M's Journal

[chenda]

I'm doing a low GI diet at the moment as I believe I am insulin resistant. Pretty easy to follow and so far so good...

[Scott 2]

Walking is great for mental health. Gaining time for that is an excellent trade.

Ever try to see how much you can eat, without gaining weight? There's a window of hundreds of calories per day, where the body will be weight stable. On the high end of that - you increase energy, move a little more, run a little hotter, etc. On the low end - you move less, run cooler, feel more lethargic, etc.

More calories could be mood impacting. Sugar seeking could be your body trying to resolve an under-fed state.

[M]

Walking is great for mental health. Gaining time for that is an excellent trade.

Ever try to see how much you can eat, without gaining weight? There's a window of hundreds of calories per day, where the body will be weight stable. On the high end of that - you increase energy, move a little more, run a little hotter, etc. On the low end - you move less, run cooler, feel more lethargic, etc.

More calories could be mood impacting. Sugar seeking could be your body trying to resolve an under-fed state.

All excellent points.

So - some more backstory. Both of my biological parents are type 2 diabetics, in addition to their mental heath issues.

When I graduated high school I weighed 140 lbs. I was on the track team, worked out three times a week, and could bench 200 lbs max. This was probably the healthiest I have ever been.

After high school...I stopped running, since no longer in track. I stopped working out, since no longer had access to high school gym. I didn't think much about my health. It was all about money.

I went to a local community college, while working full time third shift at a factory. I was constantly sleep deprived but I paid my way through school. When I was 20 I started working as a software dev. Typical 8-5 salary man job. I spent the next 10 years sitting at a desk all day, in a small cubicle, in a building with no windows, coding complex chemical engineering software all day. Every day I would go out to eat with my coworkers as a way to actually see the sun. In the winter time I arrived before sunrise and left after sunset. Seeing the sun was my way of justifying to myself going out to eat everyday. It was a bad habit. When I got home I was so mentally exhausted and stressed from work I mostly just wanted to watch tv and surf the internet.

I slowly gained about 4-5 lbs a year. By the time I was 30 I was 180 lbs...I felt lethargic, fat, and didn't move around much. But I finally had money. Coincedentally, this is around the time I started this journal. I went on a diet and lost 30 lbs in 30 days by eating 2 lbs of vegetables and fruit a day. No dressing, no cheese, no protein shakes, etc. Just a large Vegetable salad and an all fruit smoothie. For the last 6 years I have been around 150 lbs. If my weight starts going up I simply do intermittent fasting.

I do walk 7k steps a day now, but that is usually the extent of my 'exercise'. I know I should exercise more.

I used to think my issues were related to blood sugar level fluctuations. I just looked up my last A1c and it was 4.4 in March of 2020. My fasting blood sugar levels fluctuated wildly though. They were always either 105 or 70. Never in between. Blood sugar levels after eating was normally around 130-175.

It's possible my blood sugar level fluctuations is related to my mental health. I do notice if I eat a lot of sugar, i.e. two slices of pumpkin pie, the brain fog and irritability come back for a few hours. It is mild though, very different from the full on episodes.

It is certainly possible I am under feeding my body and this is related as well. With both of my parents having diabetes I think I would rather under feed the body than over feed it. If I slowly start eating more and go back to running I would be very careful about this. Of course with both of my parents having diabetes I perhaps should not be eating sugar. Now I know how the drug addicts feel.

I would love to have one of those CGM devices just as an experiment to see what my blood sugar levels really look like in real time everyday, just as an experimemt. You need a prescription for them in the states, which is the dumbest thing ever since they sell the test strips otc. I wonder if I can convince my doctor to write a prescription for a medical device for 'research purposes'

[Scott 2]

It'd be interesting to have an a1c reading from when you were 30. The 2020 score is great. From what I've read, there's some trade between life extending and life enhancing choices. Your diet is very aligned with the life extension recommendations.


A couple companies are doing direct to consumer CGM now. Example:

https://www.nutrisense.io/

It does require a compatible phone and is not cheap. I am interested but haven't wanted to replace my phone. I wonder - when I eat a pint of ice cream, but I trained for 2 hours today, what's the impact?


