Hello from the West Coast

Say hello!!
Post Reply
ItsALongStory
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:50 am

Hello from the West Coast

Post by ItsALongStory » Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:38 am

Hey,

I'm a 37yo male living in the western US, but originally from Europe. Having been here in the US for only about 8 years, I had to restart my career at age 30 in this new country. Things have gone well and I have built up a nice career that I get paid well for. I have recently (last 3-4 months) discovered MMM/FIRE/ERE and am interested in seeing how I can accomplish FIRE and still spend a lot of quality years with my wife. Add to that a bout with cancer and a stroke and her thoughts aren't to plan for the long term but live in the moment. She is many years my senior and is retired with a state pension. She grew up poor and was in a bad marriage with a controlling husband so now she insists on not being limited in what she spends money on. This does put somewhat of a strain on our relationship since I do want to set myself up for a nice early and comfortable retirement. I am maxing out tax advantaged accounts and have a savings rate on my own income of roughly 50%.

We will never be able to reduce our expenses to the degree that many of you on here are doing and have no desire to do so. What I do want to focus on is accelerating my path to FI in order to have more options for part time (be it fewer than 5 days a week or seasonal) work vs the situation I am in now. I enjoy my tech industry job but as with most jobs there are aspects I dislike. My wife could add me on her insurance (would cost about $600-$700 per month) should I leave my current gig at some point in the future.

Looking forward to learning loads about setting myself up for FIRE here or abroad, my target age was 55 years old but through these forums I hope to shave a number of years off of that.

wolf
Posts: 805
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 5:09 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by wolf » Sun Jan 13, 2019 12:00 pm

Welcome. Where did you come from Europe? I guess it must be difficult to settle in a new country? It is great that you made a career and are in the position to save for FIRE.

ItsALongStory
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:50 am

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by ItsALongStory » Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:16 pm

Thanks! I moved here from Belgium.

Stahlmann
Posts: 519
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2016 6:05 pm

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by Stahlmann » Mon Jan 14, 2019 10:02 am

ItsALongStory wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:16 pm
Thanks! I moved here from Belgium.
How this happened?
Marriage with us citizen?
H1b visa?

ItsALongStory
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:50 am

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by ItsALongStory » Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:55 pm

Marriage

User avatar
prognastat
Posts: 855
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 8:30 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by prognastat » Mon Jan 14, 2019 6:57 pm

Welcome to the forums. Vlaams or Français?

It seems like expats are overrepresented in the FIRE community in general, I'm originally from the Netherlands myself. I guess being used to European living standards and then moving to the US makes a FIRE lifestyle seem far more reasonable.

If you have 0 input on how money is spent on her end are you guys keeping your finances completely separate? If so it can be reasonable otherwise it seems like she is using financial abuse from a previous relationship to excuse financial abuse.

ItsALongStory
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:50 am

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by ItsALongStory » Mon Jan 14, 2019 10:51 pm

Vlaams.

Our finances are not separate, but sometimes I feel they should be. As I increase my wage, I am simply increasing my savings rate pre-direct deposit through tax advantaged and ultimately taxable investments. It may be perceived as 'hiding' money from her but she has plenty. I pay about 60% of our joint expenses but the rate with which she just wastes money on unnecessary shit is mind boggling. She has a 'business' that is one of those vitamin businesses that she makes a net loss of $600-$700 a month on. I just can't respect it as a legit business if 3 years into it you still can't even break even for the product you are consuming yourself.

On the other hand I am saving more money that I'd ever think I could so I feel guilty for being greedy and asking her to tone it down. It may come to a screeching halt at some point though, we really don't need 6 different sets of plates, 8 different suitcases or a unique piece of jewelry for every single day of the year.

User avatar
prognastat
Posts: 855
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 8:30 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by prognastat » Tue Jan 15, 2019 1:35 pm

Well most people in MLMs lose money.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to either agree on spending together or not have combined finances. In my experience the lacking both is the road to resentment.

jacob
Site Admin
Posts: 10806
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:38 pm
Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 73
Contact:

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by jacob » Tue Jan 15, 2019 2:04 pm

If a schedule-C "business" has lost money 3 out of the last 5 years, the IRS will/can reclassify it [potentially retroactively after auditing] as a hobby => no more deductions of losses, back taxes, etc.

User avatar
Frugalchicos
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:23 pm
Contact:

Re: Hello from the West Coast

Post by Frugalchicos » Tue Jan 15, 2019 2:23 pm

I recommend talking to your wife about your plan in a calm manner and showing the benefits for both of you as a couple. Having joined accounts but with different goals and habits only builds resentment over time.

Good luck on your journey!

Post Reply