Early Retirement Extreme Forums

If you look for a date on tinder you are selecting a subset of people who have certain traits.
I don’t know what the case is for women*, but the very few males I know that use tinder aren’t looking for elaborate, long courtships.
It’s a mass approach of “swipe a lot and see who bites”.
Like fishing with dynamite basically.
If many guys think sending a picture of their junk is an effective strategy to find a girl, I would think that means that it works with enough women to make it worthwhile for them.
They don’t need that to work with all the girls (they are swiping a lot).

Hyperbolizing, if one looks for dates at the local church, I would expect the average “time to sex” to be a lot longer, and the average number of dick pics exchanged much lower

So it’s not that “men” feel the need to send dick pics. Some do and if you hang around on tinder a lot you may think that’s a large percentage. It is not.
Same as 20-30 year old “women” aren’t looking for the ultra rich, 270lbs 65 year old guy.
Some are and if you live in Montecarlo and hang out in certain bars you may believe that’s 30% of women on earth.

*I know zero women who are on tinder (or maybe I should say admit to being on it). For guys in my circle, I only know one who uses timder.

chenda wrote:Yeah but it's hard to screen for that at the start of a tinder chat when it usually happens.

I've never actually used Tinder, because initially it seemed to be aimed at much younger crowd, but isn't there someway to disable the chat function? That's what I have done on other apps/sites. I find that asynchronous communication is more likely to stay in the polite zone. The exception to this being when a man suggests talking on the phone before meeting and gives me his number. I don't like having the relatively heavy tennis ball of then having to actually make the effort to call him in my court, but it has been my experience that this is usually meant as a gesture towards making me feel more comfortable about meeting in person. IOW, the behavior is well-correlated with "will open car door for me."

Seppia wrote:If many guys think sending a picture of their junk is an effective strategy to find a girl, I would think that means that it works with enough women to make it worthwhile for them.

No. They do it as a sexual activity in and of itself. It's the modern equivalent of making anonymous obscene phone calls. You might think you know the sort of man who would do this sort of thing, and he is nobody you would associate with, but you would likely be surprised. It's akin to how you might not intuit the fact that the political party affiliation most found in people who identify as Swingers is actually Republican.

OTOH, the level of cognitive development explanation for this sort of behavior is that they do it because that's what they want the female to do, and they can't comprehend that female sexuality might work differently and require more context. In fact, I believe that the prevalence of this sort of behavior is likely contributing to the growing popularity of MMF and similar, because gay and bisexual men generally do enjoy receiving such pictures from each other. The funny/interesting thing is that men often make similar "reflexive modeling" mistakes when attempting to be romantic when they calculate females-are-more-soft-sweet-and-gentle, so I should behave soft-sweet-and-gentle around females, instead of realizing that a human who self-describes as heterosexual female is likely going to be, on balance, both sexually and romantically attracted to more masculine behavior (not to be confused with behaving like an azzhole, even if that is your general opinion of the behavior you observe in most other men!)

7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 16, 2023 7:18 am

I've never actually used Tinder, because initially it seemed to be aimed at much younger crowd, but isn't there someway to disable the chat function?

Oh yes, you can block and unmatch people etc. On Bumble the women has to be the first to msg, the guy can't msg first. If you don't msg the match expires after a certain period of time

@seppia
i think dynamite fishing is more akin to putting ghb in the soda tap at a club.
tinder is more like normal fishing, while classical dating would be like fly fishing.

chenda wrote:On Bumble the women has to be the first to msg, the guy can't msg first. If you don't msg the match expires after a certain period of time

I guess the upside would be avoidance of the rude hordes, but I'm not used to being that assertive. I have zero opening lines. I don't think "negging" would work with men over 50 or I could try "Viagra or generic?"

7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 16, 2023 11:52 am

I guess the upside would be avoidance of the rude hordes, but I'm not used to being that assertive. I have zero opening lines. I don't think "negging" would work with men over 50 or I could try "Viagra or generic?"

Actually I'm not sure if I ever used Bumble. Apparently the female equivalent is to say something inappropriately sexualised in the first msg like 'my last guy pumped twice and came, can you do better ?' Although I'm too prudish to actually do this.

@chenda:

Yikes! I'd be more likely to try something like "My last guy tried to lubricate the steering shaft of my Smart car, but did not have the appropriate tool. Can you do better?"

