ERE Adventuring

[NuncFluens]

I just rode it out, as they're really reluctant to give covid-tests around here. Neither my fiance got one in march, nor her nephew who probably infected me a week ago. I guess it's due to a lack of available tests, so I didn't see the point in sitting at the doctor's for hours.

[Alphaville]

oh! glad to know you’re ok then. this could possibly have been reinfection if you caught it in march...

[NuncFluens]

Could be. It's likely I've had it in march, as my fiance got sick with the flu first and then something different 2 weeks later. I also caught the different thing, which might just have been covid. But since it didn't do much and I basically quarantined myself on both occassions (and continue to right now) I don't feel too bad about it.

You might notice from my getting all defensive that this is quite a challenging time for me as I only recently took things more seriously. What has kept me for a while was the whole incongruousness of the situation. On the one hand most people agree that this is a huge problem, but the only steps taken (that affected me personally) were to wear a mask sometimes, but not all the time. It was hard for me to take things seriously when measures taken are so lackluster. Although I've watched our country's dear leader speak this week and she made a good point: They just can't force people for their own good and still call it a democracy. There's already some backlash because technically, what they did was borderline unconstitutional as there were no elected representatives involved in deciding the new measures*. And so, with widespread belief that we can all just ignore this away, the higher-ups' hands are bound in a way. I fear this will only get better if enough people have lost someone they care about, sadly

*Or so I surmise from the fact that only appointed (not directly elected) ministers were involved. Me not following the news/checking the facts is another shortcoming of mine, but I fear for my mental health should I follow the news more closely.

I'm still on the fence about this whole thing, as I get childishly rebellious sometimes. After all, if they deem it unnecessary to do the tests on people sick with the flu (hopefully), why should I quarantine myself then? Hasn't the doctor just then decided that I'm not a risk? I'm still figuring that part out, but I try to be more forthcoming, as my fiance is dealing with her covid-denying parents quite a bit and I want to support her. On the object matter of what my responsiblities to the wider population should be, I am still very much torn though.

[ertyu]

You should quarantine because you are a decent human. This applies to all of these measures. Masks and social distancing protect others more than they protect you.

[NuncFluens]

Oh don't make a mistake there ertyu, I did and still do follow the measures, exactly because this is bigger than me. It's not that I am unaware of my civic duties*, but that I felt left alone when the people who have all the ressources to effect change do next to nothing to enforce the best course of action.

*my last sentence before was poorly worded. I know what needs to be done, I'm just not sure how to feel about it.

I've had my eye on China there for a bit and was amazed by how efficiently they handled the situation. But the question then becomes whether I really want the government to install such draconic measures, democracy be damned. And I guess I don't want that, so I'm coming around to the idea that my freedom also brings responsiblities with it. Responsibilities that I'd rather have given up to the higher ups in the past.

I hoped for a system that would handle this situation without me having to accept the "burden" of wearing a maks sometimes, for a long time. Like I said, I am childish sometimes, and I don't count that towards my strengths. But I am beginning to recognize my part in this more and more each day, so maybe there's still hope for me.

[Alphaville]

oh, i see. [eta this is before your last reply]

part of the problem is randomness (lots that we don’t know about the virus), part of the problem is logistics, part of the problem is hedging (the need to keep the economy going).

e.g., randomness: i think my wife and i might have gotten it in march, she coughed for 3 weeks, i had a couple of mild fevers, but could have been something else. at the same time we lost family members to it—some with conditions, but nobody very old. we now know immunity is temporary, and reinfection is possible, and subsequent infections can be worse.

logistics: masks, tests, vaccines, contact tracing, etc, are a) costly and b) hard to deliver. i don’t mean ultrapricey or i possible, but in the aggregate, it counts for a lot. there’s a bit of a triage process in administering services and issuing supplies to the most vulmerable/serious cases. so. e.g, i still can’t get n95 respirators to protect myself from others, so i just wear surgical masks that help others- but without others wearing theirs, i’m at their mercy. self-reliance is not always possible, and so we need cooperation.

economy: bit of a tightrope as you know. we are lucky to work exclusively from home now. a bit cramped but we like each other. as for your situation, maybe your boss needs to stop pushing?

