Early Retirement Extreme Forums

#039 08/23/2013 Failure and Fear in Early Retirement

To sum up my fear in early retirement in a sentence would be this:

I fear an atrophy into laziness and gluttony, that makes me lesser of a man than I was before.

That with the absence of friction that my current life gives me, ie. the constraints of a 9-5 (solving a commuting dilemma example), I slide into a lie, that I tell myself based on freedom alone, I am a better man.

I wish to retire based on the concept of becoming a better person, and if I don't, than retirement to me is a failure.

So what does a "better" man mean to me?

On the tangible, there are very concrete things that I want for myself in retirement:

-I workout/exercise more
-I eat better
-I spent much more time with family (my aging mother. my brothers family)
-I sleep more (ie. a healthy 8-9 hours a day)
-I read more books
-I travel more

They form the foundation of concrete things that so far is what I have defined in my life as 'better'. They are the 'known' things that fuel me to achieve retirement.

If any of these things actually take a step backwards or on the whole becomes lesser than what they are today, I can make the argument to myself that I have regressed. That I needed the friction, i.e. the cage.

Further, if I watch a significant amount more of TV, surf the internet more, drink alcohol habitually, than again, I may argue to myself that the cage was good for me. For I define these things to be a gluttonous waste of time (for me), and not at all my purpose to retire. I didn't do all this FI and ERE goal planning to watch more TV and surf the internet more. Given the confines of my cage, these things are well under control.

Then there is ofcourse the 'unknown' things. The intangibles. Love, Happiness, Purpose, Meaning, productivity/contribution to society, etc.

An independent free mind in retirement can run amoke (depression, loss of reality narcissistic/hedonistic decline, mental instability, lost purpose, etc) or it can be channeled into becoming better.

How will I react to getting what I want?

How does general human nature react? I.E. what is the normal response to obtaining a lofty financial achievement or some type of pinnacle success?

These may not be the best samples, but oddly I find they are the most relatable to me. Of lottery winners, celebrities, and athletes pro athletes who hit pay dirt after a life of relative struggle and obscurity, how many of them after achieving the pinnacle of getting what they want, go on to achieve or become 'better' ?

The best example of these three I find are pro-athletes. I find it so amazing that during a contract year, a player can play out of his mind, and put up career numbers. I find it equally stunning how often after a player has signed a max contract, i.e. they are set for life and finally got what they 'wanted', that they never again achieve anywhere close to their career numbers. In Toronto sports, we had Hedo Turkoglu, Mike James, and more recently RA Dickey (although I am still a big fan of his) just to name a few, of players who never lived up to their contracts or saw a significant decline afterwards.

To me a significant amount of people when they get what they want, end up on the road to this 'atrophy', becoming a shell of their potential, enslaved by comfort and the lack of friction.

Being F.I. feels like I am in that contract year, waiting for that early retirement pay day. I feel the journey is pushing me to betterment, but will the paydirt lead me to atrophy, like those above?

FI vs High School Senior Year

I will close this post with a last thought/analogy that I feel relates to how I feel.

I enjoyed high school. I didn't love it, but having hard working parents, I realized at the time, that high school life was a Disneyland. A world where food magically appeared on the table and shelter was provided. I remembered getting to school early, just to hang out in the caf, to socialize and people watch (mostly a few girls that I would have a crush on from afar).

However, in highschool, a portion of my classmates couldn't wait to get out of this 'jail'. This 'cage'. They yearned to be free of classes, attendance, teachers, and the institution that was holding them down. Keeping them back from what they wanted to do, what they wanted to be.

They convinced themselves that anything is better than 'school'.

So, where did most (not all) of these people end up?

McDonalds. Or a factory.

A vision without a plan is just a dream.

The ones who yearned for their "freedom" most, a lot of them ended up being enslaved into a new type of confinement, worse than it was before. The cruel hoax here is that like a frog in a pot where the temperature is slowly increased, we lie to ourselves that our reality is in fact better, that anything is better than high school, ie. the cage, and by the time we realize that this in fact was a lie, we are cooked.

I guess my whole point to myself, is freedom in and of itself, does not automatically make my life better.

My_Brain_Gets_Itchy wrote:#039 08/23/2013 Failure and Fear in Early Retirement

I fear an atrophy into laziness and gluttony, that makes me lesser of a man than I was before.

