The thing i miss the most with the new lifestyle: eating out with friends!

[lillo9546]

HI!

I've adopted a frugal lifestyle in 2019 and I've improved on many aspects. But there is one thing that I terribly miss: eating/being out with friends.

I used to go out with friends every Saturday. In our city, we tried a different restaurants, bars, pizzerias, etc. every week, so that we could taste any food. Then we usually went for a walk, until evening. The average expense, if it was a lunch, was around 20 euros, while if it was a sweet, pizza, street food, around 5 euros. So, let's say that on average I was spending like 50 euros a month.

I really miss this aspect of my life! On the other hand, it's true that I manage to save money but how can I understand whether I to consider this a "lifestyle" inflation thing? How do I recognize this to be bad or beneficial?

After all I was with friends which was the thing I liked the most! (Besides trying amazing and new food every time)

Finally, I would like to ask:

1) What am I doing wrong?
2) What are alternative activities that could replace/fit this one, still being frugal?
3) How to estimate which damage does this activity to our FI?

[Seppia]

1) What am I doing wrong?
2) What are alternative activities that could replace/fit this one, still being frugal?
3) How to estimate which damage does this activity to our FI?

1/ You are doing it wrong. If that's the best way to connect with friends why stop doing it completely?
2/ Maybe just skip the expensive ones and do the pizza/sweet gatherings. I am guessing you are from southern Italy since you mention 5e for a pizza?
3/ Assuming safely a 3% yield on your investments (IIRC this is the rate at which trees grow) 50e/month @3% means you could generate a monthly extra 1.5e income for every month you skip this practice.
Basically if you've been doing this for 4 months and invested the savings you already have funded investments that can pay for 1.2 pizza/year forever!

[jacob]

Basically if you've been doing this for 4 months and invested the savings you already have funded investments that can pay for 1 pizza/month forever!

1.2 pizza per year that is.

[IlliniDave]

Frugal is relative. It doesn't sound to me like your former activities were very extravagant. It does sound like you benefited a lot more from the activity than simply spending money because you were too lazy to cook. To put in perspective, there was a time in my spendthrift past when I was spending nearly $12,000 USD anually on bars, restaurants, take out food for my daughter and myself. The walking and companionship are hard to put a price on. If spending the money really bothers you or is problematic, maybe join them twice a month instead of every week, and if they opt for a full lunch decide ahead of time you are fasting that day or just order something small and join them anyway.

[Seppia]

1.2 pizza per year that is.

lol thanks.
shouldn't do math after a sleepless night thanks to my son
Edited

[AxelHeyst]

And, *if* you decide that spending money on the food isn't something you want to do, doesn't mean you can't go with them. I accompany friends to restaurants and bars and just typically don't get anything, because I don't value the food/drinks at their market price. This takes some planning and social skill, but it's not terribly difficult. Especially if it's an expected somewhat regular thing -- every Saturday my friends and I meet up and go explore the city. It's more difficult when it's truly random. But you can easily plan for every Saturday.

[Frita]

Also, consider generating numerous combinations of solutions to try and/or implement. You can learn from your experiment to adjust. Meeting up at a single establishment place that makes everything in house, serves a favorite, or is hosting another event could totally be worth it on occasion. (I personally find I enjoy going out very rarely, say every couple months.)

We have a friend group we meet with on Saturdays. During COVID, it shifted in-house (or in yard or garage based on the weather). Everyone bring their own beverage, alcohol option and a full water bottle is common. Sometimes we share snacks. My spouse and I walk or ride bikes. Perhaps it’s our ages (27 to 86) but it leads to deeper conversations than when out in public. When we discussed resuming going out, it was nixed as being less desirable. And people do other things together, help with projects, and troubleshoot issues. Come to think of it, it’s like a in-person mastermind group. Perhaps you could try to offer to host people at your place or do a bring-your-own picnic post-activity?

Another thing we have learned is to always leave the house with a full water bottle and a personal emergency snack. Wherever the day takes us, we already have a plan that does not include buying overpriced, non-satisfying stuff.