[NuncFluens]

Alphaville, I'm very sorry for your loss.

I think the fact that my family and friends weren't affected yet was part of my refusal to engage with the situation more closely for such a long time. You're right, though. It is a very complicated problem with a lot of intricacies that none of us can possibly understand in full. I might have my qualms with the specifics of how things are handled, but to be honest, I have no idea. I guess it's just easier to complain sometimes :/

As for the work situation, my boss' hands are bound by institution-wide rules that leave no wiggleroom, so we're safe for the coming weeks at least. Home office is definitely workable too, even though coordination and teamwork is thrown out the window right now. But I'm very glad that I still have a job, considering how many have lost at least part of their income.

[Alphaville]

thanks. it was my wife’s relatives—she was the one sad/in shock, i was mostly in a supporting role. on my side of the family mostly all safe but i have a college-age niece who got it in a painful way and recovered.

and yes, this is similar to a black swan: low probability events with high/unpredictable impact. and herd immunity is improbable or costly. just too many unknowns and too much wishful thinking.

glad to know your boss has been limited by institutions. if he feels lonely he should zoom with friends

[NuncFluens]

Financial Planning
My recent sucess in living well below my means has inspired me to think about my finances in more detail. In the past I was very focused on the accumulation phase, because that's where I was (and still am) at. Over the last two days I did some research into the withdrawal phase, which was pretty new to me. A few scary things did come up and especially the sequence of returns risk made for a spooky halloween I did come up with a plan, though. This is mostly for myself to think through it all again, and check back on later when I've forgotten about all my clever reasoning:

I assume to need 12k€ per year. This is consistent with my spending over the time I track my finances in detail (4 months now, including high spend months, so hopefully representative) and my gut feeling about the last few years. Assuming 2% inflation over 20 years, this means I'd need about 18k€ in 2040, or 450k€ at a 4% withdrawal rate to keep my purchasing power without drawing down principal.

I am planning on reaching those 450k€ in 2 phases:

• Phase 1 would be at my current job, with a 32h week. Stashing 15k€ per year (at 60% SR) should lead to a 200k€ portfolio in about 8 years (starting at 50k€ current net worth). I have determined 200k€ as the point where actively saving has very little impact on portfolio growth anymore (assuming 7% ROI before inflation).

• Since my active contributions add very little to portfolio-growth, in Phase 2, I'll reduce my working time to 20h per week. At the same job, this would give me about 8k€ per year to start building my low-risk assets (we will assume cash, with no ROI). This is also when I'll stop reinvesting dividends and use them to bolster my cash position. Over the next 10 years, the portfolio should grow to 370k€ and my cash buffer should reach 90k€ -> 460k€ net worth.

As for the withdrawal phase, I'm planning on implementing an equity glidepath, starting at 80/20 asset allocation with a 2% increase in stocks per year. After 10 years, I should be at 100% stocks while having had some protection against the sequence of returns risk. Assuming no "real" job, this would also cut my taxes down to a minimum, so they are roughly irrelevant for this phase. health insurance might come on top, but pushes taxes down even further, so let's consider this a wash for now.

With a 30 year horizon there are a few caveats of course:

• I assume working at my current job for at least 20 years. My boss will retire in about 5 years (possibly dissolving our branch), and even though provisions are being put in place to keep us prospering, it's a dice toss of course. Should my current job not be available, I'm planning on seeking a position with higher pay, though. As I'm reasonably confident that this is realistic, I will not worry about this.

• I assume living on super low rent forever. I've adjusted for inflation, but it's still unrealistic. Buying a house/flat might be a good hedge here, but requires immense amounts of research and quite a bit of luck. This is also made more difficult by the next point.

• We plan on moving to another country, for a few years at least. This might result in a job change, higher rent, higher cost of living and much more. It also means we won't be buying a house until we return (or decide to stay). This is definitely the biggest unknown right now.

