CalamityJane's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

@Western Red Cedar, yes, I was actually pleasantly surprised by the amount I'm projected to get from SS. I tend to plan on getting about 75% of that projection due to the possibility of future cuts to the program, but it's still significant. And the thing is, it doesn't really go up substantially when I play around with the numbers to simulate working until traditional retirement age. That was a real eye-opener for me. My pension is similar, in that it is based on my highest 3 years of service, so after a certain point is doesn't improve things significantly to keep working there full time.

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unemployable
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Re: My ER plan

Post by unemployable »

calamityjane wrote:
Sat Jan 28, 2023 5:01 pm
Phase 2, 2032-2038

Implement SEPP

...You can choose between three formulas the IRS uses to determine the amount that can be withdrawn...
The IRS ruled last year that one may use any withdrawal rate up to 5%. If the 120% federal midterm rate rises above that (it is around 4.7% now) you can still use it.

SEPPs — also called 72t's although three-character strings can't be searched on here — usually shouldn't be anyone's first option because they provide the least flexibility compared to other options. But they're worth keeping in your back pocket. I was strongly considering it for my mid/late 50s until the stonk market bailed me out and Congress allowed penalty-free IRA withdrawals in 2020. Now I agree with @WRC's strategy of making Roth conversions up to the federal deduction limit if it applies.

That said, unlike a SEPP, you can't spend the money you convert from traditional IRA.
I turn 59 ½ in November, 2037. At that point, I can withdraw freely without penalty.
In fact you can start your withdrawals as early as January 2, 2037, because the actual rule is the start of the calendar year in which you turn 59½.
calamityjane wrote:
Mon Jan 30, 2023 1:04 pm
@Western Red Cedar, yes, I was actually pleasantly surprised by the amount I'm projected to get from SS... And the thing is, it doesn't really go up substantially when I play around with the numbers to simulate working until traditional retirement age.
You may want to familiarize yourself with how the Social Security bendpoints work. It sounds like you've hurdled over the 36% into the 10% at least. At that point, yeah, working longer to get more SS as a primary motivation is just silly.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

Thanks, @unemployable, good points. I didn't realize that about starting the withdrawals at the beginning of the calendar year one turns 59 1/2, that gives me almost another year.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

I finally started back up this week with a volunteer project that is a great passion of mine – recording rock art on public lands. This current project is in a wildlife refuge, which is especially cool, because the sites are behind gates and are very rarely seen. They are unique and important petroglyphs, so getting them in the archaeological record for future researchers and Indigenous people who call them ancestors is extremely rewarding. It’s also just a very beautiful area, and pretty sweet to have use of a government vehicle to go spend the day there. My master’s thesis was on a petroglyph site relatively nearby, and I continue to do research that may someday turn into some kind of publication. I have mixed feelings about that, and about being a white person studying Native American culture generally. It is something I love deeply, though. I’ll be leading this project for the next couple years probably, so it is a big commitment that limits my ability to go off and do other things. In a way, I’m kind of glad about that…it removes my decision paralysis.

Work has been better these past couple of weeks. I think I’m over the hump of stress and into a good groove of getting things done efficiently without spending too much time. I’m back to thinking I can definitely stick with it for the rest of this year.

Currently reading:

Good Life Lab by Wendy Jehanara Tremayne

Jacob recommended this in another journal. The author owns a homestead with her partner in Truth or Consequences, NM, just down the road from me! It’s pretty interesting to read about their journey from being employed in corporate jobs in New York to selling all their stuff and building a homestead. I’m not very far into it, but it’s very compelling.

You Can Buy Happiness (and It’s Cheap) by Tammy Strobel


Tammy has a blog I never read called Rowdy Kittens and is also interested in trading in the corporate consumerist lifestyle for simplification. In her case, it’s a tiny house. Still waiting to see if there is anything new and noteworthy, but these stories are always interesting to me.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

“Art is the elimination of the unnecessary.” – Pablo Picasso. That quote resonated with me this week.

I thought it might be easier to organize my thoughts and post somewhat consistently if I categorize things, so I’m going to give that a try. I might not write about the same things every week.

