bostonimproper's journal

Where are you and where are you going?
bostonimproper
Posts: 581
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:45 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Gilberto de Piento wrote:
Wed Nov 03, 2021 11:13 pm
How invested into crypto are you?
I originally put about 15% of our net worth in and that’s grown to about 40% by itself. I have very high confidence in our allocation. Our retirement accounts are in very diversified safe investments (Vanguard all world stock indices, TIPs index, etc) and I haven’t leveraged up at all.

It’s not really about the level of money in or investment though— my husband doesn’t really pay attention to our finances. It’s more that I am finding joy in the community, culture, and building of something that my husband sees as disdainful.

Gilberto de Piento
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Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:23 pm

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

OK, I get it. I'd have the same problem if I got way into guns and gun culture even if I wasn't doing anything irresponsible.

Scott 2
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Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

If my wife was solely responsible for our financial planning, I would be very hesitant to offer criticism. Especially given the success you have produced.

If I recall correctly, they are concerned with the environmental and social impacts. Has the community found a way to address those objections? Could you shift strategies to honor their perspective, while remaining involved? Optimizing for more than returns could be an interesting problem.

Bringing my wife into our finances, while it has produced a less sophisticated approach, has been a strong positive for our relationship. I would make that trade every time.
Last edited by Scott 2 on Thu Nov 04, 2021 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bostonimproper
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Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:45 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Gilberto de Piento wrote:
Thu Nov 04, 2021 7:28 am
OK, I get it. I'd have the same problem if I got way into guns and gun culture even if I wasn't doing anything irresponsible.
Yes the gun culture analogy is an apt one.
Scott 2 wrote:
Thu Nov 04, 2021 3:32 pm
If I recall correctly, he's concerned with the environmental and social impacts. Has the community found a way to address those objections? Could you shift strategies to honor his perspective, while remaining involved? Optimizing for more than returns could be an interesting problem.
There is a major upgrade in flight which people call “ETH 2.0” which signals the transition from proof of work to proof of stake. This is expected to reduce total energy expenditure of the system by >99%. There have been multiple phases to the work— the first major step (launching the proof of stake “Beacon Chain”) was launched at the end of 2020. About $32 billion of collateral has been “staked” on the new chain since, making it inaccessible until proof of stake is launched. Expected completion ~Q2 2022. I could see it being delayed, but I think there’s a >80% chance it happens next year. Currently they’re running a series of test nets and it all seems to be going fairly smoothly.

I’ve staked about a quarter of our holdings, but mentioning it didn’t assuage my husband any. I also don’t want to divest and wait until the transition because we are in the middle of a bull run.

Even when the chain moves to proof-of-stake, I doubt my husband will be happy. I think there’s just a lot of cultural hangover of “this is stupid and wasteful” that I don’t think changes in reality will change their perception of it. But who knows. Maybe I’m wrong.

In theory I could trade my crypto allocation for a slightly happier husband and spend less time perusing crypto-related forums and dipping my toes back into development, etc., but the degree to which that would make me unhappy to do is significantly larger than the level of disagreement it brings to our marriage (which is relative minor and basically none if I just don’t bring up crypto-related things in conversation).

Scott 2
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Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

Apologies if I misgendered. For what it's worth, I am sure my wife would be hurt, if I responded to her interest that way. It wouldn't be about the crypto, but the implication in my refusal to understand her. If she had to police her conversation as a result, it would be an ongoing source of pain. Nothing first world about the problem, IMO.

I am generally ignorant of crypto, beyond the news headlines. ETH 2.0 sounds like a positive development.

bostonimproper
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Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:45 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

“I’m not depressed, YOU’RE depressed.”
-me, belligerent, to my brain every Monday-Friday for the past two weeks

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by white belt »

I'm new to your journal so I apologize if I missed something.

Why exactly are you still working in a miserable job? I don't know the specifics of your financial situation, but at a certain point wouldn't be easier to just figure out how to live your same lifestyle by reducing your spending by maybe 5-10% than to destroy your mental health by grinding through 2 more years in a career that drains you?

The crypto stuff is interesting. Based on what you've described, the ETH you hold is already a 3-bagger on paper, which is a shit ton of money if you started out with 15% of your net worth in it. This crypto bull run likely still has legs, so how does all this money you've made from crypto affect your FIRE numbers? What is your exit criteria for your crypto positions? The dissonance regarding all things financial with your husband certainly seems challenging.