• Health might deteriorate. I know of no hereditary diseases on my side, but my fiance is definitely at risk. We don't mix our finances, but I might be tempted (and/or forced by the government) to chip in, if necessary. As it stands I also have no insurance against being unable to work, as I found it quite useless for an IT-person and won't be working in my latter years anyway. Call me arrogant, but I roll the dice on this one. Health care in germany is also quite good, so this is a minor point for me right now.

• Assets might underperform. Although a 7% ROI on stocks is not unreasonable, a bear market might mean I have to work a few years longer. I might buffer this by being smart with my cash position, but will have to research a few ladder-systems to keep it available. Gold might be an option, but needs further research.

• Big things might come up. This includes my wedding, once-in-a-lifetime trips, having to support my fiance during a period of unemployment, and so on

• Another one would have been having to pay for my parents, should they need elder care. I have my reasons for not wanting to chip in, but won't go into them here. The law was recently revised though, so if I don't suddenly earn 100k+ pre-tax, I am safe. This might change again in the future, but for now this concern has been relegated to the back of my mind.

• All regulations (health care/insurance, taxation, etc.) can and will change of course. Hyperinflation or currency reforms might make huge dents in several positions and so on. I have no idea as of yet on how to counter these. More research is needed.

I've also left some wiggle-room to counter said caveats:

• Assuming staying in the same job limits my income opportunities (increase in pay is fixed, bonuses unlikely). Should I change jobs, my income will most definitely rise above what I am earning now. This would make for a shorter (maybe more stressful) accumulation phase.

• Even so, I did not factor in future pay raises at the current job (due in 2023, 2027 and 2032) and have ignored yearly increases as negotiated by the union. This might cut another year off the accumulation phase.

• I assume a 60% SR at my current income. This is sustainable and leaves room for 1-2 vacations, an abundance of day trips, takeout food and much more. I plan on outperforming my plan by quite a bit, but even if one or two things go wrong I should be able to achieve my projections.

• I have assumed no supplemental income of any sort. This gives me some wiggle room to earn more when times are bad (especially during the withdrawal pahse). Also excluded are windfalls and bonuses. Should they happen it's a nice surprise, but I don't rely on them.

• I did not assume any leverage and am currently reading up on what's possible. I wouldn't go into debt to buy more stocks at current evaluations, but am considering a mortgage when buying a house. I might also cut my cash-buffer down and get a line of emergency credit instead. This is still very tentative.

• As retirement accounts will kick in very late, I've left those out completely. Germany does not have many valid options (in my situation) that are tax-deferred, so I do not put any money in any of those. I do however have 2 mandatory accounts where contributions are deducted from monthly pay. This earns me "points" that might or might not translate into some money in the future. I am a bit paranoid on this point and do not assume the scheme to hold up until I am eligible. So this is at most an unexpected bonus.

• We've made sure to be unable to have kids, so no surprises there.

• The whole plan assumes no drawdrown of principal at all. Since we won't have kids to inherit it to, this is very suboptimal. I will have to think this through more thoroughly. On the one hand I'll have a lot of money on hand if our health deterioriates. On the other hand, I don't necessarily want to "suffer" early on and throw the money out with both hands later.

As I said, this writeup is mostly for myself, but comments are as always appreciated. I'm planning on outperforming and adjusting this plan regularly and will probaly refer back to it quite a bit in the future.

[NuncFluens]

Financial Planning
I did some research on the low-risk part of my porfolio. As building that part up is ~8 years away, this might seem premature, but I'm thinking about buying a few products to learn the process, handling and performance of some of the following:

• Cash on hand is easy, but suffers from inflation. I think I'm getting 0,05% of interest on my bank account right now, so that is very suboptimal too. Fixed deposits offer up to 0,1% interest for a few years duration. Similar products offer employer matching, but my current employer caps these at ~7€ per month. Assuming I can put in ~800€ per month, this would mean ~1% of growth (including interest) per year for a min/max duration of 6/7 years (at my current bank). With minimum input (40€) from my side, this would mean ~17.5% ROI before interest, but since it's not scalable, I'll just not bother.