Writing

I started a new Coursera class on poetry. I already tasked myself with trying to write a poem a day this year, so it fits in well with my routine and provides a little structure when I’m flailing around without inspiration. It’s obviously an intro course, but that’s okay…sometimes it’s really helpful to get back to basics. I have tons of random poetry floating around in my journals, and most of it I never get around to editing or even re-reading. I took a quick pass at it last year and realized what a lazy and terrible editor I am with my own work. I would like to whip some of my writing into shape this year, but I seem to face some kind of insurmountable mental roadblock. I’ve looked into Meetup writing groups, but even in the decently sized city 70 miles away the options are sparse.

Physical activity/Exploration


I did yoga a couple times, using YouTube videos and the free classes on DoYogaWithMe. I also took the dogs out for an off-leash exploration of some BLM land. I was on the hunt for petroglyphs I’d heard about and never quite found them, but it was a beautiful area with some promising camping spots.

Art

Trying to get back into a routine with watercolor exercises, as well as making progress on an embroidery project. I like to make templates from photographs and embroider-ize them, kind of like a mosaic. It’s time-consuming, but in that way of adult coloring books and reading where it gets me out of my head. I tend to work on that when I’m listening to NPR in the evenings.

Animals

After much back and forth, I decided to get a new cat. I lost my old guy in November, and have been cat-less for the first time in my adult life. I considered taking the opportunity of freedom to make my future decisions regarding travel/nomadic life a little easier, but decided I’d rather have a cat. Rescuing mutts and strays is one of my great passions and callings in life. The fact that I’m in a losing battle of wits with a mouse(s) also made the decision a little easier. So I went down to the city shelter and picked out a 3 year old little calico named Koi. The name suits her, so I'll probably keep it.

Sustainability

I started digging around in the dirt again! I put down some new top soil and compost in my raised beds, and planted some lettuce/mustard/spinach/mesclun. My bulbs are already starting to come up, so I’m taking that as a sign that spring is indeed headed my way. I also planted a few tomato starts indoors. I would love to have a greenhouse, but not sure if it’s worth the money and work.

Lifelong learning

Much reading was done. I finished the Strobel book (meh), continued reading The Good Life Lab, started re-reading Voluntary Simplicity by Duane Elgin (Second Ed.), Being and Time by Martin Heidegger, and several novels not worth mentioning. I also joined a book club at the local library. It’s a bunch of older white lady retirees (I guess that’s me???), but the discussion was interesting and they give us copies of the books to keep. This week we were talking about Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card and next week start on Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner, which I thought I read but actually have not, so I’m looking forward to that. I’m also doing 4-5 lessons on Duolingo daily, trying to improve my Spanish language skills. I’m fairly fluent in reading comprehension and can muddle through when traveling to Central America, but definitely have much room for improvement.

Mindfulness

I’ve been fairly successful at keeping a daily meditation routine going. I usually do 15 minutes in the morning with Insight Timer based on a daily intention, and then a 10-15 minute session in the afternoon just sitting and watching my breath. Also watched my weekly dharma talk on YouTube, though I really wish I was still part of an in-person sangha. Doesn’t seem to be an option at the moment. I’m not really a practicing Buddhist, but I do find Buddhist teachings very helpful for personal growth.

Daydreaming

I also have been doing a lot of back and forth about what I want the future to look like in a year or 2. I keep returning to the idea of buying a travel trailer and either renting out my house or selling it and living nomadically. I went down a rabbit hole this week on the Scamp website and was newly enthused about the possibility. They are pretty affordable even brand new, and hold their value well. Living that way (boondocking) could save me $6,000 a year, and would pay for itself if I could rent out the house consistently.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

Community

One of my good friends moved to Oklahoma for a year. She still comes down relatively often to visit (the city where I used to live, an hour away), and it’s always the highlight of my month. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently about community and isolation. Moving to this area, I knew it would be a challenge to socialize even to the limited degree I’d gotten used to during the pandemic shutdowns. This place is basically a mix of (traditional-aged) retirees, families, and students at the college. I don’t really have a peer group here, and there aren’t opportunities for passive socializing like you have in a larger city. The closest I’ve come is my neighbor’s weekly coffee gathering and the book club at the library, where I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe it’s just perception, but I don’t seem to have much in common with anyone here and it’s kind of getting to me. Nothing about it is surprising, I knew what I was getting into, but it still has me questioning a lot of things. I wanted a practical home base, but I guess I also wanted more of a sense of community than I realized.

