mooretrees journal

[mooretrees]

I suppose that another advantage of the school bus and living in a more rural area is that you can move if you do not like your neighbors (or they do not like you). Being an engaged member of a rural community means there are likely many more options for you to park on someone's land. Did you think about this benefit of the Schoolie beforehand?

We did think of the feature of easy moving as a benefit with the skoolie. I really wasn’t sure how the reality of moving and timing of it would work out, especially since we were trying to stay local. I’m not familiar with other skoolie families doing what we’re doing. Doesn’t mean they’re not out there, just that we don’t know of them.

Overall, I’m happy with being able to move, using elevation as ac for instance. I move around our valley and see so many possible spots to land that I’m excited to keep figuring out how to do this better. My preference is for a spot that allows some social connection with the hosts. That is harder to come by, so I’m trying to think of it as an extra benefit. And something that can be encouraged over time.

[mooretrees]

Monthly update:

Skoolie life- we’ve been through one year! The day passed with little celebration but a good amount of internal celebration. We’re wrapping up our time in the mountains and heading to the valley floor in a few weeks. I’m hoping this is our winter spot as it will be the easiest in terms of biking and walking to date. The new spot was another work connection. We’ll pay $350 for rent, which feels really high! It is still quite low for a family of three. I’m looking forward to the new spot in particular because of water. Of all the utilities water has been the most challenging for us. We chose to not install a large amount of water storage and instead haul water in 6 gallon containers. That has fallen mostly on DH as those buckets are very awkward and heavy for me. At our current location, they are on a spring that is either running dry because of drought or maintenance issues. Either way, we’ve been on boil alerts and very severe restrictions. It’s been an annoyance that I’m looking forward to leaving. Also, due to the heavy shade in the our mountain spot it hasn’t been worthwhile to set up our solar system. The new spot has more exposure for sun.

Fitness:
I’ve had a few minor injuries that have kicked me off my program. Also, I have done a terrible job of stretching/yoga and I could tell. I’m currently on a five day kick of daily yoga and it is reaping heaps of benefits. I’m very pleased to feel more limber and see noticeable changes in calf and ankle mobility. So, going forward I am going to try Yoga with Adriene program that a friend recommended. I love my trail runs, but trying to do zone two on them is….challenging. I think I need to reach out to other local runners and see if they know more level paths; I’m not interested in city running at all. Strength training is on hold until I can figure out better form with the kettlebell. I love the swings, but I’m back to having neck pain after doing them. I’m considering a session with a personal trainer specifically to teach me better form. I think it could be worth it. I’m also considering other options that might be free. We’ll see.

Family:
I’m back East to see my parents. Second trip to here this year. I do not like the area they live, hordes of people and traffic determines your schedule. I’m traveling solo which is so freaking great. Also, my favorite sister and I coordinated to come together. We’ve realized over the years that if we come together the visits are worlds better. She’s got me doing yoga everyday and walking for mental health. We were able to clean out quite a bit of clutter out of their basement and kitchen counters. My dad is very happy that the counters are less cluttered. My sister called me a ‘beast’ for how long I persisted in decluttering. I think I did a good job of pushing my mom to clear stuff out and respecting her desires. Now that I’ve experienced downsizing I can appreciate how difficult it is for an 80 year old couple to do it. I wish I could do more, but my parent’s energy for it is limited.

My parents are in decent shape for their age. My Dad is aging much faster than my Mom. I assume he will die first. I feel very little emotion saying that. I am frequently surprised at how little it affects me to imagine him dying. Possibly because it still seems far away? Also, I’m not very emotionally connected to him. I’ve considered how to be more connected to him, and also thought about how much energy that will take. Also, I’m trying to imagine if I’ll regret not trying to know him better. So far, I haven’t acted on increasing connection with, beyond actually visiting more than once a year.

While here on the East Coast, I’m also spending time with my other two siblings. I find them both challenging and have limited interactions with them generally. Some of why I limit contact with them is due to my disinterest in phone talking, and the other two reasons are they both are high consumers/social status climbers and I feel little in common with them. Again I’ve wondered whether it is worth it to pursue a greater connection with them. I’m undecided about it.

Work:
I applied for FMLA to visit my Dad because he has cancer. I was denied because while I am scheduled 24 hrs a week, I usually work less. The only reason to use FMLA is that it gives me access to a different time off pool that I don’t normally use. I was quite upset when I learned the reason, but have come to think it funny now. So, I found a work conference in Nashville that work would pay for and added a family trip to it. I don’t believe it is saving me any money, but I am getting time alone and with family.

