Re: Ad Astra per Aspera [Journal]
Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 4:48 am
I'm not “out”
Net worth as of Dec 2017: ~40x with current expenses
None of my friends, colleagues or remaining family know my net worth. Some may now parts of it: that I sold an idea or another, that I save a higher-than-average percentage of my salary, or that I got some money from the house sale after my folks died. Or they might know that I trade stocks as a hobby or that I invest in a 401K-type. Not even my partner (together 5 years this summer!) knows my real "number". I do my best to appear as “one of them”, being smart with my pocket money and not splurging, trying to relate to the panic of having to pay an unexpected bill. I feel it's very important to not disclose my net worth; I fear begging for loans, envy and false friends. But I also fear that it would change how my friends and relatives view me, not to the better! Sometimes I say that my investment money is from savings from living below my means (as it would be if I went the classical ERE way). I sometimes feel like I'm living a big lie in order to protect my secret stash. I have no-one to confine in. Even reading the amazing journeys on ERE forums and FI blogs, I feel like a fraud: I did not arrive here by saving, watching my net worth grow incrementally. Sometimes I feel I do not deserve my money, like it was all just a big lucky jackpot that I did not have to sweat and suffer for. (of course I suffered in other ways, but that suffering did not directly result in my current wealth). It's like I have reached FI overnight, without the emotional maturity and life goal perspective that comes along in the process of saving up to it.
Compared to many of the budgets here on the forums, my current lifestyle is practically wasteful: I have horrendous insurance costs and live in a nice apartment, I buy books I can't find at the library or swap network and occasionally visit organic grocers for specialty vegan items and craft beer. How can I accept my unconventional path to FI in the light of both conventional consumerist life and less conventional ERE? I feel like I can relate to neither fully, but perhaps more to ERE in terms of philosophy, if not in lifestyle. It see myself gradually geavitating back to the ERE lifestyle: having been forced into living extremely low expenses, maybe I needed to live "normally" for a change. Now I feel myself being pulled away from the consumerist lifestyle again, although more for the sake of simple living and the environment.
I have always had a hard time connecting with my colleagues at Uni / people of my age / general consumerist society. Back during my financial struggle I almost felt a deep hatred of all the rich kids getting allowances and bills paid for my their parents, some living at home, every evening sitting down to a warm meal with their families while having plenty of time for study and thought, yet often wasting it on partying or gaming. Most did not work a job, because the studies were quite intense (50+h/week of work). It mortified me how they had zero responsibility and still enough money to get the latest iPhone and a holiday in the sun with all their friends. Meanwhile, I was literally eating garbage, felt like life was handing me all the shit it could serve up and struggling not to slither further into debt. How could I possibly relate to their problems and they to mine?
Now the tables have turned: They worry about getting a decent-paying job after the PhD, how much they can reasonably spend on their wedding, or how to afford a new phone after they cracked their screen. They think Netflix/Spotify, your own car and unlimited data are absolute necessities and basic human rights.
I ponder which stocks and ETFs to invest in, which is the best Broker and if I should go into real-estate to generate a passive income in rents, and if yes, I should wait for the real-estate prices to come down in 1-2 years. I wonder if I should buy a van to live and travel in it, possibilities which are open to me because I am FI. I do have some older friends; I had hopes that they had more insight into investing and smart financial moves than my Millennial brethren (and sistheren?). But no luck, they are already shackled with mortgages, 2+ cars, kids, expensive lifestyle. They cannot imagine living off less than what they are currently making. Apart from financial issues, I really yearn for people to discuss thoughts and ideas with. Yet everyone always prefers to talk about the latest thing/experience they bought or what happened on their series. However this ties into the more general topic of feeling disconnected with modern world and the superficiality of most casual relationships, which is a topic for another post, and (in theory) easily resolved by selecting for non-superficial people to connect to. So back to finances. As I said, no-one really knows how “loaded” I am, most just think I'm good with my budget and a natural born tightwad. I see them all struggle with the wage slavery of today, buying into every advertised “need” of modern life and listen to their complaints of making ends meet, and think about how much they would profit from ERE or MMM. But most seem very open to the idea, they are set on that they need to spend as much as they currently do. Because I'm still working (on my PhD) and ERE ideals resonate strongly with me, I have adopted telling people I'm doing the whole “spend significantly less than you earn until you reach FI”-spiel. I told one friend I want to retire at the age of 35 (that's in 10 years, woha) and how the plan would be to do it. He laughed at me for another one of my crazy ideas and called me a cutie and a life with limited expenses is not worth living. I really love this guy, but he can't wrap his head around the idea of FIRE. Now imagine what would happen if I told him I could actually quit today and never work a day in my life.
