A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

[IlliniDave]

Your post about your dad reminds me of my mother-in-law. She’s in her late 70’s and has had food issues her whole life (as in, very picky eating, no spices, only a few “safe” foods), and her diet at this point has winnowed down to sweet baked goods and yogurt drinks. She’s also showing early signs of dementia. My spouse and I have talked about if there’s anything we can do to broaden her diet and help her eat healthier, but we’ve decided not to push the issue. She’s very set in her ways in terms of food and at this point in her life, when she’s already experienced the loss of many friends and starting to lose her agency, scolding her for her dietary choices seems like it’d be both a futile and alienating gesture when what she needs most is comfort and connection.

My dad was always a very opportunistic omnivore, but he did try to eat in the way he believed was most healthy. But his belief of what was healthy was rooted in incorrect pronouncements from the experts and "scientists". There was never a chance to get him on a low carb whole foods based regimen, and the mindless pursuit of ultra processed ultra palatable junk food over the last few months has been jarring to observe. Like I mentioned above, simply pointint out to him what he was doing mitigated it somewhat. Having poor short-term memory left him completely unaware of what he was doing.

[IlliniDave]

... I try to give her whatever she wants. She’s 87, stuck in a nursing home, and food is one of the last few things that give her pleasure. ...

This is the softy emotional counterargument to my more rigorous knowledge-based argument, and it's the one that so far is winning out.

[IlliniDave]

It's been interesting to see your experience with the Oura ring. I've often considered one.


Are you familiar with the term Orthorexia?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthorexia_nervosa

Applying strict food standards to your elderly father with dementia could approach that territory.


With that said - I think it's reasonable to head off acute problems. Party size bags of pretzels are obviously a bad idea. I wonder if quality for quantity substitutions could help there. The entire situation is challenging. Stepping up is not easy. Your Dad is fortunate for your care.

I hadn't heard of orthoexia. I'm not too concerned about that with him (yet). We have gome to more of an IV drip approach with the sweets and junk food, but the other challenge is leaving him a bunch of food that requires more than the simplest of preparation (i.e., more than simply warming it up) is a non-starter.

[IlliniDave]

Since I'm here today I wanted to mention a few ongoing observations rooted in my Oura ring.

At the beginning of March I steeply increased my activity level. 3.5 weeks or so into March I have the following observations

1. My average nighttime resting heart rate has dropped from around 48 BPM to 45 BPM this past week.
2. My average nighttime respiratory rate has dropped from around 15/min to about 13/min this past week.
3. My average nighttime blood oxygen saturation has dropped slightly from 97.0% to 96.4% this past week, which I attribute to the noticeable onset of allergy season stuffy headedness the last couple of weeks
4. My average "sleep score" went from 69.2 (upper edge of "Fair") to 79.5 (upper half of the "Good" range).

Not newsworthy but worth noting that physical activity is good for a person.

I've procrastinated enough this morning, lol. Be back in a week or so for a broader end-of-the-month update.

[Henry]

I felt the greatest gift I gave to my father was to allow us to love and interact with each other outside the burdensome framework of father/son. I told my wife the same thing when her father was getting older: stop making him your father. Let the guy enjoy his pancake.

[suomalainen]

I like that. Thanks, Henry.

[IlliniDave]

I felt the greatest gift I gave to my father was to allow us to love and interact with each other outside the burdensome framework of father/son. I told my wife the same thing when her father was getting older: stop making him your father. Let the guy enjoy his pancake.

That's fair and glad it worked for you. I don't see my father-son relationship as burdensome (even when it is a burden, ironically).

I'm starting to think about it from the perspective of how I'd want to be treated if I find myself in his position one day. No conclusions yet.

[IlliniDave]

March/Q1 2024 Update and some Catching up

I finally got caught up with my bookkeeping.

Looking back on 2023:

For the third straight calendar year during which I was retired during all or part of it, my spending declined. I put very little conscious effort into that. Since I'm a fatFIRE guy I decided I would optimize contentedness with my lifestyle over frugality, but the two seem to be converging. I've been wondering why that is. I think it's because I've grown more confident in myself and the choices I've made over the last dozen or so years. Seems strange for me to say that because I've always felt like I was confident, occasionally bold, but it's the easiest explanation. Even though I tried to minimize it, on some level I must have been concerned about what other people do/dream of when it comes to having a good retirement. But now as I have my full membership Curmudgeon Card, I increasingly don't care about what other people do or what they might think of me.