Daydreaming

My friend and I also talked about the possibility of starting an intentional community/retirement compound for rescue animals. And people. Like Golden Girls for cats.

No matter what, I’m glad I bought my house when I did. The amount I’ve saved each month on housing expenses has been totally worth it, even with what I’ve put into renovations and replacing appliances. I did almost all the work myself, so it was really more an investment of time than money. Besides, now I have skills that I can hopefully apply to other projects in the future, specifically an off-grid project. Even if I sold my house in a year, I think I could make a decent return on my investment.

Animals

The new cat is acclimating well. She still stays in the office most of the day and is avoiding the dogs, but there are no more dramatic hissing invectives being thrown and the dogs have decided she is of little interest.

Today is the two year anniversary of adopting my second pup. I tend towards a variety known colloquially as “New Mexico brown dogs” – basically a catch-all for the randomly assorted mutts we get around here.

Physical activity/Exploration

I spent a whole afternoon wandering around the bosque near the Rio Grande and watching the remaining sandhill cranes as they make their journey back up north. There were a couple guys fishing, but otherwise we had the whole place to ourselves. This is one benefit of living in a more rural area. The Albuquerque bosque is full of bikers and people walking their dogs.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

This ended up being a busy month! It seems weekly posts aren’t really practical, so I am accepting my limits. The good news is that warmer days and increased outdoor activity is the explanation for my busy schedule.

Exploring
The weather has been all over the place this month. We had a run of nice days free from gale-force wind (a rarity in these parts in March), and I was able to go camping for my 2023 inaugural shake-out trip. I’m really pleased with the general BLM area, which is only about a half hour drive from my house but feels totally remote. I was able to test a new wind/sun shelter that is technically for the beach but will work just fine for my purposes and can even double as a tent.

Finances
My money is all over the place too. Between the bank runs and continuing inflation, I’m basically just trying to ignore my investments right now. Since I’m still technically employed, I’m taking advantage of the opportunity to keep throwing money into my Roth. I realized that if I keep working through the year, I will be able to fund all of next year’s expenses with cash again and let my investments ride. Otherwise, I will have around $15,000 of discretionary money (separate from my emergency savings) to travel or whatever else, which is somewhat tempting.

Homesteading
The leafy greens I planted last month are starting to come up, with the little baby spinach leaves nearing the point where I can pick them. I’ve also been foraging my London Rocket (aka “noxious weeds” to many), which is a great spicy addition to salads. I bought and planted a couple new fruit trees from a great local nursery – a cherry and a miniature peach. The seedlings I have started indoors include some tomatoes that are making nice progress, peppers, eggplant, and experimental artichokes and asparagus.

Volunteering
The rock art recording project is picking up speed, and we’ve nearly finished the first provenience of the canyon. It’s such a beautiful place, and I feel lucky every time we go out there. I was approved to become a Site Watch Steward for various archaeological sites around the state, with the training set to start next month hopefully. I’m also looking into ways to get involved with my local homeless shelter, beyond monetary donations.

Lifelong learning

I started a new online philosophy course called “Aristotle and His Followers.” I took a few philosophy classes in college so a lot of it is a refresher, but it’s still pretty interesting. I actually enjoy going over old material with my older brain, seeing how things strike me now that I’ve had more life experiences and time to think about things.

Highlights of my reading for the month:

Blessing the Hands That Feed Us by Vicki Robin (co-author of Your Money or Your Life)
Robin experimented with eating only food grown within a 10-mile radius of her home on Whidbey
Island in Washington and considers solutions for local food production and consumption.

Sirens & Muses by Antonia Angress
This is a fascinating novel about art school students during the Occupy Wall Street era. It
considers the various hypocrisies and excesses of the time, as exemplified by the particularities
of the art economy.