7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 16, 2023 2:33 pm

@chenda:

Yikes! I'd be more likely to try something like "My last guy tried to lubricate the steering shaft of my Smart car, but did not have the appropriate tool. Can you do better?"

That would be much better!

I only dabbled in online dating briefly right after I became single again at the height of match.com, dunno if it even exists anymore--tells you how long I've been a nearly incorrigible bachelor who, ironically, rather likes women. To say I hated the experience is a wee bit of an overstatement (I did get a few humorous war stories from that brief era), but it's not far off. The first time I heard of tinder, and for a long while afterwards, I though it was exclusively something for married individuals to find extramarital partners. That was all based on the guy who first told me about it and what he used it for (It's a great way to meet married women, he said). Not having a smart phone, it was never an option for me even if I wanted to check it out for myself. And even knowing better now, I get sort of an icky feeling when I hear it referenced. The nail in the online dating coffin for me came when someone somewhere figured out my age demographic and I got inundated with spam for "Our Time". Like I was being asked to please exit normal circulation and make my way into the bingo room at the old folks home.

I obviously lack patience in some realms. I'm impressed with the determination others show with the apps and services and whatnot. Seems like there are suboptimal aspects for both genders, but that's probably to be expected.

Following the discussion has been illuminating but I'll probably just wander about my business and take the cards/play the hands I'm dealt without trying to stack the deck.

Tinder is useless. Bumble was much better. I hear other apps with more "thoughtful" matching algorithms rather than being solely a meat display can also be useful (ladders, match or some such things), though I never used them myself.

FWIW, vomiting my neurosis onto the forum worked for me.

I love online dating. I met my gf of 3 years on Tinder.

I used to max out free swipes on like 6 apps everyday. Still swipe through 2 apps often, even though I'm just looking for ffm 3somes and not trying that hard, which means my success rate is like 1 date every 6 months.

Online dating doesn't preclude one from hitting on people in real life. It can only expand the options...

Being process oriented in dating goes a long way.

The ultimate opener will always be a sincere compliment about something the other person chose, wrote or did that is also a joke that is also a question.

Chicks on Bumble all open with "hey."

7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑

Sat Jul 15, 2023 3:57 pm

Mileage may vary, and younger women may have greater tolerance for endless chatting

7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 16, 2023 7:18 am

but it has been my experience that this is usually meant as a gesture towards making me feel more comfortable about meeting in person.

I used to do the former but bc of the latter. I actually stopped doing it bc of 7w5's advice and got way more dates. Thanks 7! I think it's again bc of non-familiarity with the dating script and what women actually want instead of what people constantly tell you they want (pro tip: talk to one or ideally several of your friends who is achieving what you want to achieve, then watch them in a setting where they are likely to achieve it) and also a bit of unfamiliarity with the changing pace of internet etiquette. Before airbnb and Tinder it was much harder to get people from the internet to meet up IRL.

IlliniDave wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 16, 2023 3:13 pm

It's a great way to meet married women

Best Tinder sales pitch ever.



You guys are making me miss the salad days of my internet nudes group when I had to learn how to take a great dick pic. It's a great addition to the WoG. Learn about lighting, story telling, costume and set design, camera lens, blood flow...

Wait so you’re saying sending dick pics actually worked?

They work great if you wait for someone to ask you for them.

this sucks but I think the thing that makes you know you've found the right person is that when you're in her presence, I mean you and her alone, whatever you're doing, whether it's talking, watching a movie, doing the dishes, or just sleeping, it's that you feel that "magnetic sparkling sensation" that binds you to that person.. has this ever happened to you?
It's a really strange feeling to put in words.. but saying that you feel an energy flow inside of you, at the mere presence of this human being. It's awesome. The question is sometimes, how to know that that person is feeling the same as you..


So, even though I don't have much experience with this, when you feel the force that magnetically attracts you to the presence of that person, without having considered the money, the appearance, or anything else, then I really believe that you are in the presence of someone you will be comfortable with.
This could also apply, if you are an ERE guy, that you could be actracted to a "consumist" woman, but this feeling is from nature, you cant do anything about it.

I'd also like to add something about on "How do I find a woman"?
For me, it was always withing a group or circle of people, instead of picking someone on a dating app.
The more the time you pass inside a group, the more you start to know the people, the more you start to get magnetically binded to someone. I really would like to know science behind this, but I suspect something about "routine" and "habits?"

