mathiverse wrote: ↑Sun Mar 31, 2024 11:46 am
I'd be interested in hearing about the brain testing you did (what tests, what doctor, how you got them ordered, etc) and the insights you got.
A series of in-network referrals, starting with my internal medicine physician, lead to a neuropsychological assessment. I paid $80 out of pocket, insurance paid another $1100. Retail was $3600. Dunno how attainable it is without insurance.
We talked about my issues, concerns, self history, etc. Then tested the relevant traits. Autism confirmed. And yeah, I'm real smart. The mind blower? I have support needs. WTF??? Like dude, I already made it in life. I've suspected the autism for a decade. What are you on?
His point - I have cognitive deficits. I use my strengths to brute force the related impairments. While mildly effective, it is exhausting. Success does not preclude a need for accommodation. Better to understand proven strategies. Use those to build a scaffolding of support. Stop burning my energy on a game of pretend, followed by a frantic scramble when things go south.
And you know what? It is better. Over the past decade, resources on neuro-divergence have drastically improved. Instead of teaching "normal", they teach self-reflection. Understanding what might serve you. How to collaborate with normal, without sacrificing yourself. Identifying where you might genuinely be limited (disabled) and how to ask for help.
Some of my limitations, relate to self perception. Only - there's half a dozen terms, for the different aspects of self perception. Each of those have possible impairments, along with ways to provide support. So instead of a vague sense I'm blind, I have actionable steps for relief. It is far better. The framework is rich.
Much of this has to be self directed. Mental health professionals focus on children and individuals with higher tiers of diagnosis. I am tier 1 of 3 - low support needs. I tried an autism focused therapist about 2 years ago. It wasn't particularly fruitful. If she had these frameworks, she did not share. The volume of time I've spent learning and reflecting, would have required years of sessions.
Now the caveat - testing relies heavily upon self-report. I answered hundreds of survey questions. But the autism makes me an unreliable narrator. I'm bad at feelings - both in myself and others. So one of the diagnoses we arrived at was depression. I did not agree, was told it's somatic, and I should try a drug anyways. That went poorly. I essentially lost 10 days, to a drug that did not help me.
So, we're still chasing the cause of my original symptoms. Based upon the drug experience, as well as my informed reading, I have a theory. Rather than anchor on a self-diagnosis, I'm headed back to the neuropsych. I'll take advantage of expertise available via my insurance. I suspect he'll confirm:
1. My original symptoms ARE somatic presentation of conditions I failed to perceive
2. The core is anxiety, not depression. I've been stumbling into self-treatment, without understanding what I was doing. It explains some very annoying behavior loops on my part. Heroic volumes of yoga. Avoiding fun but socially challenging adventures. Drinking at weird times. Etc.
3. There are also traits consistent with inattentive ADHD. Much less confident on this. But it's relevant, in that the anxiety could be load bearing. Treating it could make ADHD related symptoms worse. It's also tricky, in that there's overlap with autism and high intelligence. So I may successfully borrow behavioral strategies, but not have the condition. When it comes to medicine, this is an area to tread _very_ carefully.
I'm excited for the future. I think this paradigm may substantially improve my life.