What I Spend

[Scott 2]

I decided to try and get my neutral grip pull-up back, by new years eve. There's about 40lbs to cover in two months. The movement is de-trained, so I think this is hard but achievable. I had shoulder and elbow issues over the past few years. Vertical pulling was the worst. For various reasons, that is doing better. Maybe reps are possible.


I signed up for volunteer orientation with the local food bank. With my braces still unknown, I'm hesitant to make a bigger time commitment. I considered and declined to apply for an open position at my library.


@ertyu - I'm glad you found some something that is working for you. It's not a path I'm ready for.

My brain is an unreliable narrator. Even in the moment, I do not perceive reality or my feelings well. I don't trust my future looking projections of the same. I know I don't know. I can point to prior evidence and articulate the dysfunction. I have to count on compensating strategies.

That's part of what draws me to small experiments. They exclude my unreliable narrator. Instead, I can pattern match - both on outcomes and (ideally) leading metrics. Lots of small decisions lets me course correct, without having any answers.

[Scott 2]

As expected - rejoining society lead me to get sick. I lost a week of lifting and biking, but my immune system is a little less naive. I had to push back food bank orientation. I still anticipate getting in there before thanksgiving.

This also meant I was sick during the election. I tested negative for COVID, so after some internal debate, decided to keep my election judge commitment. I was able to clear everything else off my schedule and rest otherwise. It turns out to have been a fair choice. Everyone is back to doing things sick. There may have been more sick judges than healthy ones. I was the only one that even bothered to mask.


That experience was informative, to say the least. I signed up largely because it was a short term commitment, paying $15/hr. While I vote, my perspective on the political system is rather cynical. I'll tick the boxes, but I don't expect much result. It's also been at least 5 years since I voted in person. So taking a day to work from 5am to 9pm, helping others vote - that's not me. The long day also seems ridiculous. Why not two shifts?

I was surprised to find the type of person who shows up. Yes, some retirees. But also very successful people in the community, taking vacation days from their extremely busy lives. One woman was a senior lawyer, who earned her law degree from Yale in the 80's. Another was a senior manager, with a top tier MBA, who seemed to know half the people voting. One retiree had his doctorate and helped Kodak develop instant film in the 80's.

Looking to do long term things with long term people, volunteering may be a better filter than I previously appreciated. The lawyer immediately started brain storming how to find me other opportunities. Way better than trawling LinkedIn and Indeed online.

Despite the work being $15/hr, the principal agent problem didn't come up. Everyone was fully engaged, doing the best they could to help people vote. An effective team quickly jelled. The process is designed to be bi-partisan, which lead me to collaborate with people I'd never see in my bubble. Working together felt good.

I also didn't mind doing menial work - checking people in, setting up polling booths, tearing down tables, whatever. The 15 hour day was long, but not unpleasant. I never felt like quitting. That makes me feel more encouraged about taking on part time work. I don't think my ego will be a significant barrier.

I interacted with a lot of people over the 15 hours. We had over 500 voters with a 7 person team. After ripping that social distancing band aid off, I feel ok. I continue recovering from the cold. My immune system seems to be holding up. That makes me feel more confident in rejoining society. We're planning to have my wife's full family over for Thanksgiving, regardless of vaccination status.


I was surprised to find some hold election judging in high regard. My father-in-law was psyched. Some voters would do the "thank you for your service" thing. I've always found that weird, but it seemed obviously important to them.

I also found the effort voters put into showing up unexpected. Mothers with multiple children. Some teaching the electoral process, others clearly with no other option. Extremely frail seniors. People breathlessly running in at the last minute, panicked at possibly missing their chance. First time voters, who'd spent hours researching their choices. Tremendous faith and conviction in the electoral process. A much different perspective than my own.

One older woman could barely walk. She came back in, because she'd walked all the way from her apartment, and was having trouble crossing the 4 lane street outside the polling place. I went back with her - she was literally hanging off my arm because walking was so hard. But she showed up to vote anyway. What??? Ignoring the obvious questions about mail in voting, who does that?


In hindsight - this is a good example of community seeking, and why I need to try things that "aren't me".