Financial Feminism by Jessica Robinson
A topic that needs more serious consideration. The focus is largely on sustainable investing,
which also has not been written about in much depth.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

End of April already! It is in the 80s here today, where did spring go? I just did my monthly finances and was artificially cheered by the markets bouncing back. It's always a psychological boost even though I know at this point a recession would actually serve my interests better. Between home equity, investments, quarterly pension credits, and income, my net worth is up about $10,000 this month.

Homesteading
The gardens made some good progress. I got corn, peas, beans, mustard, dill, radishes, and flower seeds in the ground, along with a couple of tomato plants. I'm hardening off the rest of my tomato seedlings to plant outside later this week, along with squash, peppers, and eggplant seeds. The spinach made a comeback, so at least I have something to harvest and eat. And the peach tree actually has real tiny little peaches, which makes me very happy.

Work
I've been making a lot of travel arrangements for my boss, which is ordinarily something I don't mind. I like keeping track of details and optimizing logistics. However, it turns out the person I need to work with to make the reservations over at the Fiscal Shared Services office just happens to be my ex-boyfriend. It's been...awkward. He responds with excruciatingly formal emails that make me want to gouge my eyes out. I thought we ended things on good terms, but I feel a lot of passive aggressive resentment wafting from these exchanges.

Exploring
I went on a couple more camping trips, and the last one was COLD. I wasn't up in the mountains or anything and the temps were fine during the day, but it definitely got down in the low 20s at night. My sleeping bag is rated to 20 degrees, and I woke up a few times shivering.

Socializing
I feel like I've been more social than usual these past couple months. I've had lunch/breakfast/beers with pretty much all of my local friends, and I'm planning a trip to visit a friend who moved to a different town later this month. I'm also going to an archaeology conference at the end of the week.

Creativity
I guess I've also been more productive, though I've been too busy lately to spend much time on creative writing or painting. Over the past month I've worked on some botanical sketches, photography, and poetry. I feel like I need a better routine structure where this is concerned, but I always end up feeling constrained by forced creativity, which actually makes me less productive. It's a recurrent conundrum I've never quite figured out.

Reading
Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor - I was surprised by how much this resonated with me. Definitely recommended for those who are interested in the wisdom of Buddhist teachings without the religious component. It also nicely complemented some Epicurean readings I've been revisiting.

Saving Time by Jenny Odell - Odell's first book, How To Do Nothing, is also great, but this one is particularly relevant to early retirement. It's basically about the commodification of time, and the slow erosion of personal agency over one's own time through the structure of capitalism.

ertyu
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by ertyu »

Both of these books sound like something i'll enjoy. I'll look them up

Edit: am 3 chapters into saving time, i love it, thanks
Last edited by ertyu on Wed May 03, 2023 1:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Cam
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by Cam »

I'm echoing ertyu about your book recommendations, I always enjoy new books to add to my to read list. I think I'll definitely read Enlightenment Now, precisely because I disagree with its premise.

I really enjoy how you organize your journals under subtitles too. I was doing that but have since got lazy with it. It makes the journal a lot more interesting to read, at least for me!

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

Thanks for the feedback! I've been questioning if I'm adding much value to the forums with this journal, so that encourages me to keep going and to keep adding book recommendations. :)

AxelHeyst
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by AxelHeyst »

+1 to what they said. I read How to Do Nothing and really liked it, so now Saving Time is definitely on my list. I also appreciate your formatting... I need to quit being a slacker with my updates!

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

Health/Mental health
I’ve been struggling quite a bit for the past few months with depression and anxiety. These are both recurrent conditions I’ve dealt with my entire adult life. The last time was a couple of years ago, but after successful treatment with a psychiatrist and good results on the SNRI drug Cymbalta, I felt so balanced and optimistic that I thought I was “cured.” I was also motivated by the prospect of looming early retirement, a recent house purchase and subsequent rehab projects, and just a general sense of the next chapter of my life beginning. Well, it’s true what they say, that no matter where you go, there you are. I weaned off the Cymbalta after about 6 months and continued to feel fine up until this past winter, when suddenly I was hit by a wave of self-recrimination, paranoia, plummeting confidence, and loneliness. I was also dealing with some health concerns at the same time.

