Low Income, Early 20s, Anti-Wage-Slave Living: Walwen's Journal

[ertyu]

Which certification is it?

[Walwen]

It's a life coach certification with a specialization in marriage and family. Personal coaching isn't therapy, isn't regulated, and you don't need a certification to be a life coach. My course is mostly self-paced but you have to attend 10 live virtual lecture+Q&A sessions to get your certificate.

It's through an actual accreditated physical university in my state, not like, Coursera or Jo Shmoe The Get-Rich-Quik Guru. This is the exact same course content they have ministers do to learn how to better minister. (The university is known for pastoral care and counseling degrees)

There's a whole realm out there of coaches who promise to teach you to become a super rich life coach by simply becoming their client and paying them tons of money to hear the magic secret. I.e. con artists. I don't want to "be my own boss" at this point and am not intending to become an independent practicing life coach.

However, a life coaching cert helps me become the most competitive job applicant among my peers and opens some doors for me, without getting a degree, which would cost a lot more money.
For instance, there are art therapy and craft programs within the realm of human services: activities run in nursing homes and community centers and libraries etc. I don't think I could be the director of a large program, but with a coaching certificate, I could probably be "assistant director of resident activities."

My current job title was changed from "shelter aide" to "residential support specialist." I do laundry and clean up puke and cook lunch too so I prefered "shelter aide", just like subway workers aren't really "sandwich artists", but I digress. Everyone wants "direct support professionals". Crisis centers want them. Community centers want them. Shelters and nonprofits want them. And Lord knows the health industry is shrieking for them.

My current workplace also has a job coach- he's not a liscensed social worker, he's just got a degree in buisness and a lot of experience in the job coach field. My local hospital has 3 "community navigators" that go to the homeless shelters and people on the street and help them get their medications all sorted and help them get to appointments, and in general help access to services for the poor. The one that works with me makes 55k a year, and she's only got an associate's in something, she's not a nurse. Those are the sort of careers I'm angling myself toward.

I've sort of networked in with a local church. They want to build a shelter but are maybe 5 years out. I could totally see myself as a supervisor to the shelter aides by then. My supervisor (who only has a HS equivalant from another country) only has 3 years experience in social services. If in 5 years I'm still in the field, I'm going to be supervisor-ready. Or ready to switch to the admin side of things.

[Cam]

Walwen if I could high-five you through the internet, I would. We have many similarities. I also want to own a plot of land. I am also now going into social service/rehab work, most likely as an occupational therapist assistant. I'm also a young dude, but I'm 25 instead of 20. I'll be following along with your journey closely! Best of luck

[Walwen]

Yay! Great to see someone else in the realm of social service!

So far the life coach training is going well. This time of year the shelter is pretty quiet so I study during my shift. It gets me super motivated because I'm literally with the clients I want to practice these skills with. The material is satisfyingly dense with lots of reading of reference books. I've been using the, erm, "open seas" approach to read the books digitally so far, but I'm going to invest in buying most of the reading list physically, used via ebay/whoever is cheapest.

I think I picked the right choice in which certification program. I told my boss about it, and she didn't have much reaction. (There's a lot of 3-day courses out there that aren't worth a damn.) But when I told her the university, she lit up! "Oh, that program? I think [the pastor] took that! How is it? What are you learning?" Anyone higher up at this employer is going to recognize this certification.

My employeer is also very widespread, so even if I move across the country... I think I'm very hireable at any location.

I've had about twenty ideas for how I could live my life over the next fifteen years or so. I aggressively daydream because I want to aquire the skills and things I need NOW NOW NOW so that I can do whatever I want in appropriate timing down the line.

I'll spare you the details of all my dreams, but some common themes cropped up.
1) I hate the mere concept of college and will not go back unless the pot is very sweetened. I will never go live on campus to grind out a traditional 4 year degree and rack up debt, taking classes that I don't give a shit about. On the other hand, I've found, for example, an acredited university runs an online bachelor's program with purposefully broad majors to maximize flexibility- and you can do a portfolio project and have your career experience become college credit. Another university offers an acredited, online-only 2 year degree in Christian Counseling, with some interesting scholarships.

