I'm sorry that I haven't written more updates. I am mostly telling this to myself, but I believe some people here where reading. I'm trying to get up-to-date with reading the other journals I was following too.
Jobs:
Since the last update, I worked a fair share of 2023 at the aerial adventure park, mostly during summer. Some months were close to a 50% part-time. The job itself provides a lot of variety, with some parts on the trees, some parts equipping people and some parts in the forest or on the tower locking them on the courses. The colleagues are nice and the rhythm is enjoyable. I enrolled again this season because it's flexible, outside and I'll need money.
In April 2023, I couldn't find a job as a caregiver albeit trying to. It does feel like it was maybe some sort of
acte manqué (translates to Freudian slip), because I tried again in November and found a full-time job as a waiter at the hospital after one week. The job was actually close to caregiver once you look at the job specs, but much easier. Still I disliked it and quit after two days. I now know for sure I don't want to work in a hospital or an old people home.
Moving out:
Meanwhile, we found in October a rental for SO and me! Sadly it took until now for the owner to make it available to us. I know it's financially wiser to stay at my parents, but we're just too many on this boat. The stress and proximity is too much and we want some peace away from my family. Because it took so long, the urge to move out as become stronger and stronger, and the impatience was so strong I was afraid of dropping everything I had planned and "going to Norway". The rent is low for Switzerland, especially my town, at around a 1000 USD, which we'll split. Obviously, all the other costs will rise up too since we will have to pay our own food and furniture. I'll be counting on my scavenging abilities here and there.
Family and Christmas:
The Christmas period was a pain. I had left the waiter job and I felt awfully lame and meaningless. My little brother was playing more and more video games and becoming more and more stupid. My mother was getting more and more depressed. Our older dog was peeing and pooping more and more everywhere. I felt I had to give my life some meaning so I spent a lot of time with them, like it was my mission before and through Christmas. On Christmas' Eve, we killed our old dog.
While it's hard to say why, all this period was the hardest time I've been through, and only now have I've been getting better. I had multiple days in a row where I wouldn't leave the house and I would just stay there browsing the web and doing whatever I had in mind to try and keep busy. I started playing video games again. I hadn't since I was 16 years old. I turned 22 this January.
Now:
Because I'm not completely stupid, I could see I was not doing well so I coerced myself into getting active again. My mother proposed me a
full-time 1.5 months long job at a movie shooting. It's called
régie and roughly translates to location management. it happens during principal photography. You have to make sure of a lot of things:
- everyone has coffee and snacks
- people can park their cars
- the security of the filming equipment
- there are no people crossing when it's filming
- etc.
It's a tiny little cog, but pretty essential to the process. A bit like being the tenant of the movie set. You sometimes work from 18:00 to 03:00 in the morning on a Sunday. I've been through half of the 6 weeks, and we're slowly getting to the point where I want it to be over with. Not bad, it usually happens much faster!
Spending and earnings
To keep it short because there isn't much to say here: I failed. I barely saved any money over the last year and a half. My income has been going up, but so do my expenses. This won't get better as we move into our apartment.
I'll make around 7500 USD from the movie job over the course of the 6 weeks.
Conclusion
Of course, a lot more happened, and I've traveled a bit, but it's nothing worthy of mention. All in all, I am not reconsidering my plan, but it seems like there is one more step to it now before anything else happens:
1. Get better.
I need some fresh air. I need some time away from my family. I need winter to be over. I need to start tracking my money again (haven't done it since December). I need to stop working for a while. I need to sort stuff. I need to do my taxes. I need to meet some friends again. I need to exercise at least a bit.
I don't want to worry in the next months, because I was worrying for almost all of the past year. I know some of the money I made from the movie job will go into that temporary oxygen mask. I'm aware it can be a slippery slope as I work to pay the bills and pay the bills to relax off the work.
I have nice plans for this year and I want to open a small restaurant pulled by a bicycle. I passed the license in October to be able to open one. Hopefully it should be ready by summer. I don't have set deadlines.
The main idea of this project is to provide a revenue with potential growth, while keeping me out from burnout of working too much or too irregularly. On the markets, I can open 2 days a week. Compared to a common job, I would have flexibility and perspectives. It comes with some risks too, which is why I'm taking my time to minimize them.
I worked a lot on this, but I don't see the point of writing too much about it as long as I haven't made clear progress. We'll see how it goes and I'll try to keep you updated!
Still, the first priority, is to feel right and in control again.
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Aside: some self analysis:
It was so surprisingly easy to find the hospital waiter job, that I felt very confident regarding employment and earning money. It feels like a ladder of discoveries towards more freedom each time. In each of these, I thought I had the ability:
- live with very little. (16 y.o.)
- earn a small income through small jobs rather easily. (18 y.o.)
- earn a nomadic small income through online entrepreneurship. In this case, teaching people. (20 y.o.)
- More a possibility: If I earn enough, I can live without the need to work again. (20 y.o.)
- earn a large income (compared to global standards) through full-time jobs in Switzerland (21 y.o.)
Sounds great, although this year was a step down the ladder. As much as I believed in
my steps to reach the top of the ladder,
I actually can't handle full-time jobs. It's a great evolution to be able to get hired, but it's of no use because I hate full-time jobs. I hate them I hate them I hate them. Voilà.
No matter how enjoyable the work is, there seems to be no way I can do any activity for such a sustained and continuous period. While I knew it all along, I thought I had the motivation and strength to
render unto Caesar for a while, all so I can achieve more thorough freedom after. It isn't the case and this attitude expands to other things in my life.
Let's say I have these things to deal with:
- little brother
- moving out
- work
I could be managing all these perfectly in an organized manner. If you add anything to this, like the death of my older dog or something as simple as taxes closing, I become overly stressed and I lose control, until I entirely drop one of these things.
I had migraines since I'm 11 and I'm aware of this issue, because I follow the same mechanism on a sensitivity level. If in a week, I accumulate lack of sleep, stress and a noisy environment, I will likely have a migraine. There are many more potential triggers, but it's the accumulation of those that brings the neuronal overload.
).
I hope to have more time for reading in the next few months, after my course finishes.
