting the irony and my short-end-of-the-stick role as a constant. This is not what I imagined. Sucking it up for some imagine future is quite stupid.

Am I falling into the same trap again by thinking I can find some local position to tread water until our teen graduates?

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Alphaville
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Alphaville »

i’m tripping out a bit thinking you’re in mexico then the us then mexico then the us again...

not trying to snoop, but things are different for expats, and you’re asking a question i’m failing to comprehend due to lack of background.

i’ll read a bit but it’s 107 posts... so i’ll scan and see?



eta: i think i’m more or less caught up but still missing big picture: what trap? what’s the short end of the stick? (i mean which situation?)

eta, 2: you’re just testing the waters in a quarterly horizon, right? and can i ask why is the old director leaving?

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

@Alphaville
Gee, I wish I was in Mexico eating a fresh mango on the beach. (Neither my spouse nor teen like Latin America. My husband refuses to learn Spanish. Our son speaks Spanish but prefers English.) We’re in the US.

No worries, I am more rambling to myself and perhaps dysthymic after COVID coop up. We’re long-time FI with some extra working in between to payoff bills not covered by medical insurance. I moved around with my spouse (not good in education, about which I was passionate) with the promise/hope to focus on my interests when my spouse ERed. Our choice in locale has been good for our son and outdoor activities, not for me.

Since I loved the education work so much, I haven’t developed enough time-consuming hobbies. When one is working 60 hour work weeks with a family, that is harder. We have lived here for four years now during which I have tried numerous things (teaching online, ESL stints abroad, teaching at a charter school). I also volunteer for several organizations (disabilities advisory, uni, soup kitchen/food rescue) which I enjoy but are on hiatus due to COVID.

The director is leaving with her spouse who was a tenured uni professor. (She has a PhD too. The job market is really tight.) With the horrendous state budget cuts that have been going on over the past decade and about to exponentially increase, people are jumping ship if they are able (Pay is already low, but pay cuts/staff reductions happened in the recent past and have been announced to be occurring again soon. The cost of living is high.). Many vacated positions often don’t get filled. The school district likes to hire people with no experience for one year only or provisionally certified people to pay as subs. There are lots of part-time, low paying jobs. It makes for a defeated vibe where people tend to be dog-eat-dog.

The nonprofit director gig is to have something to do while our teen finishes high school. Since it’s a hobby, I don’t want to continue if it’s a bad fit. Perhaps I can find it to be meaningful, like education, yet I am realizing that time adventuring is important to me. I am getting cold feet.

I have spent half my life as a trailing spouse, often leaving good situations because of my spouse’s wants/needs and starting over, dreaming of an imagined now that never materialized. The last thing I care to do is to continue that (settling for something I wouldn’t choose in exchange for some imagined future) for the next three years. Frankly, I feel like throwing some items in a small pack and just starting to walk southbound.

classical_Liberal
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

Frita wrote:
Tue Jul 07, 2020 2:56 pm
Frankly, I feel like throwing some items in a small pack and just starting to walk southbound.
I'll meet up with you for the journey! :lol:

I feel for you. I'm having a bit of a problem on this front with my GF. I think (hope) it's mostly because our working contracts became misaligned again. We had worked so hard to get them to match up and then COVID came along and screwed everything up.

Just today she was all excited, "hey c_L I found a great deal to go to 'X' for five days during the week I'm off between contracts next month". My response was "c_l GF, if you wanna spend $1000 in travel let's just go camp in the forest land around yellowstone/grand teton for the whole month, don't renew your contract until Sept". And you can imagine how it progresses. This has been a rather constant battle over the past month she's been back to work and I've been off. I wish I had good advice :cry: .

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Alphaville
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Alphaville »

Oh I thought the jerga... so your fregadero is imported too? Ok.. I'm getting the picture (I think). You travel often, you were in Guatemala temporarily, but you're back at home base now.

And in your chosen profession, it's a race to the bottom in your state/district, so you don't want to be in it.

And if you're not gonna be working doing something you love, you'd rather be free to go travel.

And I understand that per your commitments now it would be the time for your husband to follow you for your career; but you're tied down to your locale because your kid needs his formative social experience--yes?

And in one of your posts above you mention your interest in education is social justice and teaching people skills...

I think that's the basic picture?

Anyway I was gonna say I have teacher friends who have increased their job satisfaction enormously just by moving from a shitty district to a great one. And I understand this option is not available to you at the moment.

So... I would say maybe take a deep breath, and give this nonprofit stint a little chance? You're the new director and don't have to do what the previous person did. It's your ship now, how you run it is your own invention.