That with the absence of friction that my current life gives me, ie. the constraints of a 9-5 (solving a commuting dilemma example), I slide into lie, that I tell myself based on freedom alone, I am a better man.

I wish to retire based on the concept of becoming a better person, and if I don't, than retirement to me is a failure.

So what does a "better" man mean to me?

On the tangible, there are very concrete things that I want for myself in retirement:

-I workout/exercise more
-I eat better
-I spent much more time with family (my aging mother. my brothers family)
-I sleep more (ie. a healthy 8-9 hours a day)
-I read more books
-I travel more

The shear fact you acknowledge and fear this should be enough for you to succeed. I think the fear is good, as long as it doesn't control you.

“We are turning into a nation of whimpering slaves to Fear—fear of war, fear of poverty, fear of random terrorism, fear of getting down-sized or fired because of the plunging economy, fear of getting evicted for bad debts or suddenly getting locked up in a military detention camp on vague charges of being a Terrorist sympathizer.” - Hunter S. Thompson

It's the ride that matters, not necessarily completing the goal. JoThomas' bike trip is a good example.

My_Brain_Gets_Itchy wrote: The best example of these three I find are pro-athletes. I find it so amazing that during a contract year, a player can play out of his mind, and put up career numbers. I find it equally stunning how often after a player has signed a max contract, i.e. they are set for life and finally got what they 'wanted', that they never again achieve anywhere close to their career numbers. In Toronto sports, we had Hedo Turkoglu, Mike James, and more recently RA Dickey (although I am still a big fan of his) just to name a few, of players who never lived up to their contracts or saw a significant decline afterwards.

To me a significant amount of people when they get what they want, end up on the road to this 'atrophy', becoming a shell of their potential, enslaved by comfort and the lack of friction.

Do these athletes step up their performance for the contract? Or, are they just the lucky ones that happen to stumble on to their best year before they sign a new contract? I wouldn't be surprised if it was 50/50, but good point.

@MBGI: Really interesting examples. I've also read about lottery winners and pro athletes (NFL players are most likely to be divorced, broke or alcoholic within something like 5 years after playing). The consistent story regarding lottery winners are that they tend to stay who they are. The people who were poor ended up spending all the winnings and return to poverty (usually worse off). The rare wealthy winners stayed wealthy. Life skills and maturity make a successful life more than winning the lottery ever will. At best money can provide basic comfort, everything else it seems, is up to us. In a weird way this gives me some comfort, it makes me realize how much control I have over my life if I so choose, with or without money.

Pro athletes are really interesting in that they are very successful, hard working, seeming to have what it takes to handle huge windfalls the business awards them but if you think about it, most of them have spent their lives doing only one thing (their sport) and furthermore, they've had a coach telling them what to do their entire teen & adult life. A pro athlete's personal decision making skills are atrophied, just like a poor person who never learned how to handle life or money. When these athletes make it big they are presented with the resources to do whatever they want but without the mental skill set to know how to handle these unlimited options. For entertaining/scary reading you can also check out the latest Rolling Stones headline for a story on trust fund adults from hell.

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/new ... d-20130812

People on the FI track develop themselves differently. To become FI, especially at a young(er) age, requires a lot of self awareness, delayed gratification, multiple life skills (job, household management, reliability, to name a few) so by the time you break out of the cocoon and spread your wings into the new FI life you've already developed the mental skills and habits to appropriately accept the challenge. I think FI is less about being free from a cage (that's a strong word considering how lucky we modern employees are compared to average work options in the past) and more about self-directed work after FI. In your case, if you end up traveling, would it be a goal to contribute to travel guides or lead tours, etc? It's a form of social responsibility and temporary binding contract but one of your own choosing. It sounds fun. And challenging.

Great thoughts, as always. Really makes me think.

I agree with Chad. The fact that you acknowledge some concerns means that you are setting yourself up for success. I have no doubt that you will not fall prey to those behaviors (not on a sustained basis, at least).

In your earlier post (#037), you said that you might be hearing your own bitterness. I often feel the same way because I feel that we are a rare kind embedded in a society that promotes excess and a herd mentality.

Your posts are become better and better as your journey goes on, I love it!

#040 08/24/2013 Floors,Ceilings and Zero Gravity in Retirement

What I realize, is that while there is no ceiling to the possibilities of what you may do in your retirement, there also is no floor.

