bostonimproper's journal

Where are you and where are you going?
white belt
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Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by white belt »

zbigi wrote:
Wed Oct 19, 2022 5:40 am
Also, babies' mortality was through the roof back then. Babies need to be undressed on a regular basis (to change diapers), and exposing their bare bodies to temperatures close to freezing may not end well. True, we have antibiotics now, so they will probably not die when they get pneumonia, but I imagine parents would prefer not exposing their child and themselves to such adventures.
Isn't raising babies in colder temperatures the norm in many parts of the world? A quick google search reveals that babies regularly spend a lot of time outside during the winter in Nordic countries:

https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21537988
https://www.insider.com/nordic-parents- ... ter-2020-1

For OP, I think most of the advice thus far is pretty good. Heat people, not places. We have the whole thread on sedentary indoor cold wear. In New England, I would expect that it's prudent to have a preparations in place for 2-3 days without power since power outages due to blizzards are not uncommon. I grew up in the mid-Atlantic which has milder winters and still recall a few extended power outages during the winter. There are probably some low tech old school resources about raising children in colder climates, but you're not going to find it in AMA guidelines. Maybe something in Tightwad Gazette or frugal/green family living books from the 1970s? @7WB5 probably can point you to some resources.

zbigi
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by zbigi »

white belt wrote:
Wed Oct 19, 2022 2:25 pm
Isn't raising babies in colder temperatures the norm in many parts of the world? A quick google search reveals that babies regularly spend a lot of time outside during the winter in Nordic countries:

https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21537988
https://www.insider.com/nordic-parents- ... ter-2020-1
This is apples to oranges basically. As the article says "It's common for Nordic parents to leave a sleeping baby outside while they go to a restaurant or run an errand". So, it's leaving dressed up baby outside occasionally, for a short time period and presumably in permitting circumstances (i.e. when it's not already sick and with fever). Very different circumstances than living in 5 degrees Celcius 24/7 for a a couple months.

white belt
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by white belt »

zbigi wrote:
Thu Oct 20, 2022 2:35 am
From the first article:

"One group at the pre-school spends all its time outside, from 09:00 to 15:00 every day. Out in the fresh air they do everything children normally do inside, only going inside at mealtimes, or in unusually cold weather." Unusually cold weather is defined as -20C earlier in the article.

Babies are worse at regulating temperature than even toddlers, but my larger point is that humans around the world raise healthy babies in a range of conditions other than just 68F central HVAC. But I don't have kids so maybe someone else on here has experience with this sort of thing.

OP doesn't need to worry about living with a baby at 5C for months on end unless she plans on moving into a tent in the woods. However, 3 days snowed in without power is already a realistic possibility in a New England winter. If you are prepared for a multiple day power outage, then you are probably reasonably prepared for any type of rolling blackouts.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Thanks for feedback, everyone. Just to clarify a few items:

1. I am only worried about the logistics of the (unlikely) multi-day no-natgas, no-electric scenario.

If we have natgas but not electric, we can use our stove which gives us lots of options for keeping ourselves and our pipes (which come in through kitchen wall) warm, in addition to cooking food. Natgas furnace (our secondary heating source when temps are very low) would not work without electric though.

If we have electric but not natgas, we can keep our home warm with our ASHP (even inefficiently at lower temps) and warm up food with various appliances.

If both are non-functional for a few hours, that’s an inconvenience but not that big a deal.

The issue comes when we’re talking about multiple days without either at sub-freezing temps. My worry is that in the event of natgas supply shortage, it may lead to both natgas and electric being offline, since about 35% of electric generation in the Northeast is from natgas. I don’t know how fungible these are with one another in practice nor how much is allocated to reserves for each bucket.

Based on the proportion of regional natgas imports that comes from LNG vs existing pipelines though (many thanks to @Chris for pulling those numbers), this scenario seems unlikely. Further, given that the Northeast is linked to the rest of the US east grid, there should be some mechanism to pull power from other regions in emergency scenario (unlike in the Texas case from 2021). And the US as a whole is fairly energy-independent and secure.