This thread is great. I typed in "dating" in the search bar and this is what came up. I haven't read through the entire thread yet but it looks like there is going to be some interesting reading.

Being 49 and in the military, I often become despondent that I will never find a partner. Being in an organization where everyone is considerably younger and where 7/8ths of your coworkers are legally off-limits makes finding someone at work difficult. Moving every 2-3 years also makes things difficult. Well, at least I have the memories of my ill considered marriage in my 20's .

"Now the woman responds "Pipe shitting? You never mentioned pipe shitting. And what the fuck is that thing." And the guy responds "It's ERE." "


I just read 8 pages of this thread and goddamn this has to be the best part. Oh my god this is funny.


In my experience people tend to attract like minded people, roughly speaking. So become what you want to attract. If you are the type to send dic pics, then you will attract people that like dic pics, for better or worse.

If you are a dude that wants a woman for more than a hook-up, then you have to make yourself worthy for her to take a chance on you. Almost any woman can easily get laid, so you have to bring more to the table than just a working penis. A stable personality and a sense of humor/fun goes a long, long way in attracting women in my experience. Ymmv however.

lillo9546 wrote: ↑

Fri Aug 04, 2023 12:49 pm

I really would like to know science behind this, but I suspect something about "routine" and "habits?"

I don't have a source, but I read a study once written up from a speed-dating setup the gist of which was asking hetero men and women to rank with whom they felt a "connection". The results?

Men felt a connection with ... women they found physically attractive.
Women felt a connection with ... men they thought listened to them.

FWIW.

I have used Tinder for about a year. I moved to a new city and it was a easy way to meet women. I had around 10 dates.
But the subset of women that where using Tinder was type of women that I was not interested in for long-term. Yes, n=1, there are people who found of course their soulmate, but for me it did not work. The women that have time for Tinder, have not much going on in their live.

The most amazing girls I met where never on Tinder, they did not even consider that. They where out sailing, meeting friends in the evenings or focusing on their studies.
I started to go deeper into my hobbies and trying to meet people there. That is how I found my partner. This way you have immediately a lot of overlap.

If you meet a girl that is deep into Rock climbing, then there are probably a lot of attributes that come with that. She may prefer not to wear makeup, likes to camp and has considered the idea of how it is to live in a camper van.
If you meet a girl in a shopping mall, she will have complete different ideas. A friend of mine loves barbie doll type and high maintenance women. He finds those easily in Tinder.

conclusion. Search in the right environment that you enjoy

Re: the discussion on the topic of online dating.

I happened upon a book at my local library written by a woman who is older and quite a bit more conventionally-minded (mentions God and her career credentials frequently thoughout book) on her recent adventures in online dating. It is entitled "A Boomer Chick's Guide to Online Dating: You're Never Too Old to Look and Love" by Angela Schutz. It's not a great work of literature, but it is kind of a fascinating blow-by-blow memoir of her first 30 days online. I think it might be of some interest to both younger people who are experienced with online dating, and older people who are not.

A good deal of her experience was very much in alignment with my own, although I would say that I was somewhat more "successful" (asked to meet in person more frequently, able to find next new real-world boyfriend easily) than her from the get-go, in part due to the fact that I received a good deal of good advice prior to leaping in and in part due to the fact that I was 42 rather than 62, so had larger field to attract/filter. Also, the fact that I presented myself as super-frugal-living-in-a-caravan-on-beans rather than successful professional may have eliminated the men of the type that preyed on her for money. Another practice that helped me do better was that I for the most part avoided "literary infatuation" by the following the rule of never writing more in reply to a man than he wrote to me. Also, the core rule of ONLY take men literally.

Anyways, because the author is so very conventionally-minded, this memoir really makes clear how/why online dating is the gateway drug or clear-lit path to polyamory for females. For instance, at one juncture she suddenly realizes, "Wow, I can feel loving and attracted to more than one man at the same time!" It can not be underestimated how much our culture, such as it exists in meat-space, precludes this possibility/experience for heterosexual women. For instance, when I was first online dating, meeting 3 different men in person just for coffee dates in the space of one week made me feel quite anxious, like I was doing something wrong/bad, whereas zero percent of my dates felt similarly. Now that we live in a world where the majority of adults will spend the majority of their adult lives as singletons, the last remnants of these double-standards need to go.