Early Retirement Extreme Forums

ducknald_don wrote: ↑

Mon Jun 02, 2025 2:21 pm

I remember reading that the amount you spend on your wedding is correlated with the likelihood of divorce.

I wonder if it's couples going into debt for their wedding which strains the marriage. Or perhaps a focus on the big dream wedding with all the extras is more common for people who prioritise the optics of the marriage over the quality.

Seriously, I don't enjoy feeling so confident about the marriage while everyone say it will be so difficult. I expect it will be difficult but that's part of why I'm confident, am I missing something? It didn't take long to have the first big argument in the marriage, but fights are fights, no resentment the next day.

thai_tong wrote: ↑

Tue Jun 03, 2025 4:35 pm

I wonder if it's couples going into debt for their wedding which strains the marriage.

That seems to be what the study says. I got interested and found the original paper https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/Delivery.c ... id=2501480

It seems they thought that might be the case too. I know I'd be stressed if I dug myself into debt buying the ring. Or putting on the wedding, for that matter.

thai_tong wrote: ↑

Tue Jun 03, 2025 4:35 pm

Seriously, I don't enjoy feeling so confident about the marriage while everyone say it will be so difficult. I expect it will be difficult but that's part of why I'm confident, am I missing something? It didn't take long to have the first big argument in the marriage, but fights are fights, no resentment the next day.

From what I hear, it's children that are the big strain. They place an immense demand on both parents. From there, failures of empathy abound.

That said, congratulations on paying off the apartment!

Looking back at Jacob's blog reel he quotes someone with $100m who says that money gives him the time read poetry, write a book, walk in nature, hang out with friends and do art.

We took care of my 4 year old niece for a long weekend, everyone in the family took time doing activities with her (as well as letting her play alone). That included crafts, stories, creativity, baking, imagination, walks in nature, games, puzzles and talking.

Jacob jokes that his life is what the millionaire is seeking but actually I think they're both quite like the ideal life of a 4 year old.

With young children we know that this is what is good for them, but when we get older we lose sight of what is good for us because consumption is so much easier.

I'm still unlearning the idea that I have more important things to do than self expression. My motto in life is "creating not consuming" and lately I am using creativity and self expression as a substitute for spending time consuming media. Lets see if it works.

Kudos on paying off the apartment and now you will be able to focus the decreased monthly expense into savings and investments if that aligns with your plans. On the house side, as I mentioned in the minimalist challenge thread this morning, it isn't the buying or having an item so much as the cost of owning said item that weighs us down. Big houses come with big bills and big responsibilities as well as a much larger anchor tying you to a given location.