Veronica's Journal of Madness

[Veronica]

Entry 14: A sigh of relief in the Morning Sun

Current Goals (progress):
100k in Net Worth (-9k/100) -6k
Bodyweight Target: 118 (168) -2 Lb
Target Savings Rate: 78% (Debt paydown phase; ~15%)
Target Resting Heart Rate: 40bpm (63bpm) -8

--Money--
Finally, the last month that I will have to maintain multiple residences.
I'm really looking forward to having a single, more modest, rent payment. A 70% reduction in total cost of living is going to feel
SO NICE. ERE blog readers take note; switching to cheaper accommodations is a no-brainer for saving money. Just don't get caught like me in a situation where you can't end the lease early.

--Job--
Things are really firing up.
I'm starting to get involved in some really hardcore projects, some of which essentially boil down to "this software was incredibly useful to us 2-3 years ago, but eventually it broke and no one had the time to investigate why. do you want to own it and rewrite it from scratch to work again and be more maintainable?".
I actually really enjoy that kind of stuff, but it's always difficult to justify to people how much you've accomplished in such situations because your one "line item" might be more work than another persons 20 accomplishments. It's difficult to strike a balance between "real, high quality work" and "work that ticks the boxes for upper management".
I need to get retired, ASAP. I hate having to do fake work.

--Education--
Can I just share Oreilly books with everyone? This is by far one of the nicest subscriptions that I've ever purchased. It's not the cheapest (50usd/month), but you get access to an unprecedented list of technical books, including oreilly, packt, manning and pearson programming books, as well as the occasional tome from CRC press or similar on physical sciences or mathematics.

If you want reference materials on computer science topics and need something faster than the local library, I wholeheartedly recommend.

-- Typical Routine --
Huge progress in physical metrics. How did I reduce my rest heart rate so much?
1. Modest zone 2 cardio. Maybe 1 hour a day when I do it.
2. REST DAYS. Surprisingly to me, sometimes just taking an entire day off gives you the best performance. Who knew recovery is real?
3. Big. Ass. Salads. Prep it yourself if you want, but I've found great success in just buying the ready to eat mixes at local grocery store, and then adding in grilled chicken cut up into cubes. I've been eating a BAS pretty much everyday, and it's so easy and refrigerates well. You can easily make up 3-4 days worth of eating in a few minutes this way and eat it whenever you get hungry with zero prep time.

That's been the largest takeaway lesson for me; make it easy to make the right choice. Everything else just naturally falls into place.

[Chris]

Can I just share Oreilly books with everyone?

Share this with your manager. Tell them how valuable it is and how much more productive it has made you. Then ask for the company to consider a group or enterprise subscription. It's a relatively small cost for them ($500/user/yr for small teams), but would save you $50/mo.

[ertyu]

Excellent suggestion to get your company to pay for those.

Good job kicking ass, your last post is sounding great.

[delay]

Thanks for your journal update!

Bodyweight Target: 118 (168) -2 Lb

Ok, so I read this as: I weigh 168 pounds wanting to weigh 118 pounds and have lost 2 pounds since the last checkpoint. Is that right?

--Job--
Things are really firing up. [...] I actually really enjoy that kind of stuff [...] I need to get retired, ASAP. I hate having to do fake work.

I thought you're really enjoying the new job until I got to the last line! Why would you need to get retired if you really enjoy your work?

[Veronica]

Thanks for your journal update!

Ok, so I read this as: I weigh 168 pounds wanting to weigh 118 pounds and have lost 2 pounds since the last checkpoint. Is that right?

Yep, you've got it. Trying to make it fast to digest progress over time if you don't really want to read the whole thing!


I thought you're really enjoying the new job until I got to the last line! Why would you need to get retired if you really enjoy your work?

I do actually enjoy the job, at high level! It's honestly what I have dreamed of doing for a long time.

The bureaucracy though tends to sap away a lot of the inherent value I find in the work.
In the same way that some people get a lot of joy out of trying to implement a new system at work because they like making things better, a giant pile of paperwork and approvals to begin implementing it can make an inherently enjoyable task lose all of its joy.