• Bonds seem super-complicated, as this is my first contact with them. I have no idea how to select bonds and don't want to complicate this too much. Seeing how trading them is a thing, would I be wrong to view them as non-correlated dividend "stocks" (with an end date)? I might want to invest a 1000€ bucks in the near future and observe how these things work.

• Gold is a hassle. As I'm looking mostly for non-correlation with stocks, I don't exactly need physical gold. We do have a bottlecap collection, so I'm definitely already prepared for the apocalypse. On "paper gold", my bank has me confused with their german terms, since I read up on english language ressources. I might invest an additional 1000€ here and figure it out while I go.

Another idea I was toying with was to get an emergency line of credit instead of using my own money (50k€ would cut down part 2 of the accumulation phase by about 4 years). After researching the current conditions (6% interest, was 3% before) this seems unfeasible, though.

[NuncFluens]

I tend to overfocus on one thing to the detriment of everything else, as might be evident from my last few posts. I've put financial planning on the backburner for now, though, as I need more data on my spending over time and I only buy assets once every 3 months anyway, so there's not much to do there right now.

The Basement
My fiance is big on christmas, so we had to dig deep into the basement to find the christmas tree and 4 boxes of decorations. In the process we sorted out quite a lot, which we will need to get rid of once this covid-situation eases up a bit. We also built up some shelves and rearranged the stuff that we're planning on keeping, so overall it feels like significant progress was made.

Fitness
Nothing to say here, as I kinda fell off the train. Work was stressfull, christmas decorations cluttered my usual training space and the rain just makes it too easy to not go out and hike. I am not happy about this and will start again tomorrow, once my training course for work is over.

Work
This week is super stressfull. First off, I am doing the training course for my certification, which goes from 10AM to 6PM every day. Since our project is due soon and our team is too small for one person missing completely, I am also working from 8AM to 10AM in the mornings and during all coffee and lunch breaks.

At least the training course isn't too difficult and includes some hands-on labs, so I'm quite confident that I will ace the certification. However, I noticed that I tend to focus on edge cases when the practice questions only consider the day-to-day operations. This might lead to "wrong" answers, as the test is multlple choice and I won't be able to provide nuanced reasoning :/

Wedding
The fiance wanted to change her first name back before we marry, as it was mistranslated when she came to germany. The process is very complicated and chances for success are low, so we decided to remove this as a blocker for our wedding. Either it works out on time or it doesn't. This might mean that the name can't be changed ever again, as changing your first name after changing the surname is forbidden somehow, apparently.

I also finished the book on prenups that a colleague loaned to me. Disclaimer: We do of course assume that we won't get a divorce, but we're planning for the worst case here. My fiance and I keep our finances completely separate as of now, and will continue to keep it that way which is quite standard it seems. I do have a few questions for the lawyer though, as my ERE-plans bring up a few questions. As my fiance does not work towards ERE and might be working when I am not, this could leave us in an interesting situation:

• My fiance's income will be much higher than mine. In addition, my CV might leave me unable to find a job since I might have stopped working years ago. Due to my assets she might not be forced to support poor me, but future retirement payouts are definitely on the table, if we don't protect her against that.

• On the flip side, my assets will be huge, while she will have very little in comparison. They are also severely underprotected (vs income) by law. It seems in germany you can always go back to work after all your savings are taken away (see elder care for parents pre 2020). Buying property to bind capital seems to partly circumvent this, because reasons.

• In general, the situation will be very asymmetric, although it seems fair to us. A judge might not see it that way and declare the whole prenup void though, if he finds that one side is unduly affected and/or left destitute. I seem to remember a thread on here where these situations were discussed in the US and it seems germany is just as bad.

To end on a positive note, we at least agree on how we would like to handle the situation, if it ever came up. So I'm very optimistic on the whole, even though due dilligence is very exhausting

[NuncFluens]

Finances
I knew it! Apparently I forgot to wire my fiance the rent for last month, which leaves me at 706€ spent in total at a 70% SR for last month. This has since been automated and double checked, so no rude awakenings in the future I hope.