In a 'conventional' life pattern (ie. working), both of these barriers exist, such that you do not stray too much either way. I wouldn't call these hard barriers, but I wouldn't call them soft either.

The Workers FLOOR Example- Going out drinking on that Thursday night after work? You got to be at work the next day. There are consequences to being hungover the next day or calling in sick the next day..

The Retirement FLOORLESS Example-Zero consequences day after day if you decide to drink.

The workers CEILING Example- Got a brilliant/ambitious idea that improve process productivity at work? You are a threat, you are doing your managers job, are too keen, you are stepping out of bounds. If you decide to go it on your own, start a startup, you can loose your shirt before you even begin, plus you still need to have a job or find a VC unless you want to potentially financially destroy yourself. Your ambition has a ceiling, only edible in bits and bites. The ceiling kills most (NOT ALL) persons ambitions before they even start due to the realities of life.

The Retirement CEILINGLESS Example- Do whatever you want if you are retired. See @jacob and @mmm. This is the optimal zone (ie. the FU money life).

Zero Gravity in Retirement

Being retired, without much obligation or responsibility (ie. being single), and with significant doses of solitude and growing unruly independent thought, one can get plugged out of what keeps one in check,in both a good and bad way, and perhaps they can also be one in the same.

One also can get quite disoriented, i.e lose a sense of what is up and what is down.

There really is no gravity in retirement.

What is good and what is bad, what is growth and what is not, can become blurry because you make up your own measurements and evaluations of yourself and you no longer judge yourself against society. It is you vs yourself. No one tells you what to do, but you.

You can then fall prey to an Introspective Illusion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Introspection_illusion that convinces yourself of one thing (UP), when in fact it is the another (DOWN).

Under the auspices of a YOLO delusion, I can convince myself to do something really really stupid, and have no doubt in my mind that it is the most brilliant and exact thing I must do.

I love, love, LOVED the book "Into the Wild" , probably too much (Thank you @GPMagnus for the book referral!).

And I probably admire Chiristopher McCandless more than I should. Despite his tragic flaws, I loved how he lived his life. People can call me an idiot for saying such a thing, and I really wouldn't put up an argument against it. But I loved how he lived his life because he lived his life exactly how he wanted on his own terms with his own sense of integrity. Despite his early, naive and irresponsible death, he in those years that he was living the life he wanted, he lived a very full, genuine, vividly real life. He walked the talk and he uncompromisingly did everything in his power to persue his calling. Everything in his nuture said he should have lived a life of materialism, but his nature won out, and he lived a life of rugged simplicity, ambivalent to weath and money.

But for his life, what was up, and what was down?

His ambitions and calling brought him to a head on collision course with death. Even before his downfall he had several close calls. It seems death was unavoidable, only a matter of time, given the way he was living his life and what he defined as up. His freedom became his deathbed.

He treated the ones who loved him the most (his parents and his best friend sister) atrociously at the sake of his own reality made up of his introspective illusions.

At the same time as he became increasingly disconnected from society, unable to even hold down a job at McDonalds or function in a main stream society, to those whom he did end up befriending, he left a scarring impression of a man like none they have ever met (in a very good way).

So was his life really based on introspective illusions? To him I am sure they weren't.

The lines are blurred. Up and down become grey.

He lived an unreal full life, but he died at 24.

Devil's Advocate and Epilogue

I want to stress that I write these words as an exercise to release some thoughts in my head.

None of these thoughts will prevent me from retiring or make me want to do it any less.

I also want to stress that what I describe specifically applies more so to someone more in a situation without much obligation to others(or little), but only to oneself. If I had a significant other or a child, it would most definitely be enough gravity to have a definition of up and down, as their well being would be central to my existence.

Thank you @chad, @JoThomas and @spoonman for your feedback and thoughts as always. Most definitely I agree acknowledging these things and putting them into words has already helped me to address it beforehand, and I do see it is the possible beginnings of a form of inoculation.

This post reminded me of a condition pilots face called spatial disorientation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spatial_disorientation .

Most private pilots aren't rated to fly by instuments only. If they lose visuals (commonly during bad weather or nighttime flying), they can become disoriented and unable to track their pitch or altitude intuitively. Unfortunately, this can result in a death spiral.

I suspect most people are the same way. They need some sort of external reference point to avoid introspective illusions and descending into their own death spiral of sorts.

