Notebook of comandante

[comandante]

Interesting to read you think of investing of a job

I've even named my investment business, so it feels very much like an unincorporated tiny investment fund, in which I'm CEO and that trainee who does all the menial tasks. I don't have good returns to show for all this work. I'm underperforming the S&P500 about 6% yearly since I started. And yet, the value that it gives me is not only financial. It gives me a certain confidence that it's mine, and the good and the bad are caused by my skill or lack thereof. It also serves as a vehicle for me to find a meaning for all the reading I'd do anyway.

I select stocks with dice

Ahahah, as long as it works for you. You're accepting that luck is a big part of investing and integrating it into your process through a random generator

Enjoy the summer (and send some to Europe!)

Well, I am in Europe too. HC stands for Portugal.

[delay]

Ahahah, as long as it works for you. You're accepting that luck is a big part of investing and integrating it into your process through a random generator

Yeah, so far it feels good, and it doesn't take a lot of time.

Well, I am in Europe too. HC stands for Portugal.

That's a great place to live! I had colleagues who migrated away from Portugal for work. Most of them went back like you have. The Netherlands is all about business.

[comandante]

These past few months have been so momentous that I don’t think I have fully taken in the fact that, if I wanted, I could think myself FI and be done with it. I feel it coming to me in discrete bursts and then lack of interest. For a moment I realize that this is actually happening, I’ve really done this. Then another thought and it vanishes. Perhaps I don’t believe in it, perhaps I don’t think of it as an in or out state. Or maybe with my life still in flux, I don’t consider it permanent. Running a very expensive (for me) scenario, I should be at a WR of 5,8%. If I wanted, I could adjust the spending to fall below 4%. I could, but I don’t think I will. Now that I think about it, it comes down to where in life I imagine myself to be in. I’m not in a settling phase anymore, although a part of me would like that. I’m in a scouting phase.
It’s great that FI is within reach. At best it allows me not to think about what I’ll have to do to earn money in the next months. At worst, it makes me feel a bit detached, a bit loony. Perhaps still related to the end of the relationship, I feel myself sometimes floating higher and higher into the unknown. When my self-confidence is normal, I take it as a wonderful thing, and wonder about the possibilities of possibilities, the great chance to build a life that’s exciting and solid, elegant and fun, kind and unexpected. Then there are days of low self-confidence, and I lose the spark to try new things, commiserate about the past, lose my step, can’t say a thing without sounding strange to myself. I think that will last for at least some weeks, until I leave this job. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t stayed too long in these corporate jobs while detesting them out of principle. I hope I’ve paid my dues now, and whatever happens, I don’t make the same mistakes.
I’ve now been living for some months in HC. I used to say in NL that I was an aggressive cyclist. Always overtaking, quick to accelerate, finding the tiny spaces to squeeze myself through. I would explain that that came from cycling in HC, where one needs to pedal among insane cars, and always be on the lookout for a quick save from an accident. Now that I’m cycling in HC, I notice that I’ve gone softer, and don’t like it. There’s also the problem of car fumes in HC, which wasn’t a thing in NL. However, in NL there were the 50cc motorbikes on cyclopaths and those also emit a lot of fumes. In HC there are also affordable ubers. I’m still amazed at how I can sometimes take a uber for a 25min drive, cross a toll bridge, and only pay 8 euros. I don’t understand uber economics, but I’m enjoying it. I won’t buy a car soon.
Life isn’t bad, although in the past few days I’ve experienced an elusive self-confidence. I can be positive and think about how young I still am to have this opportunity to leave corporate jobs, and to design the life I want. In that state of mind, I get curious about my future.

[DutchGirl]

I can understand how you feel good one day and insecure the next. I've lived through periods like that, too. I hope the periods of insecurity grow shorter and the periods of security, when you're happy to explore your new options, will grow longer. But give yourself some time, this all definitely takes some adjusting and that can feel bad sometimes, even when it's actually not so bad.

I'm curious for further updates at some point. I hope you find fun things to do and great people to spend time with.

[NewBlood]

I’m not in a settling phase anymore, although a part of me would like that. I’m in a scouting phase.
It’s great that FI is within reach. At best it allows me not to think about what I’ll have to do to earn money in the next months. At worst, it makes me feel a bit detached, a bit loony. Perhaps still related to the end of the relationship, I feel myself sometimes floating higher and higher into the unknown. When my self-confidence is normal, I take it as a wonderful thing, and wonder about the possibilities of possibilities, the great chance to build a life that’s exciting and solid, elegant and fun, kind and unexpected. Then there are days of low self-confidence, and I lose the spark to try new things

(emphasis mine)

Hi comandante,
Sounds like we're in a similar stage in our life, back in home country, figuring things out.
I too long to be settling but I'm learning to make peace with the unstability and necessity of the scouting phase. It's uncomfortable but full of learning opportunities. I totally relate with the ups and downs in self-confidence.

It sounds like you're in a great position financially, which allows you to take your time and be thoughtful about how you design this new phase of life. Wishing you well on this journey!