[bostonimproper]

That sounds like a fun experience! I’ve long wanted to be a poll worker, but have never been able to take the time off from my job. My husband and I attend our political party’s precinct committee to “get involved with our community” but have found the experience disappointing and frustrating. Mostly a mix of retirees and red rose socialists kvetching unproductively about real estate development in the area and other not-super-useful navel gazing. I’m glad you were able to find community and contribute to it— skepticism of the electoral process notwithstanding.

[Scott 2]

Your precinct committee meeting sounds more like what I expected. I was pleasantly surprised by the election judges.


The past week brought some small progress:

1. I dropped my gym membership by a tier, saving $10 per month. That lead me to return an access fob, recouping a $50 deposit.

2. I took my first trail run since September. Only 2 miles, but biking seems to have kept my feet and calves strong. I am ramping back in slowly. I wore a small hole in my foot during the summer. My hope is to avoid repeating that. I am trying to run a little differently, manage volume better, etc.

3. I accidentally tried using GPS with no mobile data on my phone. It didn't really work. So I confirmed paying for a little mobile data is justified.


4. Braces are officially scheduled, with bonding planned for Monday. The new orthodontist shares my understanding of reality. He's matching the price my old orthodontist quoted. His training also seems more current. Their office was closed last week to attend continuing education.

My old orthodontist retiring may have been for the best, despite the upset it caused me. The new process is slower, meaning my costs will be stretched out, giving investments more time to recover. This also means I need to build a life while wearing braces. Surgery is 12-15 months away.


5. I'd been clinging to one last vestige of my high earning lifestyle. At the start of Covid, I bought a $150 bottle of whiskey. Originally, I was saving it as something special, that I might never afford again. Over time, my values shifted. Now it's something I wouldn't choose to afford. As I've added to my life, my perspective on alcohol has drifted dramatically. Drinking $150 feels dumb.

I decided to close that chapter, by donating the bottle to a silent auction, benefiting my animal shelter. I'll drop it off tomorrow, on my way to orientation at the local food bank. It all feels more aligned with my values. I'm hopeful the auction recoups most of what I spent.


6. One of the other election judges tested positive for Covid. It's been a week since then, and I have not. Other than some lost sleep, it seems like I made it through that experience unscathed. Not to say I'm invincible, but maybe my bivalent booster and mask helped. Rejoining society is going ok.

[ertyu]

All awesome developments but to me, 5. is the awesomest. It's great when change like that happens organically

[OutOfTheBlue]

Edit: deleted, probably irrelevant post, sorry.

[Scott 2]

@ertyu - donating the bottle felt good. Definitely a case of my things owning me.


@OutOfTheBlue - I did play around with a couple of the mapping apps. It was interesting to learn Google has hooked me on extra features, built into the map. Plain text search. Reviews. Busy times. So I'd need to replace the one app with two.

If my mobile data become a problem, I'll probably pursue the change. I'm running 500megs per month. While I like the idea of de-googling my life, the reality is their hooks are in deep. The services are great. It's not a band aid I'm prepared to rip off globally.

[Scott 2]

The braces are on. I was able to run 3 miles day of (yesterday). Today I biked to the gym (round trip 10 miles) and lifted weights for an hour. There's some discomfort and eating is tough. But, overall, it's easier than I expected.

Having firm direction, I feel a tremendous amount of mental relief. Instead of constantly second guessing my choices, all I have to do is endure.

In the end - my contracted cost is $6800. 340 a month, for 20 months. First payment due 1/1/23. They offered a 3% discount paying up front, but I'm banking on the market recovering more than 3% over that time. I might churn a couple credit cards to ease the bite. Thanks to a failed attempt at getting Taylor Swift tickets, I already have a $200 bonus ready to earn.

[Scott 2]

November 2022 Total (Couple) - $2197
Healthcare/Medical - $841
Home Maintenance - $574
Groceries - $536
Automotive - $193
Exercise - $164
Utilities - $88
Phone/Email - $54
Streaming - $15
Restaurants - $0
Clothing/Shoes - $-268

Spent $2197 against an estimate of $3940. Why so far under?

My new braces were budgeted for, but we learned monthly billing doesn't start until January. They also make it hard to eat, lowering grocery costs.

My insurance is working well. A 3D image of my jaw cost $0. The list price is around $400.

My wife returned two pairs of boots, offsetting most of her discretionary spending.

Between the gym, volunteering and braces - I had no bandwidth for discretionary spending. Thanks to a refund, I ended the month with more than I started. I never enjoy shopping, and I'm tired of forcing it. I have a backlog of items waiting to be used.