2. Keeping baby warm.

I’m due to give birth in January. The worst winter weather out here tends to happen mid-Jan through early April.

We plan to baby wear, so I feel like if we can keep our core body temps warm enough, we should be able to keep baby warm enough. But obviously it would not be ideal to deal with newborn during a multi-day blackout. Doing this for days without break could be dangerous from higher likelihood of us making a deadly mistake, like falling asleep ourselves with baby strapped to our chest, which could lead to accidental asphyxiation. And we’re already going to be tired. But in a pinch I think we could make it work.

3. Isn’t this basically the same as preparing for a multi-day blackout due to blizzard?

In my opinion, what I’m imagining is a pretty different circumstance, because:
  • Blizzard blackouts that we’ve experienced have mostly been due to power line failures, we’ve never really had to worry about losing natgas at the same time.
  • Since we’re in a dense area (city), we’ve never in my 10 years here had a blackout more than a few hours since there are too many (frankly, very affluent) people affected for utility to ignore. So even a multi-day blackout would be pretty unheard of.
  • Blackouts tend to be super duper localized and we have a lot of friends in the broader region, so usually it’d be easy for us to bug out to our in-laws an hour a way or any number of friends if we needed to get outta dodge. This wouldn’t be an option if this was a regional issue.
Honestly, if we lived in a place where we’d expect frequent blackouts, we’d probably have a whole-home generator by now.

——————

For what it’s worth, after some reflection, I think my central worry (multi-day no natgas/electric) is fairly unlikely. There are some steps I plan to take to make ourselves more emergency-resilient, e.g. getting us either portable or installed backup solar batteries, low-wattage electric (or propane/kerosene) heating sources like electric blankets as backups, have some more high-volume no-cooking-required shelf-stable foods on hand (we already have a few tins of olive oil and my has-freaking-everything prenatals that can get us calories/vitamins in desperate circumstances), extra gasoline for the car if we need to bug out, refresh our emergency water in storage, etc. Also: get our friends and family to take stock and figure out their emergency plan in case of a blackout. But, in general, I think we’ll be okay.

ertyu
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by ertyu »

Good luck, hopefully such a scenario won't come to pass, but regardless, preparation will ease your mind :).

chenda
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by chenda »

Living without heating has proved a lot easier than I expected. The only disadvantage is that washing takes ages to dry, so I have bedsheets and towels permanently draped about my living room. But other than that I can just layer up.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Our company had a big round of layoffs this week, about a fifth of staff. We lost a few folks in our department, but if I’m being brutally honest they were people that had targets on their backs for a while for performance issues. The company I worked at before this one is also doing big layoffs this week, around a third of staff. I really do know how to pick ‘em, eh?

To some degree I am relieved. With this deep of a cut, I don’t think they will have another round before I go on leave. And I feel like I’m more “protected” while on leave? I don’t know, maybe not.

Anyway, I’ve barely gotten any work done this week. I do have some interviews lined up with other big public companies whose stocks are falling into a sandpit. Looks, uh, promising? :? It feels like the era of easy money sloshing around in tech is coming to a close. Which, honestly, is probably for the best.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Looking at my company’s Q3 earnings and I’m less sure by the day that there won’t be another round of layoffs.

In terms of our cash position, we have or will have:
- 1.5 years runway if laid off today, including unemployment benefits
- 2.5 years runway if laid off after end of year retention bonus paid out
- 3.5 years runway if laid off after end of year and my maternity leave gets fully paid out
- Add another 0.25 years runway if I get severance equivalent to what was offered in the most recent round

That’s before going into any investments, but doesn’t account for extra baby expenses or possibly needing to financially support my parents, particularly my mother who works in real estate and doesn’t have much of a cash cushion.

Objectively, I know we are very likely to be okay. But this is the first time I’ll have been negatively affected by a recession in my working career (I was still in school during the GFC) so I’m feeling anxious.

