Congratulations! Could you picture a path where your DF becomes a medical officer and you have a slower transition out of the military?
At this point, the only time DF would become a surgeon in the military is after residency. It wouldn't really make sense to join during residency since we aren't desperate for the money, and it just adds more of a workload. Even then, she'd only consider service primarily for non-financial reasons.
I didn't think I cared about status. Until I left work and no longer had any. It was very unexpected. It was also the first time I looked up, to realize life paths had closed. By 40, some have dramatically better options and opportunities than others.
If I'm honest, fear of losing that optionality is a key reason I don't just play video games all day. In the moment, I'm pretty happy with an extremely simple life.
To a small degree, this was true for me as well. I was a CPA, so not mega high status, but a decently respected member of society. When I moved on, I found that some % of people do in fact treat me differently. It's never been a huge deal to me, but I do feel a twinge every so often.
As I've become more successful in my main activity of investing I have found I care less and less, but there is something to @Scott 2's point in that it can be hard to know how you feel about something until it's gone.
I think there are 3 reasons I don't feel this as strongly. For one, staying in the Reserves allows me to keep my military identity, so I don't really have the sense that I'm losing a whole lot. Obviously Reserve service is quite different, but I guess the point is that I can still tell people I'm in the Army and I have the option to ramp up my involvement if I want. I think another reason is that, at almost 30, I still feel young enough to re-invent myself in an entirely new career field if needed. I haven't really felt the effects of ageism, but perhaps I'll feel differently if I do try to re-enter the workforce in a new industry. Finally, I feel like my MTG pro/content creation career gives me the feeling of some "status", even if it is in a niche, mostly virtual community. If I finish well in online tournaments, people watch my content and engage with me on social media. Those engagements can turn into IRL connections/interactions when I go to large in-person tournaments, which can also provide numerous benefits in terms of free lodging, fun times, etc. So, it's not so much that I have any sort of status now, it's just that I get the sense I am building towards something valuable.
Bertrand Russel wrote:In America men often work long hours even when they are well off; such men, naturally, are indignant at the idea of leisure for wage-earners, except as the grim punishment of unemployment; in fact, they dislike leisure even for their sons. Oddly enough, while they wish their sons to work so hard as to have no time to be civilized, they do not mind their wives and daughters having no work at all. the snobbish admiration of uselessness, which, in an aristocratic society, extends to both sexes, is, under a plutocracy, confined to women; this, however, does not make it any more in agreement with common sense.
The wise use of leisure, it must be conceded, is a product of civilization and education. A man who has worked long hours all his life will become bored if he becomes suddenly idle. But without a considerable amount of leisure a man is cut off from many of the best things. There is no longer any reason why the bulk of the population should suffer this deprivation; only a foolish asceticism, usually vicarious, makes us continue to insist on work in excessive quantities now that the need no longer exists.
Bertrand Russel, back in the early 1930s. Leisure is great, and when you fee the ridiculous urge to work again (or have to endure peers looking down on you) just remember you are now part of the capitalist aristocracy who don’t need work anymore and can enjoy the finer bits of life.
Also, mad congrats on the engagement, and I need to check out your mtg channel.
It's update time. DW and I are legally married, although our wedding isn't until next year. This means I am now managing the finances of two geographically separate households. This also means my (our from now on) savings rate has decreased while DW is still in school, but she will start making an income next year shortly after I plan on leaving the military. Unfortunately, we still can't take advantage of many of the economies of scale associated with a modern relationship until around that same time next year.
We are still working out our system for how exactly we will manage money, other than that we agreed to combine incomes and expenses in the same pool. I usually use Mint to track expenses, so I'm thinking the best solution for now is to add her accounts to my Mint, then give her access to my Mint so we can see all of our expenses in one place. DW really likes working off a budget but wants me to do most of the financial planning/management. A ballpark estimate of our income is that we will make ~$115k combined this year, so I can't complain too much. Expenses are harder to pinpoint because we have inflated travel expenses, work expenses, and education expenses due to DW being in her final year of medical school and us still not being able to live together.
We spend a lot of time thinking about how we want our lifestyle to be, although I think I ruminate on it more due to ERE, the uncertainty of getting out of the military, and the fact that I have spent 8+ years accumulating capital. There are still a lot of uncertainty about where we will end up living and it feels hard to make any sort of long term plans without that foundation in place. We won't know until the Spring and then we will have a whirlwind of wedding, me "retiring", DW graduating, DW selling her house, honeymoon, moving to a new location (perhaps with us buying a house), and DW starting residency all within a ~3 month period.
