Significant others: Having the talk ...

[mountainFrugal]

I've had the most success reframing the ERE discussion when I tell people that most things I value and that make me happy are free or very low cost - spending time with friends and family, playing guitar, listening to music, hiking, cooking, exercise, riding my bike, making art, photography, camping, reading, enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning, etc...

I suspect that success results from appealing to the elephant, rather than the rider.

I think it is doubly potent if the person you are trying to convince makes these observations first and then you discuss it. I think "Significant Others" is a harder special case because of the potential to overlook the everyday things and/or if the change happens gradually. Either way, spending your time as you like and focusing on time freedom of low cost activities is a winning strategy.

[Western Red Cedar]

I was deviating a bit from the OP's question in my last paragraph. I was thinking about discussing ERE more broadly, partially in response to the discussion and question posed by @bsog in this thread:

viewtopic.php?t=13201

In terms of the op, I was fortunate in my experience of talking about FIRE and ERE with DW as we met doing environmental work and share values that gel well with ERE. The early discussions began with a a more conventional view of FIRE (Lean by todays standards). When I painted a picture of perpetual travel, adventures abroad, and potentially relocating to Europe or another interesting destination she was on board.

I was conscious of tightening the budget too much, and let her pick out a couple areas for splurging. This included a few trips/vacations each year, the occasional concert/play/show, and a weekly date night out at a restaurant. We basically agreed on optimizing for the big three expenses and tried not to sweat the small stuff.

I'm curious if others have had success in helping their partner move beyond the WL 5 gap?

I've noticed that many of my own preferences for a more integrated and resilient system don't necessarily fit the desires of DW. So, we kind of settle into the optimization framework as a compromise.

[loutfard]

My partner is starting to integrate quite a few bits of the thinking, only two of the big three expenses yet. Transportation and food have been relatively easy to make incremental gains. A few years ago, we "needed" a car. Now she realises what opportunities living car free(*) affords us and this has become a conscious choice. Food from a food waste app or the local school she has always treated with excitement as if they were presents. Sometimes she will still insist on a restaurant date thing, but even there, there have been more and more wins. Just a few days ago, instead of going for ice cream, I nudged her to taking out our own into the park next door. It was lovely.

Housing is the most difficult for us by far. It requires more than incremental change, so not easy. I see some movement on her side, but it's very slow. One way I might be able to give a push forward:
- buy an extremely humble house near excellent public transport. It makes sense as an common investment property for us both.
- do it up nicely
- have her experience the place
- have her realise what incredible opportunities moving our home base there would bring

* except at the summer house while doing construction work