Adulting:
I’ve realized that even though I work part time, have a stay at home parent, I still feel like I am burdened by family (son and husband). Now, I realize that burdened sounds harsh, but it’s clear I make most of the decisions and plans for the family. I’m tired of that leader role. I think some of this is a semi-natural off shoot of both culture and personality. Generally (not always!) mothers make more decisions than fathers about school and kid stuff. Also, early on in our relationship I took a lead role with money and that has persisted. I’m more comfortable with DH’s ability to make good decisions about money and I’d like to step away from that responsibility. Some of what I really want it more collaboration with DH about vision. So, I need to structure time for us to have those conversations about where we’re going and how to get where we want to be. We have had such a myopic focus on the skoolie that we really don’t have any long term plans right now. I’d like to change that.

This update is feeling long and rambling so I’ll stop now.

[delay]

Thanks for sharing your story!

My parents are in decent shape for their age. My Dad is aging much faster than my Mom. I assume he will die first. I feel very little emotion saying that. I am frequently surprised at how little it affects me to imagine him dying. Possibly because it still seems far away? Also, I’m not very emotionally connected to him. I’ve considered how to be more connected to him, and also thought about how much energy that will take. Also, I’m trying to imagine if I’ll regret not trying to know him better. So far, I haven’t acted on increasing connection with, beyond actually visiting more than once a year.

Interesting that you'd want to connect more after that many years! The people I know around 80 are quite set in their ways. In a way they live in the past. It's unusual to see them change connections. They enjoy family and physical contact, like holding their hand for a while. Our society treats age as an illness and many old people think of themselves as untouchable.

[theanimal]

Congrats on 1 year in the bus!

Being the only decision maker is hard. I definitely get the feeling that with that it feels like you have a bigger burden. I don't have any suggestions, other than looking at how you two come to the process of making decisions and your communications around that. I'll be interested to hear how this develops.

Regarding the swings, I really like following Keith Weber for kettlebell stuff. He is a Canadian physiotherapist, who has also developed his own line of kettlebell workouts (Extreme Kettlebell Cardio 1, 2 and 3). He has a bunch of free content on his YouTube channel, including this one talking about common pitfalls and proper form for the swing: https://youtu.be/6rFoyJwO1SY?si=1ktmU029wBKWn0wP

[mooretrees]

@theanimal, thanks for sharing that video! I think I’ll video myself doing the swing and see what I find. Since I’ve had a long stretch of no neck pain, I think I should be able to get back to that. I do think I’ll get a smaller kettlebell to be able to do one-handed swings. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

[berrytwo]

Some of what I really want it more collaboration with DH about vision. So, I need to structure time for us to have those conversations about where we’re going and how to get where we want to be. We have had such a myopic focus on the skoolie that we really don’t have any long term plans right now. I’d like to change that.

This update is feeling long and rambling so I’ll stop now.

I will be curious to hear what you/ DH come up with and your process!

[shaz]

@mooretrees I'm sorry to hear your dad has cancer. I think it must be difficult even if you don't feel a strong connection to him.

[mooretrees]

@mooretrees I'm sorry to hear your dad has cancer. I think it must be difficult even if you don't feel a strong connection to him.

Thanks @Shaz. It’s not his first rodeo with cancer, and that first time was terrifying. He went through the wringer on that one, and it took some good years and functionality from him. But I feel confident that he feels it was worth it! And I do too. He wouldn’t have met DH or DS if he hadn’t survived the earlier cancer. Cancer does suck hard.


Sorta a monthly update…

We’re settled, kinda, into the new spot. I’ve been able to bike to work! It’s an easy ride and I’m enjoying being back on the bike. Also, not having a crushing ascent home makes it easier to get on the bike. Over the last two weeks I’ve driven two out of six shits. If we stay here for winter I’m going to advocate for getting rid of one of the cars. However, we might move if we can get onto this potential property in the mountains. It’s lower than where we were before and basically across from a great trailhead. It remains to be seen if we will get onto the property, but we’re daydreaming about it. The daydreams are revealing. We’ve only been on other people’s land since living in the bus. At this potential place it would be just us. Anyway, before I get to attached to it we’ve got to see if it could happen. It feels very likely though…..

I’m enjoying my extra day off now that the farmers market is over. The job is turning out to be a great entree into the local food scene, shocking huh? We’ve been eating a lot of local produce and I am happy with how open DS is to it. His days of being picky might be over, thankfully!

Food:
I’m still processing free fruit, the last of the season. I’m down to apples and quince. Holy shit am I FUCKING CRAZY for quince. I am not sure how to describe it, but I felt like my life changed with my first taste. Yes, I know that’s totally ridiculous but wow, I’m gonna chase that fruit any chance I can get. I’ve made a preserve and will do more of that with the last of it, plus some fruit leather. I’ve got quite a bit of applesauce canned, and now will try apple butter and more fruit leather. With the cores and discards of both fruit I’ll make some vinegar.