The optimizer in me wants to start researching and planning everything now, but I just can't until this Spring. When I'm bored at work I look at houses for sale in our top-choice location and daydream a bit. Unfortunately, unless I hop right back into FT employment after I leave the military, it doesn't look like I'll be able to qualify for any kind of mortgage. I have $500k in the portfolio so I could probably swing paying ~$200k cash for a house, but that doesn't go far enough in the large metro areas near hospitals that DW might end up at. More realistic is a house in the $300-400k range. However, I don't think any loan officer will approve us because our income is effectively $0 in their eyes since DW won't have 2 years proof of income and my projected reserve income will only be ~$15k. I did some research and there are such things as asset-based mortgages but I'd need to dig more into if I'd be eligible and if the numbers make sense. Similarly, there are also physician/resident loans, although from my research they seem to have worse rates than conventional loans. In other words, it looks like we might be stuck with renting unless I decide to do something like take a 3-6 month full-time position just to qualify for a mortgage.
Something I'm struggling with is how much to "buy" into the lifestyle of my peer/social group. It's easy to eschew some of the habits of the yuppies with my cheaper housing, beater car, and home-cooked meals. It's harder to decide if it's worth the social cost of not attending meal/party/vacation X with friends because of the financial costs, even when I have the money to spend on it. DW has helped me to understand the costs of "rich" aesthetics. She is naturally frugal, however she is able to point out how much "pretty" costs when we see it on other girls. Makeup, nails, hair, workout ensembles, office clothes, shoes, the list goes on. There is a limit to what can be accomplished by thrifting and there is even a real financial downside of not fitting in certain professional peer groups. Looking "poor" has a cost. So far, I've been the one more willing to pay for DW's blonde highlights, makeup, outfits, etc because I've come to accept I like "pretty" enough to pay for it.
I'd encourage you to ignore money as a constraint, when picking time with your social group. With life in transition, the extra spending won't matter long term. You can't get the memories back.
If the activity conflicts with your values, that's totally different. It's possible you grow/grew apart from the social group.
Something I'm struggling with is how much to "buy" into the lifestyle of my peer/social group. It's easy to eschew some of the habits of the yuppies with my cheaper housing, beater car, and home-cooked meals. It's harder to decide if it's worth the social cost of not attending meal/party/vacation X with friends because of the financial costs, even when I have the money to spend on it. DW has helped me to understand the costs of "rich" aesthetics. She is naturally frugal, however she is able to point out how much "pretty" costs when we see it on other girls. Makeup, nails, hair, workout ensembles, office clothes, shoes, the list goes on. There is a limit to what can be accomplished by thrifting and there is even a real financial downside of not fitting in certain professional peer groups. Looking "poor" has a cost. So far, I've been the one more willing to pay for DW's blonde highlights, makeup, outfits, etc because I've come to accept I like "pretty" enough to pay for it.
Congrats on the wedding!
As for the above, one mistake people often make is to equate the cost of doing something with its monetary cost. Yes, hanging out with your friend will cost money -- but will it also cost networking opportunities? Opportunities to grow and develop social capital? Venues for future optionality? As Scott points out, forgone opportunities for joy are also a cost. Consider the holistic askpect of this.
Would you enjoy better mortgage rates (and/or easier time getting one) if you were still enlisted? I thought there were certain programmes that catered to military?
Not trying to derail your planned path but may be worth looking into if you haven’t already.
Congratulations! Buying an income property you can also live in might be a good move in your situation, especially since you will soon have the time to apply labor towards sweat equity.
I enjoyed and can relate to your musings on evaluating buying into a certain lifestyle in the context of when you want to maintain some level of relationship with a group. This plays out in many different contexts and is something I've reflected on a lot. I don't have any solutions, but I know the struggle.
We won't know until the Spring and then we will have a whirlwind of wedding, me "retiring", DW graduating, DW selling her house, honeymoon, moving to a new location (perhaps with us buying a house), and DW starting residency all within a ~3 month period.
Uff you have my sympathy here.
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Economies of scale of operating as a couple that lives together are grand, on so many levels!
I'd encourage you to ignore money as a constraint, when picking time with your social group. With life in transition, the extra spending won't matter long term. You can't get the memories back.