Regarding Q1 2024:

Rolling 12-month monthly expense < monthly annuity rate: 100% Good
Rolling 12-month monthly expense < instantaneous monthly equivalent 3% WR rate: 100% Good
Stash Assessment: Fair, trending up.

For the 6 months ending in Feb 2024 my hypothetical withdrawal rate from the stash to cover spending over the period would have about 1.8%.

Not much of interest on the financial front. My invested assets and net worth are above their prior peak values at the end of CY 2021 (nominal $), stash up about 3% since retirement and a bit over 4% YTD. I did a moderately significant rebalancing in my taxable account. Because pandemic and such I kept a larger amount in cash (a money market mutual fund) than my Investment Policy called for during the initial phase of retirement, and I was caught off guard when I saw how high the interest ballooned on it. If it weren't for a capital loss carryover from 2022 I would have been stuck with a fairly hefty tax bill--enough I would have probably been assessed an underpayment penalty (though I'd increased withholding so maybe could have slid in under the so-called safe harbor rule). I sold most of it and put the bulk in stocks and a little in tax-exempt bonds. I'll keep buying a little more stock each year with distributions and maybe start rolling some of the cumulative retirement annuity underrun over to Vanguard. Still, I'm a little uncomfortable getting too low in cash-on-hand.

On the health and fitness front:

Last Wednesday I hit 170 lb on the scale. My goal in early 2022 was do drive down to 165 and then under a vigorous training regimen build back up to 170-175. The reason I wanted to undershoot like that was to ensure I jettisoned as much visceral and organ fat as possible. I never made it below 173 last year unless it was during the early part of hideout season (I don't have a scale there). I tend to vary by as much as +/- 2-2.5 lb as a function of what's in my gut and/or my level of hydration (or inflammation). So I probably just hit 170.0 as a trough, but I'm getting there.

I'm finally able to hit the same peak energy output (cal/hr) on the rower as I was getting in the late fall before I essentially took a couple of months off. Regaining the few hundred cal/hr peak took a lot of work. Made a note to self to not take that much time over the coming holidays.

Some other stuff on this topic was included in an interim update a few days ago so I won't repeat it. I'm not setting the world on fire, but things are slowly improving.

I still haven't got the Oura ring completely figured out. In recent days it's been alerting me that my recovery has not been good and that "...something has been straining your body for some time." Of course my fitness activities are supposed to do that, but I've been trying to employ biohacking techniques to keep the workload contained and steer clear of stress and inflammation. I generally feel pretty good physically, which to me is the primary goal, so it's not something I'm worried about. Just makes me wonder. My attempts to improve my insight into how the ring app is coming to the conclusions that it does (what's the underlying data/criteria are) has been unsuccessful. I wonder if it's just looking at my not-so-young age and just assuming I should be compared to a baseline of elderly people/lifestyles. As I'm typing this I'm thinking I might go in my profile and lie about my age and see if that results in different assessments.

[Western Red Cedar]

Since I'm a fatFIRE guy I decided I would optimize contentedness with my lifestyle over frugality, but the two seem to be converging. I've been wondering why that is. I think it's because I've grown more confident in myself and the choices I've made over the last dozen or so years. Seems strange for me to say that because I've always felt like I was confident, occasionally bold, but it's the easiest explanation.

Is it possible that contentedness simply correlates with frugality and simple pleasures? It isn't really novel here - but a good book, time in nature, daily walks, socialization, a home-cooked meal, learning something new, playing an instrument, afternoon naps, a good night's sleep, a workout; these are all things that cost very little or nothing.

I continue to keep an eye on FIRE content and discussions elsewhere on the web. One of my pet peeves in those discussions is when the FatFIRE or ChubbyFIRE folks frame frugality as a sacrifice. It seems to keep popping up, as if spending large amounts of money is the only way to live a good life. Anyway...singing to the choir here

Congrats on the continued success with your health.

[IlliniDave]

Is it possible that contentedness simply correlates with frugality and simple pleasures? It isn't really novel here - but a good book, time in nature, daily walks, socialization, a home-cooked meal, learning something new, playing an instrument, afternoon naps, a good night's sleep, a workout; these are all things that cost very little or nothing.

I continue to keep an eye on FIRE content and discussions elsewhere on the web. One of my pet peeves in those discussions is when the FatFIRE or ChubbyFIRE folks frame frugality as a sacrifice. It seems to keep popping up, as if spending large amounts of money is the only way to live a good life. Anyway...singing to the choir here

Congrats on the continued success with your health.

