DutchGirl's journal

[7Wannabe5]

If I were you, I would stand by and look for leverage points in terms of where a little cash might be well offered/spent. Also you might think in terms of providing Fun Sister/Aunt "treats" or minor luxuries rather than more stolid support. For example, maybe she lands in the smaller house in a somewhat worse neighborhood, but it can be so much fun and so freeing to finally take a girl's out adventure outing after years of being stuck married to some total loser guy.. Get tickets to see a wild punk band you both liked when you were very young. Go on a wilderness adventure together and skinny dip in some remote lake. These are both things I did with one or more of my sisters after my divorce and it was such a blast!

[DutchGirl]

So far I've helped fund a good lawyer to make sure she gets what she is owed according to the prenup and to the Dutch laws and such. So that maybe later she doesn't regret not having consulted one and never knowing whether she could have gotten more out of the divorce. And I've given her some cash explicitly telling her to spend it on things that make life a little bit easier right now - like ordering pizza instead of cooking, or a night in a hotel instead of a tense night together in their shared house. By now they have secured a temporary apartment where one parent can stay while the other is at the shared house with the kids. They will now trade places every few days: one parent will be with the kids, the other in the apartment, until my sister has found a new permanent house. Not living in the same house will hopefully help a bit.

With the divorce of sister-in-law in recent memory (and how well she has come out of it mentally, now 1.5 years after it started) I am indeed trying to remember that this is hopefully the worst part and things should get a bit better soon and that yes, people can adapt and can start to like their new life. And yes, Jacob, I do think that my sister is also one of these humans who learn most from fucking around and finding out. That is something to keep in mind, as is the fact that outpatient care (from the book "Millionaire next door") doesn't really help the person grow and develop. I will try to find a balance here. But I think it's a quite complicated situation, also because of the nieces.

[DutchGirl]

With my sister I do see some moments where I have hope for her future. Sometimes there's despair, and there is anger, but every once in a while now we hear that she is making plans for her future and that she has hope for some good things to happen, too. So fingers crossed there.

For me, I have been struggling a bit with work. I just talked about it this morning with my guy. I already knew I work best if someone is waiting for the result of my work. I don't work well if there is no deadline or if the deadline is months into the future. Then what I need to do currently changes to an amorphous blob of things I might do sometime - and I go play TrainValley2. Now, I notice that even with work where someone is waiting for something I produce, I work best if there is just a continuous amount of work, and not, like at my current workplace, afternoons where most of the day's work has been done and I just have to sit there to wait for new tasks to come up. Rationally, I know that someone needs to do that job in the afternoon: sit there until a new issue arises and then work it (and do that well), but for me, being paid to sit and wait does not feel good - also a big part of which is that other people in the same office do have more work to do during the afternoon and will see me sit and wait.I have to think about this some more, and I might have to go talk to my manager - give me something more to do in the afternoon, BUT it also will need to be something that can be interrupted by the tasks that pop up every once in a while in the afternoon, and those will need to have priority.

We'll see.

Also, I still also might have to / might be able to work on the fact that I don't wanna do things that don't have other people waiting for my work results. If I wanna do something big in my own life (outside of work), then the same issue occurs. So it's worthwhile to keep working on this. (And I know I'm not the only human with this issue).

[delay]

Rationally, I know that someone needs to do that job in the afternoon: sit there until a new issue arises and then work it (and do that well), but for me, being paid to sit and wait does not feel good - also a big part of which is that other people in the same office do have more work to do during the afternoon and will see me sit and wait.

Thanks for your journal update! Before 2020, when I walked around the office, there would be many screens with Facebook or Funda (the Dutch real estate site). Browsing the internet, games or even porn was nothing unusual. Nowadays most people go home when their work is done. So there are lots of people who have less work than they have working hours.

If you feel guilty about it, why not ask colleagues or your boss if you can have some "extra responsibilities"?