I feel in some sense I am the worst ambassador for FI (especially if I were honest about my net worth): as much as I may preach the classical path to FI through frugality and saving, people could never take me seriously, because I got “lucky” (Side note: I use that word on myself for my pre-patent sales, ok. But I despise that word when other people use it for me, especially when applied to my life so far. More than one person has seriously told me I was lucky my family died, 'cuz it made it easy for me to pay down my remaining debt, and I have no-one tying me down. I feel the rage every time I think about it /end side note). Who am I to tell people to make a budget and save their pennies and get a low-cost Index Fund savings plan to get started on their first couple of thousand? Who am I to give tips on low budget vegan lunches and making your own laundry detergent when I could go out and buy a house in cash right now? How do I explain to people that car loans (or cars at all) are not worth it if I am in no position to ever require a loan, even if I wanted a car? I don't even save because I need to, I save and have a budget because it seems fun and natural to me, and I would feel super guilty spending my whole paycheck on forgettable things. In Europe, people often and freely talk about money issues (I know this is more taboo in the USA), and whenever the topic comes up I feel like I'm lying. I consciously try to not preach too much about FIRE (ERE, The Gospel According to Jacob (TM)), because I know (from my start in veganism) that one can come on too strong in the first passionate fires of a new mindset, but also because I feel like a huge hypocrite. Do any of you struggle with similar feelings, and having to hide your net worth when discussing finances with friends and relatives?
Net worth as of Dec 2017: ~40x with current expenses
None of my friends, colleagues or remaining family know my net worth. Some may now parts of it: that I sold an idea or another, that I save a higher-than-average percentage of my salary, or that I got some money from the house sale after my folks died. Or they might know that I trade stocks as a hobby or that I invest in a 401K-type. Not even my partner (together 5 years this summer!) knows my real "number". I do my best to appear as “one of them”, being smart with my pocket money and not splurging, trying to relate to the panic of having to pay an unexpected bill. I feel it's very important to not disclose my net worth; I fear begging for loans, envy and false friends. But I also fear that it would change how my friends and relatives view me, not to the better! Sometimes I say that my investment money is from savings from living below my means (as it would be if I went the classical ERE way). I sometimes feel like I'm living a big lie in order to protect my secret stash. I have no-one to confine in. Even reading the amazing journeys on ERE forums and FI blogs, I feel like a fraud: I did not arrive here by saving, watching my net worth grow incrementally. Sometimes I feel I do not deserve my money, like it was all just a big lucky jackpot that I did not have to sweat and suffer for. (of course I suffered in other ways, but that suffering did not directly result in my current wealth). It's like I have reached FI overnight, without the emotional maturity and life goal perspective that comes along in the process of saving up to it.
Compared to many of the budgets here on the forums, my current lifestyle is practically wasteful: I have horrendous insurance costs and live in a nice apartment, I buy books I can't find at the library or swap network and occasionally visit organic grocers for specialty vegan items and craft beer. How can I accept my unconventional path to FI in the light of both conventional consumerist life and less conventional ERE? I feel like I can relate to neither fully, but perhaps more to ERE in terms of philosophy, if not in lifestyle. It see myself gradually geavitating back to the ERE lifestyle: having been forced into living extremely low expenses, maybe I needed to live "normally" for a change. Now I feel myself being pulled away from the consumerist lifestyle again, although more for the sake of simple living and the environment.