On the upside, the flight for our vacation in january was cancelled, which means I'll get some 150€ back for that. Normally, I wouldn't be too happy, but it started to look like we'd have to decide if we wanted to be irresponsible and fly to the Netherlands despite covid. And since I started to feel like an ass about that possibility, I'm quite happy that the flight got cancelled. There might be cancellation fees for the hotel though, so all might not be as well.

Fitness
Still nothing. I'm so preoccupied with other things that I just can't seem to force myself to move. Everything else is just more urgent, interesting, etc. I hope that exposing myself like this might shame me into working out again :/

Work
I finished my training course and have to say, it wasn't super great. I learned a lot of very dry details, but feel left to my own devices in figuring out how to turn the theoretical knowledge into working solutions. The webinar format is definitely not my favorite, either. A classroom environment where one can work together, discuss details, etc. was sorely missing. It felt more like an on-demand course, but without the possibility to self-pace and review.

The project I'm working on caught up to speed though, so I'm not super stressed anymore.

Wedding
I must tell you I was unfaithful to you all, as I started to hang out in a german forum over the last few days. This was mostly to get country-specific information on how prenups are handled around these part. No big surprises there, as I already read a book on the topic, but it was good to discuss my unusual situation with others. Slightly heated arguments ensued, which made me hunker down and really figure out why I want to do things the way I want to do them. I found that very helpful overall and am now much more sure of where I stand.

My fiance also contacted a lawyer about her name change. They will be meeting up (online) next week, so this might still be happening before our wedding.

Lifestyle
I participated in a discussion about intentional communities on said german forum and had a revelation of sorts. The point I discussed was how intentional communities don't need money because everyone is doing their part. Which is when it hit me that my fiance and I are actually an intentional community, just smaller. We need less money because we can use each other's talents to create synergy. Add to that a few friends helping with moving and such and we already have the loose beginnings of an intentional community.

What's striking is that none of this is new or surprising. All the pieces were already there, and I even used them, but it all just clicked during that discussion. Going forward, I'll try to build more of an intentional community around myself. One reason is decreased need for money (diversification with sweat equity/connections), but I also really like to work on things I can touch for people I care about.

[Alphaville]

Which is when it hit me that my fiance and I are actually an intentional community, just smaller. We need less money because we can use each other's talents to create synergy. [...etc...]

yeeeeeeeees. yes to this. this is a very smart epiphany and i’m glad you see it so clearly, rather than resist the idea.

(btw i read your journal but have nothing to say about certain subjects hence remain mute on them.)

[NuncFluens]

Oh, don't feel forced to answer. Writing this down on its own is a big part of how I reflect on and stay motivated towards my goals. Although input is as always appreciated

I kept thinking about that intentional community concept on my (short) hike today, and I think the "click" was really about me finding a name to the concept. Sometimes it's just that much easier to think about things when all the loose details have a box to fit in neatly.

[NuncFluens]

I've had a bit of a hard time this week. First I really got into the research about prenups, which was necessary and overall very pleasant. I also talked this through with my fiance and we agree on basically all points. So while this has definitely quelled my last concerns, it also made the whole thing that much more real. Thinking through all the what-ifs with my fiance really shifted my perspective from "the next 5 years" to "the next 30+ years".

Another thing that got me thinking was the situation at work yesterday. Apparently, I was expected to provide the slides for a 20 minute presentation. However, I had basically nothing as I wasn't aware of the fact. This was in part due to miscommunication, but I also seem to have missed an email from the evening before, so naturally I felt bad. On top of that my boss has this way of putting down people for these frequent messups instead of assuming ownership of his part in these things. Anyway, the deadline has been extended and I'm into the second draft for the slides right now, so objectively it's not a big thing. I did however feel really down for the remainder of the day. This really drove home the point of how the need to work for a living is like a festering wound on my soul. I don't know how normal people do it...

Combine that with my recent long-term financial planning which has me retiring in 14 years (that's 2.800 working days) and I am absolutely panicking about my emotional wellbeing and my sanity. Because of this I have frantically worked on every possible aspect of speeding this process along, which is really exhausting. I have since come to the conclusion that I need to build better systems instead of attacking every situation on its own.