The hatred of shopping also delayed some necessary purchases - furnace filters, light bulbs, cat supplies. Black friday deals were weak, so we didn't bother.



December 2022 Estimate - $3881(Couple)
There's almost $1000 allocated to discretionary. I bet the month lands closer to $3000.

We'll start a new budgeting strategy in January. Hopefully it is more accurate.

We've abandoned the spending floor. My wife never liked it. I've found it too much work.

Our first Roth conversion needs to happen this month. I have both accounts with the same brokerage, so I hope to avoid selling anything.


Overall
November felt much better than October. Net worth is up 6%, while spending is down.

Starting my braces was a big relief, despite all the associated hassles.

I made progress on returning to society, without getting sick (again). I donated to an animal shelter. I volunteered at a food pantry. I worked as an election judge. We saw family multiple times. This is a large victory.

My activity is back up as well - gym visits, trail running, and biking. I'm a little weak, but psyched to be moving again.

We've had some preliminary conversations about 2023 budgeting. The housekeeper might make a comeback!

More to come. Between volunteering and planning 2023, there's a lot to consider...

[Scott 2]

Volunteering at the Food Pantry
After 3 shifts at the food pantry, I've had some lessons learned. I've unloaded deliveries into inventory, packed online orders and loaded people's shopping into their cars. I experienced a variety of locations on the work stream. I even listened to a book on the modern food pantry.


Negatives
1. I resent the obligation to set an alarm, especially to be at a place a time. I've been surprised at the strength of this feeling. It's a problem.

2. The time of volunteer labor isn't well valued. Any business would call the shifts I've been on over-staffed and poorly managed. I assume it's to compensate for people who don't show up or work at a very casual pace. Everything is geared to the lowest denominator.

3. There's a good percentage of volunteers who are voluntold. One example - a local community college has 20 mandatory hours. This lends to a transient volunteer force with lower engagement. Nobody is bragging about court ordered community service, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's some of that happening too.

4. The work in no way uses my strengths. It's hard to ignore how obviously inefficient the whole endeavor is. My hourly rate in tech would cover a team of people doing the food pantry work. They'd probably do it better than me too. If the goal is results, doing entry level volunteer work is a tremendously poor application of leverage.


Neutral
5. While I believe in the organization, my brain still doesn't have an affective empathy circuit. I spent a morning helping people load their food into their cars. Everyone has need. The groups are diverse - immigrants, seniors, pregnant, disabled. Very hands on work that should create feels. It does nothing for me, besides the general enjoyment of working. Loading online orders at Walmart would feel the same.

An upside of that, is I treat people getting food like anyone else at a grocery store. At times, I'm jealous of their finds. The food looks so good. I'm psyched to see product moving. In my head, that's the game. The customers are helping me win! My wiring doesn't separate between giver and receiver. We're all working towards the same goal. From what I understand, that's a good thing for treating the recipients well.

6. I have no interest in telling people no, even if it's for the greater good. Some roles are all about enforcing quantity limits on what is available. I want no part of that. It makes me more appreciative of the "bad cops". While it's easy to characterize the role as a small person mad with tiny power, it is an essential function.

7. Part-time volunteer shifts feel very time orientated. Instead of stopping when the work is done, people live by the clock. This is contrary to every work experience I've ever had. It's not how my brain functions at all. I want to finish the task, even if 2 hours turns into 4. I hate stopping. Breaking my inertia is very unsatisfying.


Positives
8. The work is very hands on. There's no question you're helping someone in the immediate moment. It's fun to feel productive.

9. I get to do new things, many of which I'm initially bad at. I'd never been in a warehouse before, let alone used a pallet jack, faced a shelf, pulled onions from a 50lb sack, etc. Other than wiping equipment at a gym, I've never had a physical aspect to a job. It's interesting to experience.

10. The work offers a good lab to explore some of my character flaws. My initial response to poor direction has been irritation. Why aren't "they" valuing my time better? I would never waste my project resources this way. Etc. Instead, I could use my skills to take some informal authority. What are we doing this shift? How do we know when it's done? How does the team want to work together? Can we hit our goal in the time window? That growth might keep me going back.

11. I like to work hard. The struggle I have doing things around the house can be concerning. Am I forever lazy? No, I simply derive no satisfaction from a clean bathroom. It isn't necessary to force myself to clean, to ameliorate some fundamental character flaw.