The other thing is if social justice is a goal of yours there is some of that in the nonprofit sector maybe, but you have to look at it as a career rather than a mere job: it takes time to get where you want to be. And starting a new career as a director rather than a foot solider is not bad!

I'll add a brief tale of someone I know (no doxing) who used to work for a state agency, and I guess fed up by limitations or bureaucracy and whatever started a nonprofit in the sector in which they had experience. So far so good, looks like, it's been ages now they're running their thing.

It seems to me by reading your tales of dissatisfaction that you want to do something customized to your ideals and methods, and are often uncomfortable with other people's goals and methods (and lack of ideals).

So maybe take this experience as a chance to pick up some knowledge and skills for your future charter school/nonprofit/for profit/something/ that you can create in your own image, in the location of your choice, where you can say "ah! this was it"?

Basically, don't look at it as a job, but as getting paid to learn something-- and as you know from your profession, most people have to pay to learn! Here you're the boss of the operation: use it to practice boss skills?

Also seriously consider it on a quarterly basis. This is not forever. Everything is overwhelming if it's forever. But 3 months is an adventure.

Anyway, just some thoughts from a detached perspective. Purely analytical/speculative and with no skin in the game of course, so take it with a fat pinch of Maldon.

ps- and don't catch COVID!

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

@c_L
Working a different schedule than one’s partner is hard. I sincerely hope you and your GF can sync up soon. When there is a limited amount of time off, like those days between contracts, suddenly fancy vacays to exotic places seem appealing. With more time off, one can craft the experience one prefers.

@Alphaville
I used to live in Mexico. When I visit, my carry-on is full of stuff. ;) Guatemala is similar to Mexico and safer these days IMO.

Yep, you got it! My spouse said the same thing about this being a learning experience, a potential stepping stone, for me. You are right that I am highly idealistic and do want to contribute to a better world. I know I am lucky and fortunate to have the transferable admin skills to start in the director role. Thanks for sharing your point-of-view. It makes more sense than massaging my feelings of being trapped.

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Alphaville
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Alphaville »

sí, el sur de méxico y guatemala son zonas mayas. el norte de méxico es muy diferente.

anyway, hang in there!

i look forward to hearing about the creation of your school, or literacy program, or teacher’s training seminar in huehuetenango (or any place you prefer) some day :)

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

¡Chin-Marín, entre de las dos tortillas hay relleno! México is so much more than the north and south.

If I end up creating something abroad, it shall be off the beaten tourist path but focused on literacy as you mention. I remember trekking and meeting a girl in Honduras who asked, “Are you rich?” Covered in mud from my feet to my neck , literally, I asked why. She replied that she could tell from my shoes. These shoes https://www.amazon.com/Crocs-Karin-Wome ... B06XRTPG99 which I bought for $3 at a yard sale. We talked about having our fathers die young and how it affected our families. I think of her often. I enjoyed my visit there. I liked the little school with kids literally outside of the salón craning to see inside. Perhaps that points to a direction for me. I love to wear those shoes, to hike in them, because I feel grateful and consider what to give back. Our son, though humble compared to peers, is quite entitled. Sitting on our porch, drinking my cervezita, I feel inspired to think of what I could do post-COVID.

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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by horsewoman »

Since I'm an extreme homebody with no Fernweh at all I can't really relate to this feeling of being tied down, but there is one point that stood out to me. The leaving director took very little unpaid time off, she said.
I'm wondering if this was due to a) the demands of the job or because she b) needed the money or c) was a voluntary workaholic. Since neither b) nor c) apply to you, you could establish a pattern of taking time off, after a reasonable period of working, so that the people working there know what to expect. Start like you want to go on!
Personally, I find my long weekends from Thursday to Sunday very relaxing. I have a mini-holiday each week, this is perfect for my stress levels.

If it is a) I suppose you won't stay there for ever, no sense in working oneself to the ground in your situation.

A thing I like to do whenever I'm not content with my life is a gratitude journal. A few weeks of jotting down 3 things a day I'm grateful for does the trick for me, to change my attitude.