With this slightly shifted focus I am now re-working my web of goals towards self-sufficiency. This is partly due to the fact that it's still easier (and way faster) to spend 100€ less per month than it is to save 30.000€ more. Although I am aware that there are costs that will go up no matter how frugal I am living (rent, taxes, health costs), I still hope to reduce the mountain of money that I will need by a fair bit.

My first point of attack will be recurring consumption costs, which is the biggest non-fixed cost to date. I reworked my money-tracking software to get a more detailed overview on my spending in that category. I also found a few things that I can do to keep this low:

• Remove nicotine: I've never talked about this on here, but want to put myself on the spot now. When my fiance and I were separated last year, she started smoking. After we got together again she agreed to switch over to vaping, as it doesn't smell. I took up the habit too, mostly as a coping mechanism because of my weakened emotional state at that time. Fast forward and I find it really hard to stop now, mostly because it's always in reach as my fiance continues to vape. I'll still have to find a way to stop without judging her for not stopping, but I know that I have to. This would reduce my consumption budget by 30€/month or 9.000€ less that I'd need to save, so it's definitely worth it

• Cut back on beer: I am a big fan of beer and wouldn't want to remove it completely. When I found my drinking to be problematic in the past, I switched over to non-alcoholic beer without problem for a few months, so it's not that I need the alcohol itself at least. Non-alcoholic beer costs about as much as alcoholic beer, though, so nothing gained on that front. I also brewed my own beer, but found the process tedious and it only saves money if I substitute it for high-priced craft beer, so that's out too. Which basically only leaves me with drinking less or substituting with other fizzy drinks. As a first step I have ramped up my water-kefir-making, as it provides me with (almost) free fizzy drinks. Substituting with DIY-fizzy alone will save me ~14€/month (at the current scale) and it's really fun, too.

• Go (a little bit) vegetarian: I've found my staple meals to be very frugal in general... until I toss 3€ of meat in there. I have started to leave the meat out of a few dishes, though, and have found that some of them still work quite well. I've also found that I use meat as more of a seasoning (e.g. in stews) now, which helps cut costs. Sliced Deli Meat is dirt cheap though, so I won't reduce that for cost reasons. As meat-free alternatives become more available I might switch over fully for ethical and ecological reasons.

• Cook everything myself: This is easy. As I come from a strength-training background, meal prep is my default mode. My fiance has found my meals to be wanting, though, so I will focus on producing high-class food instead of beans of rice. This will make her happy because she hates cooking and it will also save us money. Win-Win, even if it is more work.

To round the whole thing off, I am also researching ways to get food for free:

• I have started foraging a bit here and there on my hiking trips this year, but there's still a lot to be learned. We are currently thinking about taking a mushroom-picking class once covid is more managable.

• There is also a food-saving-organization in my town, which apparently gives out food to everyone. I will have to stop by to get an idea of how that works exactly. As I am very well-off I wouldn't want to take that away from the others, if the supplies are limited.

• Dumpster diving is another idea that I already tried out a few years ago. Back then six out of seven shops closed off their trash, though, and the seventh one only had (expired) pudding powder, so that was a complete waste of time. Maybe I'll need to work harder to find the good spots, but I'm also aware that this could lead to conflicts with law. My activist-self kinda wants to do this, though.

[ertyu]

the need to work for a living is like a festering wound on my soul. I don't know how normal people do it...

Combine that with my recent long-term financial planning which has me retiring in 14 years (that's 2.800 working days) and I am absolutely panicking about my emotional wellbeing and my sanity. Because of this I have frantically worked on every possible aspect of speeding this process along, which is really exhausting.

dropped by to say i feel this -- the festering wound on the soul mood was me in november/december of last year. I had 3 yrs to go and no idea how i'd possibly last through them, so yeah, i was panicking also.

Another part I can relate to is that right now, my high spending is mostly due to my bad habits: in my case, processed/junk food, sugar, and coffee.

hope the systems you design will work and will help you get the feeling of being on the right track.