[jacob]

1) What am I doing wrong?

I'm guessing you didn't fully consider the big picture in terms of happiness when you were prioritizing spending. (<=WL5 for the nerds.)

Try this for starters: Create list of all your spending, that is, your budget as it is rather than what you wish it was. This can be done by going through receipts for the past N months. Make sure it's representative. Grouping expenses is ok, but make sure it's meaningful. (Kinda how minimalists count socks either in pairs or as an entire group and not individual socks.)

Rank this list from highest to lowest. (Rent/housing is usually highest for most following by transportation, then food. Also known as the Big Three because it's more than half the spending for most consumers.)

Where does the 50EUR/month on pizza fall on this scale. Is it #4 or #10 or #2?

Beginners: Are there any posts below the pizza ranking that may be sacrificed/replaced that does less for happiness than the pizza thing? Could cheaper solutions be found on posts above the pizza ranking that would liberate 50EUR/month? Always spend deliberately on the posts that are the most important to you!! (It's my stereotypical understanding that Italians spend a lot of money on going out and dressing well even if it means spending less on one's home. Danes are the exact opposite which is why this is interesting to me.)

Advanced: For each post on the budget, write down the a number from 1-10 to describe how unhappy it would make you if you downgraded the current solution by one increment. (See ERE book for an example in terms of housing. E.g. going from a 3bd apartment to a 2bd apartment). You now have two numbers. If you sort the second list it should line up exactly with the first list. If not, you know where to look.

[lillo9546]

Thanks to everyone!
After doing some math, I am now allocating 20/€ a month for this activities, and I'll see how it goes!

[zbigi]

I accompany friends to restaurants and bars and just typically don't get anything, because I don't value the food/drinks at their market price.

I thought about applying this approach myself, but part of what you pay for is the venue. So, if I don't order anything, it's my friends' bill which subsidises my sitting in a nice, for-profit space.

[xmj]

I've adopted a frugal lifestyle in 2019 and I've improved on many aspects. But there is one thing that I terribly miss: eating/being out with friends.

I used to go out with friends every Saturday. In our city, we tried a different restaurants, bars, pizzerias, etc. every week, so that we could taste any food. Then we usually went for a walk, until evening. The average expense, if it was a lunch, was around 20 euros, while if it was a sweet, pizza, street food, around 5 euros. So, let's say that on average I was spending like 50 euros a month.

[...]

1) What am I doing wrong?
2) What are alternative activities that could replace/fit this one, still being frugal?
3) How to estimate which damage does this activity to our FI?

Have you tried cooking, eating, and being in with friends?

I find that whenever we go for dinner, it's about the nice athmosphere and the great company - the food isn't the main point.

So instead of trying different restaurants/bars/pizzerias, how about you start hosting informal dinners at home every now and then, and with your friend circles take turns at doing that?

It comes out way cheaper than eating out (frugality), you'll get better at cooking (skill development), and you'll be surrounded by people you like (being sociable).

[Jean]

i agree with zbigi, i feel very unconfortable not ordering any thing at a public venue.

[kane]

Agreed. The cost of feeling like a creep is worse than ordering coffee for me. It's one of those "yeah you won... but at what cost" situations.

If you/your group considers the novelty of a new cuisine to be the best part of eating out, I've seen that some of the YouTubers randomize a region and a dish (easy version: google for the top dish from this region) and try to cook it at home, basically making it a small-scale reality-tv without TV drama. I was surprised how much I liked this format.

If you would to propose this, someone probably has to have a "Cooking: advanced" on their character sheet (or it might fall apart and end in a quick restaurant call), but if you post on this forum you probably have this/you are probably aware how important that is to have this skill. This might or might not fly, depending on the group mindset/your proposing skill.

[mathiverse]

Personally, I have no moral concerns about going to a restaurant and not ordering like AxelHeyst does.

However, I think solving the problem by looking at the full costs and benefits rather than only the financial side works well in OP's case to justify their expense, so bon appétit to them.