2) I really want to enlist. The entire concept is innately desirable to me. Most of my daydreams involve this. I get hit by a truck and am crippled? Don't worry. In my careerfield there's ways to go on service missions outside of the military. But the
benefits involved with being in the army.... would really change my life... Enlisting needs to go before getting my sheepskin: it'll be much cheaper.

3) I want to run some sort of creative business that's friendly to a crazy calendar. So right now I work 4 days a week. If in the Guard, you can guesstimate one weekend a month, two weeks in the summer, and another two weeks or so of obligations in a year: assuming you aren't deployed or anything. Between those two things, I can't exactly be a reliable dog walker or a have an open schedule for coaching clients weekly. If I get into this art gallery, I could market my art and they handle the selling, display, security, etc, even when I'm away. I have a coworker who is semi-retired and has a large woodworking shop. He turns a profit every winter making wooden Christmas tree ordaments and selling them over Facebook and to his neighbors.

4) I need to shove my little face full of food. The biggest immediate problem in basically all areas of my life is that I'm a scrawny little piece of work. It makes me socially undesirable and undermines my authority at work- it zaps my energy and I'm sure I could be healthier- and I was the littlest noodle-limbed guy back in ROTC. Exercise is a big part too ofc, but when I work out I start hitting unhealthy speeds of weight loss and feel horrible- because I'm not eating enough. It's really hard for me to talk about this with anyone because basically everyone in my life is morbidly obese or at least overweight, and all the comments about "I wish I had your problems" and "why can't you just eat a bunch of food" get really old. I think I should gain 40 pounds. But my goal is 25 (+20% to my current bodyweight.) I think this is feasible within the year because even half of that could be fat and I'd still be a healthy bmi.


I really enjoy adult life and mundane social events- they're very novel to me. It's something I never thought that I would enjoy as a kid. I'm bringing my favorite recipe to a potluck and this is the highlight of my month. I was talking on the phone with a friend and he told me, "Shooting the shit, doing random stuff, hanging out like we're doing right now- that's what the best part of life is. That's what everyone wants to be doing and that's the point of life in a way." I would probably use a bunch of jargon about flow state, but I agree with him.

I asked my other, older friend if he had any life advice for me. He told me that what he wanted me to know most of all was that I'm still very young and to not stress over "figuring it all out." He said I'm in the height of my youth and to have fun.

On a final note, I mostly use automated investing, but I went out of my way to buy a little Nvidia stock by itself. Sometimes I forget that my major goals are under 10 years out, not 50 years away. I don't really know what I'm doing yet with all that- some people tell me to invest very aggressively, others tell me very conservative advice that sounds ancient. I figure any vaguely logical investment strategy is better than keeping it under the mattress or in a 0.01% interest account.

[Cam]

On a final note, I mostly use automated investing, but I went out of my way to buy a little Nvidia stock by itself. Sometimes I forget that my major goals are under 10 years out, not 50 years away. I don't really know what I'm doing yet with all that- some people tell me to invest very aggressively, others tell me very conservative advice that sounds ancient. I figure any vaguely logical investment strategy is better than keeping it under the mattress or in a 0.01% interest account.

You'll find loads of different approaches to investing on this forum. Indexing, value investing, permanent portfolio, butterfly portfolio...just to name a few! If you haven't already explored it, https://portfoliocharts.com/ is a great resource. I think it was actually tyler9000 on this forum who created it, but someone correct me if I'm wrong.

A lot of it depends on what your goals are - I think still nearly three quarters of my portfolio is cash, and that's because I do plan on purchasing land in the next 5 years.

Best of luck with your course!

[Walwen]

Thanks! I'm always happy when I find people I have things in common with.

Buying a little Nvidia was a good guess I suppose. It's been like two days and I've made a 28% return. Which translates to about 20 bucks. I don't think it typically works like that lol. Every week, 50 bucks automatically goes from my bank to my IRA. I put 20 into my autogen'd portfolio and 30 more into Nvidia. (I know this is not a long term plan.)

