An Alternate Tuning

[Scordatura]

There’s a local group around where I live that has instruments you can try and they teach you. I tried trombone and started picking it up pretty well. I’ll have to head back to that group this summer. I’d be more useful to them on sax, I’m sure. Would be fun to get good enough to be able to play gigs on sax and swap to trombone!

I love the idea of a group that just instructs you on multiple instruments. Have you read David Epstein's book Range, by any chance? Among other things, he talks about an Italian orphanage that taught the girls and boys life skills. The boys would be prepared with your more traditional man skills and shipped out, but the girls would learn music and often stay for life. They would swap instruments constantly, which was part of the musical education.

Just googled the name of the orphanage. Ospedale della Pietà. It produced a massive amount of instrumentalist virtuosos, doing so with a swapping, generalized curriculum and with unwanted children. Quite impressive. Makes modern specialized musical education seem a bit shallow, doesn't it?

Get after it, my man!! I look forward to hearing your results.

[FunkyFreedom]

Have you read David Epstein's book Range, by any chance?

…

Get after it, my man!! I look forward to hearing your results.

I haven’t read it, but will check the library now.

Have you read Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks? Interesting stories about weird things happening to people musically, related to brain trauma.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

[Scordatura]

I've got some things upcoming, including catching up on my responses (here's looking at you diy CNC thread), doing an audit of how my goal list is coming (decent, minus the physical stuff) and my April expenses report (solid, I think, there are some wins for sure, but I have yet to gather all the data).

But in the meantime:

I'm thinking about life direction, particularly employment.
My CNC gig is literally the best company I've ever worked for. Great benefits, people are mostly pleasant, I work 4 tens, it's within walking distance from my house.... And I hate it. Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But there are these brief moments when "For the love of god, I fucking I hate this." tattoos itself across my mind, and let me tell you, that makes motivation to work extremely low. I would just replace the job with a full time CNA gig, but I don't think I want to. Part of the charm of my CNA gig is the part time status. I run reeeeally hard on that job, and five days of that would be brutal. I think I could tolerate a charge nurse position, but that requires more school... Which I can't say I'm excited for. I am thinking about it though. As for the CNC position.. There are a couple of problems. 1) I get the impression frequently I'm not being listened to. 2) I'm forced into positions doing mechanical work where I barely know what I'm doing 3) the actual workflow sucks (this I have the power to improve) 4) and probably most important, I do not have the amount or kind of personal interactions that I would like to. The reason this is galling is because in my interview I explicitly said I am not suited for a role in a corner only coming out to talk to people occasionally. My role is in a corner only coming out to talk to people occasionally. Frustrating.

There are two types of things in this world: things you control and things you don't.
So what don't I control? I'd list my coworkers responses, my actual job duties, how things go.
What do I control? My response, my thoughts (to a degree), whether I consent to continue with the job.
I don't know if I should continue. Like literally. I do not know. Not "I think I shouldn't continue, and am speaking through subtext." No. I don't know what to use to determine what I should do. Let me tell you though, I'm chewing on it.

I've learned more about machining in the last two months than the last YEAR at my previous job. The learning process at this job is dynamic and iterative. And frustrating. You know those people that say "I love solving problems!" ..? Well, I suspect that is a careerist brainworm. I like not having problems in the first place. This is a fully mature corporation, why is there not a well oiled system in place? Why is it the new hire's responsibility to figure it out? I think now is the part where I point out that I'm an employee for a reason. I've thought many, many times I'd like to work for myself. I'd at least have control to go with my frustrations.

You've read this far. Are you up for some tales from the CNC machining world?

Coolant fans and lathe crash. Our mill and fixed jaw lathe spray coolant to the point you literally cannot see what is going on inside. I happened to know of a solution to this problem, my previous employer used them. Coolant fans. You attach them to the window and it's like a little porthole into the machining cavity. I suggested them, the maintenance guy agreed, then... He ordered some other thing. Little plexiglass covers. I only hope they actually work. The Rain-X trick on the windows hasn't worked, so I don't expect them to. Oh yeah, and in all the deliberation, my Pokemon Rival crashed the lathe because he couldn't see. If only I could be trusted, and we just ordered what I'd asked for in the first place. Oh, well. It wasn't a bad crash at least.