I'm reading a lot of freedom from in your last 2 pages of posts. What are you seeking freedom to do?

bostonimproper
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Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:45 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

white belt wrote:
Mon Nov 08, 2021 12:04 pm
Why exactly are you still working in a miserable job? I don't know the specifics of your financial situation, but at a certain point wouldn't be easier to just figure out how to live your same lifestyle by reducing your spending by maybe 5-10% than to destroy your mental health by grinding through 2 more years in a career that drains you?
So, to preface, my journal rants are really just an outlet for venting when I’m frustrated, so they aren’t a great reflection of how I actually am feeling day to day. I’m actually very happy with my life— probably an 8/10. And objectively my job is a really good one. I have good colleagues, lots of money (50%+ more than I was getting paid at my last job with stock appreciation), decent manager, great work life balance.

The thing is, I just hate working. I don’t like having to constantly compromise with other people, having to work particular days or hours, having to work on things I don’t think are worth my time. I also don’t like how it inflames some perfectionist tendencies I have, which cause me to go into anxiety spirals.

But, to be clear, it’s been this way for every job I’ve had. So my sprint to FI is to opt out of work entirely because I don’t think I suit it, and I should be able to get there in a year or two. I can certainly muddle through this sometimes frustrating, but largely very cushy situation for a year.
white belt wrote:
Mon Nov 08, 2021 12:04 pm
so how does all this money you've made from crypto affect your FIRE numbers? What is your exit criteria for your crypto positions?
I have some price targets where I’d sell portions of my position during a parabolic rise (ETH ~ $15K-40K). I would plan to buy back into my position, or maybe even expand it, if there was a significant drop, though. I have high long-term conviction, so I expect crypto to be a large, permanent allocation in my portfolio.
white belt wrote:
Mon Nov 08, 2021 12:04 pm
I'm reading a lot of freedom from in your last 2 pages of posts. What are you seeking freedom to do?
If the timing works out (fingers crossed), I expect the next few years will largely be dominated by being a stay at home parent to young children. I have some other hobby stuff I want to do, but planning anything big alongside babies feels like a fool’s errand.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

My husband and I chatted about the crypto thing. Their concerns were mostly about the environmental impact of PoW. We aligned on staking 100% of our ETH into PoS, which means none of the funds will be accessible until after the Merge. I’m somewhat concerned that by the time staking funds are unlocked that we’ll be in the middle of a bear market, but we both feel a lot better after having talked.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Thankful

So often I can be a downer in these journals, so I want to take a minute to express gratitude for some of the many things I have to be thankful for.
  • I am thankful for my husband who is kind, loving, and helps keep me grounded.
  • I am thankful for my best friends who are like a second family and accept me, flawed as I am.
  • I am thankful for my brother who has grown into a strong, independent, good-hearted person.
  • I am thankful for my parents and grandmother who have tried their best in their own way.
  • I am thankful for my in-laws who are ride-or-die in a way I find both puzzling and admirable.
  • I am thankful to all of the people who gave me second chances that I did not deserve.
  • I am thankful nobody close to me has fallen gravely ill or died during this pandemic.
  • I am thankful for my mind which protects me from things I cannot bear.
  • I am thankful for my body which allows me to move through and experience this rich world we live in.
  • I am thankful for our wealth and the peace of mind it’s brought us.
  • I am thankful for our home for keeping us comfortable, safe, and warm.
  • I am thankful for my work for being calm, flexible, and remunerative.
  • I am thankful for the autonomy and agency I have in this world.
  • I am thankful to have experienced a time of abundance, even if that may change.
Infertility

We went through all our diagnostic tests. In short, it’s me. Some correctable things, so fingers crossed. But it does mean things like taking replacement hormones and surgery. If it all goes well, we may be pregnant within months. If it doesn’t, we may be sitting here two years from now, tens of thousands spent, and no closer to having a baby than before with many crushing setbacks in between.

There are a few women in our social circle who are pretty open about their difficulty conceiving and— fuck, it is heartbreaking. And infuriating— medical knowledge around reproductive issues and women’s health is just so woefully inadequate.

Because of my anxiety, I grieve in anticipation of things. My mind is already flitting through scenarios like first miscarriage or more years of no implantation. It’s not fruitful to sink into it; the water’s too deep. So I’m doing my best to go in open and emotionally unprepared, which is scary and daunting.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

I am having a very hard time getting motivated for work. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m in forever muddle through mode. It getting dark at like 3 PM has definitely not been helping. Nor have the fun miscarriage anxiety nightmares I’ve been having.