Yes I saw that too! I think it was on a 60 minutes episode?

On another note, I have read Uncertainty by Jonathan Fields.

He talks specifically of something called "Certainty Anchors".

"A certainty anchor is a practice or process that adds something known and reliable to your life when you may otherwise feel you’re spinning off in a million different directions. Rituals and routines can function as certainty anchors; their power comes from the simple fact that they are always there. They are grounding experiences to which you can always return, no matter what’s going on. Their consistency makes them effective tools to counter the anxiety that comes not only from living in uncertain times, but from embracing endeavors that ramp uncertainty even higher."

My paraphrase definition is:

Things in your life that give you the foundation and strength to take "positive risks".

The best analogy in my head is the mother who stands beside the playground when the child plays. Without the mother there, the child all of a sudden begins to cry and no longer ventures.

Unfortunately the definition of "positive risk" is still a problem, lol.

That looks good. I've added it to my reading list. (I'm reading The Sports Gene this weekend--review forthcoming )

Certainty Anchors is an interesting concept. I was on a biography kick last year. It seemed like many of the most successful people I read about had quirks like always dressing the same way or always eating the same breakfast. I saw them as superstitions, but Fields' definition of Certainty Anchors sounds like it would apply. Maybe that helped them take better risks?

jennypenny wrote:..Maybe that helped them take better risks?

Yes, yes precisely!

The book in particular focuses on the creative process, ie generating greater creativity, and taker greater creative risks.

He talks about how someone like Richard Branson would engage in extreme sports as a certainty anchor because it would then feed something greater.

IE. Without his ritual of extreme sports, there is no fuel.

It's also kind of like laying fertile soil. With the certainty anchors, 'growth' in easier, without them it is harder.

Not to appear redundant, but I want to thank you for your thoughtful, well written entries. I am twenty seven and so much of what you wrote throughout your journal about lifestyle choices, your "life," and how you want to live resonates with me. I'm twenty seven, well educated, a introvert recovering from a faux extrovert lifestyle, and desperately seeking a balance between what I want for myself and the expectations others have for me. I gave up Facebook and all of the "noise" that accompanies it, don't know if I want kids...ever, would like a life partner but don't feel "lonely" that often, and I love to travel (I find that I learn so much more about myself than the places I visit). I love to write and I started a thematic blog because I wasn't sure that all of my concerns/interest were necessarily ERE friendly, but your journal has encouraged me to share it with this community. Again, thank you.

Huh. So an unusual ritual that an outsider might think was negatively impacting a person's life might actually be the thing that's fueling a person's growth and creativity?

@WorkingWageWealth: If you were a girl and you were older, we'd solve each others problems ;P But thank you so so much for saying that, it just empowers me immensely to hear that, and glad that you are sharing your blog. Writing here, has helped me a ton.

@jennypenny:Yes, whatever nutures us.

The book states that too often we try and convert uncertainty into certainty, rather than embracing or nurturing it.

For example, we may stop doing things that we like in order to meet a deadline or 'buckle down' to complete something, but the book is more or less saying we should be doing more of that ritual, it is what fuels what is needed.

Certainty anchors are a way of nuturing uncertainty.

I am a girl...er...woman. But the assumption that I was a male is interesting in its own right. So, what led you to such an assumption?

@WorkingWageWealth: Doh! My apologies. First for referring to you as a girl, secondly for assuming you were a boy, um..i mean male;P

WorkingWageWealth wrote:So, what led you to such an assumption?

See there's thing thing called Introspective Illusion...

Well so... I thought I wrote from a distinctly male perspective, but you gave me a stark dose of reality.

When I look past my illusions, I see most of what i journal on is gender neutral, specifically the things you mentioned.

As per the 'girl' reference, I am still purging my connection to things like:

-girls night out
-'I met this girl'
-'Girl you know it's true....'
-'What's up giiirrl?'
-'Girlfriend'

But yes, sorry.

Um, so uh...
Would it be too ridiculous or satirical if I call you W.W.W. Dot Woman ?

I joke! (And apologies in advanced for calling you www. woman, I couldn't help myself!).

First, you shouldn't apologize; nothing you said was remotely offensive and even if it were, it would at least warrant a discussion as to why I offended before you apologize so profusely.