Luckily, I still found the wherewithal to advocate for myself in the midst of feeling like it wasn’t worthwhile and that I deserved to wallow. I made an appointment with a primary care doctor, who recommended a series of tests that narrowed down the health problem and eased my mind somewhat. I called the local mental health clinic and made an appointment with an intake therapist, and have recently started regular virtual sessions. I joined a trauma support group. And then I got my doctor to re-prescribe the Cymbalta. I have always had a difficult time accepting antidepressants for myself long-term, though I certainly don’t ascribe any stigma to anyone else taking them. I guess it’s just one more way that I want to be fiercely self-reliant and have control, but that is not always in my best interests.

So that is my main focus at the moment. I turned 45 this week and recognize at least part of it as an existential midlife crisis now that I am most definitely over the hill and sliding down the other side. But I feel more hopeful and rational now that I have a better grasp on what I’m dealing with. I started out the year with the misguided notion that my focus needed to be on further limiting my need for ego validation (yet also setting goals like “submit a poem for publication”), and I think this really threw me for a loop. I still struggle to differentiate self-worth/confidence from external dependency on positive feedback or accomplishments, and I think I always will.

The lesson, perhaps, is that neither money nor the freedom of early retirement will fill in the gaps of fulfillment or happiness.

Reading
Why Fish Don’t Exist: A Story of Loss, Love, and the Hidden Order of Life by Lulu Miller

A fascinating exploration of David Starr Jordan, taxonomist and the founding president Stanford University. It turns out he was also an early proponent of eugenics, which he unapologetically endorsed his entire life (he also might have murdered Jane Stanford, wife of founder Leland Stanford). Besides all that, Miller weaves in her talents as a science writer to explain why the classification of fish as a separate taxonomic group might be all wrong, as well as her personal narrative.

7Wannabe5
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I started out the year with the misguided notion that my focus needed to be on further limiting my need for ego validation (yet also setting goals like “submit a poem for publication”)
LOL- I don't think it is just ego validation that drives us to set goals such as this. I've actually been going through a terrible phase of aging where I feel like there is nobody left on the planet whom I respect* enough to care about their take on anything I do (kind of like when you are a Senior in high school and there are no boys left who you might possibly want to date, but worse), but I still set goals,

*Everybody is either a child (under the age of 50) or an idiot or some flavor of loser or predictable/boring, etc. etc. (not excluding myself.)

mathiverse
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by mathiverse »

I'd also note that a goal like that can be seen as "getting feedback about your work at a given standard" rather than ego validation. Not to dismiss your conclusion it's ego validation. You obviously know yourself better than me. But, it can be the difference between taking a really tough class to test yourself against a high, absolute standard and to ensure you push yourself as much as you can in the pursuit of knowledge in that subject versus taking the class to show off that you are smart enough for the class. That action can be the same, but the motivation/reason is different.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

@7Wannabe5, I can relate! I am similarly cynical about dating prospects. I have been avoiding dating for the past year because I have a very complicated relationship to what romantic interactions "mean," or the point of all those conversations, and how much figuring that out for myself is even worth my while. Getting to know people in that superficial capacity requires a degree of performance of a curated persona, which I do not find entirely unenjoyable, but does strike me as inauthentic and maybe pointless. Since I'm living out in the boonies now and have to drive an hour each way for the mere possibility of chemistry on any level, it just all seems exhausting. I think this attitude might be part of my depression though, ha.

@mathiverse, yes, I agree completely. This is not a semantic issue I have with the concept of validation vs. fulfillment itself, but rather my own convoluted misunderstanding of the two based on my early childhood experience and beyond. Basically I was a very lonely child and felt the only way to get attention was to impress my parents by how perfect I could be, so I have a hard time figuring out how to do things for the pure enjoyment/positive contribution of them without getting some praise in response. Yet that seems to me the noble journey, the entire reason really for FIRE. It's a struggle.