As for the above, one mistake people often make is to equate the cost of doing something with its monetary cost. Yes, hanging out with your friend will cost money -- but will it also cost networking opportunities? Opportunities to grow and develop social capital? Venues for future optionality? As Scott points out, forgone opportunities for joy are also a cost. Consider the holistic askpect of this.
My approach thus far has been to just pay for the group activity without worrying too much about the cost. Due to the geographic seperation and my shiftwork, I don't have the luxury of picking and choosing the less expensive activities. Maybe next year DW and I will be able to do that, but her schedule will be highly constrained so maybe not. It does mean there is effectively a floor on my monthly spending if I want to be a functioning member of my yuppie upper-middle class social circle.
Congratulations! Buying an income property you can also live in might be a good move in your situation, especially since you will soon have the time to apply labor towards sweat equity.
Would you enjoy better mortgage rates (and/or easier time getting one) if you were still enlisted? I thought there were certain programmes that catered to military?
DW rents out a room in her house right now and I would like to get an income property of our own at the new location, but that'll depend on a where we end up and real estate values. I would be able to qualify for a mortgage if I wasn't getting out of the Army, but then DW and I wouldn't be able to live together. The hang up is showing proof of income, so we might just have to rent unless I can find a place that is <$250k in which case we could pay cash. There is also the possibility of having DW's father sign as a guarantor on a mortgage, but I don't really want to deal with all the strings that come attached to that.
Is there any way you can switch around your military end date so that it happens just after you close on a house?
Your wife may not have to show 2 years worth of income. Sometimes it is enough to show a couple of paychecks plus a letter from a new employer. Surgical resident may be one of those situations as she will clearly be making a lot of money going forward and has a high commitment to the profession.
On the other hand, it might be good to rent until you have lived together for a while and have a working understanding of how you use space as a couple.
There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now as I am in the midst of a transition. First off, in May I will leave the active duty military. Although I will remain in the Reserves, this means that for the first time in 12 years I will not be following a structured career path. Since my freshman year of college, I have been on a pretty strict trajectory which provides a lot of certainty, even if it has twisted and turned at multiple points. Despite moving every 1-3 years, there is a strong sense of routine and safety in the military career structure. Move here, do this assignment for 1-2 years, then do this course, get promoted, then move here for this assignment, rinse and repeat. The locations and specific assignments are uncertain, but the lifestyle remains the same through most of them. I expect breaking up with my career to be difficult, which is one reason I am trying to ease the transition by joining the Reserves.
Another source of uncertainty is DW’s career. We won’t find out until March where we will be moving to for her residency. We did our best to focus on a specific geographic area that has support networks for both of us, but alas the entire process is a crapshoot and we didn’t quite get all the interviews we were hoping for. The good news is DW will match somewhere, but the uncertainty makes my military transition even harder. Unfortunately, I’m transitioning from one career with little personal agency to supporting DW in a similarly brutal career field.
Adding to the feeling of lack of agency in my life is my current job. Shift work sleep disorder has worn me down physically and psychologically. The lack of purpose/challenge/fulfillment in my current role has similarly worn me down. I finally listened to DW recommendations to seek medical help, however I’m not sure it ended up being a net positive. In the past, I’ve normally dealt with life difficulties by compartmentalizing, trying to remain present, finding productive ways to relieve stress, and so forth. Seeking help requires me to talk to doctors, which requires me to dwell on my current situation. This in turn makes me more frustrated at my lack of agency. I don’t know that using my circumstance as a scapegoat for all of my life problems is productive in the long run. Every medical professional says the only fix is to get me off of a rotating shift schedule, but that seems unlikely to happen for another 6 months. They give me bandaid fixes like sleeping pills and recommend I seek counseling. I’ve made it through a lot of tough things in the military without counseling, but have finally decided to give it a try.
TLDR: I find myself in the unusual circumstance of being both stressed by my current life due to feeling trapped and stressed about my future due to uncertainty. My net worth of >$500k is no help to me.
I find myself being drawn to concrete, solvable problems. Surprisingly, one of the most satisfying things I did recently was to start working on tax preparation. I will file MFJ in April, which means between DW’s rental income, educational expenses, and my business, I have a lot tax breaks and optimization to get a grip on before year end. I should be able to harvest a chunk of long term capital gains at 0% federal and state taxes, which is good because I am sitting on a lot of profits in taxable accounts. Finally, a problem with a simple solution (once I plug all the correct numbers in a spreadsheet/calculator) that I have the agency to implement.