In my case, it's the update meetings. We are measured pretty directly on "number of items completed", rather than a more nebulous metric like "impact/value". Similar to how some IT managers try to use "lines of code" as a measure of programmer productivity.
I can write 5 lines of code that are so beautiful and efficient they get used 10 million times a day, or I can produce 5000 lines of code that only get used once and are never touched again because it's too large to maintain and eventually just gets ignored but sits there, kind of like a rusted bolt that doesn't bear any weight.

If I could find a way to not be "softly punished" for doing good work, I would thoroughly enjoy it with zero qualms.
("wow, you completely refactored that codebase that hadn't been updated since 2017 and it now has 100 daily users? That's great! How many other projects did you do this month? Oh, you only did that one? This level of output after being here for 3 months is highly concerning")

Instead, they praise the output of they guy who did 20 projects, each of which would take 2-3 hours and have well documented processes for how to tackle them and are not being requested by anyone, management or users. I try to ignore it, but I've never been a fan of people doing low value tasks over and over again to try and "keep their job safe. This is unfortunately, as I've come to see at virtually all organizations, one of the paradoxes of modern workplaces.

[delay]

In my case, it's the update meetings. We are measured pretty directly on "number of items completed", rather than a more nebulous metric like "impact/value". Similar to how some IT managers try to use "lines of code" as a measure of programmer productivity.
I can write 5 lines of code that are so beautiful and efficient they get used 10 million times a day, or I can produce 5000 lines of code that only get used once and are never touched again because it's too large to maintain and eventually just gets ignored but sits there, kind of like a rusted bolt that doesn't bear any weight.

Ouch, "update meetings", that sounds demonic. I hope they're not too often.

Usually managers have targets themselves, like "number of items completed per underling". They can't help that. Perhaps you can game the metric? Place yourself in the hierarchy where the boss expects to see you. Or figure out how colleagues deal with it. I remember a place where the underlings had to close a number of tickets per week. When I sent in a hard problem, they asked if I could split it in 4 tickets. From that time we talked about "4 ticket problems". Next year, their targets were doubled so we had "8 ticket problems"

I just read The Gervais Principle (linked from this forum post.) A good read with actionable knowledge, like how the company life cycle predicts the cluelessness increases until the company dies.

[RoamingFrancis]

Not sure if I understand what you do for a living but it sounds interesting.

[Veronica]

Not sure if I understand what you do for a living but it sounds interesting.

I'll try to give an overview that doesn't fully de-anonymize me.

I am essentially working on a software subscription service primarily for academics. Individual professors, or entire departments/institutions pay us an annual fee to get access to our tools, which primarily consist of the software they need to do their research, pre-configured and ready to go. They also get access to our small but agile team who have mixed backgrounds but all share a common background of IT expertise and being previous researchers in the fields we target. Essentially, by subscribing there is good chance that not only will your problems be resolved, but the person answering your support request ticket has a high chance of being one of the actual authors of seminal papers in your field. We also get the luxury of tackling issues that "practicing" academics don't have time for, like creating new software for specific needs, or contributing to open-source since our "job" is quite literally to make the computational side easier and more accessible.

[Veronica]

Entry 15: Lazy Summer Days

Current Goals (progress):
100k in Net Worth (-4k/100) +5k
Bodyweight Target: 118 (168) +0
Target Savings Rate: 78% (Debt paydown phase; ~15%)
Target Resting Heart Rate: 40bpm (63bpm) 68

--Money--
Down to one apartment; have some of my security deposit coming my way eventually; ~400 USD.
I'm back to the old luxury of not looking at my bills anymore; everything is autopay and I have a decent cushion.
Still carrying a few balances, but this change in my cashflow should have my credit use zeroed out in short order assuming all goes well.
I'm currently paying for all my day-to-day with a debit card. I am very excited be back at this point, and looking forward to what comes next.