I've only had my roth IRA open for about a month and a half. I'm up 2.85%, plus have a 1% contribution match. It's been slowly rising but I worry I'm doing something wrong with the low returns. My wealthfront account has 4.55% interest rate just to park my cash with them. If my stocks aren't beating that 4.55%, what's the point? I'm sure there is one, but I can't super see it. I think it has something to do with the fact I've never been fiscally aware in a time when inflation WASN'T super high. I never worked in a pre-covid world. My first job was in the height of the pandemic.

Same with CDs. My local friendly brick and mortar bank offers 12 month CDs at 3.5%. Online, the only thing I saw was one place that offers 12month CDs at 5%, but everyone else was lower like 3-4.5%. Why not just park your saving money in a service like Wealthfront and get a higher APR AND more immediate access to funds? And no minimum balance?

None of it looks like it beats inflation anyways.....

I know this is counting chickens before they hatch, but I wonder what I should do with my money if/when I go to basic. That's why I was looking into CDs. I'd keep some money on hand of course, but if I'm going to be away for months with little need for cash, there must be some clever way to take advantage of the situation.

I know it's one of those "you can't help people more than they'll help themselves" things but I'm really trying to get my mom to get some sort of investment or high yield savings account. She associates both of those with big penalties and high minimum balances and high risk and low access to your funds. She thinks to save money she HAS to lock away like 10k and she can't afford that, therefore it is pointless to do anything with your money besides keep it all in a checking account and 0.01% savings account.

Finally, I was using a financial calculator- I forget what for. It wouldn't let you set your saving rate above 30%. I thought that was funny.

[Laura Ingalls]

Both my sons own a bit of NVDA too.

Older offspring has a basis of like $27 in his Roth on NVDA. Purchase late in 2016 from his $7.25 per hour Burger King job .

We put in whatever kids made at their first year with w-2 income straight up. The second year we matched it 100%. Third year they were on their own.

I think PayPal savings is pretty good for being very low effort 4.15% atm with no minimums. The Dr of Credit website is a good source of checking account bonuses which can be a way to squeeze some returns out of your money without much risk just some hassle.

You’re right hanging with likeminded folks still fun at 54.

[Western Red Cedar]

The biggest immediate problem in basically all areas of my life is that I'm a scrawny little piece of work. It makes me socially undesirable and undermines my authority at work- it zaps my energy and I'm sure I could be healthier- and I was the littlest noodle-limbed guy back in ROTC. Exercise is a big part too ofc, but when I work out I start hitting unhealthy speeds of weight loss and feel horrible- because I'm not eating enough. It's really hard for me to talk about this with anyone because basically everyone in my life is morbidly obese or at least overweight, and all the comments about "I wish I had your problems" and "why can't you just eat a bunch of food" get really old. I think I should gain 40 pounds. But my goal is 25 (+20% to my current bodyweight.) I think this is feasible within the year because even half of that could be fat and I'd still be a healthy bmi.

What kind of exercise are you doing when you start to lose weight? What is your typical exercise routine when you engage in one?

Focusing on resistance training and building lean muscle might be the best option if you want to gain weight.

[Walwen]

The ROTC regime was 3x a week. Generally one day was running, one day was strength training, and one day was intense cardio like tabata training.
Personally I do hiking/long walks (5-10 miles a day) and spin poi. Exercise kills my appetite- I don't know why. When I walked 15-20 miles a day doing temp farm work, I could only keep food down if I ate during or shortly after a hot bath- also don't know why. I've asked doctors and they usually just say it's a blessing to be naturally skinny and to enjoy it. I think I've got some sort of eating disorder but they aren't well-detected in men....

I know I should do strength training, but I unironically have some internalized fear of it. My mother always mocked exercise and tells me people who do strength training are disgusting and vain. This is all insane of course- but modesty is a big thing to me and I feel personally disgusted even being in weight rooms and gyms. Hearing all the stories of men whose self-esteem goes up when they build mass really sends me into a loop- I've never not been "the little guy". My literal actual concern is that my mother will reject me- she doesn't like my military aspirations and she'll openly tell you she's a man-hater.

I tried to join a group therapy for men's body image, but it was actually all about how "muscles DON'T matter" and what they all "fat positivity" and "health at any size" and everyone was obese gay men. Not saying that as a pejorative, they were actually homesexuals. I was not welcomed as a Bapist cadet looking to bulk up. They told me I was exceptionally priviledged. It was like a comedy skit.