Scott 2
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

Big tech has been hoarding human capital to squash competition. I think the layoffs will cause a surge of innovation and ultimately create more opportunity. Your cash position looks more than sufficient to ride that wave, even in the worst case scenario.

How has morale been following the layoffs? I watched half my company walk during mid-2008. Leadership made one firm decision, and people bounced back surprisingly fast. Trickling them out would have been much more destructive. Watching from the outside - sticking around a company that drags things out is horrible. The constant threat ruins people.

Could you use FMLA to protect your path to end of year? Is it worth playing that game?

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Scott 2 wrote:
Fri Nov 11, 2022 11:37 am
How has morale been following the layoffs?
Morale pre-layoffs was low already because our stock price has plummetted hard over the last year and most people have significant RSU’s as part of their compensation package. My income was cut by a third. A lot of our engineers probably had their income cut by half. A bunch of people are getting a retention bonus at the end of the year to compensate for the stock price. It’s expected we’ll see a wave of attrition after that happens.

Layoffs didn’t change much. My group has a lot of insight into our company’s financials and it was pretty clear to everyone we needed to make cuts. It wasn’t really a question of if, but one of when and who? A necessary evil, if you will. And for what it’s worth, a lot of us (myself included) think we need to make even deeper cuts to avoid bankruptcy in the next year. So layoffs didn’t hurt morale, but it didn’t alleviate the concerns either.
Scott 2 wrote:
Fri Nov 11, 2022 11:37 am
Could you use FMLA to protect your path to end of year? Is it worth playing that game?
For what it’s worth, based on how leadership is acting after the recent round of layoffs, I’m not too worried about making it to my maternity leave, so I think we’ll reach at least the 2.5 years runway mark.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

I’m sure you’ve researched FMLA and your company’s own policy, but I’d like to mention for other US readers that FMLA doesn’t have to be taken in one chunk; the 12 weeks of unpaid leave can be spread out over a 12 month period. It’s not 12 weeks of protection, but 12 months. FMLA’s purpose is to protect vulnerable people who need stability in their medical coverage and income. You qualify.

ETA this is not legal advice and I am a dumb giraffe or whatever.

MBBboy
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by MBBboy »

I just went through the process of creating "Why a recession is coming and what you should do about it" materials, and the one fly in the ointment was the unemployment rate. All these layoffs have helped weaken that position, especially when you consider these are just the ones we hear about. Private companies and public ones that are dragging it out to avoid having to report on it (e.g., PayPal) will go unnoticed. The question is whether we will see the unemployment rate tick up, which will likely set off a chain reaction given how bad other indicators are.

All that to say, there is wisdom in taking steps to prepare now - which you appear to be doing

shaz
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by shaz »

I'm not sure FMLA protects your job if your employer selects you for a layoff. You should look into the specifics more before you rely on FMLA preserving your job through layoffs. Also, according to the DOL, you could only use intermittent FMLA due to a birth if a) your employer approved it or b) you or the baby had a serious health condition.

Biscuits and Gravy
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Biscuits and Gravy »

Right, it offers protection, not invincibility. But if I were an employer selecting people for layoffs, I would probably steer away from the new mom on FMLA. But Shaz is totally right. Anyway, good luck.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Work

Last month before my leave starts. Two weeks until big retention bonus payout. Honestly, I can’t bring myself to give a damn anymore and am doing the bare minimum. Call it “quiet quitting” or whatever, but it’s hard to put any thought into the work I’m doing knowing that there’s a 50/50 chance my company goes bankrupt/doesn’t exist by the time my leave is scheduled to be over, due to macro forces outside of anyone but J Powell’s control.

I’ve made up my mind that I’m not going back so at this point it’s all just going through the motions. Oh, you plan to do this Hail Mary project in January? That’s great! Probably shouldn’t pull me in, though, I’ll be on maternity leave donchaknow?

Long term job plans

Post-leave my options are:
1. spend more time hanging out with husband and baby (spend down savings),
2. find another job, or
3. start my own business.

