Take 5

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Frita
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Take 5

Post by Frita » Fri May 31, 2019 3:55 pm

Today is quit attempt #5. What can I say, I’m a slow learner. I have not figured out what I’m going to be doing but am allergic dysfunctional work situations. My goal for June is to decompress and to quote The Shawshank Redemption “get busy living.”

classical_Liberal
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Re: Take 5

Post by classical_Liberal » Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:42 am

Glad you got out of that crappy teaching situation. Fifth time is the charm!

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:14 am

Decompressing took a week. Before that, I found myself mentally reviewing my last traumatic meeting with my boss. It was crazy and may never make sense. Then I was able to relax and enjoy my vacation more.

Now that I have a couple days teaching in Guatemala, I feel simultaneously happy and sad. I really enjoy being with the students. (The school here loves me. I am treated really well. After my experience back home, it is odd.) But my choices back home are limited to working in a drama-filled place, being a square peg trying to fit in a round hole, or not teaching. This year I gave up even applying for the local district openings. I was just the equal opportunity old person to interview, box checked. My boss badmouthed me to the point that my chances are zero, but that environment is equally dysfunctunctional. Truth be told, I wouldn’t enjoy it there either. Working through the awkward space between acceptance and taking the next action...

Frita
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 8:43 pm

Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Tue Jun 18, 2019 12:55 pm

A week of lovely travel in Guatemala before heading to the language school to teach ESL, five great days teaching, and then the shit hit the proverbial fan! The director’s uncle was murdered in a home invasion (Drugs? Sex crime? Robbery gone bad? Unsure as the family seemed very ashamed on top of grief...). Anyway, we left early and are filling that time with more travel to redecompress. He was really mean to me, just lashing out with repeated verbal abuse. So this is no longer something I care do do during my ER. Better to have found out earlier...

Anyway, I feel quite sad as we got along so well before and he was rude to my family, who was also helping in the school. Why do I attract these assholes in bosses?!! Perhaps teaching just isn’t for me anymore.

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Lemur
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Re: Take 5

Post by Lemur » Tue Jun 18, 2019 2:19 pm

Consider teaching language online? Look into VIPKids? I hear the pay is pretty decent....and you don't have to deal with bosses.

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Tue Jun 18, 2019 6:49 pm

@Lemur
Thanks, I’ll check it out.

bigato
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Re: Take 5

Post by bigato » Tue Jun 18, 2019 7:02 pm

“Why do I attract these assholes in bosses?”

You may want to read the book “Women who love too much”. Chances are that you’ll derive some utility from it.

cimorene12
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Re: Take 5

Post by cimorene12 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 10:58 pm

Yeah, Frita, I'll second what Lemur said. Plenty of my acquaintances have had good or acceptable experiences with VIPKID.

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:11 am

@bigato
Thanks, I will check it out.

@cimorene12
Thanks for the +1.

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:54 am

Back from a month of backpacking in Guatemala and Belize! It was a decent trip overall, and I learned some things:
• Having to fill an extra 10 days with travel instead of teaching was a challenge. I really like having something meaningful to do. The beach is awesome for a couple days here and there, just not for long stretches.
• I missed doing almost all of my own cooking and baking. Eating out with food allergies (lime and shellfish) is tricky, only one incident though. My cooking style is also healthier (less oil, more non-starchy veg and whole grains). I gained a few pounds and my middle looks a bit doughy.
• DH and DS14 can only handle about two weeks in the Third World. They struggle going with the flow. I can’t take the 24/7 whining and anxiety. If I am ever single again or find some travel buddies, it’s an option for me. (Traveling with three makes a room cost-effective. Dorms can be a crap shoot!)
• Wearing the same 10 pieces of clothing for a month was awesome. I think I’ll try 7 or 8 next time. Heck, I am going to do another purge this weekend.
• I am a kind, accepting, trusting person. If I learn that someone is abusive of that, it’s time to part ways permanently.
• There were power outages for about a third of our trip. No biggie, I even liked it.
• I dropped my cell plan this spring and am on WiFi exclusively. The US has better access but it was fine without T-Mobile this time. I will continue.
• We were without TV two-thirds of our trip. I don’t watch it, but my family does and went through withdrawals. Here at home it’s a good way to free up some time to myself.
• No hot water for most of our trip was interesting! Even in hot weather, I like a long hot shower. If it’s cold, I save a lot of water and time. Perhaps I will experiment with this in the future.
• We were flying, walking, and riding public transport. I didn’t miss having a vehicle but did miss my bike at times.
• We had air con for four days which the fam loved. I am fine with a fan. Neither work in a power outage.

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:56 pm

I find myself being more quiet while reflecting on life, before and after my current run at ERE.

1) Two weeks in the van with my family demonstrated that:
• It’s a short-term accommodation, unless it was just DS and myself.
• There is a steep learning curve, and we don’t have the skillset yet.
• Traveling in a van still requires some planning.