[comandante]

But give yourself some time, this all definitely takes some adjusting and that can feel bad sometimes, even when it's actually not so bad.

Yes, definitely. I sense myself getting more often in a neutral state emotionally than at the beginning of the year, and definitely more stable emotionally than before all this commotion – which I shall call the dutch commotion from now on. Still some lingering emotions and that’s ok. They’ll sort themselves out in time.
I had the realization last week that my ego was a casualty of the end of the relationship. I can now see that my ego took upon itself to guard the relationship and make it work, in spite of my self, almost against my self. When it ended, I see that my ego was left bruised and without trusting itself. It seems to me that this might be where my self-confidence is getting entangled. Now I’m in the process of centering myself again, revisiting what’s important to me. It’s a good feeling. I’m more stable in my workouts, ie have less bad weeks in which I skip them. I’m hanging out with my family daily. I’m slowly getting back to reading books. Playing chess again. I’ve completely replaced Spotify and Youtube Music with a locally managed system, which has greatly improved the listening experience. I have less days with mental clouds that shut down my thinking. Feeling more like myself. As I said to a friend of mine on Saturday, life ain’t bad. I trust myself that bad days will come, and then they'll go.

Sounds like we're in a similar stage in our life, back in home country, figuring things out.

Hey there! Thanks for writing that, because I hadn’t dove yet into your journal. I’m now reading it. Funny that we’re back in HC after some years abroad where we had built something.
As the great Shatner once said:
I'm waiting for that feeling of contentment
That ease at night when you put your head down
It Hasn't Happened Yet

Something that I’m looking forward to is the decrease of my expenses starting in June. Which is curious, because starting next month my income will drop like a stone at the same time. I’ll be much poorer income wise in 2 weeks, and also much less wasteful. No more airbnbs, nor flights as a recurring expense. Geez, the dutch commotion made my expenses high and chaotic.
After that, I don’t know. When someone asks if I found a job, I reply that I’m not looking, and I’m taking a sabbatical. Nods of indifference or reproval have happened. I really don’t know what’ll happen. I have a suspicion that by the end of the year, a lot will change in the world, and I’m more able to react.

[comandante]

Yesterday I was paid my last salary from this employer. I’m unequivocally unemployed. No regrets in leaving this job, or more accurately job life. My mind is not there, and hasn’t been there for a long time. Now’s the time to drop the compromise between office life and the life I want. No more being the odd quirky guy, that tries to live his life while keeping a foot in the world of approved holidays. There’s something else.
Still, there’s an uneasiness about the lack of income and the dependence on my investment business.
These last few days have been alright. Summer’s already in the air in HC and life’s going well. I’ve been spending time with my family.
A friend from NL came to visit me this week. A month after my breakup, he had his own. So we became breakup buddies. It was great to have him here in HC and see my country’s magic show him that life goes on. We went rock bouldering, which was awesome. Then we joined a chess event in two separate days. Ate good food. Wandered in the city and enjoyed the sun and the sights. Yesterday, we smoked our pipes as we were sitting on a park bench, contemplating the city’s skyline bathing in the sunset’s colors, listening to a performing artist playing for tips, observing the loving couples, the selfie tourists, the free-spirit man blowing soap bubbles to entertain kids and adults. “You know, I should come more often”, said my friend. Yah, I get that.
This week was also the first time I hosted my own theater session. After trying to join the existing ones, I saw that they aren’t what I want. So, I started my own. 7 people showed up, which is great for a new group. I announced that I’m hosting 3 sessions to teach some things I’ve learned and then we’ll see. For now it’s free of charge. I’d be willing to keep it free of charge for a while if that helped create a theater community here. I’m more afraid of freeloaders who might join than of not making money for my time. Let’s see how this plays out.
A participant left a comment on meetup:

***, thank you for such a great workshop tonight! You did a great job having all those fun exercises ready for us. I appreciate your time and talent. Looking forward to next Wed! And thank you to the other participants who were so generous with their laughter!

That makes me proud.

What I’ve been reading
Finished Our final warning. Before that I finished How to cool the planet. I wish both had less anecdotes. Now I’m reading Writing away, by Lavinia Spalding.

What I’ve been thinking about
The company where most of my capital is invested in has hinted that they want to sell a major part of its business, and in the future increase the payout ratio. I think this is bad for HC’s economy and for this company. I understand why they want to do it. The shareholder structure is, unfortunately, mostly foreign, and they don’t see this company as a vehicle for their long-term capital nor do they have any special love for it. Instead, after about 8 years of subpar returns on the capital invested, these shareholders want to begin taking out money.
I wish HC had more people willing to invest in our companies, so they would accumulate and grow capital, instead of becoming these ‘cash cows’ for foreign holders who load the companies with debt and increase payout ratios to stupid levels.
There’s a non-executive director with whom I established contact years ago, and I’ve tried to make the case that this company shouldn’t sell itself cheaply, and that a lot could still be achieved if capital is kept in it. It’s now my impression that his power in the company is limited and that he wants higher returns even if it comes from selling operations.
I don’t think the controlling foreign shareholders of this company are acting with malice. If anything, they were willing to keep their capital invested for years to finance the company’s turnaround and investment, which I applaud. When I first invested in it, the company was distributing dividends that were higher than its net income, and it was the new shareholder structure that changed that.
Unfortunately, HC doesn’t have the stock market culture to recognize it and invest in the company, so it’s being advertised to foreign investors.