I appreciate my boss. We just had our swiss lathe serviced by the manufacturer. The subspindle came apart while running. Makes for an overly exciting day. The tech came out, reassembled everything, then left. I always think maintence men leave waaay too early after fixing things. Sure enough, the subspindle wouldn't adjust over the part. My boss noticed I was having issues and stayed to help. Let me be honest, I hated it in the moment. But It would have taken me forever to figure it out. I'm not a mechanic. Turns out the spring in the collet wasn't right. We modified a bigger spring to work... By grinding it. No way would I have had the spine to do that on my own. After he left I kept getting oil overheat alarms, I texted him and he suggested I change the oil filter. It didn't fix it, but I appreciate that he answers his phone.

Sometimes work is like trying to nail jello to a tree.

[ertyu]

Do you think the job will get less unpredictable and stressful with some experience? Idk anything about machining but if the problems that can arise are few and predictable, eventually it'll get better. If it's a new sort of chaos every day, maybe not. What do the people who've been there a while say?

[Scordatura]

Heya! I actually knew you worked at a bike shop, because I follow your journal! I just haven't had anything remotely useful to add. I'll have to stop by sometime and just go, "BLEEAAAAH!!"

I find the bicycle world interesting for similar reasons you find the machining world interesting, I think. Similar enough to be familiar, yet also different enough to be captivating.

I do so like my dual income streams. It keeps me fat and sassy. It helps to remind the people at the top of the heap that they don't own you, and you can find income streams anywhere, with little notice, if so required.

Thanks for stopping in!

[Scordatura]

Hi ertyu!

I think as I gain competence, it'll be less unpredictable. This may be semantics (apologies if so), but I don't find the job terribly stressful. I'm more getting the impression of "square peg, round hole". There's less interaction than I'd like, more mechanical work than what I'm confident in, and I just sense I don't belong in the corporate culture. This isn't necessarily a death knell for working there. I could probably just put in the hours, then leave. I'd rather be engaged if I can, though.

As far as what people say go, it depends on who you ask. The company has won several "best place to work" awards, and it's easy to see why. On the other hand, the two people I get along with best (senior guy and shop gopher guy) both are punch clock types. Actively disengaged. The senior guy is retiring this year, and you can tell. Just enough effort to fly under the radar, and no more.

Here's the thing: this might just be me. I don't think it is (I'll get to that in a minute) but I was pampered at my last job because as infuriating as I found policies and management I had an absolutely phenomenal team. I miss those fuckers. Here, I jive more with people outside my department than within it. If I stay long term, I think I plan to get out of machining. That wouldn't please the people that hired me, I'm certain, but it's what I'm thinking.

I don't think this is solely a "me" issue because I can point to my CNA gig where the girls give me all kinds of flak, and i get the subtextual impression of warm togetherness, whereas the machining job is perfectly polite (and I mean perfectly) and I get the subtext of passive aggression and the impression that I'm somehow an idiot. To my knowledge, I'm not actually an idiot. But I think behind all the niceties lie some negative things left unsaid.

In other news:
I've been looking forward to dropping the fact that I have been doing the "explore the intersection of stoicism, cognitive behavioral therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy" goal for the year.

Part of this project has been to visit a psychotherapist. I have not done this before. The reason I added this to my reply to your comment @ertyu is I've read a bit of your forum writing on the subject, find you knowledgeable, thus associate you with it. Feel free to disengage at this point if you like.

We're still going through the interview or autobiographical stage at this point, and it's been harrowing. I should have expected that, but I didn't. The good doctor is considered an "eclectic" but his main background is CBT. He's also clearly a big feeler, as he's spent a massive amount of time wincing (not literally, but he clearly reacts emotionally to stories) as I do the whole autobiography thing. It makes me really appreciative of stoicism. I don't know if it literally saved my life, but it certainly preserved the quality of my life. There has been a lot of neglect, abuse, and death. Jesus Christ, I've been to too many funerals. I'm looking forward to when we get to the more modern life improvement things I want to cover. Reliving the past just makes me tired.

