Liberate Mind: Family Edition

[LiberateMind]

May goals : Result : Bad, except for completing modules on time, failed on all fronts, Shows what my commitment capability is. Have to build my self discipline musle..

On the intership front, got an internship though not from mentor. Radio silence there from mentor.. Trying interview on multiple fronts. My old company colleagues had talk with me on a contract.. Lets see how it goes.. I have to train people to replace me and then get out.. Most likely it is for one year.. Have given them a month to decide.. lets see where it goes..

[LiberateMind]

Finance: Finance front everything is going good. Though giving costly gifts is becoming a norm now. That is not permenant , so okay with it for now. Spent around 5k on clothes, have to spend around 15k on mobile. Cashflow is finally positive. Lets see how it goes.

[LiberateMind]

June Goals:

Finance

Maintain cashflow and save 50K for Insurance payment.

Self-Development.

Very very little goals to make sure I achieve them.
- Meditate 10 mins a day ( 100 days project)
- Walk 60K steps this month from now on.

Moments in may:
- Realized I am doing multiple self-sabotaging and self-loathing behaviours, I plan to come out of it, try it and fail at it resulting in low self-esteem an d apathy. Have to dig out of that hole.
- Doing things for the sake of others, which doesn't help me. Started identifying this and it is bit revealing, as I am not like that before.
- Planned to do things for my sake only and going to work on clarity on what is it i want.
- Whatsapp was crucial to group studies, so mobile block is a fail. Have to think about how to implement this.

[LiberateMind]

Finance

Deficit : 37K
Income : 65K

At the end of the month the deficit might increase by 5K due to gifts for kids. Have to control the spending . Although DH is not onboard with it yet, as he is not into FIRE thing yet. Always thinking in whether we can cashflow this month or not only. Inspite of this , he has some automatic savings going on from his end.

Upcoming finance goals:
Save 88+42 = 130K to compensate for deficit and upcoming annual payments on insurance by month of apirl.So from September we have to save 16.5 k monthly to meet this goal.Lets target for 20k and see where it goes. Will post a monthly report and see how we progress.

[LiberateMind]

Whats up with life :

- I was being lazy for the past two months and no progress on goal being made. Feeling bit out of control with my life.

- Planning a anniversary trip on the upcoming month, so that will include some expenses and experiences.

- Looking for a residence to buy , that will involve major finance commitment and lots of planning. Failing to find a residence , planning to shift the home where there is more community bound activities.

- Had a clash with DH while discussing finances and trying to bring it under control, so going smoothly for now.

- Have 33x years of expenses individually, though tracking individually doesn't make sense anymore. As of now, my DH is handling the expenses, I want to pick up equal weight during retirement, so have to think about it a bit and set up investments based on that.

- Have around 16x years of expenses saved as family.

- Thinking about part time job or business so that it covers the expenses and can coastFIRE with existing investments if we want to. No concrete steps yet. It is in the mind for future.

- My MS is going smoothly, but am slacking in my studies and other commitments.

- Have to challenge with DH to lose 10 kg by the end of Decemeber , so will plan for it religiously and do it. Another IVF round is pending, planning to take it up.

[LiberateMind]

Few life updates:

- Bought an appartment (condo). Have loan about 60% of the value.

- Completed MS.

- Into a contract on monthly basis.

- Bought a car. Have a loan about 80% of the value.

- Still a DINK household.

- Saving above 50% of income.

Finance is stable, but expenses increased a lot, mainly due to lack of monitoring and owning to car and moving to a new neighborhood.

[rube]

Nice to read an update @Liberatemind and congrats on achieving the MS!

[LiberateMind]

@rube: Thank you.

On the finance front, the expenses exploded mainly due to car and interest payments. The number of years saved would be varying very much depending on whether including interest or not. As of now, I can safely say we have 10 years of living expenses under belt for any situation.

Typical expenses for the month are as below, groceries are high due to food inflation:

Car maintenance / fuel: 18000
Interest payments : 53000
Maid : 4500
EB Bill : 1500
Maintenance (Housing) : 4000
Cell phone / Broadband : 1000
Eating out : 3000
Grocery : 10000
Clothing : 5000
Misc: 10000
Parental allowance : 15000

Total : 125000

We are living a large life, without caring about expenses for a while. The expenses increased by 5 fold from the start of marriage. If I cut the car and interest payments then it would halve the expenses. Though cutting the car is not going to happen.

I have deviated so much from ERE lifestyle, that is another reason for not posting in the forum regularly. I am going to accept that I am an anomaly and start working towards my better life.

[LiberateMind]

Nov Goals:

Keep the family expenses below 60K without interest.
Walk for 15 hours.

I have untreated diabetes and being overweight now. I am very very hesitant to visit the doctor or follow diet due to previous failures.Thinking about it itself is giving me headaches. I am trying to handle it on my own without much success. May be posting here would keep me accountable. One day maybe I will post the numbers, for now I am too ashamed to post it online.

Next phase of life is to concentrate on fitness. Tiny steps, tiny steps.

