Lightfruit55's Journal

[delay]

Sorry to hear this. The debt part is shocking. How is it legal even? Is there any kind of recourse?

The invest with debt and high cost products where advertised in newspapers during the 90s. About 7 million were sold, one for every two citizens. Initially the courts said it was legal. There is no practical recourse for an average individual against an insurer. But when enough people got upset, in order to protect their future business, insurers agreed to compensate the most affected and most verbal people.

Thanks for the tips about hedging. I have always rented an appartment, which seems less stressful than owning a house. I miss out on rising house value, but don't spend time on repairs, improvements or expansions.

[ertyu]

How's the cat?

[lightfruit55]

How's the cat?

Parenting Update Time

Can I say an ungrateful derpy chonk whom my life revolves around???

In all seriousness, having a cat reveals my parenting style - anxious. I monitor my cat's daily activities and if there is anything out of the ordinary (missed a poop, lack of appetite, etc), I start to worry and go into research/troubleshooting mode. I know that not everyday should be the same (as is the case for humans also), but I can't help but worry. I experience separation anxiety whenever I have to go into the office. At work, I panic when it rains because the little one is scared of thunderstorms. I often leave work earlier to go back to check on him. My partner is a lot more chill and often thinks I'm overreacting. The most frustrating part is that my partner seems to be his primary human - I love them both but I wonder if it is ok to also feel jealous.

This gives me a glimpse how I am likely to be as a human parent. While I still have some FOMO and urgency due to a ticking biological clock, I don't feel ready for another all-consuming endeavour - I feel like I have no more in me left to give.

Emotions aside, I'm also not financially ready for raising a child in the way that I envision. I have largely unrealistic expectations which I will only meet if I win the lottery (which I won't because I don't buy the lotto). I expect to already be comfortably FI, have a bigger house, and additionally have maybe about half a million set aside for the child so that he/she can be set for an enriching childhood. It's like how I set aside around 50k for my cat before I got one - a child likely costs 10x of that.

All of this to say, I'm still not ready to be a human parent.

[lightfruit55]

Current mood: I'm experiencing some extent of age dysphoria. While I'm not yet RE, I'm somewhat cruising on the final laps and I find myself behaving like a carefree college kid with good pocket change and old fogey hobbies. I've been playing pickleball and will be going for an overseas g*lf holiday with older people. I am all but like peers doing 'adult' things. I find myself relating less to them overtime and it feels quite disconcerting and isolating. I feel like I'm missing out on an important stage of life and it's beginning to feel lonely. I feel like a kid trapped in a 30-something body with a retiree lifestyle and who have somehow skipped the adulting developmental steps along the way.

[singvestor]

Some of the "adulting steps" on the way correlate strongly with a decrease in personal happiness. Maybe you skip the unhappy bottom of the "happiness curve" - could be a good thing? In countries like sg with strong collective culture, it might not be too easy to go against the grain. I remember that in my early thirties a lot of local sg colleagues/friends asked me to get married - strangely enough the colleagues whose marriages seemed difficult (and many later divorced) were the ones to ask the most...

[delay]

I feel like I'm missing out on an important stage of life and it's beginning to feel lonely.

Thanks for your journal update! What if your feeling is right? What's the first step to participating in the stage of life you feel you're missing?

[lightfruit55]

@singvestor - I do agree. I've been mostly happy so far but it's quite flatlined. It's just FOMO I guess - that I don't know how I would feel or could be being more 'adult'. It could very well be that I would be a happier, more fulfilled and more developed person if I accepted more stress and responsibilities. Of course, I could equally be miserable and broken.

@delay - the first step would probably be having a child. I think that would speed launch me into having to be an adult. That said, FOMO doesn't seem like a good reason to birth a child.

[lightfruit55]

Nov 2024 Update

It’s been a while and life has been chugging along. Here’s my self-assessment so far:

Physical fitness: Great but can be better. Been working out 5x/week on average but can definitely afford to push myself to become stronger, faster and fitter. Motivation to do more than basic body maintenance has been lacking. Been playing more g*lf this year but not sure if I want to put in the effort to get better though (again - lack of motivation) .