[ertyu]

If this is the goal,

"explore the intersection of stoicism, cognitive behavioral therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy"

You are essentially trying to answer the question, "how do I best relate to my inner experience?"
You are trying to compare and contrast the relative merits of how the 3 modalities above (CBT, DBT, stoicism) recommend dealing with these questions and pick and choose from each until I arrive at what works best for you.

Thus, sharing this type of meta thoughts with your therapist

He's also clearly a big feeler, as he's spent a massive amount of time wincing (not literally, but he clearly reacts emotionally to stories) as I do the whole autobiography thing. It makes me really appreciative of stoicism. I don't know if it literally saved my life, but it certainly preserved the quality of my life. There has been a lot of neglect, abuse, and death. Jesus Christ, I've been to too many funerals. I'm looking forward to when we get to the more modern life improvement things I want to cover. Reliving the past just makes me tired.

is extremely relevant and a very good idea. This might look like, "while we had the autobiographical part of this, I noticed you do X, and this made me [insert reaction]."

It's probably better that I don't share any further thoughts at this stage, before you and therapist have had a chance to talk about it. But in general, do feedback this type of meta reactions to him, it will increase the effectiveness of what's happening.

[Scordatura]

I've been dragging on my reporting.

So some good news:

I broke the 40,000 dollar left threshold on my mortgage. I've been looking forward to seeing the 30,000s and here we are. I'm sure I'll be hitting the halfway point (35000) before long. I'm around the two year mark of living here, so I'd characterize this as 'quite good'.

I printed off my machining pay stubs to try to calculate my full savings rate.... and those are a mess. I've been delaying to try to get the math to work, and I've finally just said get on with it.

I moved my 401(k) contributions up to 20%. I wasn't thinking before. I was keeping it significantly lower than max because there are bonuses every year that go there and I didn't want to overcontribute, but I didn't think. The bonus for this year happens next year. I can contribute whatever I like this year.
I have my HSA at max also.

After tax and benefit numbers:

3338.2 total credits in account
1203.76 difference saved

36% after tax savings rate.

Three things to keep in mind:
1) I doctored these numbers by about 500. I had an unexpected windfall AND an expense. I just canceled them out. I want to see what my running expenses are this early in the process.
2)These don't include tax advantaged accounts, I think the rate will be higher if I included them.
3)God, I hate accounting. I wanted to get before tax numbers to you for April, but it isn't convenient at all. The CNA job has you sign up for paystubs, which I haven't yet, and the machining paystub uses formulas that literally don't add up. I may not like accounting, but I've always been decent at basic math. Makes no sense. I'm gonna talk to the company finance people.

I'm expecting the savings rate for May to go down. We're partway through, and I took a trip to my niece's graduation.
I am excited to tell you about what I've been doing to make my lifestyle more efficient, that's coming soon. It's mostly cooking related.

Good tidings.

[mooretrees]

What a cliffhanger! I am so curious about the cooking progress.

I enjoy your journal, keep sharing please!

[Scordatura]

What a cliffhanger! I am so curious about the cooking progress.

I enjoy your journal, keep sharing please!

Why, thank you for your kind words.
I have major news burning a hole in my pocket, so the cooking progress will have to wait momentarily.
Spoiler alert: I'm using my pressure cooker, among other things.

[frugaldoc]

Given the vagaries of our tax system, I always prefer to figure out my savings rate after taxes have been completed for the previous year. Monthly tax withholdings don't capture one's true tax expense. So, if you keep watertight accounts of your spending and have all your wage income data then it is pretty easy. I don't even add up what I actually save in all my various accounts. Net Savings Rate = (Net income - Expenses)/Net Income. Net Income = (Gross Wages - Federal/State/FICA taxes). I do think we should also do a gross savings rate as well because taxes are an expense and there are things we can do to affect them.