I have always had a hard time connecting with my colleagues at Uni / people of my age / general consumerist society. Back during my financial struggle I almost felt a deep hatred of all the rich kids getting allowances and bills paid for my their parents, some living at home, every evening sitting down to a warm meal with their families while having plenty of time for study and thought, yet often wasting it on partying or gaming. Most did not work a job, because the studies were quite intense (50+h/week of work). It mortified me how they had zero responsibility and still enough money to get the latest iPhone and a holiday in the sun with all their friends. Meanwhile, I was literally eating garbage, felt like life was handing me all the shit it could serve up and struggling not to slither further into debt. How could I possibly relate to their problems and they to mine?
Now the tables have turned: They worry about getting a decent-paying job after the PhD, how much they can reasonably spend on their wedding, or how to afford a new phone after they cracked their screen. They think Netflix/Spotify, your own car and unlimited data are absolute necessities and basic human rights.
I ponder which stocks and ETFs to invest in, which is the best Broker and if I should go into real-estate to generate a passive income in rents, and if yes, I should wait for the real-estate prices to come down in 1-2 years. I wonder if I should buy a van to live and travel in it, possibilities which are open to me because I am FI. I do have some older friends; I had hopes that they had more insight into investing and smart financial moves than my Millennial brethren (and sistheren?). But no luck, they are already shackled with mortgages, 2+ cars, kids, expensive lifestyle. They cannot imagine living off less than what they are currently making. Apart from financial issues, I really yearn for people to discuss thoughts and ideas with. Yet everyone always prefers to talk about the latest thing/experience they bought or what happened on their series. However this ties into the more general topic of feeling disconnected with modern world and the superficiality of most casual relationships, which is a topic for another post, and (in theory) easily resolved by selecting for non-superficial people to connect to. So back to finances. As I said, no-one really knows how “loaded” I am, most just think I'm good with my budget and a natural born tightwad. I see them all struggle with the wage slavery of today, buying into every advertised “need” of modern life and listen to their complaints of making ends meet, and think about how much they would profit from ERE or MMM. But most seem very open to the idea, they are set on that they need to spend as much as they currently do. Because I'm still working (on my PhD) and ERE ideals resonate strongly with me, I have adopted telling people I'm doing the whole “spend significantly less than you earn until you reach FI”-spiel. I told one friend I want to retire at the age of 35 (that's in 10 years, woha) and how the plan would be to do it. He laughed at me for another one of my crazy ideas and called me a cutie and a life with limited expenses is not worth living. I really love this guy, but he can't wrap his head around the idea of FIRE. Now imagine what would happen if I told him I could actually quit today and never work a day in my life.
I feel in some sense I am the worst ambassador for FI (especially if I were honest about my net worth): as much as I may preach the classical path to FI through frugality and saving, people could never take me seriously, because I got “lucky” (Side note: I use that word on myself for my pre-patent sales, ok. But I despise that word when other people use it for me, especially when applied to my life so far. More than one person has seriously told me I was lucky my family died, 'cuz it made it easy for me to pay down my remaining debt, and I have no-one tying me down. I feel the rage every time I think about it /end side note). Who am I to tell people to make a budget and save their pennies and get a low-cost Index Fund savings plan to get started on their first couple of thousand? Who am I to give tips on low budget vegan lunches and making your own laundry detergent when I could go out and buy a house in cash right now? How do I explain to people that car loans (or cars at all) are not worth it if I am in no position to ever require a loan, even if I wanted a car? I don't even save because I need to, I save and have a budget because it seems fun and natural to me, and I would feel super guilty spending my whole paycheck on forgettable things. In Europe, people often and freely talk about money issues (I know this is more taboo in the USA), and whenever the topic comes up I feel like I'm lying. I consciously try to not preach too much about FIRE (ERE, The Gospel According to Jacob (TM)), because I know (from my start in veganism) that one can come on too strong in the first passionate fires of a new mindset, but also because I feel like a huge hypocrite. Do any of you struggle with similar feelings, and having to hide your net worth when discussing finances with friends and relatives?