What I’ve been doing
Tourist guide for my friend, theater teacher, climbing enthusiast, beach bum, reader, chess noob, writer.

Sabbatical numbers
Notes: decided to use sabbatical to describe what I’m doing now. Only dividends from investments. Last 3 months average for monthly expenditure.
Income robustness score– 0,2
WR – 6,7%
Time since quitting job – 1m22d
Time until buffer is depleted – 7 months
Monthly average expenditure is inflated by last 2 months and should come down.

[NewBlood]

As the great Shatner once said:
I'm waiting for that feeling of contentment
That ease at night when you put your head down
It Hasn't Happened Yet

I like this a lot, it describes how I feel very well. Thanks for sharing.
And kudos on the theater class, awesome initiative and feedback!

[delay]

Congratulations on the theatre class! You write a WR of 6,7%. That is usually enough to last 15 years. I guess I'm thinking of a yearly WR where you mean a monthly WR.

I've wanted to try pipe smoking for a while. What is a good way to learn?

[comandante]

You write a WR of 6,7%. That is usually enough to last 15 years. I guess I'm thinking of a yearly WR where you mean a monthly WR.

Yah, it's yearly. I really shouldn't be so precise with it, because the 3 month average expense is taking in the erratic last two months.
I think the confusion might come from the distincion I make between WR and buffer. I don't intend on using capital withdrawals (WR). Instead, I plan on using my liquid buffer for this sabbatical. That's why 'time to deplete buffer' is much smaller than what WR would imply.

I've wanted to try pipe smoking for a while. What is a good way to learn?

Ah I remember when I started. My brother offered me a tiny pipe when I was 17/18. Its bowl would get scolding hot, so I would have to hold it on its stem. Because the pipe was too small to dissipate heat, the smoke would also be too hot and burn my throat. Still have it, still love it. Don't use it any more though. There are some good practices for smoking a pipe. Don't stuff the tobacco too tight, neither too loose. Former won't let the air through, latter won't burn on its own. Smoking a pipe is all about smelling the beautiful fragrances of the tobacco before filling the bowl, and then caressing the burn. Is the smoke coming too hot? Let it rest a bit. Is it going off? Inhale in shortly and gently, as if you're bringing it back to life. A good thing to consider is buying a pipe that allows for a filter. This is not standard, and one should look for it. Then, as you smoke, think great thoughts, and dream of colorful adventures.

Acendo um cigarro ao pensar em escrevê-los
E saboreio no cigarro a libertação de todos os pensamentos.
Sigo o fumo como uma rota própria,
E gozo, num momento sensitivo e competente,
A libertação de todas as especulações
E a consciência de que a metafísica é uma consequência de estar mal disposto.

Depois deito-me para trás na cadeira
E continuo fumando.
Enquanto o Destino mo conceder, continuarei fumando.

Tabacaria, Álvaro de Campos

I like this a lot, it describes how I feel very well. Thanks for sharing.

I'm happy that this song worked for you

[comandante]

Money flows by comandante ante, auf Flickr

The above was posted a little over a year ago. I thought it was time to update it, as my life has changed considerably in the meantime.

scaramouche flows by comandante ante, no Flickr

The apartment renovation is still in the thinking stage and no steps were taken. Red lines between blocks represent synergies.
This is my sabbatical so far. It's a work in progress.

[ertyu]

It's fascinating to me that you see your investment business as belonging to "body" with an intellect wrapper. Would you mind elaborating on that?

I also wonder what advice you have for those wishing to start a similar business. I have been following your journal but would love to hear more about it.

[comandante]

It's fascinating to me that you see your investment business as belonging to "body" with an intellect wrapper. Would you mind elaborating on that?

Oh that must have been an error on the part of the chartmaker, ie me. Nah, it's intellect., without any body connection.

I also wonder what advice you have for those wishing to start a similar business. I have been following your journal but would love to hear more about it.

Hum... I've been thinking about this. I concluded that there are only two big differences between my approach to investing and the standard one in this forum. 1) I call it a business, whereas many call it portfolio, funds, savings, etc. It seems to me that if I work on it, and I expect money from it, I should call it a business. 2) I take into account the retained earnings of the companies I'm invested in, instead of only considering its dividends. This way, the incentive for me is to increase my share of the earnings, and only afterwards the amount that will be returned to me.
I don't do anything else that I consider worthy of an explanation. It's the boring 'read reports, adjust mental model' approach.
Thanks for reading!