Yeah, I cut my FIRE teeth over at bogleheads, and what led me here was the observation that I didn't really fit into the mainstream there, and though the small minority of like minded folks there I found a link to here. However, I was still a regular over there for several years afterward and no doubt it influenced me. So I suppose there was a little FOMO going on behind the scenes--I tend to respect and remain open to other points of view until I am certain otherwise, and these first 3 years after yanking the plug is bringing that certainty. Certainly for me contentedness and frugality correlate, with the common denominator probably being simplicity. Of course frugality is relative. Over on bogleheads a vocal crowd would tell me I'm being unnecessarily miserly and relegating myself to suffering and privation. Here I'm rather a spendthrift, even a drunken sailor some times. Surprising that it takes some courage to find (and stick with) your own optimal set point when it falls between the worlds.

You mentioned instruments and health, and one thing I'd meant to bring up along the way is the remarkable rejuvenation of my efforts to make a guitar player out of myself that I attribute to my health and fitness overhaul. It ranges from simply being able to position the guitar more optimally (no excessive belly to push it away from my body) to what I can best describe as a sudden increase in neuroplasticity which has occurred over the last 2-3 months. Right now the only thing I can attribute that to is the supplement regimen augmenting my nutrition regimen. Everything I'm doing on that front is intended to improve cellular metabolism, starting with improving mitochondrial heath, function, and numbers, and nerve cells have the highest mitochondrial density of all. And when I use neuroplasticity as an umbrella term (it may not be scientifically/clinically the most accurate) I'm talking about a combination of both things required of my brain to get the right sounds out as (e.g., hand independence) well as ability of the motor neurons to execute them where flesh meets wood and wire. It's the most delightful surprise imaginable to me. I thought I was way too old to make any meaningful improvement.

[Scott 2]

Very cool about the guitar. I expect to grow new hobbies as I age, but finding improvement in an established hobby is way better. Aging backwards, IMO.

I wonder if a paradigm shift around how you see money, could lead you to constructively spend more. It's an under utilized resource currently, while others (time, energy) are constrained.

Ideas that come to mind:

1. Superior instruction and education.

2. Better tooling

3. Exclusive experiences, that give access to higher caliber peers, mentors or collaborators.

4. Outsourcing tasks, or even better, areas of life. Clean home. Working car. Food in house. Supplement organization. Keeping the guitars tuned. Help with family support. Transporting the kayak. Laundry. Stylist. Home upkeep.

5. Get with a neuropsych to test how your brain works. Have a baseline for old age. Also use it to identify possible strengths and weaknesses, then adopt better strategies accordingly. Get someone who specializes to work with you.

6. Duplicate your stuff between homes, so you can trivially bounce between. Maybe even make the hideaway all season. Throw in hot and cold plunges while you're at it, maybe a sauna. Money could make those changes nearly instant.

7. Stop checking prices or comparing items. Simply buy the best and move forward. Want to change? Give it away.

8. If that's all too frivolous, start giving now, so you can enjoy the impact of your financial legacy. Maybe it is possible to buy free time for those important to you, so they can join the simple experiences. Or maybe you enable their luxury experiences, to create the time together.


I'd agree a nicer car or bigger home misses the point. But I could double my spend and add to quality of life. While there would be a diminishing returns curve, I have untapped potential.

It's easy to anchor on the patterns that brought us. In doing so, we can miss the benefits of change. Not that one has to, but I like to reconsider.

[IlliniDave]

Very cool about the guitar. I expect to grow new hobbies as I age, but finding improvement in an established hobby is way better. Aging backwards, IMO.

I wonder if a paradigm shift around how you see money, could lead you to constructively spend more. It's an under utilized resource currently, while others (time, energy) are constrained....

Thanks, Scott 2. That's a thought provoking post. To a degree that's what I do that I refer to as prioritizing contentedness. Item 6 is one I've been working on, for example, both in terms of basic stuff (clothes, household items), and incrementally working towards winterizing the place. Ideally I'd like to spend 6 mos +1 day there for the two years before I sell it so it will qualify as my primary home--looks like there will be a significant capital gain when that happens, enough that it's likely to be worthwhile to pay Minnesota income taxes for two years. I'm also thinking about a sauna. Might be a bridge to far up there but I'd like to have one here.