12. I am reconsidering hiring help around the house. The food pantry work coincided with reading a book @bostonimproper mentioned - Uneasy Street. It explores how the wealthy justify their privilege. One tactic, is anchoring on the labor of lifestyle. Hard work running the home establishes one as a good person, deserving of their advantages. I think I've been making that mistake.

In my brain, asking someone to clean my home makes me a bad person, because I'm not working hard. So instead, unfinished chores limp along on my todo list. Every day I see them and choose not to, feeling a little bad about the failure. When I finally put in the effort, I'm annoyed the entire time and take nothing from the result. Maybe asking for help there is smart, not lazy. I can direct that energy elsewhere.


Overall
Volunteering is a great method of testing work viability, without burning any bridges. As of now, some growth is required. I have no idea if or how it fits into my long term plans. But I'm doing something to move forward.

[ertyu]

In my brain, asking someone to clean my home makes me a bad person, because I'm not working hard. So instead, unfinished chores limp along on my todo list. Every day I see them and choose not to, feeling a little bad about the failure. When I finally put in the effort, I'm annoyed the entire time and take nothing from the result. Maybe asking for help there is smart, not lazy.

It might help to realize that the way the wealthy justify their privilege is different across cultures. What you describe is very puritan/protestant. A different cultural attitude elsewhere I've lived was, "if you pay for these services and you treat your employees well, you are doing your part because you're providing someone with the opportunity to earn income in humane conditions." Taking advantage of the services the less fortunate offer was seen as helping them, a form of noblesse oblige. Realizing things like these are a cultural construct frees one to constuct them differently.

You could see yourself as helping "the economy" as well: the wealthy have a lower marginal propensity to consume than the poor, so an extra dollar of income is better off in the hands of working people.

[Scott 2]

That perspective feels very elitist to me. Fair point on cultural conditioning.

Living off capital, class differences feel much more stark. They are obviously unfair.

The inequity bothers me. But not enough to make meaningful sacrifice. What that says about my character, maybe bothers me more.

But I need to get over myself and ask for help where I struggle.

[zbigi]

The inequity bothers me. But not enough to make meaningful sacrifice. What that says about my character, maybe bothers me more.

Is there a "meaninguful sacrifice" to make? No matter what you choose to do, the world's inquality will stay pretty much the same.

[ertyu]

That perspective feels very elitist to me.

It is. Being from eastern europe where we had communism where everyone was meant to be equal followed by a long stretch where everyone was equally poor, I had trouble being ok with having help of any kind even if I was paying for it. Those were things I was supposed to do myself because if you are a decent human you shouldn't be the sort of selfish person that feels entitled to someone else doing your chores.

This "noblesse oblige" perspective is common in developing countries, often with a colonial past - think africa, india/shouth asia. I know someone from Mexico whose family is "helping" a poor woman from their church by paying her to clean their house instead of doing it themselves. In Africa and India there's no illusion of equality to be had. People live in extreme poverty. I was encouraged by people at my work to hire local help as my way of giving back to the community and to look the other way when she brings her own family's laundry to do in my washing machine with my detergent (because they are too poor for a washing machine).

People in the United States are (hopefully) not coming from this degree of poverty. But if you hire help, you can be certain that they have at least to some extent chosen to be doing it. The ethically right thing imo is to hire a person who has their own business as opposed to a cleaning service that skims the cream and pays the workers a pittance. It's the best way you've got to be sure you're doing the right thing. Someone running their own business is definitely choosing to perform this service to you. If you want a further way to feel like you're doing the right thing, tip.

[antable]

In my head, that's the game. The customers are helping me win! My wiring doesn't separate between giver and receiver. We're all working towards the same goal. From what I understand, that's a good thing for treating the recipients well.

Hello! Really enjoyed reading these reflections on volunteer work and the discussion on employment as help. They -- and the above quote in particular -- make me think of the concept "mutual aid". Coined by anarchist philosopher Kropotkin, it refers to the concept that peer-to-peer help benefits both parties. I think you describe it nicely here. And maybe it's not even too different from the noblesse oblige idea.