[Scordatura]

Major news:

I am no longer a machinist. I quit my full time gig. Judging by how I was talking to my sisters about work and the tone of my posts here, it was likely inevitable. I am proud to say I did not act like an ass. I talked to my bosses a few weeks ago about the fact I was thinking it was a poor fit. The head boss hasn't said a word to me since unless spoken to. I think it was a case of "too honest" on my part. I'm good at that particular social error. Fast forward to the present, I was still thinking along the same lines. They were messing with my schedule, for good reason, but I seriously resented it. I just went "why am I even doing this?" So I quit. Went in and handed in my badge. They were furious. I honestly thought I was doing them (and myself) a favor. Do you really want the 90 day guy to give notice? Apparently they did. Man, I just don't fit in with what Thomas Stanley called the "Beautiful People". It's not about looks. Whatever face saving, ladder climbing, moral impulses they have... I just don't have. Sorry. This was *the* company to work at in the area, and I just did not fit where I was at. It's going to cause me some material hardship, specifically where work benefits are concerned, but I still think it was the correct call. According to them I'm not rehireable, which I suppose I understand, but I think they're just trying to twist the knife. I've gotten that impression most of my time there.

Looking forward I have some plans. I plan on increasing my days at the nursing home to about 3 a week, and working on some side projects. I have some house projects. All of the projects are summer projects. By fall I want to have an idea of what I'm doing. There's a nursing program I could go through that starts fall. 17,000 is the sticker price per year, (1 year LPN, 2 year RN) but I think it'll be lower for me because I have college credit already. I'll need to do some accounting to see what I have, and whether I can swing it.

Creative projects wise, I have a couple of ideas. I'd like to set up a website from scratch that would be my notes and rambling lunacy. I want to make some AI generated music in the style of the chess centaurs, human and machine working together. I've been working on this even before I quit. I also want to make videos from a Machiavellian perspective. I really love that perspective almost as much as stoicism. Could be pop culture, politics, philosophy. I just need to put my nose to the grindstone. I have a unique writing voice, I think, and a unique speaking voice. I do think videos may suit me.

Job wise, there is a nursing home within blocks of where I live (not the one I already work at), a chain restaurant where I know the management at, a local hospital across town, the post office, and the YMCA. I'm very interested in working in town. The first two are great commute options, pay lackluster. the chain restaurant gives food to workers, too. I'd love to deliver mail. Exercise for employment. The Y has free memberships. I'm thinking "web of goals" here. I'm planning on doing some financial assessments, spending some or all the summer as partially employed doing projects, then pulling the trigger on something. Even if it's just go full time at the nursing home I already work at. I won't starve. Can't say it makes me happy to not have health insurance though. It might just be the price of more "at will" arrangements. I'm pretty tired of working for other people. I don't mind working. I don't mind people. I do mind working for people.

Cheers.

[frugaldoc]

Sounds like you made the right decision. I feel like it is always the shittiest jobs that make a stink out of quitting and act like quitting will have life altering ramifications. I remember getting hired at the UPS warehouse in undergrad. I should have seen it as a red flag that the hiring manager kept going on and on that if you worked there for even one day you would have to report that to every future employer, and they could see that you were a quitter. And if you didn't report it, you were a liar and a fraud. I hated that fucking job and lasted three days. Never have put it on an application....and look at me now. This group is the first to know I worked at UPS and then years later was fraudulently accepted to medical school by not reporting my three days of work with them.

[ertyu]

About quitting and the shittiest jobs making a stink out of it: these sorts of jobs, I've found, attract a certain type, and that type is most annoyed by some "whippersnapper" "not knowing his place". Thus, said whippersnapper must be put in his place. A similar story in candide's journal recently -- I am the big fish in this small pond, how dare you express displeasure with the pond, this is making me feel like you don't respect my position as a big fish in it (which, for the purposes of Ego, I've told myself is a big deal). How dare you quit! I'll show you.