Skoolie life:
We’re tweaking stuff in the bus, making small steps towards more functionality. We had some leaks that DH has been working on and might have plugged. Of course we haven’t had any rain since to see! Next project is the wood burner! I need to clear out that space and see what help I can help getting DH going on that project. It feels even more necessary as the diesel heater needs some work so we’re back to the electric space heater. That is fine until you want to run the induction stovetop or the temp drops into the 20’s. Sigh.

Mental Health:
I’ve been in therapy for a few months now. It’s really interesting now diving into myself. I’m not the most introspective person, and this is helping me get to know myself better. I’m also reading Radical Acceptance and it is hitting home. So, growth ya know.

Physical Health:
Biking is great, I’ve gone on a few road runs that I’m not crazy about. I’ve also been doing the squats and Knees over toes split squats to address my weak hip muscles. I miss the kettlebell swings though! I need to review the video that theanimal posted above and try again. I let my antidepressant lapse for a few days and my perimenopausal symptoms came back in full strength. Night sweats and terrible sleep are the rough ones. I hope they’ll recede soon. I splurged and made a massage appt for next week. I’m hoping some progress can be made on my calves. It feels pretty indulgent!

Side hustles:
With the holiday season about upon us, I’m back to making candles and we’re upping our coffee sales. I’m still figuring out how to use our candles in the bus, but feel better able to talk about them to potential customers. It’s normal for me to fumble around by the light of a taper and make coffee and read before work. It’s the best when I make tea from herbs and honey I collected. Deeply nourishing.

Social life:
I’ve managed to create a satisfying Sunday dinner ritual with our last landlords! My extroverted needs are getting met more often, yah! I feel glimmers of deeper relationships on the horizon. We have a few older friends in Portland that we miss and they feed us like no one nearby. Buuuttt, I can’t stomach the idea of living in a city again. I’m trying to be patient with newer friends and think of the long game. Plus, the richness of the area for outdoor living is too good to leave.

Ok, off to go home and fall into bed. One of our dogs got a bad cut and is in a plastic cone. It’s sad and hilarious to see her struggle to maneuver with it on. However, she’s keeping me up as she’s used to sleeping between my legs and this whole cone thing is bothering me at night.

[theanimal]

I had to look up what quince is. I’ve never heard of that before, you have me intrigued.

That’s exciting about potentially getting your own space. I’ll be hoping that it works out for you all!

[mooretrees]

It’s been a minute. I’ve been ruminating on an end of the year post, but it might have to be a two parter as my son is awake and not likely to let me ignore him for long.

2023 was a tough year that had me at my lowest emotional state, possibly in my life? I think I am out of it now, and believe it is a combination of self-reflection and drugs that have helped me climb out of that ditch. I believe my spiral down was due to a few key areas; peri-menopause bitch slapping me and messing with my body, isolation and loneliness and living in a construction zone with a burned out builder. I think I’ve talked about most of this, so no need to revisit. Suffice it to say I’m feeling less lonely, more physically
‘normal’ and have regained most of my normal humor and equilibrium.

One of the downsides to being in a low spot is that some life stuff was ignored. I struggled for YEARS to track expenses. And yes, I know that is a prerequisite for being successful at the financial part of ERE. And, yes, it bothered me. I finally was in the hot seat for our MMG and threw it out as an option to talk about it. Damn. It was like a therapy session! Maybe it actually was a therapy session. They all have heard me struggle with tracking and so were familiar with it. Long story short, they helped me explore the shame of what I was feeling, and suggested reading and exploring the ‘shadow’ work that some forms of therapy talk about. I picked up “Existential Kink” and reread parts of Plotkin’s sub personality themes. So fruitful for me!

While reading that shadow work has been really useful, I also asked DH to help me. Now, we’ve settled into a pattern of sitting down and updating my analog monthly tracking sheets every other week or so. Doing that with him is more fun (it’s not a ton of fun of course), more productive and more efficient. He can explain some expenses in real time and this has led to some interesting conversations about what we’re spending money on, and what to change. The first two months of tracking were done so late in the game that we weren’t able to put into practice any proposed changes until this month. With this new habit of tracking together, it’s shifting some of the burden that I’d been carrying solo, to a shared burden. So wins on many levels! And all I had to do was ask him to help. And maybe sweeten the ask with a cookie or two.

To be continued…….

[jacob]

While reading that shadow work has been really useful, I also asked DH to help me. Now, we’ve settled into a pattern of sitting down and updating my analog monthly tracking sheets every other week or so. Doing that with him is more fun (it’s not a ton of fun of course), more productive and more efficient. He can explain some expenses in real time and this has led to some interesting conversations about what we’re spending money on, and what to change. The first two months of tracking were done so late in the game that we weren’t able to put into practice any proposed changes until this month. With this new habit of tracking together, it’s shifting some of the burden that I’d been carrying solo, to a shared burden. So wins on many levels! And all I had to do was ask him to help. And maybe sweeten the ask with a cookie or two.

