Early Retirement Extreme Forums

All three of mine are launched now. We gave them each the same amount of money for higher ed to use/stretch as they could. I can see how that might not work with some offspring but mine were raised in the Church of ERE. That said, I don't think 'knowing the value of a dollar' was the key to their launching. Knowing that money is simply a resource, and a limited one at that (like time), helped them to decouple their planning and goal-setting from their educational kitty. It's served them well as adults too.

Getting them to launch didn't require giving them money however. Looking back, and watching what skills they rely upon now, I can see some (mostly accidental) lessons that have served them well ...

• We taught them to be curious and encouraged them to follow their curiosity. If a kid has no curiosity, it must be really hard for them to figure out what they want study or do for work. We indulged their interests to teach them how one interest (or skill) might lead to another. It's harder than it sounds (like letting dd go to china for a few months at 18 or letting ds use power tools to build things like trebuchets) but it's better than a disconnected teen with no interest in the world.
• Related, we let them grow up early. We didn't baby them until college and then start trying to teach them how to take care of themselves. By high school they were responsible for their own laundry, some family meals, cleaning their own spaces, budgeting for their own activities, and doing some of the grocery shopping. By 18, they weren't too afraid or lazy to live on their own.
• OTOH, we never told them they had to leave. They were helpful, functioning adults by 18 so why would I kick them out? Two left anyway ... one lived in China until covid and now lives with her fiancé, and the other just moved to Nashville after grad school. The third lives here but only because he works 10 minutes from the house. I think by not making college and career talk such a big 'thing' and flattening out the transition, nerves/emotions never got in the way of what they wanted to do.

I think it's silly that we all live in one or two person households anyway ... wastes money and environmental resources. Plus, I can't kick my kids out after HS and then in my 70s say 'I need help, please come back.' A blended house with an open door policy helps everyone out if done right. I see no reason to run kids off the minute they turn 18.


eta: A recent discussion I had with someone illustrated my point about letting them grow up early and flattening the transition ... His kids are preteens. I told him he should start letting his kids start the car, warm it up, work the controls, do the maintenance, etc. He asked why so early. I said because if the first time a kid sits in the drivers seat is the day of their first driving lesson, there's too much to learn and it's too hard to feel comfortable. Ease them into it and make them feel like drivers before they ever have to drive.

how does one post things to the bestof thread. this is for the bestof thread

ertyu wrote: ↑

Wed Jul 17, 2024 9:29 pm

You post the same way as any thread. No special rules or processes.

If you want specific advice, then I would suggest pressing the quote button in the top right corner of the post you liked, copying the entirety of the pre-filled text from pressing that button, then going to the Best Of thread and pasting that text in its entirety as your post. The benefit of this method compared to some others is that the entire quote is preserved in the Best Of thread even if the original post is eventually deleted for some reason.

@jp this reminds me of people I’ve worked with who grew up on farms. They just had this amazing way of doing things that likely came out of solving all kinds of problems independently as kids.

@jp +1 That is definitely worthy of the best of thread.

Hi Folks - It's been a pretty busy couple of months. I just wanted to say I really appreciate everyone sharing their answers! It's been an insightful and helpful read. I had intended to more actively participate as the posts were coming in to, if nothing else, foster and encourage the participation on the thread. I'm stoked that so many responses were generated without my active participation. Couple more weeks of running around and then I'll go thru and respond with the time and focus they all deserve! Thank you!!