interesting scott! yes it’s a feeling i have. but i talked to many people who think buying here could pay off financially.
i was inspired while reading a book called “Rewired” to download and try about 8 or 9 time tracking and self help apps. after the last 3 days i’ve only kept 2 of them, both i have used quite a bit the last couple of days. i find both fascinating.
one is stoic which i think several on the forum are likely familiar with. the other is ATracker. it is easy to use and has a lot of visuals i find very interesting. here is one from my day Saturday:
there is some overlap in activities, as this is from the “tag” view. i have unlimited tags i can use on unlimited self created activities. so in total it was 10 hours and 3 minutes of tracked activity from yesterday
Did you come across Covey's time quadrants? I took a lot of value from grouping my time tracking into them, early in my life:
I had a boss who simply didn't read most of his email. His box had thousands of unread messages. Drove me crazy, but he was skipping what he guessed was not important.
I have heard of this and I've heard it can be really valuable too. That story of your boss is it in practice haha. What falls into each quadrant changes on my workdays vs my weekends, I think that's probably the case for a lot of people. III and IV column are acting as a relief valve for me in these first few days of tracking. In that time, I am not actively reflecting in solitude, nor am I intensely focusing on what outcome my activity is pushing me towards or away.
** for reference in this journal, I am not tracking things that fall into III and IV, and, to a lesser degree, I don't yet have everything I want to track (e.g. I and II quadrants) in the app. But where I'm focusing can still be somewhat inferred if you consider my average 8 hours of sleep per night and add in the 10 hours tracked yesterday, you are left with roughly 6 hours of "untracked" time. That's mostly III and IV quadrant stuff or it's I and II quadrant stuff that I wasn't focused on.
I have come across the above diagram recently in the Personal Kanban book where it is modified for personal life but the dimensions are the same. From my notes (page number in brackets)
" Urgency / importance matrix of tasks
o Urgent important – emergencies. Are they preventable? How? Do they recur? Why? Is it just procrastination? Focus should be on avoiding emergencies, not reacting to them.
o Important but not urgent (kaizen) – time and effort spent here is an investment in future quality (107). How about make ‘important but not urgent’ urgent and important?
o Urgent but not important – appear to be productive but can be a waste of time (meetings, phone calls, receptions etc). It might though be a social investment, it can pay off in the future. ‘Investment in a portfolio of social options’.
o Not urgent and not important – the organic quadrant, it’s your life, you decide how to spend it. Think of this quadrant as a garden with options that can germinate and grow (108).
o Balance all the quadrants as an ecosystem."
My takeaway from it was that it might be worth moving Important/Non-urgent into Important/Urgent so that the original Important/Urgent do not occur in the first place.
Many ways to do it, e.g.
* taking care of the self
* taking care of the body
* preventing getting promoted to one's level of incompetence
* going ERE
Reading - I finished reading the addiction book (Rewired by Erica Spiegelman). I found it was much more self-help than addiction focused with a big dose of authenticity. I enjoyed that, so I got one on authenticity called Authentic by Stephen Joseph. I am simultaneously reading a book with my gf called How to be Yourself by Ellen Hendriksen. This new reading-self-help-books hobby has led to a dramatic change in my cognitive processes, my awareness and processing of my emotions, and my sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Relationships - I have made an effort to go out of my comfort zone and join on activities with others and I have made new, valuable friendships. This has led to things like dodgeball, swing dancing, rock climbing (my former hobby, but one I haven't done much lately), and just general socializing. It is funny that I am someone who others historically considered to be confident and outgoing, and yet I find these events intimidating. I would rather sit at home in isolation. Instead, I am now seeing these as opportunities to really engage with my emotions, to be gracious to others, and to be humble in my own perceptions.
I have been called patient, understanding, and "really nice" which are things I think many in my past would be as shocked to hear as I am. In interactions with others now, I am very conscious of what I feel, what they may be feeling, or what they may want me to think of them in their actions or statements. I feel a great deal of anxiety often when I speak to others about my feelings or theirs, as I am really focused on not using subjective descriptions, and of expressing my understanding and the validity of their own feelings, before describing my own views. Ironically, others do not seem to notice my struggling, and have recently praised me, saying things like, "you were so calm", "you're so patient", or "you said all the right things".
I really enjoy the time I get to spend with other thoughtful people. I find the time spent with less thoughtful people to be the most challenging now. On one hand, I am put off by their lack of tact, or their disregard for others' feelings. But on the other hand, I am filled with sympathy for them, as I think I was very much just like them only a few months ago. Ironically, I have found I have a preference for releasing when others offend me, rather than asserting. In some ways, I think this is because I know how hard it was for me before to accept criticism, so I assume it is likely hard for them as well. Part of the assert vs release assessment is that we can consider if asserting is worth it, likely to lead to a change, and if it is timely. Often, I find 1 or more of these to not be true, so I get more peace from releasing.