[jacob]

Neutral
5. While I believe in the organization, my brain still doesn't have an affective empathy circuit. I spent a morning helping people load their food into their cars. Everyone has need. The groups are diverse - immigrants, seniors, pregnant, disabled. Very hands on work that should create feels. It does nothing for me, besides the general enjoyment of working. Loading online orders at Walmart would feel the same.

I'm pretty sure I'd feel exactly the same way, that is, more or less nothing, when helping people face to face. I might even feel slightly irritated insofar they could have helped themselves but didn't. The fact that food makes many people happy is completely irrelevant to me because the happy-variable doesn't matter in my book (I understand it matters greatly to some). It's not surprising since I score the absolute lowest on the Helper-(sub)personality.

It's interesting, because "volunteering and face-to-face service to others" is usually the generic recommendation to retired people looking for meaning, yet helping to "create feels" in oneself or in others is not for everybody. An activity that plays less on the affective circuits might be helping people with their tax returns ... or running an internet forum

[7Wannabe5]

It's also a two way street in the sense that those that you hire to do domestic work for you may frequently regard you as being child-like or under-developed. During summer break from college, my daughter worked as the evening nanny for a dual high tech income couple with two very young children. While they decompressed after work by playing video games and leaving snack and smoothie messes behind them in the kitchen, my daughter bathed their children, tidied up, etc. Upside of this for me was that my just post-adolescent daughter actually told me that the experience had made her appreciate everything that I did as a Mom.

[bostonimproper]

For what it’s worth, there’s also a strong gender component to feeling like cleaning is “something I should be able to do myself or else I’m a bad person.” Like, there’s nowhere near as much societal pressure to do your own plumbing, lest you be a lazy rich person. Well, maybe except on this forum. Our society sees a lot of female-coded labor as invisible or “should not be paid for” (cleaning, cooking, caretaking of the elderly and children) because, well, we’re used to women often doing it for cheap or free. So then a gender thing becomes a class morals thing.

But suffice it to say, you may find it helpful to 1/ regard self-contracted cleaners as business owners and 2/ re-evaluate how much your feelings of “should” around the work are due to weird societal mores versus the effort it would actually take *you* to do the task (i.e. differentiate your real cost/benefit from what society tells you the cost/benefit should be). Assuming you pay them a rate that nets out to a reasonable and liveable wage, a lot of this stops being a class thing and just becomes a business transaction like any other.

[7Wannabe5]

@bostonimproper:

I agree, but I think it goes beyond work just being coded as female vs. male. It extends to the degree of intimacy involved in the work. For instance, you can hire a housekeeper, but you can't hire a homemaker. Actually, I take that back, you can, but then it falls into the uncomfortable zone where girlfriend-experience-escorts also make their living.

[Scott 2]

@zbigi - Not sure if meaningful sacrifice is possible, but I do think my life could be much less selfish. Practically speaking, paying someone to clean doesn't move that bar.


@ertyu - The Eastern European perspective has been part of my internal dialogue. There's zero reason I "can't" get the cleaning done. We're going 3 years without a housekeeper. Clearly I eventually figure it out. It's part of why I've been resistant to resuming the service.

We've always directly contracted with an individual and paid their asking rate. When my career was in full swing, I even bumped it a couple times.


@antable - My library had Mutual Aid by Kropotkin available as an ebook. I grabbed it and will give the idea a look. Thanks.


@Jacob - I imagine when the work produces feels, it creates a powerful and self-reinforcing feedback loop. The concept is very appealing.

What's interesting, is my cognitive empathy does function. When hearing about the organization's mission, I started to tear up a little. From that perspective, I'm into it. There's simply a sensory processing error in the live moment. I'm sure in some roles, that could be a feature.

I can bypass the affective circuit, by imagining what everyone involved is feeling. This gives access to my cognitive empathy, but is high overhead and extremely draining. It's also fragile. Since it's a difficult and conscious choice, I can fail to sustain it. That's jarring to everyone involved. I try to avoid being that person.


@7Wannabe5 - The housekeeper(s) would have extremely valid criticism to offer. I fully abdicated cleanliness of my home, for more then a decade. It wasn't until the pandemic that I made any effort otherwise. In hindsight, the tiniest daily contribution on my part, would have made the job much easier.

I think there's something to the intimacy consideration. We always tried to leave the house during a visit, to reduce that feeling.


@bostonimproper - Fair point on the gender component of labor. I paid a guy to check our furnace for winter. Doing so felt responsible. There was zero class tension.