I kind of want to do 1 for the rest of 2023. Seeing my friends who had kids right before me trying to juggle breastfeeding/pumping schedules and work (even WFH) is kind of nightmare fuel. My BFF is clearly starting to resent her husband for becoming the default parent even though both of them have full-time jobs. Maybe just taking off the whole first year would make it easier on us and the family dynamic?

For 2, getting a new job should be pretty easy. I’m still getting recruiter calls from good places (FAANG, etc.), though who knows how quickly their pipelines will actually move if/as the recession deepens.

I’m really thinking about 3 though. I have a relatively low risk, just needs elbow grease idea in mind. On the one hand, it’d take me a while (I think ~3-4 years) to get back to earning what I am now through work. And I know it’ll be a lot of effort— far more than my W2 requires of me— and that doesn’t seem to mesh with the whole new baby thing. But it’d be nice to be my own boss, rather than having to cater to the whims/mismanagement of a clueless corporate hierarchy. And, man, I kind of just want to build something worthwhile, you know? I remember coming out of college and feeling so alive and creative and feeling like this industry was full of possibility, and I kind of want to feel that again.

So, yeah, lots of options and much soul-searching to do.

“Finding myself”

I think this whole soon-to-be parent thing is making me feel like I’m entering a new stage of life where I need to stop delaying living— which I feel like I do a lot because of my work and money focus— and really self-actualize. Like, I stop myself from doing so much stuff because I know the ROI is likely to be low to start and it’s so much more optimal to just crank a bit more at work until I reach my “number”. And, while I haven’t hit that “number” yet, and probably am just a few years away, I’m just more impatient than ever to try new things and to fail often and to stop stopping myself from doing things that excite my curiosity just because there’d be no/little tangible benefit to them.

What happened to my mushroom patio garden?
Why didn’t I ever finish that game theory textbook?
When am I ever going to pull the trigger on some real estate investments / renovation projects?


I’m too tired.
It’s too much work.
I won’t keep up with it anyway.
There are better uses of my time.
etc.


And then I just sit around idly burning away hours, days, weeks, months of my life. That’s no way to live!

On the other hand, maybe it is wise to do the easy “build my pile of gold” stuff now and keep delaying a little while longer, especially with baby duties about to come in. But then am I just using my kids as an excuse to not take risks and be?

/ramblerant

mathiverse
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by mathiverse »

One nice thing about no longer making loads of money is that I am more willing to do all that extra work for ideas/hobbies/habits that won't pay as much as my old job. It might be worth doing 1 to see if your brain also reprioritizes things for that reason along with having more time and energy. Well, maybe the more time and energy is debatable seeing as you'll have a new kid. :) You can always pick up doing 3 at any point during 1.

theanimal
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by theanimal »

bostonimproper wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 3:20 pm
“Finding myself”

I think this whole soon-to-be parent thing is making me feel like I’m entering a new stage of life where I need to stop delaying living— which I feel like I do a lot because of my work and money focus— and really self-actualize. Like, I stop myself from doing so much stuff because I know the ROI is likely to be low to start and it’s so much more optimal to just crank a bit more at work until I reach my “number”. And, while I haven’t hit that “number” yet, and probably am just a few years away, I’m just more impatient than ever to try new things and to fail often and to stop stopping myself from doing things that excite my curiosity just because there’d be no/little tangible benefit to them.

What happened to my mushroom patio garden?
Why didn’t I ever finish that game theory textbook?
When am I ever going to pull the trigger on some real estate investments / renovation projects?


I’m too tired.
It’s too much work.
I won’t keep up with it anyway.
There are better uses of my time.
etc.


And then I just sit around idly burning away hours, days, weeks, months of my life. That’s no way to live!

On the other hand, maybe it is wise to do the easy “build my pile of gold” stuff now and keep delaying a little while longer, especially with baby duties about to come in. But then am I just using my kids as an excuse to not take risks and be?