Secondly, your response, although eloquent AND amusing , didn't really answer my question: Why did you assume "I" was a girl? Even if "you" are writing from a decidedly male perspective (this is a conversation for another day), that doesn't really necessitate an all male readership or that those that share you opinions would necessarily be of the same gender. So, again, why did you assume I was male? Come on...I dare you...be honest...dig a bit deeper...it's okay, I only have internet stones. Was it because I said I was unsure that I wanted children?

Thirdly, I must admit to being confused as to what a "W.W.W. Dot Woman" is. A meme I missed? A Beyonce song? Do share.

@WorkingWageWealth: It is honestly for the reason I said, and not at all because you state you don't want to have kids. There are many women and relationships on this forum who have chosen not to have children, so the thought of a woman not wanting a child to me is not a male exclusive thing.

If you look at the past replies in my journal who have mentioned that they related in some way, they were men. (@zarathustra was the only other female who responded in a specific manner, rather than something non-descriptive).

I then develop an assumption that future replies who tell me that they connect or relate, are men. IE. I believe all swans are white.

What prompted me to say my remark was that you specifically detailed in which way you related with me, rather than saying something like "I relate to what you write" you enumerated the ways in which you do. Which was impressive to me since this was an accumulation of thought and condensing several pages of entries into one statement.

In a state of loose impression, I made the remark in question, combined with the semi-empirical data of the past.

So, it turns out you were a black swan.

WWW refers to Working Wage Weath. Working Wage Weath Woman. WWW dot Woman. combining that you are a blogger ... Cheesy, yes I know.

"If you look at the past replies in my journal who have mentioned that they related in some way, they were men. (@zarathustra was the only other female who responded in a specific manner, rather than something non-descriptive)." This is interesting...

"What prompted me to say my remark was that you specifically detailed in which way you related with me, rather than saying something like "I relate to what you write" you enumerated the ways in which you do. Which was impressive to me since this was an accumulation of thought and condensing several pages of entries into one statement." While the word "impressive" seems wildly generous , I offer my sincere thanks. I remember tensing up as I read the words "conservative Christian..." in your initial post and was immediately reminded of stiff lacy socks, patent leather shoes, and white gloves...sermons that seemed to last forever...and hours spent fidgeting on hard wooden pews. How this experience shaped my compassion for people but left me confused and with a considerable number of questions, the only answer to which seemed to be "faith." Yes, there was much that resonated and again, I thank you for contributing so thoughtfully.

So, ][/u]it turns out you were a [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_swan_theory]black swan[/url. I actually read about that theory because it was in one of my favorite episodes of NUMB3RS and my Alma matter dedicated a webpage to breaking down the math in the episodes...really interesting stuff.

"WWW refers to Working Wage Weath. Working Wage Weath Woman. WWW dot Woman. combining that you are a blogger ..." Ahhhhh... I thought you were referring to a Beyonce song by the same name; while I am generally a fan, twas not her best.

#041 08/30/2013 Part 1 : A Go@ld Medal and A Higher Mountain to Climb

I've often wondered what Michael Phelps does with his life after becoming the most decorated Olympic athlete ever (22 Medals).

I also wonder what this guy: Evolution of Dance is doing nowadays.

I wonder what a mountaineer does after he/she has fulfilled a life long dream to climb Mt Everest.

What are their realities now?

Life surely goes on, but what possible higher mountain can they climb? How do they top their peak? Their defining moment in their life?

Do they live in the past, defined by this peak, conceding their best years behind them, content on reminiscing on past great glory?

Or can they find an ambition or passion that surpasses that peak?

Can they redefine themselves, and find a higher mountain to climb?

Was that peak moment the end or can it be made into a means to a greater end?

Retirement as an end-My Go@ld Medal

Early Retirement has been my mountain peak and my go@ld medal for the longest time, so much so that it has redefined itself as the end, rather than a means to an end.

Too often if I am truly honesty with myself, I behave and act as if retirement itself is the end and convince myself it is a means to an end.

If all I do is focus and train on my SWR, my net worth, my simplicity and my frugality, and get my sense of self worth and identity from these things, i.e. I identify and define myself more with my means rather than my end, than it is a lie. Retirement has become my end.

Early retirement is suppose to be the means to a greater end: I/we ambiguously define this greater end as freedom.

But yearning to be 'free' with out any foresight or planning on this freedom, I realize is not an end, but a dream.