Western Red Cedar
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by Western Red Cedar »

calamityjane wrote:
Sun May 28, 2023 3:10 pm
I started out the year with the misguided notion that my focus needed to be on further limiting my need for ego validation (yet also setting goals like “submit a poem for publication”), and I think this really threw me for a loop. I still struggle to differentiate self-worth/confidence from external dependency on positive feedback or accomplishments, and I think I always will.

The lesson, perhaps, is that neither money nor the freedom of early retirement will fill in the gaps of fulfillment or happiness.
I've been unpacking the relationship between ego and external dependency for validation for a couple years now. As I started doing that I realized that the whole multi-year, financial independence goal was possibly just another gold ring on the carousel. That was a pretty scary insight, because it made me wrestle with the fact that a lot of my problems are internal, and that I've been using work as a bit of a scapegoat for personal baggage I didn't want to deal with.

It also made me realize that my cravings for validation often led to personal and professional success. So not all bad?

The external dependency dynamic is pretty deeply ingrained in a lot of people from western, industrialized societies. Modern parenting seems to create a dynamic, at least partially, where "good" or compliant behavior is positively reinforced by parents or caregivers. If a primary caregiver isn't fully present, which is quite common with the demands of most professions, children are naturally going to try to perform or act out to connect to that caregiver. This is accentuated in the school systems. It is pretty hard to unravel 20+ years of conditioning.

I don't have a lot to offer, but can relate to what you are writing about. I've found the practice of compassionate curiosity as a helpful way to interrupt thought patterns and explore some subconscious motivations for certain behaviors. I've also started to focus less on happiness, which I think is fleeting, and more on a general contentment. That might just be semantics, but it was personally a useful reframe.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

Thanks @Western Red Cedar, that all resonates with me. General contentment sounds pretty good right about now. :) I actually think for myself early retirement, which was intended to remove the conditions of validation and striving and generally being confused about if my motivations were coming from the "right" sources, has instead exacerbated those conditions. With work, you just have to do the job regardless of motivations. Maybe you wonder once in awhile why you got into your particular career and if it's a noble calling, but it's not this constant daily questioning of the decisions I'm making for self-actualization. So I think you're right, I need to step back from all that pressure and just try to be content rather than enlightened or self-actualized for now.

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

Social
I have been making more of an effort this month to get out of the house, which I recognize to be keeping me stuck both mentally and productively. A lot of my socialization used to happen in the form of seeing and talking to my co-workers every day, so not having this sometimes I need to push myself out of my introverted nest.

Somewhat surprisingly to myself, this turned into another round of the online dating rodeo. Also surprising is that it’s been going relatively well. When I first moved to my town I put my efforts into meeting people locally, only to realize that there was literally no one to date on the apps within a 60-mile radius. This time I resigned myself to the necessity of meeting people in the nearest big city, an hour drive away. I go there to see friends and run errands anyway, so it hasn’t been a huge hassle. I’ve gone on a few dates, most of which turned into second dates, which I see as an indication that I haven’t become a complete troll under a rock and still am capable of engaging in conversation.

I’ve also spent more time with my friends, including a very good friend I hadn’t seen since he moved out to a (real legit) homestead in a rural area. I went out there for a visit recently, and was pretty impressed. They are totally off grid with a combination of solar, passive solar (HUGE south-facing windows), a well, and rain catchment systems. They’re raising chickens, ducks, turkeys, and even a pig, along with 2 dogs and 6 cats. Greenhouses and an irrigation system are in the works. I’m so glad to see these projects happening – it gives me hope for what is possible.

Mental Health
Big improvements have been happening here. I’m so glad I decided to restart the Cymbalta. The effects were extremely subtle at first, but have recently been noticeable. To be specific, I had a day last week when I realized I was actually HAPPY, which hasn’t happened in…I really can’t even remember how long. I’ve also been making a lot of progress in therapy and my trauma support group.

Creativity
I’ve been getting some good feedback lately on my watercolor paintings from people I admire, and that’s encouraged me to be more productive. I still consider myself a beginner and working out my own style and technique through pretty basic sketches, but I’ve moved beyond still life botanical paintings to studies of my cat and other moving things. It’s a rewarding process. I’ve also made progress in my writing projects, even if it is very slow progress.