/ramblerant
I experienced a lot of this myself. I think it is amplified (especially for women carrying the baby) during pregnancy as there is not a whole lot you can do on a grand scale since you're stuck around home for doctors visits etc. Not to mention the feeling of limbo waiting for the "big change." So instead I was left feeling like I hadn't really done anything and was dreaming up big visions for the future.

It didn't really change for me with the birth of our daughter. But it did transition into something practical. Becoming more like what kind of example do i want to set and what type of parent do I want to be? One who does things or just talks about them and watches others?

I think they are worthy things to be thinking about and show that you are an active participant in your life. Maybe not to the extent you want yet. But the fun is just beginning.

bostonimproper
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Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:45 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

@mathiverse

That’s a good point, maybe being forcibly detached from earning will help me reset.

@theanimal

Limbo is the right way to put it. One of my coworkers said something similar to me, that around the seven month mark, he and his wife had finished all the baby prep and were waiting for this big change to come that they knew was on the way.

I’m hoping the impetus of being a “good role model” will help kick me more into doing, but we’ll have to see.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Baby

I’ve reached the stage of pregnancy where breathing is surprisingly difficult, even (especially?) while lying down. Like, I want this kid to be “fully baked”, but if they come a couple weeks early I sure won’t complain.

My husband has started nesting in earnest with a bunch of crocheting projects. So far, we’ve got a hat, a pair of patterned mittens (snowflakes on one side and trees on the other), and a stuffed pink seal toy. I’ve been told the next batch will include non-choking-hazard-sized starfish. All items are just as adorable as they sound.

On my side, I’ve drafted our birth plan and finished accumulating/cleaning our baby gear and setting up what I’ve termed our mobile “baby battle station” (more or less an Ikea rolling cart with all our feeding, cloth diapering, and hygiene/first aid items). Between FB marketplace and gifts/loans of used baby gear from friends, we were able to get about $6K worth of stuff (msrp) for around $700. Which is still a decent chunk of change, but a lot of it we can probably reuse for kid #2 or resell to recoup the costs.

The last big things to do are to pack our hospital bags and prep some freezer meals so we have easy things to cook and eat on the first couple sleep deprived weeks postpartum.

It’s all starting to feel very real.

Work

In other news, just one more week of work left. I’m not even sure I’m doing the bare minimum any more. For what it’s worth, I think a lot of people are slacking off right now (holidays, a bunch of people quitting right after retention bonuses got paid out), so, uh, nobody really cares that I am too?

MBBboy
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by MBBboy »

Exciting times! Freezer meals are an excellent investment - my wife totally overacheived in this area and we were much better off for it. We had enough enchiladas, lasagna, pulled pork, instant pot pre-mixed meals, and chili that took up until our son was almost 6 months before we finished it all.

And regarding your 3 options above - #1 is obviously awesome. But I feel the need to provide a counterpoint to the nightmare fuel - we / my wife haven't had a very difficult time juggling jobs and feeding / pumping / life in general. The worst parts (so far) are the first few weeks and then you start to settle into a groove. By the time my wife's maternity leave was over, she was fully comfortable going back to work. She's even managed a few overnight business trips (cooler, ice packs, hotel freezer to store milk - didn't even bother with the milk stork service her job provides).

Parent experiences range wildly for people. I'm convinced that our relatively easy go of it has been because we've been blessed with a baby on easy mode. You may be blessed with the same experience, and #2 or #3 may be more attractive than you think if the conditions to pull those levers are right (interesting opportunity, etc).

And I'll say this now instead of later when it might seem like a platitude - the skill level of noob parents is embarrassingly low. Your future feelings of ineptitude and panic are not just you. We didn't know you were supposed to burp babies after feeding them in the first few days - he spat up a lot and we didn't know why. The nurses assumed we knew......we didn't. We thought that was a bottle only thing.

Also - I will never forget changing my son's diaper and then holding him helplessly about 2 minutes later while he pissed all over the floor while I was holding him - a full stream as if he wasn't even wearing a diaper. That's how bad I was in the early days. Just try and laugh when it happens

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