Tracking using a spreadsheet with running averages like described here (ERE post #3) might make tracking more "fun"?

https://earlyretirementextreme.com/what ... umber.html

Every time money is spent, it is simply added to the current daily (or weekly) field like A3=5.50+7.95+29.95 ... and so on.

[mooretrees]

@Jacob, well as I’ve thought about it, I don’t think it will make it more fun, but it will certainly give more immediate feedback than a monthly expense total. And that is interesting. And to be honest, it’s ok if it isn’t fun really. I’m looking for ‘satisfied with myself’ and reducing that cognitive dissonance that has bothered me regarding tracking. This idea might actually have me trying my hand at creating a spreadsheet.

[Biscuits and Gravy]

Good lord, man, you’ve been doing all this without a spreadsheet?! That’s like humping buck naked through a swamp without mosquito repellent. Make it a little easier on yourself! Do you want mine? It has all of the functions already; all you have to do is plug in your numbers.

[NewBlood]

Suffice it to say I’m feeling less lonely, more physically ‘normal’ and have regained most of my normal humor and equilibrium.

That's amazing news, I'm glad you were able to get back to your normal self!

And it's awesome that you've managed to get DH to help you with expense tracking. So much easier if you can talk about expenses in near-real time instead of trying to reconcile things by your lonesome self later. I have been using Jacob's method on and off for the last few years, and it's super easy. And enlightening to see those trailing monthly and yearly numbers evolve. The "hardest" part for me is to remember to record cash transactions. If I don't do it daily, they're gone... Good luck! You can do it. (with a spreadsheet, for sure, dude! make this easier on yourself. Once it's set up, you just have to update the daily number, that's it)

[mountainFrugal]

How has the xc-ski season been treating you?

[grundomatic]

The "hardest" part for me is to remember to record cash transactions.

Cash transactions are such a small part of our spending that I just do a cash inventory at the end of the month to calculate how much was spent. Of course, cash income has to be accounted for, but that's pretty easy ("how much was in our Christmas cards, again?"). I'm also not concerned with strict categorization, though.

[mooretrees]

Good lord, man, you’ve been doing all this without a spreadsheet?! That’s like humping buck naked through a swamp without mosquito repellent. Make it a little easier on yourself! Do you want mine? It has all of the functions already; all you have to do is plug in your numbers.

I would love yours, but I don’t really have a functional computer and I’m starting to enjoy the analog-ness of my system. I like writing comments with some expenses, can you do that with a computer spreadsheet? And, even if it’s analog, if it has columns and totals doesn’t that mean it’s a spreadsheet?????

[mooretrees]

How has the xc-ski season been treating you?

Could be better! But it’s really because I got a concussion from a fall riding to work last week. And some hip bruising as I hit ice. But my head is fine, and once the hip is back to normal I’ll be getting at it. DS is again in the youth Nordic class and he ‘might’ be starting to like it? He did an alpine lesson and liked it alright too. Really he just wants hot cocoa and to be with friends. Our local ski area put in a warming hut just for xc skiers, it is a game changer for DS. Now we can ski, get hot cocoa and warm up, then he’s usually ready to play in the snow which is crazy to me. But good gear and that young metabolism keep him pretty warm. I’m hoping we all come out of ski season with much better cardio and hiking and backpacking with DS will be easier.

How about you two? How often do you like to get out skiing per week? I know I can’t keep up with your kilometers, but maybe I can get out skiing as much or more than you? Silly to be competitive about that sort of thing…..

[mountainFrugal]

Yikes in the fall! I am glad you are doing better.

Warming huts are a great way to take a break and not get too chilled. I am glad DS is trending towards XC skiing? Regarding hot cocoa, it is a great recovery drink that we have often. We bring a big thermos. The thermos is being decontaminated at the moment from forgetting about hot cocoa from... last season...

How about you two? How often do you like to get out skiing per week? I know I can’t keep up with your kilometers, but maybe I can get out skiing as much or more than you? Silly to be competitive about that sort of thing…..

Ha! I have only been a few times this season. It was a late start and I have been spending most of the weekend mornings (when there is fresh grooming) working on the art studio instead... but Friday I did 21 km and 30.5 km yesterday. Please do be competitive about it! Silly competitions are my specialty! Ha!

[mountainFrugal]

Alright @mooretrees. I have gone 5 times. I assume you are winning in this category. I have skied 123 km this season. Yesterday I skied 21km on 4-8 cm of fresh fallen powder on top of the grooming to try to catch up to you. It was mostly not fun. ha! Watcha got?