Partner - The last couple years have been very difficult for both of us, and our relationship. That has finally reached a more stable plateau I believe. Before, we were peaks and valleys. And it felt like it was one slip up before we were back in the valley. That has finally changed I think. This is an area that I do assert, as it I find it is worth it, it is likely to lead to a change, and we are open enough with each other that it is often timely. Sometimes, I wait, as I want to spend time in solitude to contemplate more my own feelings and hers, and sometimes I release as well.
I still worry, is this just a phase? But I don't think it is. I have never felt more myself than ever before in my life. Maybe when I was just a young boy, before all these fear-based lessons piled on, and taught me which parts of myself were acceptable and which needed to be hidden. In that sense, I think this is likely permanent.
On valleys, I never knew why I would personally get stuck and isolate both physically and emotionally. Now I understand, and now I know and appreciate my healthier alternatives. It is amazing that I persevered for so long (30+ years) in such a state, with no insight of a preferable way for me.
I am also very grateful to have such a devoted and perseverent partner. In many ways, I think this next chapter of our lives will lead us to learn even more from each other than ever before. I always appreciated my partner's qualities, being that they were often opposite my own. Now I feel I can truly embrace them. Before, it was like when you watch a movie or listen to a song and you know you like it, but you don't know why. I knew I admired her traits, but why then weren't they traits that I would adopt? We are all wired differently, but rewiring is possible.
Health - I have been on a vegan diet now for at least a few months. It is quite easy to do here, as there are even a plethora of vegan restaurants to choose from for dining out, and the options in the grocery stores, while not necessary, are ever increasing. I supplement as needed for my nutritional requirements. Many claim that eating vegan feels better, or at least they don't feel so heavy when they eat a vegan meal vs. something more animal-based, but that is not necessarily the case for me. It is more emotionally based for me. I felt hypocritical whenever I ate meat, as I knew I was actively ignoring the animal's suffering. That thought became too great to ignore finally, and I'm thankful that I made the decision to switch to a vegan diet and that it has been so easy for me.
Now that I am climbing again, I'm excited for the cross-training that I get with soccer and rock climbing. On average, I have tracked ~10 hours of exercise each week for the last 2 weeks. That is a little skewed, because some of those hours, especially rock climbing, are more social than exercise.
My mental health is likely the strongest it has ever been. I found one discussion on positive psychology interesting in that it described previous psychology focused on treating to a baseline. E.g. eliminate depression, but then nothing on how to get from that 0 state to true happiness. I am grateful that positive psychology is a thing.
Authenticity - Historically, I have tested as an ENTJ for myers-briggs. Lately, I am testing INFP and ISFP. I feel like ENTJ was my mask that I adopted to make it through childhood and to deal with social anxiety.
I read that each time we choose a different path in our emotional processing, new synapses are being built and reinforced. I wonder if it will become easier, or less prominent, recognizing and processing my emotions, or will this be me for the rest of my life? What I have read lately implies that authenticity is a lifelong process… what will that look like? Regardless, I am not so concerned with it. I have found myself reminiscing on the past and contemplating the future very little lately.
It is difficult to describe who I authentically am. As I've mentioned, I am focused more on others lately than myself. But I am also cognizant of my own feelings. A lot of my own feelings are fear-based, I've found, and I rely on the wisdom from my readings to guide what I bring up to others. E.g. if someone is struggling, I look to first understand their point of view and express it and emphasize its validity, and then bring up something I read in an objective way. I suppose the tidbits that I hold on to and the tidbits that I choose not to remember might give some insight into who I authentically am. In any sense, I am happy to just be present with my feelings, and to use what I've read to help and understand others.
Financial:
Crypto - I DCA 2/mo, same as with my other investments. However, it isn't automated. Which leads to this funny story.
On the 26th I was all set to DCA, but I read how there was market news coming out, and the Fed was going to raise interest rates again. I thought, hm, I can wait, this can't be good for the market. And so I didn't buy anything and everything went up.
That's ok, I think it is kind of humorous. This is why I DCA.
Professional:
Stress - I experienced a lot of stress the last couple of weeks. There has been a lot of organizational change in addition to looming deadlines. So expectations are changing, and mostly increasing as well. This is difficult for me, as I do not really value corporate culture and I do not attach a lot of importance to arbitrary deadlines.
I have found that I haven't been as authentic with my colleagues or my managers. I have read a bit about this, and I agree in some sense that the workplace is somewhere where your authenticity can be challenged. However, I don't think it is the best thing for me to not be myself for 30-40 hours/week.
So I have weighed my options. I also am assured that part of being authentic is accepting that we have no control over the outcomes of being ourselves. For example, being authentic may lead to being fired.