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Alphaville
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Alphaville »

Frita wrote:
Tue Jul 07, 2020 9:12 pm
¡Chin-Marín, entre de las dos tortillas hay relleno! México is so much more than the north and south.
yeah, like...matehuala :lol:

(i jest, i just, i used to live both in coahuila and el d.f., and we traveled around. i just meant the previous post in the context of mexico being similar to guatemala: only the bottom part. and el d.f. is its own universe, too...)

anyway:
Frita wrote:
Tue Jul 07, 2020 9:12 pm
If I end up creating something abroad, it shall be off the beaten tourist path but focused on literacy as you mention. I remember trekking and meeting a girl in Honduras who asked, “Are you rich?” Covered in mud from my feet to my neck , literally, I asked why. She replied that she could tell from my shoes. These shoes https://www.amazon.com/Crocs-Karin-Wome ... B06XRTPG99 which I bought for $3 at a yard sale. We talked about having our fathers die young and how it affected our families. I think of her often. I enjoyed my visit there. I liked the little school with kids literally outside of the salón craning to see inside. Perhaps that points to a direction for me. I love to wear those shoes, to hike in them, because I feel grateful and consider what to give back. Our son, though humble compared to peers, is quite entitled. Sitting on our porch, drinking my cervezita, I feel inspired to think of what I could do post-COVID.
salud! that’s a dream worth working towards.

as for entitled: just send the kid to military school and head down to chiapas now :lol:

ok, i joke too much, forgive me. i got some good news earlier, so im a bit hyper. :D

anyway... ¡al ataque, mis valientes! time to get to work.

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

So, I started my new half-time job yesterday in an attempt to try a mock semi-ERE lifestyle since plan A was a bust. Hm, nonprofit work doesn’t spark my joy like education. Between moments of anger and sadness, I feel some peace in that I can develop a more realistic view of work, expand some hobbies, and reimagine what I want to do. I have been trying to think of what to buy with my salary. IDK I think we could use a new oven mitt in the next year if I choose not to patch the one we have. Money is of little motivation to me at this point.

The new gig, well, people seem nice enough. There are some isolated pockets of drama and a personnel issue I am inheriting. The Board is rather disorganized and quite cheap (Coming from Frugalista Frita, that’s saying something!). My predecessor is an ESTJ to my ENTP. It could be an interesting transition. On the funding side, we look okay. The challenge will be more in getting the Board to loosen the purse strings and channeling some folks’ strengths into more productive endeavors.

Our state is becoming a total shitshow. Big cuts already with more coming. It brings out ugly behavior fueled by fear. Money-wise we’re good regardless of what happens. We live off of very little ($700/month for three people as our home is paid off) when not taking trips. Our friendbase is also FI so they aren’t stressed either. People seem to be selling off possessions now. It will get worse. I have seen this multiple times before. I am glad that our teen can witness this.

Our house value has increased 30% since we bought it four years ago. Places are selling in less than a day at asking price. I don’t see this changing. People moving here can’t cover expenses with the piddly jobs that are available. It is rather sad.

Oh, good news, our cruise should be refunded in 90 days. That will just leave AirBnB credits for whenever we start to travel again, perhaps next summer. Despite not buying the travel insurance, we didn’t lose a dime. Lucky.

This weekend we’re going vamping again. (Next weekend we’ll stay home as our son got a job and is scheduled next FSaSu. He’s washing dishes with a mask but has little contact with anyone. After buying a new phone and some summer clothes, he’s saving/investing his money. According to him, he could live on this part-time dishwasher job by riding his bike, living in our basement or renting a room, and always getting his free meal. As a 15 year old, he’s on his way to ERE.) I think I could live in the van as a couple or by myself. For three people, it is a bit tight after a few days. Perhaps if our son was younger, that would be different.

My spouse was thinking about getting a job during COVID and has since reconsidered. Perhaps he’ll work during ski season. Getting a free day pass per shift is a nice perk. He’d only want to work during the week and indoors waxing skis. (He teaches XC to school-aged kids on a volunteer basis already.). If I didn’t get my nonprofit gig, that was my plan too. (I would rather teach peewees as I am addicted to teaching.) One can get in a few runs on lunch break.

When I was in junior high, I got up and spent an hour on hair and makeup. Now I just shower, pull my hair in a ponytail, and apply sunscreen. Love it. I am glad I saved a box of professional clothing from Tulsa as I do have to dress up more. This still feels like progress.

Next steps: I am starting to go through my items again. At some point I will be ready to move on in some capacity and think that will be a time saver. I also want to use up some of the COVID grocery cache. This stuff makes me feel more trapped though I think I could just up and leave too.

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

horsewoman wrote:
Wed Jul 08, 2020 12:40 am
The leaving director took very little unpaid time off, she said.
I'm wondering if this was due to a) the demands of the job or because she b) needed the money or c) was a voluntary workaholic. Since neither b) nor c) apply to you, you could establish a pattern of taking time off, after a reasonable period of working, so that the people working there know what to expect. Start like you want to go on!
Personally, I find my long weekends from Thursday to Sunday very relaxing. I have a mini-holiday each week, this is perfect for my stress levels.