Exercise has immediate and acute effects on my sense of well being. For me, one of the most frustrating parts of working, was it would rob me of the opportunity to move. Instead I'd stress behind a desk, getting the exact opposite effect. There's no "have to". I get an instant reward.

[shaz]

Exercise has immediate and acute effects on my sense of well being. For me, one of the most frustrating parts of working, was it would rob me of the opportunity to move. Instead I'd stress behind a desk, getting the exact opposite effect. There's no "have to". I get an instant reward.

It's the same for me. Plenty of exercise + adequate sleep is my strategy for mental health and generally feeling well. I recommend the book Spark by John Ratey for a look at how exercise modulates brain chemistry.

Your body responds better and faster to exercise the more you exercise, so someone who has been sedentary may not get the immediate reward. I think this is probably one of the barriers to incorporating exercise into a previously-sedentary lifestyle.

[M]

Wow that's expensive. If you read here...

https://www.nutrisense.io/blog/how-cgms ... d-accuracy - they are basically reselling the freestyle libre cgm, which was the cgm I wanted, and adding an app and extra services around it. There are a few companies doing similar things.

Searching for freestyle libre buy on Google yields some places online that list these sensors for sale for around 100 dollars. My understanding is if your phone has nfc ... you don't need their reader, can just use their app. I generally buy used 2-3 year old smartphone on eBay for 50 dollars then keep until battery or apps don't work then rinse and repeat. My current phone has nfc.

I'm tempted to see if one of these online stores will actually sell this to me with no prescription.

[M]

It's the same for me. Plenty of exercise + adequate sleep is my strategy for mental health and generally feeling well. I recommend the book Spark by John Ratey for a look at how exercise modulates brain chemistry.

Your body responds better and faster to exercise the more you exercise, so someone who has been sedentary may not get the immediate reward. I think this is probably one of the barriers to incorporating exercise into a previously-sedentary lifestyle.

Oh, well, that sounds like my kind of book! I will read some reviews and then buy it. I have a kindle and love reading. Thanks for the tip.

I was running last year, about 2 miles per week on average. I am slow and out of shape these days and jog around a 10 minute pace. I stopped running this year though...I should start again.

[M]

I bought the book.

I also bought four new tires on the van today. $550 dollars. Michelin. Good thing I am saving the money from eating out.

This is the second set of fuel max tires I replaced before the tread wore out. The first set I bought when they first came out, spent tons of time running the numbers and reading reviews to determine if it was worth it. Figured the fuel savings would pay for the tire premium. I was very excited...Stupid me. It is true they save money on fuel...but they do this by using a different rubber compound that both makes the tire stiffer, and also prone to dry rot. If you only drive 5k miles a year it only takes about five years before the tread is so dry rotted that it starts separating from the tire. This was not a fluke and happened to all four tires. I replaced them and vowed to never buy those tires again. It was my fault...my analysis was flawed.

So how did I wind up replacing two sets of these tires then, you ask?

Fast forward two years. We bought an old minivan. What tires did the minivan have? Those same f$&#%in fuel max tires.

They must have improved the formula though. We drive the minivan about 3k miles a year. The tread never seperated. The side walls dry rotted away though, and not like any sort of normal dry rot. I've actually never seen tires dry rot out like that before. My brother has a truck with 20 year old tires on it that has less dry rot. The tires made it to seven years before the cracks on the sidewall were deeper than my fingernail and connecting together to form 8 inch long cracks, etc.

I replaced them. It's hard to say if I made the right decision or when or if they would have blown out, started leaking, etc. It's much easier to decide when to replace a shoe...which is when my foot hits the pavement. (jk)

Took my blood pressure while at the store. 105/75. This is the lowest it has ever been. Normally is around 120/78.

Maybe getting new tires helped to lower my blood pressure.

[Scott 2]

Searching for freestyle libre buy on Google yields some places online that list these sensors for sale for around 100 dollars. My understanding is if your phone has nfc ... you don't need their reader, can just use their app

That's a way better deal than the resellers. I had no idea prices were so low. Once new phone time arrives, I'm going to figure out a month or two of CGM. I'm sure my doctor can be talked into an Rx, even if insurance declines it.