[Alphaville]

read quickly but 2 things:

1) i’d flip the blame on the shitty boss for sending emails in the evening when people need time with their families. workaholic bastard needs a life.

2) i miss smoking so much! even if now it makes me puke hahaa. nicotine was a brilliant vice (that i’m not going back to)

bbl but i just wanted to say that as first response

[NuncFluens]

dropped by to say i feel this -- the festering wound on the soul mood was me in november/december of last year. I had 3 yrs to go and no idea how i'd possibly last through them, so yeah, i was panicking also.

Another part I can relate to is that right now, my high spending is mostly due to my bad habits: in my case, processed/junk food, sugar, and coffee.

hope the systems you design will work and will help you get the feeling of being on the right track.

Thank you. I've read your journal in its entirety a few months ago and definitely felt reminded of it when I wrote my last entry. I didn't feel as bad about it back then, but yesterday really showed me how bad it can get. I hope that I can get back to stoic endurance for a few years...

read quickly but 2 things:
1) i’d flip the blame on the shitty boss for sending emails in the evening when people need time with their families. workaholic bastard needs a life.
2) i miss smoking so much! even if now it makes me puke hahaa. nicotine was a brilliant vice (that i’m not going back to)

Flipping the blame is hard, as we're granted lots of leeway with when and where we work. If I insisted on strictly defined working hours it would hurt me more than I would gain. The late mails are definitely annoying, but normally they are not very time-critic so it's okay if I read them the next day. Yesterday was just a combination of all the usual messups

The smoking thing is difficult. I never really started as it always tasted bad to me, but vaping has all that minty goodness with none of the burnt paper. It's going to be hard to stop and I'm still considering reducing it instead.

[Alphaville]

Flipping the blame is hard, as we're granted lots of leeway with when and where we work. If I insisted on strictly defined working hours it would hurt me more than I would gain. The late mails are definitely annoying, but normally they are not very time-critic so it's okay if I read them the next day. Yesterday was just a combination of all the usual messups

The smoking thing is difficult. I never really started as it always tasted bad to me, but vaping has all that minty goodness with none of the burnt paper. It's going to be hard to stop and I'm still considering reducing it instead.

it’s superaddictive—and delicious! probably helped with my adhd in the early days. i have tried self-medicating with nicotine gum. but really my body rejects it now. i still keep in emergency medical box next to the caffeine pills. you never know when you’ll need to stay awake for 3 days

reason for flipping the blame is psychological, not organizational. we have defense mechanisms for a reason: use yours! (but privately)

and sending shit last minute and expecting people to work overnight is only for the elite of the highly remunerated. everyone else can’t be expected because you’re not paid accordingly. your boss is still an asshole, trying to blame you for his shame and incompetence

in a more practical way, perhaps setting up email autoresponders when unavailable is good. if it’s an emergency they should call you.there are ways to define boundaries at work. “i’m not here right now and will be back at 8” is good.

this is all a long roundabout way to say that difficulties are to be expected at all times, and depression/withdrawal are not a good solution except maybe during hibernation. use your activism to defeat the boss instead of digging in the garbage and collecting charity? it’s seriously more satisfying that way. do you have a union at work?

cmon friend. i’m just saying don’t let the bastards grind you down, and don’t cut and run. you can beat the game. don’t let them destroy you emotionally. breathe deeply.

[NuncFluens]

I threw myself a bit of a pity party there, so maybe it came off wrong. I'm not blaming myself at all for missing those last-minute mails or any of his other behavior. I have set myself some standards for when I have to navigate leadership situations and I find my boss severely lacking in all of those, as do other colleagues when we vent to each other. So psychologically I'm riding in on a high horse most of the time already, which is fine because I know that they need me and can afford it.

The dumpster diving/food-sharing thing is not so much about eating dirt instead of working. That comes more from a place of wanting to avoid waste in the system. Like I said, I'm not looking for charity, but if the inefficiencies are there I'd rather take it then let it go to waste. But that doesn't mean I'm feeling forced to dig in the trash because of the job