Mental health: Nothing to see here. Apart from my decision to get a cat, the other parts of my life has been designed such that I avoid quite a lot of stressors and responsibilities. Still, while there are ups and downs, my mood is generally stable and flatlined. Very NPC.

Appearance: I like looking youthful - it makes me feel carefree, brighter and happier. Likely due to my asian genetics at play, it’s common for people to think that I look younger than my actual age. I’ve also been putting in more effort into looking youthful such as my fashion choices, skincare routine and hairstyles, etc. I’m becoming gravely aware that I will soon step into my 40s and one of my priorities is to enjoy my youthful appearance while it lasts.

Nutrition: Well, I’m generally mindful of what I eat. I eat little carbohydrates and a lot of protein and vegetables. My problem is desserts - specifically, caffeinated beverages and artisanal bakes. I’ve been very spendy at cafes and bakehouses this year… not very ERE and I’m quite annoyed that spending money on what essentially are drugs (caffeine and sugar) makes me happy. (If it's of any consolation, I snack like an epicurean - I avoid bottled or packaged snacks.)

Expenditure: I’ve been rather spendy this year. Went on 4.5 vacations, spoilt my cat and indulged in cafes at least 3x/week on average. I need to think hard about my budget next year. The hedonic treadmill is real.

Liquid net worth: My liquid net worth is about 20-30x. It is quite a big range as it depends on how much I want to write down my investments (the stock market looks kind of frothy at the minute) and how frugal I want to be. To be safe, as per my last journal update, I still see it as 20 years of runway at a comfortable living standard - this is still not enough for me to RE.

Illiquid net worth: House and about 8-10x in pension program. Important for eventual RE. Not a priority for early RE.

Job: I don’t have high expectations for my job - I have severe imposter syndrome and lack motivation. My current job goals are to: (1) collect my bonus next year and (2) enjoy my job the best I can and avoid as much stress as possible. I have been recommended to step up into a bigger role in my organisation and have decided to try out for the role. My current role is cruisy but feels kind of stale in terms of environment and personal growth - I feel like I’ve seen all that this role has to offer. My current thinking is that my time in this organisation will be my last corporate stint and in my remaining time here, I hope to learn more, expand my horizons, get to know more colleagues, make more $$, all in a non-stressful way. My ideal end is a lay off where I can get a sweet severance package. I don’t want to stress myself about the upcoming interviews for this new opportunity - que sera sera.

Part-time consulting gig: I completed 3 assignments and then I pretty much ended it (by giving them a long deadline which they were not able to accept). It was too much sacrifice (of personal time) and stress for me to juggle the additional work load.

Cat: Still experiencing separation anxiety whenever I leave my cat for work. I didn’t think that I had it in me to become a willing slave. I just want to be a stay at home cat mom (I don’t think my cat wants me to be though).

Biological child: Still none. Still unsure. At this rate, my biological clock would probably make its final tick and the decision made for me before I can make my own.

Re-reading the above: I see that the jarring theme is “AVOIDING STRESS”. It sounds like a pathological abnormality.

[delay]

My problem is desserts - specifically, caffeinated beverages and artisanal bakes. I’ve been very spendy at cafes and bakehouses this year… not very ERE and I’m quite annoyed that spending money on what essentially are drugs (caffeine and sugar) makes me happy.
...
Re-reading the above: I see that the jarring theme is “AVOIDING STRESS”. It sounds like a pathological abnormality.

Thanks for your journal update! Perhaps a variant of "no spend month" is worth a try? Like a "no cafe or bakehouse" month. Fast for a month and then evaluate life with and without. Even if it turns out I really enjoy the thing I skipped for a month, after the month I will appreciate it more.

When I look around, I see a lot of stressful people. Burnouts of various severities are quite common. Avoiding stress seems like common sense.