2) As school is about to start, I have felt physical anxiety (sweating, tension, sleeping changes, desire to stress eat) about my douchbag ex-boss attacking me and my lifestyle change. I am not quite sure what I am going to do. For now, I am taking it easy and not pressuring myself to have all (or any) answers. Perhaps a summer of travel postponed the decompression that needs to occur at home.

3) I have been pondering why Sisyphus kept pushing the rock up the mountain and why did/do I? I can leave it there. Deselecting sooner when things/people/activities no longer serve me is something I am trying to keep in my awareness.

4) Things I am enjoying include spending time with my guys, cooking and baking, walking and riding my bike, doing visual puzzles, gardening, and reading. I can’t seem to get interested in TV, though I did binge watch the second season of “Derry Girls” on Netflix. I am still doing my community activities though I cringe when people ask about the upcoming school year.

5) Things I want to do more of include learning home and bike maintenance, increasing yoga practice to daily from weekly class, and regaining my mental/emotional/physical mojo, and developing more non-education acquaintances and friends.

bigato
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Re: Take 5

Post by bigato » Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:58 pm

Yeah, it will take time to decompress and undo the knots. Good thing is that you have time now :)
Don't worry too much and don't feel guilty for feeling guilty. Let the thoughts and feelings flow. It will al settle given time.

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Thu Aug 15, 2019 9:37 am

So, this is the time in the education world where positions are posted last-minute for the start of the school year. These are typically not functional work environments. Some people were able to secure different employment, take the career risk of the last-minute quit, and jump ship. Schools can hire on a one-year only contract which offers more stress and less protection for the employee. I wonder if some supervisors purposely postpone hiring until this time of year to shift the power dynamic. So, I do still look despite knowing that these employers are toxic. I don’t apply but a little part of me wants to. This is actually progress!

Yesterday I was so anxious that I ended up with a migraine. It actually started the evening before but I ignored it, ascribing feeling off to alternate causality. I have decided to make some changes by limiting stressors and see if that helps.

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Tue Sep 03, 2019 10:29 am

Well, I am still in decompression phase and can feel quite impatient with the whole thing. Overall, my physical anxiety has decreased and some days are downright enjoyable. My wanderlust is flaring, though with DC14 in high school, I am more placebound. I like solo travel but that stresses the guys out.

Things I am still enjoying include spending time with my guys, cooking and baking, walking and riding my bike, doing visual puzzles, gardening, and reading. It is amazing how much time one can kill with these activities. After “Derry Girls,” my TV fix was complete. DS50 got a Sling subscription to watch football, so the TV isn’t getting lonely.

Progress on things I want to do more of:
• learning home and bike maintenance—I am actively observing what DS50 does, asking questions, and helping in a 5 year old-sort of way.
* increasing yoga practice to daily from weekly class—I have added a short practice a few times per week at home. I enjoy doing it in a tight space and pretending that I am living on a sailboat.
* regaining my mental/emotional/physical mojo—slight improvement, I found Labor Day depressing. Work sucks, so why the celebration? I went out of my way to buy nothing and boycott any place requiring people to work.
* developing more non-education acquaintances and friends—I continue to meet lots of people. Transitioning from acquaintance to friendship is a challenge. I understand that Americans have less friends now, which may be part of it. Wyoming is super introverted. I notice that saying “Let’s get together” with no follow through is the norm. I am thinking that being an ENTP is making me miserable in this regard and it’s time to embrace introversion more.

EDIT: I do notice that I am setting better boundaries sooner with people and situations. It saves wasting my time and energy and is getting easier.

horsewoman
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Re: Take 5

Post by horsewoman » Fri Sep 06, 2019 3:59 am

Can you please clarify for me who "DC14" and DS50" are?
I know the abbreviations DH, DD, DS and SO but cannot make out who is meant in your post - I assume a child aged 14 and and a significant other aged 50?

bigato
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Re: Take 5

Post by bigato » Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:35 am

Hahaha glad you asked because I was wondering whether she had a son aged 50.

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Bankai
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Re: Take 5

Post by Bankai » Fri Sep 06, 2019 6:21 am

Exactly my reaction! Could it be dear sister 50?

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Take 5

Post by 2Birds1Stone » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:38 am

Dear Spouse 50?

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:19 pm

Oh, sorry for the confusion. I am really trying to go gender neutral:

DS50 = spouse
DC14 = kid

Are there other terms I should use instead?

Frita
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Re: Take 5

Post by Frita » Sat Sep 28, 2019 11:15 am

This month has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Perhaps my expectation of decompressing is unrealistic. It seems like I am actually feeling worse, though quitting my job was the right thing and I think is was harder on me than I realized. Has anyone else struggled with this? What would you do if you have to do it again? What would you do differently?

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