--Job--
Stuck on a bit of a thorny problem that's a bit above my expertise at the moment. Everyone seems supportive as its a big task.
Trying to find more lower hanging fruit to help round out my progress reports. Overall, I'm relaxing into the role, and the summer seems
to be a more easy-going pace since we largely correspond with the academic calendar. Perfect time to focus on longer term projects.
Still, I am not personally satisfied with my performance (a bit of a meme for me at this point; I am almost never satisfied with my output)

--Education--
So, I'm trying something new here. There's a subset of twitter (X.com?), where people follow a "build in public" ethos, but don't use their actual names. Lots of cartoony profile pictures and pseudonyms, and mostly just sharing updates on whatever you're working on and encouraging each other. I took the plunge and made a profile for myself, and have started interacting with this community a little bit. So far, it's actually been really nice to have a little virtual posse of other people aggressively supporting each other to chase their dreams and it's really renewed a lot of my faith that the old internet I remember is still alive and well.

My current learning focuses are cloud computing, linear algebra, and electronics.
.

-- Comments on Routine --
Physical progress is plateauing, at least to the metrics I've been posting here. I feel better, look better. Fat/muscle ratio improving, so I'm not
concerned about weight or resting heart rate being mostly static. I'm taking those as signs of progress. Overall, I am actually working out less total hours, because I simply didn't have the time to do that much cardio every single day without detrimentally affecting other parts of my life.

Trying out a few supplements; I've found saffron extract to be extremely beneficial to my mind and clarity of focus. I'm sort of using it off-label, as I've read a few studies showing it can be nearly as effective as methylphenidate in some subset of ADHD patients, and I've had this growing sense that maybe I suffer from symptoms which are least somewhat co-incident with that.

I'm working hard to adjust to lower portion sizes with my food intake. It's hard to adjust to cooking for one, especially when my intake is so low.
When I was doing lots of daily cardio, my target was 2000ish, but now that I've scaled back I'm closer to 1400. It seems to be working, but it's a hard psychological transition. Metamucil helps a lot.

[delay]

I'm currently paying for all my day-to-day with a debit card. I am very excited be back at this point, and looking forward to what comes next.

Thanks for your journal update! Congratulations on upgrading to a debit card. I went one step further and started using cash a few years ago. It's interesting to see the effect of the way one pays. I spend almost thoughtlessly on credit cards, reservedly when reducing my account balance with a debit card, and conservatively with the physical act of handing over papers and coins. It seems like I discount future obligations, as if there is a chance they will not bind me.

[Veronica]

Entry 16: Breath of Fresh Air

Current Goals (progress):
100k in Net Worth (0k/100) +5k
Bodyweight Target: 118 (175) +7
Target Savings Rate: 78% (Debt paydown phase; ~15%)
Target Resting Heart Rate: 40bpm (63bpm) 70 +2

--Money--
I expect to be completely free of revolving credit use in the next 2-3 months. Liberating feeling.
Seems irresponsible, but I actually saw a modest place nearby me for sale and thought seriously about buying it as my first
real estate purchase. This is obviously a bad choice for someone who literally has zero dollars to their name, but the price is
very, very low because it's an odd layout that I would like but most would never touch.
Also, it was roughly equal to 1 year of my annual salary (slightly less), so a local lender actually said that I would be able to do it
even with my current credit use because it's such a modest and responsible purchase for someone with my cashflow.

I'm not ready to pull the trigger, but I will watch it for a bit. It would actually be a fiscally responsible purchase for me, because it would give me extra room to work on my side projects and swap out rental for equity. If it sits idle for an extended period, I will look into it again once I have a healthy buffer.

--Job--
Had a chance to go visit the home base (boston) for my job. It was really cool to meet everyone in person.
Also had a conversation with my supervisors who assured me that I am doing well, and I should expect increasing responsibility
over time.
They encouraged me to continue learning and building my skills, and that they think I'm doing well in a position which
demands a very high level of expertise. They are especially impressed with my ability to work with clients, and they
mentioned a few opportunities to travel and represent the company which I think could be fun.

