bostonimproper's journal

Where are you and where are you going?
mooretrees
Posts: 762
Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2019 1:21 pm

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by mooretrees »

yahhhh!!!
enjoy this crazy ride, and i've got my fingers, toes and legs crossed everything works out for you!

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

I’m starting to put together a list of stuff we want versus can borrow from friends for the baby so that when we tell MIL we’re expecting we have a sense of where to direct her gift-giving efforts. I am floored by how much people charge (and as a result, how much parents spend) on bougie baby gear. My friends put together a list of the stuff they bought and can lend us and on there was a $550 infant car seat. Which is very generous great for us in that we don’t have to worry about buying a car seat, but on the other hand, JFC how do you justify spending that much on something that’ll last you like a year?

Cue $1500 crib, $1000 stroller, $150 plastic mold for your changing table, etc etc. It’s all just very shocking.

horsewoman
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by horsewoman »

My brother, who buys all stuff new for his kid and mostly high quality items, cheekily told me once "Well someone has to buy it new, do that you can get it second hand".

Personally I don't understand it either. If a car seat passes the pretty strict German safety laws and regulations, it's good enough for me, but still there are people who spend 3x as much because "safety". But I don't understand people in general, do no surprise there 🤣

Scott 2
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

I imagine there's a resilient market for used high end baby stuff. If that $1000 stroller later can be resold for $600, maybe total cost of ownership isn't so bad. Better to be the person buying and selling for $600, but I can see how one might decide to consume in that space.

mooretrees
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by mooretrees »

The baby gear world is so crazy. Mostly all this stuff is unnecessary. A car seat is something I think you should buy new and I found one that transformed into a booster so it would last the whole time we needed one. Car seats that are currently popular are the variety where the baby stays in the carseat while you awkwardly lug them around everywhere. That made no sense to me. We got one that stayed in the car and we had a baby wrap that we put the baby in if we went anywhere. If you put the word out to friends who have older children, I'm positive you'll be inundated with more stuff than you can actually use.

theanimal
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by theanimal »

mooretrees wrote:
Mon Jul 11, 2022 10:55 am
If you put the word out to friends who have older children, I'm positive you'll be inundated with more stuff than you can actually use.
+1 to this.

Especially if you know have any slightly older friends/family who are recently done with having kids. DW and I have been inundated with stuff, the only thing we ended up buying ourselves have been a carseat (used 4 in 1) and cloth diapers. DW has had to give away maternity clothes a couple times during the pregnancy as we have gotten SO much stuff. We have had to tell people no multiple times, not to send us anything. Car seats in the US undergo some extensive safety tests and the best ones maintain the same level of protection at least 10 years past the date of manufacture. If you do buy one used, I'd be sure to be diligent about when it was made.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Question: Do I have to have a “presence” on Facebook for people to want to sell me stuff on FB Marketplace? I don’t have an account now (because I don’t really want to deal with social media) but I keep hearing that’s where you find all the good used baby/kid stuff for cheap. If I create an account that’s just kind of blank will people be wary?

shaz
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Location: Colorado, US

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by shaz »

My experience is that people are happy to sell their not-too-expensive stuff to pretty much anyone. They might be less likely to meet you in a deserted location or at their home if you have an obviously fake account. They probably won't look at your account closely if you are meeting in the parking lot of the grocery store in daylight. Use a nice profile photo.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Some random life updates in no particular order:

De-leading. We are finally getting around to de-leading our condo. I find the whole thing very checkboxy and perhaps more dangerous than doing nothing, especially as the state requirements would keep a bunch of chewable surfaces still leaded and I still don’t trust contractors not to let lead dust settle elsewhere in the home and on furniture. But whatever. My husband got our place lead tested and now I feel like we’d be “negligent parents” if we don’t shell out a few thousand dollars on this thing.

Net worth blues. I got a mid-five figure vest this month and yet our net worth is still declining MoM (forget about YoY, which is just mildly tragic). Part of this is a “good” thing in that we have enough assets from saving for a decade that swings can dwarf the effects of my income. But also it feels like a metaphor for the new stage of the world we live in: no longer can you rely on assets naturally being productive for you, the world is degrading and so too is the capital which you try to save. Financial batteries are dying, you must continue to labor to survive.

Work. My patience for work is nonexistent at the moment. I just need to make it through until the end of the year and then so long! Farewell! None of this matters anyway! At least for this job. I’ll still need to find a new job after my maternity leave, but that’s a problem for future-me.

It doesn’t help that macro headwinds are making the next year look kind of grim at my company and that leadership is, uh, kind of ostriching about it. I’d like not to be laid off before or during my maternity leave. That’s all I ask.

Annoyed at everything. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, maybe it’s just me, but I just feel so annoyed at everything. I’m annoyed at my husband for policing what food I eat. I’m annoyed at my new coworker for making what should be a tiny request into a Big Deal for no fucking reason and giving me extra headaches on this project that really does not matter. I’m annoyed at my midwife for not prescribing me pelvic PT when I asked for it and then not being to walk a week later from the pain (I ended up going out of pocket with a physical therapist a friend recommended and am doing much better now). I am annoyed that I am focusing on all these trivial nothings, meanwhile there’s been so many areas experiencing “abnormally severe” drought this summer and the specter of how fucked we are as a species grows ever closer.

Bleh.

ertyu
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by ertyu »

idk about everything else, but these do seem like annoying things to me

zbigi
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by zbigi »

bostonimproper wrote:
Mon Aug 29, 2022 5:33 pm

Net worth blues. I got a mid-five figure vest this month and yet our net worth is still declining MoM (forget about YoY, which is just mildly tragic).
Are you counting in nominal or real terms? I've switched to expressing networth in terms of money value at Jan 1 2022 (this is the moment when inflation started to visibly pick up).