[M]

I have been reading through the "Spark" book. It is way better than I expected - lots of good stuff. 33% through this book.

The chapter on stress was especially good. I have always had anxiety and have been the guy constantly worrying about everything. I always feel sort of stressed and burnt out these days, with a dull headache. I worried way too much about covid 2 years ago and wound up having a panic attack. I have noticed a pattern with the brain fog lately - it seems to occur when I get 3-4 hours of sleep instead of normal 7-8. I have insomnia sometimes and have no idea why, then I feel basically wasted the next day to various degrees. Difficulty thinking and concentrating, difficulty remembering, etc. I imagine this must be how hangovers must feel.

I ran for the first time this year today. Only half a mile, 10 minute pace, heart rate around 165 and out of breath at the end. I'm terribly out of shape...I did feel better for the next several hours though. Eventually the feeling of stress and dull headache returned.

It is much easier to read about running than to actually run. I will have to slowly build my body up for it.

Thanks for book suggestion @shaz

[shaz]

I'm glad you are finding the book worth the read.

Nice job with the running. I hope it gets easier in a hurry.

[M]

I finished reading the book. It is a very good read. It is funny - I took up trail running two miles a week through the woods a few years ago. I stopped this year because...well...I have no real excuses. Just a lack of motivation. But I am already setup for running - have the street running shoes, trail running shoes, the treadmill for the winter....I just lacked motivation.

For the past three days I have been running a half mile every morning down the street and walking back. It gets much easier quickly and doesn't take much time. My mood, general energy levels and cognitive abilities throughout the day are already way better and I have been sleeping better at night. Maybe it is a fluke, idk, I will keep it up and see what happens.

My goal for now will be to get to one mile a day. I have switched to thinking of this as part of my self care routine instead of as running. Shower, brush teeth, run, take multivitamin, eat salad, etc. It seems easier to motivate myself to do it when I think of it as mental health self care.

Like before, my appetite increases whenever I run. I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's non-dairy chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream today without thinking, among other things. This is my confession.

I am much better at resisting buying cars, iphones, and expensive homes than I am at not buying ice cream. Fortunately I only bought a pint and, well, it's gone now. I will try and be more careful at the grocery store. I can resist normal ice cream but not Ben & Jerrys for some reason. I have been drinking more milk and eating more homemade crunch wraps as well. They are delicous. Spinach, guac, refried beans, black beans, diced onions, dice tomatoes, around a tostada and wrapped in soft tortilla shell cooked in a pan. Then I eat it with hot sauce.

Some days I wonder how I am only 150 lbs but then other days I don't eat many high calorie items so it all balances out. I weigh myself every morning and the weight stays pretty constant. I do intermittent fasting also and may just not eat meals at times. Some days I may just eat the salad, snack on some fruit, drink a cup of milk and call it a day.

Hopefully the running can continue keeping the depression away. The last few days have been amazing.

[shaz]

I find that motivation is very difficult to maintain for long periods of time whereas habits are relatively easy to maintain. When a habit breaks down, such as when it gets interrupted by other things, then it requires motivation to re-establish the habit. Perhaps treating running as part of your self care routine will help it become a habit that only requires motivation occasionally when the habit breaks down.

The crunch wraps sound good. I may try making some. I'm always looking for ways to incorporate more beans in my diet.

[M]

Liquid networth: 1.1 million - this stings a little. On paper I have lost about 100k. I was mostly expecting this though, and expect this to drop further
Weight: 153 lbs - this stings a little also. I have gained 3 lbs since I started running.
Days running half mile every morning: 11 days

I have been eating more protein in the form of vegan protein powder. I have also been eating more sugar and generally have a higher apetite.

I have not had any depressive episodes since I started running. I have also had no insomnia and have been sleeping fine. If I eat too much sugar I will still feel off - kind of like how I used to feel at the start of a depressive episode. Sugar is obviously bad for me...I will keep watching my weight. Sugar seems to be everywhere though. I went to a party and half the stuff there has sugar in it.

The main problem of the depressive episodes seems to be solved so far though..*knocks on wood* so long as I avoid too much sugar and keep running.