--Education--
I actually really like twitter. I mentioned last time that I made a profile, and so far I have really enjoyed it. I have about 800k impressions since I started a month ago, and I have already started making topical lists for various interests. I really like the ability to sort into separate "feeds", with different lists of profiles in each. So I have one for "low level programming", "medicine and biology", "circuits, FGPA", etc, and can quickly and easily drop myself into a "completely different twitter" based on what I'm currently working on. It's been really nice, and I've already started interacting with people who have started github repos based on our conversations and invited me to work with them on it.
It's the way I remember the internet working back in the 90s and I love it.

It's not free ($20 a month), but a few people have told me that once you hit a modest monetization threshold, you can actually
receive ad revenue that pays for the subscription fee, making it essentially free. I'm excited to stick with it for a bit and see if I can reach that bar.

-- Comments on Routine --
Massive weight gain and negative progress.
Unfortunately I don't have anything to say here other than I've fallen off the wagon. Need to recommit, as I was
focused more on the mental and fiscal discipline parts of my plan.

[Mousse]

Being able to buy a home for less than a year's salary sounds like an incredible opportunity, especially if you know how you can make the space work for you. Wise to wait a bit, but congrats on the financial milestones overall!

[Veronica]

Thanks!

I get the sense that my posts are becoming long winded, and progress seems incremental, but that's because I'm trying to tackle many different things at once.

I will probably go dark for a while, potentially returning once I am fully debt free and have a few more things going for me financially.
Right now, it's just the boring slog of watching the numbers go up (or down in case of debt) without a lot to share.

[delay]

Seems irresponsible, but I actually saw a modest place nearby me for sale and thought seriously about buying it as my first
real estate purchase. This is obviously a bad choice for someone who literally has zero dollars to their name, but the price is
very, very low because it's an odd layout that I would like but most would never touch.
Also, it was roughly equal to 1 year of my annual salary (slightly less), so a local lender actually said that I would be able to do it
even with my current credit use because it's such a modest and responsible purchase for someone with my cashflow.

Thanks for your journal update! One year's salary is a very low price for a house.

When evaluating a purchase it doesn't matter if the price is low or high, or if it's on offer, or a unique opportunity. The relevant question is whether one's life is better or worse after the purchase.

I notice you wrote "first real estate purchase", this signals that you do not want to live there permanently. Buying a house comes with closing costs, moving costs, and furniture purchases. So it's common advise to only buy a house if you want to live there for five or ten years. You may have to, because an odd house is difficult to sell.

I actually really like twitter. ... It's not free ($20 a month), but a few people have told me that once you hit a modest monetization threshold, you can actually receive ad revenue that pays for the subscription fee, making it essentially free. I'm excited to stick with it for a bit and see if I can reach that bar.

Last time I checked Twitter was free! What do you pay $20 for?

From what I hear ad revenues are really, really low. It only pays for a very small group at the top of the pyramid. Those people at the top have things normal people don't have, like relations with big importers, media companies or game marketeers.

Massive weight gain and negative progress.

Weight loss is surprisingly hard. I tried various diets (like keto), calorie restriction and moving a lot. Most methods helped me lose weight for a few months, but then the weight came back with a vengeance, and I often ended at a higher weight than when I started the diet.
My body will not damage itself on my request forever.

I've had more success with intermittent fasting. I eat between 14:00 and 20:00. With this method I do not feel hungry, I can shop on an empty stomach and not be tempted, so it requires only minimal willpower. I'm now at a good weight for over a year.

[Western Red Cedar]

I get the sense that my posts are becoming long winded, and progress seems incremental, but that's because I'm trying to tackle many different things at once.

I will probably go dark for a while, potentially returning once I am fully debt free and have a few more things going for me financially.
Right now, it's just the boring slog of watching the numbers go up (or down in case of debt) without a lot to share.

I personally enjoy the journal of madness. It is nice to see different approaches to journaling. FWIW, many find that regular updates and the occasional piece of feedback or encouragement help maintain progress on the financial front. Doesn't have to be monthly, but perhaps quarterly or biannually. Sometimes having internet friends cheer you on helps with the slog .