I've tried to join groups for men who are bulking up, but the machismo and egotism majorly upset me. Hearing people talk about all the girls they've laid, how dominating they appear now, etc... No one seems to be in the same position as me. (Once I asked one of the older cadets for advice. He assured me that with his advice, I'd "have bitches in no time." I was seriously, pathologically mortified and did not enact his advice.)


Well, it's all something I pray over.... I wanted to get it out there in case someone relates.
Thanks for for your advice, I certainly agree.

[chenda]

Maybe you should take up ju jitsu or something instead ? I also think you should avoid joining the army.

[Walwen]

Maybe you should take up ju jitsu or something instead ? I also think you should avoid joining the army.

I've thought about kickboxing or MMA.
Why do you think I should avoid joining the army?

[chenda]

I've thought about kickboxing or MMA.
Why do you think I should avoid joining the army?

I'd avoid martial arts with head sparring, as it causes brain damage. MMA is very brutal on the body. Judo or ju jitsu is safer.

I don't see the army aligning with your other goals.

[Walwen]

I'd avoid martial arts with head sparring, as it causes brain damage. MMA is very brutal on the body. Judo or ju jitsu is safer.

I don't see the army aligning with your other goals.

How do you think it doesn't align with my goals? You won't offend me.

[Western Red Cedar]

I know I should do strength training, but I unironically have some internalized fear of it. My mother always mocked exercise and tells me people who do strength training are disgusting and vain. This is all insane of course- but modesty is a big thing to me and I feel personally disgusted even being in weight rooms and gyms. Hearing all the stories of men whose self-esteem goes up when they build mass really sends me into a loop- I've never not been "the little guy". My literal actual concern is that my mother will reject me- she doesn't like my military aspirations and she'll openly tell you she's a man-hater.

Kind of a lot to unpack in this post. I suppose I'll just say that you shouldn't feel bad or guilty about doing something positive for your physical and mental health. Other people shouldn't make you feel bad about that either.

There are all kinds of benefits associated with resistance training, and it is probably the best fit if you want to gain weight in a healthy manner. You don't necessarily need to go to a gym, nor do you need to join a group. It could be as simple as pushups, pull ups and bodyweight squats. Kettlebells are popular with the ERE crowd for at-home workouts.

[Henry]

Well, it's all something I pray over....

It is true that God only cares about the inner man, not the outer man as your body is decaying and you will be given another one upon death or Jesus coming again. So your mother has a point with regard to the aesthetic/vanity angle. However, if you are called to a vocation that requires strength training then you are obligated to respect what the earthly authorities ask of you. Pray that God helps you understand how you can be become physically strong in order to glorify Him in your vocation. There are many Christian professional athletes you can use as role models.

With regard to her fear of the military, I have a friend who is a military chaplain. He teaches St. Augsustine's Just War Theory. I suggest you study it. It will provide you with a theological defense of the military.

With regard to the fat gay guys you are hanging out with, unequally yoked does not only apply to marriage. Stop hanging out with them.

I'd also watch the film Platoon if you haven't already. Follow the Elias character. He is not a Christ figure but he speaks of a certain morality during time of war.

[Scott 2]

At your age and size - it's enough to eat more and move. If you can get the scale going up, anything will add muscle. You could train for a triathlon, go kayaking, do labor, take up parkour, start climbing, do bodyweight training, whatever. Even yoga. Lean into what you're good at and eat. No weights required.

I've been lifting, albeit not that well, for thirty years. Successful lifters tend to have a black and white mentality. The gym draws extroverts and people wanting to be seen. In my experience, serious gyms also tend to have a strong conservative or libertarian bias.

Outside of lifting at home, I've found local park district gyms to least resemble those stereotypes. It could be some of what puts you off is mellowed by lifting in that environment. However, I've also found such gyms are less conducive for gains.

If you're serious about the military aspirations, a hardcore gym is a good place to find those folks. Lots of ex military, police and fire types. I can't say your journal makes me think military though. I'm a little surprised by the aspiration.

[chenda]

How do you think it doesn't align with my goals? You won't offend me.