Otherwise, the whole list is the type of things I consider on an ongoing basis. Essentially a cost versus quality of time tradeoff. I probably still err on the frugal side too often, but hopefully I'll have a lot of time to evolve in that regard.

I like #5 in the list!

[suomalainen]

Second the motion for a sauna. Pretty easy build too, if you want to go rustic (no plumbing, no electricity). I built a wood-fired sauna in my backyard for maybe 5 grand all in?

[IlliniDave]

Second the motion for a sauna. Pretty easy build too, if you want to go rustic (no plumbing, no electricity). I built a wood-fired sauna in my backyard for maybe 5 grand all in?

I'm on the fence between a traditional sauna and a more modern IR version, although I haven't taken a deep dive on either one. I just know saunas come up quite frequently as a lifestyle modification that enhances metabolic health and healthspan. Often touted as a longevity enhancer too, but I very deliberately try to ignore longevity implications because I don't want to start thinking there's a path to hacking one's way quasi-immortality--better to keep it modest and leave it at having a reasonable expectation of somewhat healthier aging, lol.

[Ego]

Often touted as a longevity enhancer too, but I very deliberately try to ignore longevity implications because I don't want to start thinking there's a path to hacking one's way quasi-immortality--better to keep it modest and leave it at having a reasonable expectation of somewhat healthier aging, lol.

I have an alternative perspective that I have recently adopted. So many of the problems we cause as a species are the result of the - "I will be dead by then" - way of thinking. Encouraging the belief in the possibility of quasi-immortality could cause some of the decision makers - who are most likely to have access to such technologies - to believe that it will not be their children or grandchildren who experience the consequences... it will be them. Believing that they could possibly be held responsible in the future for decisions they make today could be a good thing.

The ability to envision our own personal future is the thing that allowed us to survive and thrive as a species.

“A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they know they shall never sit.”

[IlliniDave]

I have an alternative perspective that I have recently adopted. So many of the problems we cause as a species are the result of the - "I will be dead by then" - way of thinking. ...

Ha, yes, that's a noble way of looking at things. Having a slightly different situation, my outlook is based on, "I'll be dead by then, but my children and grandchildren (and eventually their descendants) will be stuck with whatever fallout my choices create, which to me is more restrictive than just the possibility living with the consequences of my actions.

[Lemur]

I've contemplated before how many of the world's problems might be caused not only by terror management but because our lives are relatively short. How might human behavior be altered if, say, the average life expectancy was 500 years? or 1000 years? Surely more long-term planning and thinking would be prioritized. Assuming that one still reaches full brain development by 23 or so. I've also wondered though if we could live that long, if we would generally take less risks as to protect that longevity.

[IlliniDave]

I've contemplated before how many of the world's problems might be caused not only by terror management but because our lives are relatively short. How might human behavior be altered if, say, the average life expectancy was 500 years? or 1000 years? Surely more long-term planning and thinking would be prioritized. Assuming that one still reaches full brain development by 23 or so. I've also wondered though if we could live that long, if we would generally take less risks as to protect that longevity.

I think we'd have to have much different psychologies to remain sane for that length of time!

[Ego]

I think we'd have to have much different psychologies to remain sane for that length of time!

A somewhat sci-fi answer:

Assuming aging is truly solved, then many of the physical accumulation problems that cause psychological changes in the elderly will be solved. The plaques will be cleared. The bloodflow maintained indefinitely. A twenty-year-old's rejuvenatory abilities working in a ninety-year-old body. It sounds crazy until you think about the advances that have been made in our lifetimes and extrapolate that out, then consider what AI will do to the trajectory.

From a psychological perspective, psychotherapy works and can rewire the brain. A tireless personal AI bot whispering the exact thing the ninety-year-old needs to hear 24/7/365 is not sci-fi. It exists now. They are being deployed and will learn rapidly how to tailor their messages.

[7Wannabe5]

I agree that the human psychological narrative would have to be significantly adapted. For instance, just the fact that it's beginning to seem more likely that neither of my kids will have kids themselves is significantly altering my take on my senior years. But also the fact that my soon-to-be 84 year old mother (whom I phenotypically and vice profile resemble) is actually doing better, has regained a good deal of mobility, than in recent years now that she's recovered from second hip replacement. Pretty likely she will make it to 90 in spite of being an incorrigible cookie eater, because her heart is in great shape according to recent testing. She also looks fairly young and unwrinkled for her age, likely due to never smoking, rarely drinking, and avoiding very much sun exposure.