Every few months I seem to go through a van life research phase. Full time van living is not in the future for DW and I, however I’m drawn to the idea of having a daily driver that can convert to a camper. I envision us using it for ski trips and trips to the beach together. I envision using it for hunting trips with a friend and using it as transportation/stealth lodging while I travel to Magic tournaments in support of my fledgling business. I think some of this is just escapism research at this point, but just like the tax stuff it gives me a concrete problem to be optimized. What vehicle should I get? How do I layout a van to fit everything I need? What about hot water? What about electricity? Etc, etc. There are Youtube videos galore for everything, but perhaps I’m just latching on to an optimization problem.
Every few months I seem to go through a van life research phase. Full time van living is not in the future for DW and I, however I’m drawn to the idea of having a daily driver that can convert to a camper. I envision us using it for ski trips and trips to the beach together. I envision using it for hunting trips with a friend and using it as transportation/stealth lodging while I travel to Magic tournaments in support of my fledgling business. I think some of this is just escapism research at this point, but just like the tax stuff it gives me a concrete problem to be optimized. What vehicle should I get? How do I layout a van to fit everything I need? What about hot water? What about electricity? Etc, etc. There are Youtube videos galore for everything, but perhaps I’m just latching on to an optimization problem.
Have you considered renting one out and trying living out of a van for two or three weeks? It’s not like ultra expensive to try, and would let you know how comfortable you would be with all the weird social issues of sleeping in your car for multiple nights, finding somewhere to park the van overnight (goes from chill to extra hostile depending on the place), bathroom visits in random places, etc. I found it way less satisfying in experience than I thought it would be, kinda like how building a commander deck with all the insane possible combos is often 10x more fun than actually playing said commander deck once it’s built (or is that just me?). It also never really hits price parity with just paying for a normal hotel room every time you travel, which makes it only really more convenient in terms of staying in places where there aren’t hotels (one of the main reasons climbers are like the main subgroup of people who actually live out of vans).
A full van build won’t hit price parity vs hotels for occasional trip use, but a ERE diy buildout of a daily driver (Honda element or even van that you actually use) definitely can. And potential yields from skills gained from the build— my understanding is there is still space in the market for van converters, for example, so potential side hustle hobby in new location after switching to the Reserves if the vanBuilding turns out funner than the vanlifing.
Shift work sleep disorder sounds so rough, sorry you're going through that. My father in law recently switched jobs at the factory he's been at for 4 decades, going from day shifts to nights.
After 6 months of nights he was like, "Screw this, I'm retiring." It really affected his mental health. This extremely strong willed, healthy, hard working guy was feeling anxiety for the first time in his life. I hated watching it and I'm glad he's done.
I hope you find some solace with the therapy and that you can switch jobs soon.
A full van build won’t hit price parity vs hotels for occasional trip use, but a ERE diy buildout of a daily driver (Honda element or even van that you actually use) definitely can. And potential yields from skills gained from the build— my understanding is there is still space in the market for van converters, for example, so potential side hustle hobby in new location after switching to the Reserves if the vanBuilding turns out funner than the vanlifing.
Don't wanna derail for too long in someone's journal, but the Element is a bit too small for 2 unless you are 5'6" or shorter. I owned one from like 2015- late 2018 when I was also in my peak climbing / dirtbag days and to sleep in it as a tall person you kinda have to rip out the passenger seat (rear seats remove super easily, but passenger seat is a lot more of a pain to do regularly) or sleep curled up the whole night. If one of you is shorter than 5'6" Its doable but requires a lot of random storage in your house for the seats and stuff to live while in camper mode, and then storage for the platform for when its in passenger mode. Normal family vans that could fit plywood sheets used to be the sweet spot IMO, but now they also seem to cost like 20k+ for the used ones with under 100k miles thanks to the ridiculous used car prices of the past three or four years.
My cousin actually also ran a small company that renovated sprinter style vans and then rented them out by the day for the past ~5 years, and it stopped breaking even in past couple of years with renovation prices going through the roof due to wood as well as labor increases. So yeah, agree you could end up doing it in some small business capacity to make some $ on the side selling sprinter conversions if you like solving the small space optimization problems.