Research
This is the off-season for rock art recording, so I’m concentrating on compiling my notes and brainstorming to pull together my 13 years of research into something cohesive. Last week I read an article that referenced my MA thesis, which made my day!

calamityjane
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Re: CalamityJane's Journal

Post by calamityjane »

It's been almost an entire month of high temps over 100 degrees, which has made the already challenging summer conditions even more challenging. A harbinger of things to come, I'm afraid. Gardening has been a Sisyphean battle - no matter how hard I push with water and shade cloths the rock keeps rolling back down over me. I worry about what this means for the future of localized farming. Will global warming mean industrial agriculture on an even larger scale?

Self Actualization
I recently saw an advertisement for a job that once upon a time would have been my dream job. I even went through the mental exercise of considering what it would mean to apply for this job, only to realize that the relatively low salary offered would barely pay rent in the bloated market where the job is located. If this is happening everywhere, I feel very sorry for renters.

But it got me thinking more broadly about what I actually want to do going forward. Specifically, I’ve begun thinking seriously about returning to school for a PhD in archaeology. This arguably has no practical benefit. Firstly, because I have no real intention to return to career advancement or even full time employment, and secondly, because I can probably do all the things I want to do without it. Maybe. I already have an MA in art history with my thesis work focused on a specific archaeological topic that I continue to pursue. One of my long-term goals is to be an independent researcher, and possibly contribute some articles and/or books. The benefit of the degree would be the structure and authority provided by affiliation with an academic institution, as well as an outlet for resources and knowledge to expand my research. In other words, it’s something I’m passionate about and I really just want to immerse myself in it as fully as possible. I get a lot of this through field work and the independent research I’m already doing, but I feel like it could be more fully realized.

Of course, this is dependent upon a lot of factors. Luckily the ideal program is also the closest one, only an hour away, but there’s no guarantee I will be accepted. If I’m not offered full funding (RAship, GAship, etc.) I wouldn’t do it, so there’s no financial sacrifice.

I was also thinking about this when I read @MountainFrugal’s thoughts about DIY tenure. To me that seems like the academic version of FU money, and I really like the idea of earning your own tenure through financial independence without having to jump through the hoops of academia (which dissuaded me from pursuing a PhD in the first place). That’s kind of how I feel about this. When I was working on my MA, there was a lot of pressure to pass symposium, get all A’s, impress my professors, and write a brilliant thesis. Even getting into the program felt like a treacherous test of my worthiness. I don’t feel that way about this. I have nothing riding on it either way. I think the lack of intimidation and fear would be in my favor to do more bold work.

I welcome any input you all might have about this idea.

Reading
So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson
I’ve listened to Jon Ronson for years on This American Life and always enjoyed his humor and observations, but I’d never read one of his books. Turns out I like his writing style even more. He has this way of unearthing the most specific and quirky attributes of his interview subjects and interacting with them in a humorously self-deprecating way that also manages to be empathetic and insightful.

The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson
This one is really fascinating. From corporate CEO’s to petty criminals, he looks into the sometimes questionable rubric of traits that make up official diagnoses of psychopaths.

Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber
I can’t remember if I read this because of a recommendation on this forum or not, but obviously it’s relevant to this crowd. In the end it makes a case for universal basic income, but along the way describes a lot of really unnecessary work people are doing for almost zero fulfillment or value to society (though it is often very well-compensated work). I was telling a couple of friends about this book and they didn’t really get what the people in these jobs were complaining about, and I can see where they’re coming from. At one point in time I thought getting paid well to have my own office and very little to do and little oversight would be a pretty ideal situation. Then I was in that situation all too often in various jobs, and I saw the misery of being forced to sit somewhere for 8 hours a day for no purpose. Humans want meaning and contribution. The fact that late stage capitalism is perpetuating this type of work in numerous roles is undeniably (as @Jin+Juice so eloquently put it in his entry about semi-retirement and Plato’s Cave) pathological.

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