Etcetera.

My current boss (for a month more) is the same sort.

[delay]

That's a big change! So you left after 90 days? Three months is the time I can endure anything, like a really long commute, social pressure or cleaning up behind colleagues. Like you write, quitting after that time looks impulsive, but it doesn't feel that way.

Now that I'm old and looking back, I think the bigger a company gets, the more it is like a royal household. The advantage of a royal household is the availability of gold and its stability. The disadvantages include the required flattery and form over substance. Now the strange thing is that they didn't kick you out, so you must fit in. It all sounds like you have the skill to survive in a royal household but don't want to.

Thanks for sharing and best luck in your quest for new income!

[Jean]

Your journal is a pleasant read. You seem to be doing well. Greetings from the machine-tool mecca.

[Scordatura]

Regarding the tax and savings rate computation, thank you for the input. I think you're right, I probably will do my accounting net-style like I have been. It's significantly quicker to do. I was a bit fixated on getting the "whole number" and trying to do it pretax. I want to minimize tax if I can, but I'm not so sure monthly accounting really helps that. If I just contribute literally the maximum to all the tax advantaged accounts, I have it as good as it's going to get. I just need to focus on my purchasing habits in order to swing that.

Regarding jobs and UPS... I have two very good friends that worked there and they both stayed long enough to achieve the ridiculously high wages the place is known for (40 plus an hour). Both emphatically hate/hated the place. One quit and went to work in the prison system, where he likes it better. (Says a lot about UPS in my opinion) And the other is a part time chaplain (he's the friend I talk religion with all the time) and is trying to put his finances in order so that he can be chaplain full time.

Well, frugaldoc, I'm really disapointed in your fraudulency, and.... Nah, I can't even finish that. I think you're doing fine for yourself. By wage to education ratio UPS might be one of the best, but they're paying such high wages so that they can mistreat you and still have you stay.

Also, thank you for your words. I also think I made the right decision. We shall see.

[Scordatura]

My current boss (for a month more) is the same sort.

I'll start in reverse, with my condolences. How are you holding up with your boss?

I haven't read much of Candide lately. I should correct that.

I'll make a mild correction, I don't actually think the place I was at is a shitty place to work, on the whole. I think *I* was in a place that pretty much exactly played to my weaknesses and character flaws. I think I (the extravert) was set in a corner and allowed to wilt. I think I was setting next to someone I really didn't care for, and that's something that really matters to me. (As an aside, I don't need to like everyone. But I do want the ability to escape them if I don't) I think I was assigned things I didn't really know how to do, and honestly wasn't interested in. (And I was totally honest in my interview) Frustration set in, and unfortunately, I have a hard time putting those particular reoccurring thoughts down.

I do think your analysis holds up, and applies. Both of the bosses were surprised by what I had to say and had visible emotional reactions, despite the fact I had come to them three weeks prior with feedback. I even asked to move positions within the company. Still surprised. How dare I want to leave the company? I remember writing here about the impression that I wasn't being listened to. Case in point, right here. I showed up, and said aloud what I thought. Nothing definitive was done. Like, guys, I'm not prone to blowing hot air. I normally mean what I say. But they achieved high positions in the company, what was my problem?

Here's some culture commentary for your amusement. Keep in mind, I'm selecting for negative here. These aren't important, feel free to skip.

The chairs story: one of the things I was impressed with when I toured was the fact there were smiles among the people. I think most are actually genuine. The problem? There is a heavy cultural emphasis on having a friendly work culture. In other words, if you aren't having a good time, you certainly shouldn't share it. One day, I saw a lady leave early, clearly worked up. I eventually got to know her. 1) She left early rather than be angry at work 2) I learned that the management was rumbling about chairs in her assembly area. So, eventually the manufacturing engineer asked me and the shop gopher for some help throwing some chairs in the dumpster. I already knew the answer, but as I threw the chairs in the dumpster, I asked why were throwing perfectly good shop chairs away, I shit you not he said, "Ergonomics." I knew he was lying. He knew I knew. Still he said it. My previous employer had done maneuvers like this, but they had decency enough to say "We're not seeing enough work get done. Lots of sitting." You may hate them for it, but there wasn't an obvious lie you were expected to pretend to believe. By the way, I fished the chairs out and use them regularly at home. Small wins.