If it is a) I suppose you won't stay there for ever, no sense in working oneself to the ground in your situation.
All last week I shadowed the previous director, learning the hodgepodge of processes, none of which are documented as standard operating procedures. Even little things seemed like a pain because decisions had to be made for things that should be automated. She seemed frantic and disorganized. Also, I learned that she is happy to be leaving this job behind but has lacked transparency with the Board. I think she just wanted to ensure she has a glowing recommendation to look for her next position.

From what I gather, twenty years ago there actually was a system in place that was thrown out the window gradually by my predecessor’s predecessor over 13 years. The Board did not step in until she retired. My predecessor was hired as a co-director (This makes sense because as things are set up, someone cannot just take time off, nor can a temp just fill in.). The co-directors did not work well together. My predecessor was the last person standing. She has supposedly created some order amidst the chaos.

Since starting, I have gotten many comments from Board members about how they would react to being in my position and that they were not forthright to my questions regarding the current reality during the interview process. These comments also include things about me probably wanting to resign after seeing how things really are. I have tried to be honest but positive. Most organizations are like an iceberg; what one sees is nothing compared to what is below. I have also been honest about being a big picture person, needing to process and reorganize the pieces into a whole, and being confident that with time I will find a rhythm.

So, I think that my predecessor not taking time off was due to factors A, B, and C. She seemed to be burned out after her two year stint. On Friday, she even mentioned when I train my replacement, weird. There really was no honeymoon with this job. Three out of five days last week I was in tears walking to work and after leaving (and I am not a crier). Had I know what I know, I would not have taken the position.

Next week I will be on my own. Perhaps some of my reaction is to her style. I can start to put some systems in place and approach things more methodically, more calmly. In three months, I have my first evaluation. I will be evaluating them as well. That should be an interesting conversation.

Three things I am grateful for:
1. I do not need to work for money.
2. At least one of the twins is still alive.
3. Coffee
(Thanks for the suggestion, @horsewoman.)

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Alphaville
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Alphaville »

holy shit! the board duped you?

daaaaaaaaamn...

damn, damn, damn...

if you’re staying... time to rule with an iron fist maybe? and any way to make sure all the money is in order? nonprofits have legal requirements, and the board is supposed to keep things honest, but if they’re not trustworthy... wtf?

first thing i’d do is order an external audit... make sure you’re starting with a clean slate

ertyu
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by ertyu »

yeah, design your own system and if they obstruct you, well. --> next.

you can afford not to work. no need to let it get to you, there is nothing at stake.

with myself, i noticed a thing where i might technically have enough not to panic over my job or get super invested in it, but the job has been so important for so long that it's almost a reflex to take it too seriously at this point. You don't sound like the same thing is happening to you, but maybe something similar? Are there ways in which how seriously you take the job and how much you let it get to you is a function of old habit rather than current necessity?

I strongly suspect if you let go and detach and let come what may, you will end up being the most effective person they've had in a while.

Keeping fingers crossed here. Being in tears is no fun.

Frita
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Frita »

@Alphaville
Damn is right! Trust is a key value for me, so the Board’s short con to get me in place seriously damages our relationship. I would not have signed on for this as a hobby job. Even if I had been willing to sign on as a “change agent,” I would have expected better pay and benefits.

An external audit was done at the end of May. I need to investigate the details.

Yep, the leadership quadrant will have to be more directive. Without SOPs, that can feel personal.

@ertyu
I do value being organized and doing a good job as much as having good working relationships with folks. Finding any job around here is difficult, so being in a shitty situation and/or trying to find something else feels equally stressful. Yes, this is habit and does not help my executive brain function. Any suggestions to detach and let go when on suddenly on the anxiety hamster wheel?

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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by Alphaville »

curious: why anxiety instead of anger??

ertyu
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Re: Frita’s journal

Post by ertyu »

@Frita: no suggestions as of now. Have identified it as something to work on. My best ideas su far include, paradoxically, focusing not on the job but on having my money invested in a way that makes me feel comparatively safe. Then, spending some time meditating at home trying to connect with a sense of how I would like to be on the job, and once on the job, stopping for an occasional moment of mindfulness to reconnect with that sense.

@Alphavile: in my experience, anxiety arises when I feel powerless in front of the isssue while anger arises where there is a realistic chance one has the power to effect the situation and one's circumstances. My best theory for why I think I do not have the power to effect my circumstances is having grown up in a precarious economy with sizable unemployment -- hyperinflation at one point. During my teenage years, the shit was too big for me to be able to do anything about it. During my 20s, I was a foreigner working and studying abroad who couldn't rely on anyone's help. Psychologically, it stuck, even if it's not necessarily onjectively true. In my case at least, I think the reason for why anxiety and not anger is learned helplessness. Can't speak for Frita.

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