[Veronica]

Entry 17: Down, but not out

Current Goals (progress):
100k in Net Worth (2k/100) +2
Bodyweight Target: 118 (183) +8
Target Savings Rate: 78% (Debt paydown phase; ~15%)
Target Resting Heart Rate: 40bpm (68bpm) +5

--Money--
2 credit cards fully paid down! Also talked to a mortgage broker who said that surprisingly I would still be able to qualify
for a modest home even despite my debt due to my overall cashflow. Still suggested waiting a bit so that owning would be
a pleasure rather than a ball and chain, which seems prudent.
Also got a 5k raise at work, which is a blessing.
I have also talked to a lawyer who advised me to consider starting an LLC, as many of my "hobbies" could be legitimately considered moonshot-level tech startups in their own right, and I could potentially qualify for favorable tax treatment
when building these.

--Job--
Trying to continue holding myself to a high standard, and getting better all the time. It may be a few years before I
personally feel at ease with my level of output, but others seem quite pleased.

--Education--
I continue to read technical books from oreilly, and now springer through my employer. I cannot emphasize libraries enough.
Yes, these books can be bought on your own (500 dollars for some?!?!), but you really should be leveraging community borrower cards if you are anywhere close to a university. You might think "knowledge should be free!" or similar sentiments, but these
companies really do curate some of the highest quality materials available on the subjects they cover.


-- Weight and Routine Comments --
I did have a bit of a health scare, ending up in ER for unbearable pain after a couple sleepless nights I couldn't take anymore.
Imaging showed that I was suffering from a kidney stone 6mm in size, with an additional 6 kidney stones (gulp) between 2mm and 10mm spread across both kidneys. They also found a 3cm mass in my liver, so that's fun.

This will obviously not be good for the finances, but it's a good opportunity to build new habits, and potentially some radical changes in both diet and overall lifestyle, because this isn't sustainable. Also, I think it helps me to go a little easier on myself and have some grace, because weight loss goals and similar health measures are probably being impeded by the fact that I'm fighting multiple health issues all commingled together. But it also reminds me that I'm on a timer, so I can't just ignore my problems and assume it will get better without some deliberate effort.

[ertyu]

In a similar situation, I'd be water fasting. This is not medical advice, I'm just some internet rando. Do your own research/ymmv

[frugaldoc]

Hopefully it is just a hemangioma in your liver. That is a pretty common "incidentaloma" found on CT when looking for other pathologies.

I assume the kidney stone was non-obstructive and passed... although 6mm is getting up there in size for passing on its own, even with tons of water and taking tamsulosin.

[Veronica]

In a similar situation, I'd be water fasting. This is not medical advice, I'm just some internet rando. Do your own research/ymmv

Yeah, I do think that some strategic fasting may be helpful, but I'm also going to follow conventional medicine in tandem.
The first priority is dealing with my current stone, and then maybe analyzing it to understand what long term changes I might need to enact.

Right now I'm actually feeling pretty good, but it's because they have me on high grade opiate painkillers. It really does provide me with a ton of relief
and I feel great, but I'm worried about over-using it. They only gave me 12 pills, so I've been trying to ration it out for when I really need it. I don't want to seem like a drug chaser by asking for more, but they told me that this particular stone could take up to 45 days to pass naturally, so I know these won't last if I use them every day.

[Veronica]

Hopefully it is just a hemangioma in your liver. That is a pretty common "incidentaloma" found on CT when looking for other pathologies.

I assume the kidney stone was non-obstructive and passed... although 6mm is getting up there in size for passing on its own, even with tons of water and taking tamsulosin.

I was told it was a "relatively hyperdense lesion", alongside hepatic steatosis. And here I was thinking I was half healthy!
So yeah, it could just be some kind of hemangioma or other thing not to be concerened about, but I'll definitely keep it in mind next time I get a scan to make sure size hasn't changed.

No my stone has not passed; see above. I was told it could take over a month to pass, I'm on tamsulosin and cocktail of drugs. If I cant manage it this way, we will probably discuss surgical route in a few weeks.