The swiss lathe: I wrote an entire long story here (which I deleted) where I was going on and on about the material, poor management decision making, and incredible frustration. I don't think it was interesting, compared to the wall of text you would have had to read. Suffice it to say: management bought an expensive swiss style lathe, was massively unprepared, corporate irony ensues. The most colorful part of the story is where I dub the lathe "Louie the Lemon." I'd love to learn more about swiss lathes, but I never want to touch that one again. Or deal with management ass covering, when the decision making was so clearly poor. They should have bought two standard lathes with the money they spent on the swiss. Enough said.

[Scordatura]

Hey there delay.

I'd say three months is about my limit, too. I've actually done similar before. It very well MIGHT be impulsive. I think the impulse in this case is self preserving. I was continually thinking negative things I couldn't get a handle on. The problem was, when I asked "is this thought true?" I'd come back with an honest "Yes." I think "Fail early, fail often." Are some decent words to live by. I did similar when I traveled the states installing machine tools. I lasted four months. I traveled by plane to a different state each week, installing lasers. I learned I did not care for that much travel. At least not rapid, mandatory travel. Failure teaches lessons. In the most recent case, here's what I'm drawing from it: despite the fact I am a trained production machinist, I don't particularly care for doing mechanical work for pay (I mean fixit work here). I don't mind it for myself (I recently swapped batteries in my van, and replaced an electrical breaker in my house, and enjoyed that) but I don't want to do that for employment. I want to do production machining, or get out of machining entirely.

On that note, I let my buddies at my old production machining job know what happened, and they were downright THRILLED. It's honestly the warmest welcome you could get. I've said it before, I've missed those fuckers. Apparently, it was mutual. I called and asked the company (it's a very large corporation), I'm in good standing, and I am free to reapply. There isn't a time threshold on being rehired either. They also have a position open exactly where I was, shift and all. I might be going back, ladies and gentlemen. It's really the only machining job I would consider at this point, and one of the few jobs in general outside the town I live in I would consider. (The other, weirdly, being a chain home improvement store) In a sense, this is lack of progression, but not everything needs to be progress.

I've done some back of the envelope maths for the nursing program and I could definitely do the first year (LPN), but I'd have to crack open tax advantaged accounts and take a penalty. I'd rather avoid that. There's an obvious solution: go back to the old job and save. I know it isn't a perfect job, but I have empirical evidence that I 1) like the people 2) can tolerate the job for years. It's definitely the "Devil You Know" option. The manager I didn't care for is still there. My record is wiped clean though, too.

Haha! I like your royal house metaphor. It's directionally correct. I'm generally a people person, so I get along with most everyone. I don't exactly fit anywhere, though. I've always been my best as sort of the teacher, advisor, social glue guy. I've taught a LOT of production machinists. Their successes are my successes. I don't seem to have the inclination to climb ladders personally. Every time I try, I seem to hate it. At my previous job, I was the guy they called on to train new people and investigate crashes. I'm technically competent, crack jokes constantly, and I try to be fair. Just don't ask about my flaws, we'll be here a while.

[Scordatura]

Thank you, sir! I am. I hope you are as well.

Tornos is the swiss company I'm most familiar with. Quite a fascinating back story, ingenious and somewhat tragic. It's a pity about the founder (Junker). They still have the water wheel he built powering the place, to my knowledge.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tornos_AG

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XaXER__lI ... 91cg%3D%3D

Both links related to Tornos, for your perusal. Tornos means "lathes" in Spanish, what do you want to bet they took it from the name of the company? (I don't know the etymology for certain)

I recently watched one of your videos. I don't speak French (?) I didn't glean much, but you have a magnificent beard.

I only hope one day to speak as many languages as you do.
Keep after it, sir.