We spent so much time micro analyzing and obsessing over our numbers, but when it comes to what we are actually going to do, it gets very fuzzy and ambiguous at best.

A goal without a plan is just a dream.

Dreams and fantasies: I want to travel, I want to volunteer, I want to...<fill in the blank here>, etc. It sounds very similar to the things I said when I was 18: I'm gonna be a pro beach volleyball player, I'm gonna be a millionaire, I'm gonna bench press 300lbs, I'm gonna live in Australia, etc.

No thoughts on the logistics or actual realization of these dreams. No effort, no hard work. Just delusions of grandeur.

Where do I want to travel? Who do I want to volunteer for? What cause do I believe in? Where are the SWR, the measuring, the book keeping efforts or plans on these goals? What am I doing today to make these things a reality?

I spent all my energy climbing the retirement mountain, but near none focusing on the greater peak that lies after.

I must realize that the climb up the retirement mountain is just a training period for the more difficult mountain(s) to climb that lies after.

FI/ERE as Self Mastery

In many ways I have been training and wanting early retirement for most of my life. Working in various capacities since 14, now 41.

I've stated before that my view on financial independence/early retirement is a manifestation of self mastery.

To do it right, IMHO you have to master yourself and your life to get there. Understanding what is anorexic, and what is a healthy fast, understanding what is delay of gratification and what is hoarding. etc. They are different for everyone, and there are fine lines that you must deal with in your life.

In the end if you trained yourself properly in ERE, you have the dexterity and financial muscle control of a gymnast. Body fat of 8%. A coordination of yourself that allows you to leap any obstacle or pull yourself up from any contorted position.

Discipline, self regulation, problem solving and personal understanding, among the few traits you master.

Since committing to the process, I've admitted that the pursuit of retirement had become my new 'religion' and that it had consumed my identity and shaped my reality. This is somewhat transitioning now.

If I am truly honest with myself, and I stopped lying to myself, I struggle to find a greater achievement, a greater mountain peak in my life, than achieving early retirement.

I wanted this for so long that it's hard to see that it's really a means to an end.

All i think is life will be better, an upgrade, if I am retired, if I am free. This is lazy, and also a fallacy. Life after retirement should not be an after thought.

I've told myself very explicitly countless times throughout this journal and to myself, that it is the journey, not the destination.

Let's say for the sake of arguement that I am indeed enjoying the journey, that I recognize my growth, and I realize that the journey, the pursuit of early retirement has already made me a better person (learning and growth), and that I've enjoyed the climb up this early retirement mountain.

But what happens after the destination is reached? What happens after this mountain has been climbed?

What happens when I get my Go@ld Medal of early retirement?

Retirement as a means to an end

So much time, energy and focus is spent climbing the retirement mountain, I develop a tunnel vision.

I forget the Goal wasn't to get to the top of this mountain, but it was to climb the next mountain after:

The mountain of my personal freedom.

The mountain of using the skills, mastery and personal understanding achieved in my ERE apprenticeship(ie. the means), to then go forth, and find the real end.

But the next mountain peak(s) are often much too ambiguous, and it is very difficult to find or define.

Partly because the nature of those mountain(s) must lie somewhere in the clouds of uncertainty, and partly because we never really spend any time looking for it or even acknowledge that they exist.

Often we turn around, and chose not to climb the higher mountains in our life, and we do indeed identity and define ourselves by our past glories.

These days, although I have been working full time 'physically' at my job, mentally, my full time job has been spent answering the above questions in my life, scouring the clouds of uncertainty to find the next mountain in my life to climb.

Tying to truly make retirement the means to a greater end.

I realize that the greatest achievement and defining moment in my life should not be the climb up this retirement mountain, but the one that lies thereafter.

(END PART 1)

"Everything has been figured out, except how to live."
Jean-Paul Sartre

@mfi:

A very fitting quote. Thank you.

I suppose the only thing really resolved so far, is that I do not (or no longer) want to live my life based on the ideals of consumerism/materialism or hedonism (i.e. most of western society?).

There is still a lot for me to learn about myself and the world, as well to experience.

For example, can I live without having to want to climb higher mountains? And is it right or wrong to want to do so? Can I be totally present and accepting of whatever comes, and still climb higher mountains? Or should I learn everything is just flat?

And why the hell am I being so philosophical?

I don't know! lol..