However, for me, that is more ideal than wearing my mask. So, I took the risk, and talked to one of my managers about who I really am. I saw this as a form of giving as well, as I can imagine the stress and uncertainty that can come from managing someone like me, who historically does not go into any real-life detail with their coworkers. In that way, I may make them feel like they're not good enough for me, or that I don't value them as people. This conversation went well, and basically eliminated any workplace stress I was feeling. And I think it had a positive impact on my manager as well.
As for my other manager, the opportunity hasn't come up. I can sense how stressed they are with deadlines and change. I know how much value they attach to their job. Which is not what I do, but we're all different. This conversation will be much more risky, I think, as I have often just nodded my head even when I disagreed with what they were saying. That has been okay, but at this current point, it has actually led to a lot of misunderstandings on what I am okay with, and how I want to work.
I am comfortable with any outcomes that may come from this. In fact, software engineers are still highly sought after, and starting over with something new might be nice for me, rather than salvaging something old. I don't know that it will get to that point, but I do know that we are not on the same page. As well, what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do, may not be what my manager is looking for in an employee. In that case, I would be happy to move on to something else, as I think it would be best for both parties.
Market gains and paycheck timings make it look like a significant NW increase, but not much changed.
Did manage to lower the food bill, but there was a vacation in July. Our friend made a fun, music video of it to capture the memory.
I don't personally get a lot of fulfillment from lowering my expenses. It is more an extrinsic goal, it is a means to an end. I am happy when my spending numbers are down, but I don't see my spending as something that is taking from my happiness/fulfillment. Things I purchased last month included white water rafting trip, petting llamas, multiple airbnbs, plane tickets, new climbing shoes, several meals with friends, and entertainment + dining for my dad's birthday. That being said, I can also recognize when I would get more from a $ spent on activity A vs a $ spent on activity B.
I think I could have done things differently in all of these. I could have swam instead of white water rafted, relied more on friends and family to couch surf, cook meals with friends instead of dining out, purchase used shoes, substituted entertainment for something free... but I enjoy how easy my path is. My meaning is coming more from what I think and feel in these instances, and less about how much I am spending or saving in each situation.
I think often in the past I have felt some guilt in my spending. Things like being a part of this forum, the spirited (and sometimes pointed) conversations about Wheaton levels, have, in the past, made me feel like I was less worthy. I now understand that that logic was flawed. And it is liberating. For me, a higher or lower Wheaton level is not something that I'm drawn to nor repulsed by. It just is. We all have a choice on whether external things affect our worth, or whether we assess the worth of others based on our own observations and preferences. Like any preference, I know there is opportunity for me to change my spending, and that there are pros and cons to doing so or not doing so, and I am okay with where I am. It doesn't need to cause me any grief, and it doesn't mean that any others spending habits make them less or more than me.
I do want to retire early. I see that especially now with the time tracking app and my more intentional spending of time in the last month. It saddens me during the week that my pie chart of time is +50% red with work related tasks instead of tasks like exercising, or cooking, or talking to friends. On the weekends, my pie chart is an assortment of blues, greens, and purples. I think this is why I am more determined to have healthy working relationships with my managers and co-workers now. If my time spent working is more harmonious and psychologically secure, then I feel more comfortable with with how much time and energy I spend there during the week.
I will be reading the authenticity book faster than the social anxiety one, since the latter I am reading more as a part of a 2-person book club with my gf. I hope you find them enjoyable @ertyu. Here is a quote from the authenticity book that I read this week:
The eudaimonic person is more likely to engage in activities such as volunteering, donating money and time to those less fortunate, and taking part in worthwhile political and charitable causes. They also tend more towards expressing gratitude, being mindful and taking part in challenging activities that demand they apply their skills and talents in such a way as to provide a sense of meaning and purpose - and they become deeply engaged in their work and leisure activities.
Financial:
Just hit $200k nw. Downgraded back to 1 full-time at end of last year. Working on hobby income stream in earnest. May downsize for savings. After 6 mos of hobby income effort, may re-evaluate, find new job. Geo-arbitrage in 2-3 years and downgrade to part-time. FIRE in 5-7 years.
Personal:
Various injuries from sports off and on, otherwise healthy. Vegan diet w supplements. Try to home cook, still eat out 2-3/week. Decent social network but not much time. Discretionary spending mostly on travel, sports, restaurants.
1 year: not much change. travel + work + hobbies
3 year: increase free-time and freedom. Long-term travel abroad.
5 year: long-term travel abroad and/or nest in US
Professional:
Keeping up fake corporate persona, avoiding responsibility, bare minimum (see "quiet quitting). Focusing on hobby income content + marketing. Some professional gaming still but not looking to scale up at this time.
1 year: Not much change, hopefully hobby income increase
3 year: Part-time or self-employ
5 year: Hobby income + manage FIRE
Sweet progress. You’ve transformed your financial life since the start of your journal. The break we take from work is often more refreshing because it is a break. Hobby income, if it takes off, will be more satisfying than indefinite early retirement without some contrast of productivity/hard work, but a long break is nice after years of grinding.