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

@zbigi I am tracking in nominal terms. In real terms… oh dear.

MBBboy
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by MBBboy »

Its a trite reminder, but the market goes up and down. There will be periods in the future when your portfolio makes big jumps and you feel (still) like your contributions don't matter. But in a positive way.

We "shouldn't" let it bother us when it goes down, or excite us when it goes up. Obviously we're human and all, but I've found the reminder helpful this year. Also, looking at longer term charts

Scott 2
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

bostonimproper wrote:
Mon Aug 29, 2022 5:33 pm
Financial batteries are dying, you must continue to labor to survive.
My fingers are crossed that we're experiencing a reversion to mean. A permanent shift in the underlying economy ruins my plans.

In my close circle, there are more people living off capital than working. It does seem unsustainable.

bostonimproper
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Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:45 am

Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

I’m somewhat worried this is a long term trend. Something based on demographics (boomers cashing in their wealth in their retirement) and supply side inflation (driven by climate change, energy issues, and the increase in tail risks systematically disturbing supply chains on a more regular cadence).

Which, as a lazy FIRE type— rather than self sufficient EREr— is a little saddening. How unfair it is that I cannot just amass my pile of gold and rest on my laurels for the rest of my days! 😉

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Hot water heater has been flakey the last few days, and the soonest I could get a plumber to come out was Friday. So I took this as an opportunity to see how I would fare with cold showers, since that’s something I’ve intermittently seen ERErs be into.

After three days of experimenting, here are my findings: Cold showers suck. They do not get better after a few minutes nor after a small handful of attempts (maybe over a longer period they are easier to tolerate?). They are not particularly “refreshing”, at least not in cooler fall weather. I found that they made my muscle aches worse (particularly back aches). And, uh, yeah. Anyone who claims that they are invigorating or relaxing or whatever is either a masochist or a liar.

Thank you for attending my TED talk. /rant

ertyu
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by ertyu »

For this sort of situation I prefer a bucket of cold water with a kettleworth or two of boiled water poured in. The water itself is warm, and you can pour it over yourself with a mug or some such. Pour over self once to wet, soap up, pour over once again to rinse. Complications may arise if hair, more buckets may be needed. This is the best personal trade-off I have found between frugality and comfort. Suitable for your sort of situation, too. Much more tolerable, even during the colder seasons -- though I guess the shower can be warmed via space heater.

ETA: this bucket method works better with bar soap rather than bodywash and the like.

theanimal
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by theanimal »

I'm a few months shy of 10 years of cold showers. The transition period is about 3 weeks. As you get closer to that point, the shock becomes less and less until it is non existent. Focus on your breath. Your body thinks it is in a fight or flight scenario because its not used to this stimulus. Your diaphragm is constricting and you end up hyperventilating. You obviously aren't going to die in your shower, so make a concerted effort to slow your breath and make regular deep breaths in and out. After you do cold showers for a while, there is no going back. At least for me, hot showers are miserable. They make my skin clammy and do not provide the same influx of dopamine and adrenaline. I have been known to be a masochist but DW eventually came to the same conclusions. She still regularly takes warm showers though :D .

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

I’m futzing around with our personal finances a lot lately. This tends to happen when I’m feeling stressed/annoyed/unhappy with work. It’s like idling with a fidget toy, except with money involved.

Lately it’s stuff like:
- Should I throw more of our cash position into T Bills?
- Where should we put future baby’s college savings? Do I ask MIL to gift to an account we own or she owns?
- How’s the asset allocation looking?
- Does it make sense for us to switch to my employer’s HDHP next year since the OOP max is lower than the other options, and we’ll probably hit it either way with the delivery?
- How do I cajole husband to go shop for new auto insurance (they’re the primary driver) and is it about time to get umbrella insurance too?
- Time for a backup battery? What’s the breakeven point with state and federal incentives?
- Etc etc etc

Outside of moving our money around, the other thing I’ve been wanting to do is set up the house for the baby. But we’re waiting until the de-leading project is done in a couple weeks since we’ll be moving a bunch of furniture around. The nesting instinct is strong, though.

In terms of work, I’m just doing what I can to not get fired before my maternity leave and that’s about it. I have a big retention bonus coming December and then the baby is due in January, so the end is in sight. That said, I’m feeling pretty checked out. I don’t think I’ll be coming back after my leave. The company is not doing well and I’d be taking a big pay cut if I stuck around. I’m also on a project from purgatory and I’ve lost a lot of faith in our senior management and the company’s overall business model. It is, I think, time to move on. Sigh.

Part of me wonders whether I could somehow get my manager to let me go if there’s a layoff. Assuming they’d pay out my maternity leave, top it with severance, and make me eligible for 6 months of unemployment, it’d honestly be the best of all possible outcomes.

bostonimproper
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Re: bostonimproper's journal

Post by bostonimproper »

Apparently my company is now doing silent layoffs, putting people on PIP and firing them for “performance issues” en masse to get out of paying severance and maybe also unemployment claims. I’ll be honest— I’m stressed. I think if they fired me at this point it’d be grounds for a lawsuit since they’re on notice that I’m pregnant and my last two review cycles were positive (meets/exceeds expectations). But, then again, one of my very important projects is not going the best (though others are going better) and some in senior management specifically don’t like me/think I’m useful (though others in senior management do like me, so *shrug emoji*). IDK. It’s just a lot and I just want to be on maternity leave already.

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