I’m already on Vitamin D supplements (it’s in my prenatal). I am also exercising daily, sleep 8 hours, have structured regular social time, etc. So I’m taking care of the body. I just can’t bring myself to give a fuck and have been staring blankly at my screen for hours at a time. Blech.

The work is, at least, pretty light, so I feel more guilty than I do behind. It just all feels like the same old song and dance over and over. Oh, look, yet another company that revamps its quarterly planning process every quarter. Oh, look, yet another division that has piled on tech debt for years and isn’t staffed enough to tackle it in any real way. At least we’re not doing something that matters. Ugh. When will my “real” life start?

I know people knock getting into FIRE so you can run from a career (rather than focusing on something to run to), but seriously this blows. I feel like I’m in the layer of hell reserved for mid level bureaucrats.

Scott 2
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

bostonimproper wrote:
Wed Dec 15, 2021 4:51 pm
I just can’t bring myself to give a fuck and have been staring blankly at my screen for hours at a time.
...
At least we’re not doing something that matters.
I remember the moment I realized - "the company can afford to waste my life forever." It feels terrible. For me, that overwhelmed the good parts of the job, life really. There was still a lot to enjoy, but I could no longer see it in the moment. Setting up a "retire to" under those conditions is tough. Honestly, I would have gotten it wrong. I didn't know myself anymore.

I can say now, almost a year removed - I am grateful for the time I stuck it out. The extra juice in my FIRE budget makes the transition easier. Retiring from is hard. Removed from the ennui, It's very tempting to run back - money, structure, benefits, social outlet, status, competence, etc.

On the other hand, now I can appreciate all those positive aspects. Maybe that perspective would stay. See - that doubt creeps in again. It's not a clear choice between good / bad or FIRE / work. It's a trade - one set of problems for another, one set of perks for another.

mooretrees
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by mooretrees »

I don't know if an internet stranger can offer anything of help with your infertility issues. But, as I've experienced and witnessed, just about everything dealing with pregnancy and birth is fucking hard for some and way too easy to others. I had a miscarriage before I had my son. It is shockingly common. Yet wildly under shared. I heard from many women in my small community about their miscarriage after I had mine. It didn't make it easier of course, but it eased me a bit.

From what I've seen with women who struggled to get pregnant the care they received varied in the useful advice and how quickly they got to the heart of their particular infertility issue. I'm glad you have figured out the details of your infertility. It seems common to make women experience several miscarriages before the medical community thinks it's okay to step in. Personally, I think that's totally unacceptable to live through.

The reality of parenthood is that whatever anxiety you're experiencing now will be there once you have a child. The flip side is that it will get tempered with the joys. I remember the crushing fear while I was pregnant the second time. It's brutal. I asked my best friend how to survive it. She said to choose love. I know that's hippy as shit, but it helped. A further reality for you and other people who struggle to have a child is that you will likely appreciate the child you do have more than others. Even with good parents who love theirs kids, I can see a difference with parents who had a long road to getting a baby. They seem to cherish it more. Might not be universally true but something I've noticed.

I hope get your baby soon.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Scott 2 wrote:
Thu Dec 16, 2021 9:06 am
I remember the moment I realized - "the company can afford to waste my life forever."
Yes this is exactly the feeling. I also worry sometimes about the siren song of corporate calling back once I FIRE, though I’m hoping by then we’ll have a baby and I’m pretty sure that will keep my mind and time occupied. 🤞🏼 It does feel a bit of a cheat, though, using kids as a means (substitute…?) for self-actualization. Or maybe that’s something you’re not supposed to admit?

@mooretrees I really appreciate you sharing— I never really heard much about these sorts of things before TTC myself, and it’s been a relief to me to hear others’ stories. I’m sure, given the wait, once we have a baby I’ll have to restrain myself from being overly precious with them. :)

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

bostonimproper wrote:
Fri Dec 17, 2021 2:12 pm
It does feel a bit of a cheat, though, using kids as a means (substitute…?) for self-actualization. Or maybe that’s something you’re not supposed to admit?
This is why I had kids. It doesn’t pan out that way. So far, however, the kids are the best distraction from the horror that is life. Best wishes to you.

7Wannabe5
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I think of parenting as one of my multiple "purposes" through which I have achieved some degree self-actualization. I fell madly in love with my babies even though I got pregnant in my 20s while using birth control :lol: Still, I can imagine that there could be a different level of appreciation if it had taken more effort and/or if I had been a bit older and not still hustling a bit to pull up my own "big girl" pants. I am actually having much more difficulty becoming a grandmother because my cultural training does not allow me to interfere in the process. Wishing you the best of luck in your journey!