It just seems an unorthodox choice for someone interested in arts and homesteading. I can't help wondering if it's driven by a desire to compensate for self perceived weakness ?

I would also suggest reading up about Christian pacifism and sincerely asking yourself if taking up arms is ever right for a Christian.

I would also recommend you try bodyweight exercises and functional fitness over gyms, dumbbells etc as it's a lot easier and better connects you to your body. At least that's what I have found.

[Salathor]

I was 6' tall and 120# when I had my first driver's license taken. I'm a little taller and about 155# now, but I'm with you on always having been the little guy.

Unlike some of the others here, if you are interested in the army I think it sounds like it could be great for you. Maybe get you out of your environment and thinking in new patterns. I don't think there's anything conflicting at all about being a Christian or a soldier. Learning about duty, defending others, resilience, etc., sounds like it could be a great experience. I didn't do it myself, but it probably would have been a very wworthwhile experience for me as a young man, given my own foibles and weaknesses (even today).

The reliability of the paycheck and later educational opportunities aren't bad either!

[ertyu]

I'm similar - my fitness situation is far from ideal and the act of working out comes will all sorts of family or origin bullshit - from my father in my case, but same shit different day. What's helped is to 1. write out or otherwise make explicit the full extent of that baggage: what is it exactly that is activating in me? what bullshit did i get programmed with, when, and how? 2. explicitly analyze why this is wrong. it will not make the bullshit disappear but it'll externalize it a bit -- it will become less of an organic gut reaction and more of a, "ah, there's that bullshit again." Step 3: decide what you want to believe instead and deliberately tell uyourself that. For me, this looks like, "It doesn't matter how many reps or what weight i do, i do this to enjoy the feeling of my body work" **

** yes what weight and reps you do matter to the outcome -- but if they got associated with constant judgement and being insulted because whatever you do isn't manly enough, which happens to be part of my bullshit, then first I need to reframe exercise from "that which demonstrates, every time, how much i fail" to "that which i do bc it's enjoyable and it's making me healthy"

The one I really liked for you from the above suggestions is, leverage the fact that you find your job to be meaningful to you, and tell yourself, "I am increasing my ability to do my job well and for a long time."

It pays to make a break with the old programming rather than to try to change it. For me, designated "exercise" sessions might be bullshit-activating crap but lifting a big water bottle slowly a couple of times and focusing on the sensation of my body working rather than on reps or ```'this bottle doesn't weigh enough" does work. So does using the time waiting for coffee to try to deep squat. So, focus not on trying to force yourself against the programming but on finding what space the programming has left for yourself, and begin to build a foundation there.

I like illiniDave's take on this -- he focused on fixing his metabolic health first and on muscle and weight and so forth second. Applied to psychology and exercise, this would be, the focus isn't on trying to get yourself to go to the gym or do a particular number or reps of whatever exercise, the focus is on reprogramming what this type of movement MEANS to you -- once you do that, the reps will take care of themselves, just how once iDave fixed his metabolic health, the weight took care of itself.

[white belt]

I would say it’s very risky to try enlisting in the Army given your mental health history. I have no idea how to evaluate your condition, but just understand that you will require a psychological evaluation to ensure you are fit for service. A history of mental health breakdowns could be disqualifying. Additionally, if your previous mental health issues stemmed from not being able to complete tasks you find useless (my perception based on your description of academic experiences), then you may will struggle to complete the inane tasks that are a part of military service. Maybe you already understand this from ROTC, but ROTC is not the same as actual service.

If you do feel like your mental health is in a good place for service, then the next step is to get your physical fitness in order. I agree with the suggestions from others above, but you’re going to have to figure out how to work through any psychological hangups BEFORE enlisting and attending Basic Training. You will have every second of your life dictated to you, be constantly compared to peers, and essentially lose all autonomy. For many people, this is an extremely stressful transition.

In terms of career specialty, I think you could be a good fit for something like Religious Affairs Specialist (also known as Chaplain’s Assistant): https://www.goarmy.com/careers-and-jobs ... alist.html

Another possibility could be to try to do something like the Simultaneous Membership Program and pursue the Chaplain career path when you commission.

Source: Did ROTC in college, have been Active Duty Officer for ~8 years