[ertyu]

I am very very hesitant to ... follow diet due to previous failures

Hi, another fat here, I get it. Here's the thing tho: often when we look at the past, we see the eventual failure. But we forget to notice that before we failed, there was a period of time for which we didn't fail. If you stuck to whatever diet for two days and failed on day 3, these are 2 days when you did fine. This time matters: it was 2 days during which you weren't damaging your body even if you ended up backsliding in the end. So make the backsliding a non-event. You can't undo it. But what you can do is deciding that you'll try for two more days even if you backslide on day 3 again--but again, these will be 2 days on which you didn't harm your body. Count your successes, not your failures. Even if it didn't work out eventually, you succeeded for a time. So what worked out during that time? What did you tell yourself? Was your environment structured a certain way? Did you eat something or not eat something or keep to a certain window or what?

Stay strong and good luck

[LiberateMind]

Count your successes, not your failures. Even if it didn't work out eventually, you succeeded for a time. So what worked out during that time? What did you tell yourself? Was your environment structured a certain way? Did you eat something or not eat something or keep to a certain window or what?

@ertyu, I appreciate the input. I always thought on the terms of why didn't work out rather than why it did. Will start logging the times it worked out. Mostly I think it is positive feedback loops. Do something, lose 100 gms.. get motivated repeat. Then I will plateau and get frustrated. I have to work upon the process instead of the result I think.

So positive notes for today.
1. No food after 6 PM.
2. 1 hr walking.
3. 10 mins Stretching.

Energy level:
Feeling fatigued after the stretching. Low energy level after lunch. High energy after walking.

[delay]

I am very very hesitant to visit the doctor or follow diet due to previous failures.Thinking about it itself is giving me headaches.

Thanks for sharing your journey! I was overweight for most of my life and followed many diets over the years. Around 10 of them were initially successful, with me losing 40-60 pounds and attaining a healthy weight. None of those ten lasted for more than a few months. I can deny my body certain foods only for so long. After that my body's need outgrows my maximum willpower.

Two years ago I started an eating window, only eating between 14:00 and 20:00. This worked well both for losing weight and maintaining it. I consume what and how much I feel like, including dark beers and fresh bread with honey. Only the time is limited. This style of weight control is called "intermittent fasting" and may be worth considering.

[LiberateMind]

Only the time is limited. This style of weight control is called "intermittent fasting" and may be worth considering.

@delay, I am also landing on this one. Thanks for recommending. I have done two 16 hour fasts and one 15.5 hour fast in the past three days. Even though I don't feel hungry, it took me 2-3 hrs to sleep and always feeling full. The level of mental clarity it gives is astonishing. I have all the time and energy in the world, but was not really motivated to do anything. It is like watching the boat going towards the waterfall, but complete lack of will to do anything about it.

Took a blood test today, most likely will get the results tomorrow. This is to ensure my strategy is going in the right direction.

Feb 2024 Hb1ac - 12 and random blood sugar is 297.7 .
Nov 2024 Hb1ac - 13.1, Fasting sugar - 214, Mean blood sugar - 329.3

On the other note, I have started writing morning pages. That is writing what comes out of my mind as is in the early morning. I have been struggling with motivation even though I know I supposed to do many things.

Nov Goals mid-month update:
Keep the family expenses below 60K without interest.24,885 so far
Walk for 15 hours. 3 hrs done so far
Adding goal: Complete reading Mindset by Carol S.Dweck .

<<Edited to update Nov result>>

[fiby41]

Congrats on keeping the family expenditure below ₹25k! Is that for a family of two?

[LiberateMind]

@fiby41, Thanks. The expenditures is for 15 days, Yes for family of 2. Please note we don't pay rent and this doesn't include EMI.

[LiberateMind]

Nov Goals update:
Keep the family expenses below 60K without interest. Around 47K
Walk for 15 hours. 8.5 hrs done.
Complete reading Mindset by Carol S.Dweck . Completed
Added goal IF: Fasting average: 15hrs. Long fast: 20 hrs

Dec Goals:
Reset goal : Do a wake up reset. Wake up at or before 7:00 am consistently.
Starting point: Waking up around 8:30 to 9:30 and then do morning ablutions and immediately start work.No time for anything.
Maintenance goals:
- Keep the family expenses below 60K without interest
- Intermittent fasting for 16 hrs.
- Walking for 8 hrs. Heavy Rain so reducing the time.
Reading:
- Read and implement two chapters of design your life.

Moments of November:
- I was sick for around 5 days during November. Had very low energy levels.
- Waking up a bit earlier was helping , but this needs to improve.
- Our car is in repair shop for a long time. Don't miss it one bit.
- Started an excel and trying to keep the logs on the things which I want to improve.
- Fasting sugar reduced but all over the place (started at 247 ,last reading 166 and lot of ups and downs in between), mostly due to intermittent fasting as there is no major change in life.
- Got a ping for potential opening.

Reflections on November:
- Reaching plateau or doing effort but not seeing immediate results is shaking me up. Even small setbacks are not handled well emotionally. This is an interesting revelation.
- Sometimes I don't do the goals because I am afraid of achieving them. I don't know where this fear is coming from.
- I am okay with disastrous known rather than spectacular unknown.In fact, very afraid of spectacular unknown. Very weird, but that's how my emotion plays.
- I am doing lot of actions without any impact on the end results.

On the whole, the self discipline muscle has to be discovered again. On finance front, it is strong but not so in other areas.