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Quick update: A week back at work post holidays, and I seem to be doing okay. And that’s with multiple clusterfucks to deal with. I clearly was burnt out by the time the holidays rolled around. Also, I feel like these hormone replacements that I’m taking for infertility are weirdly mood stabilizing for me? Like it’s subtle, but I’ve found I am a lot more able to keep things in perspective than I was before. Though maybe that’s just me being refreshed from the holidays.

Happy new year!
Last edited by bostonimproper on Sat Jan 29, 2022 4:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Fourth Turning

I’ve finally gotten around to reading The Fourth Turning. The book was written in 1997. There’s a chapter on the Fourth Turning “Prophecy” (which, according to the book, we’d be in from 2005-2025ish). It predicts catalysts like:
  • Global terrorist group blows up an aircraft. Congress declares war and increases surveillance for safety reasons.
  • Federal budget reaches as stalemate, causing a total government shutdown and default on American bonds. Wall Street panics.
  • Russia ramps up training exercises around its border. Iran declares its alliance with Russia. Gold and oil prices soar.
  • CDC announces the spread of a communicable virus, which causes the government to enact mandatory quarantine measures. Some local governments resist. “Urban gangs battle suburban militias.”
*laughs nervously*

The only theoretical catalyst that hasn’t happened, at least in part, is a spate of state level secessions and tax rebellions. So, uh, in case you’re wondering what’s next.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Surgery complete, now just waiting for various test results before we proceed forward on the IUI/IVF conveyer belt.

bostonimproper
Posts: 581
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:45 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Finally got around to summarizing our spending for last year. It was a lot. Too much profligacy certainly for this forum. :oops:

Code: Select all

 
 				2021			2019
 				
ADMINISTRATA			$495.07			$4,187.86
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Business Misc.			$151.00	  		$276.51
Estate Planning	               	$0.00			$3,558.32
Life Insurance	               	$324.12			$243.09
Office Supplies	               	$12.00			$8.49
Postage & Shipping	       	$7.95			$101.45


EXPERIENCES			$9,320.25		$3,605.99
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Entertainment			$2,851.55		$822.90
Travel	   			$6,468.70		$2,783.09
	
	
FOOD				$17,057.47		$7,487.67
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Groceries			$5,182.21		$5,935.66
Restaurants			$11,875.26		$1,552.01


HEALTHCARE/MEDICAL		$11,233.18		$7,584.15
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dental				$598.00			$275.00
Health & Dental Insurance	$5,135.29		$3,367.44
Medical Spending		$1,908.89		$319.41
Therapy				$3,750.00		$3,622.30


HOME				$17,114.33		$23,722.33
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Home Insurance			$1,796.50		$1,500.00
Home Maintenance		$633.50			$1,609.28
Mortgages			$13,741.42		$19,100.00
Property Taxes			$942.91			$1,513.05


PERSONAL CARE			$2,246.70		$2,890.71
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Home Cleanings			$1,252.50		$0.00
Gym Membership			$0.00			$1,308.00
Personal Care & Toiletries	$994.20			$1,582.71


SHOPPING			$4,648.17		$1,084.74
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clothing/Shoes			$944.72			$601.59
Home Furnishings		$2,922.87		$403.50 
Electronics			$237.93 		$0.00
Other Shopping			$542.65			$79.65


TRANSPORTATION			$2,789.59		$7,580.52
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Car Insurance			$1,539.90		$3,685.00
Car Maintenance			$124.82			$1,140.32
Car Registration & Admin	$135.00			$110.00
Gasoline/Fuel			$343.50			$975.69
Parking				$169.84			$261.25
Parking Tickets			$428.24			$350.24
Public Transportation		$49.00			$644.00
Taxi				$0.00			$414.02

UTILITIES			$2,334.93		$2,325.62
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Electric			$110.84			$101.97
Internet			$558.06			$678.44
Natural Gas			$674.02			$505.52
Telephone			$284.94			$329.81
Water				$707.07			$709.88


OTHER DISCRETIONARY		$7,200.00		$9,492.00

================================================================================

GRAND TOTAL			$74,439.66		$69,961.59
What we will do to bring the number down this year (from $6K to $5K/month), from easiest to hardest:
  • $3750 (done) Husband no longer in therapy and if they start again, will go in-network this time
  • $1500 (done) Don’t jump between jobs and pay for COBRA
  • $5000 Use points and travel hack if we do another big trip this year
  • $5000 Stop getting food delivered

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