Jupiter's Universe

Where are you and where are you going?
Jupiter
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Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

I went to see my grandparents today.

My grandma has been in the hospital for over a month towards the end of 2021. She returned to her house two weeks ago with a walker and an oxygen concentrator. My grandfather, although being in his nineties and quite tired, has to help her getting up, roaming around or taking baths. She has several fractures to the spine that won't heal, low pulmonary capacity due to scaring from multiple pneumonia and a tired heart. Prior to going to the hospital, she was paper thin. She was also very much in pain. It lead her to aliment a ballet of thoughts that would revolve around the past, as the future was too frightening to be evoked.

The worse for her is that she feels her body is letting her down, without her having right to any say in the matter. At least, she decided to believe there was still beautiful moments awaiting her in this life. She is now postcard thin, and a bit more present.

I still have to decant all those images of disease, decrepitude and vulnerability I captured today, because I hope I can somehow convert them into an expansion of my appetite for enjoying life before it's less easy to do so. But it sures make me think about the fragility of us.

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

This Sunday was a follow-up, in a sense, on yesterday's ascertainment. I am so grateful however that this time, I, instead of my grandma, was the main character.

I was quite sick today. Main course was an aching belly, side dishes were migraine, shivers, nausea, dizziness... I think this chronic disease is called being a girl. My version of it is virulent, but the incapacitating peak never lasts more than six hours. :`)

I often think about life systems that could attenuate this undesirable effect.
  1. First one is medication. I don't especially like it, because it burdens the mind (having to think about taking pills, managing a supply, having to find a doctor if in another country and they only allow entry with limited supply...) and the pocket (without proper insurance, this costs a lot. Even with good insurance, it can come at a supplementary day of expenses each month). Also, medication often have negative side effects (aggravated mood swings, increased appetite, higher thrombosis risk, etc.).
  2. Second one is extreme weight loss. Being quite underweight is not an ideal solution, I am aware of that. It makes everyone around you worry, it is not very healthy and if you want babies later on, it can make things more difficult. But, on the bright side, if you are tall, young and photogenic, it opens new potential income sources. :p
  3. Third one is putting yourself in an hostile or uncomfortable environment. This solution is temporary and does not guaranteed to work every time, but I did had a 6+ months break when I lived in an exotic country and I loved it. I am still unsure why that occurred, maybe this was caused by the alimentation change, but I was marveled by this intricate mechanism of the human body. Another downfall to this solution is the price to find and access the environment itself (with maybe additional soft costs, like not seeing your family or having a really nomadic lifestyle that is not for everyone).
  4. Fourth one is exercising. A ton of it is like (2) and (3) : your body momentarily forgets it is a woman's. But, again, bad idea for multiple reasons like body fatigue and risk to develop another chronic pain. However, moderate to intensive regular exercise does prevent being a girl's side effects. Also, this fits so well with ERE... Only problem : it might not work 100% every time. But, like my grandpa says, suffering is part of life!
  5. Fifth one is eating super-duper clean. Resemble point (4). Avoid caffeine/stimulants, sugar/salt, everything that is glazed/fried/drenched in any kind of stuff that could potentially taste good.
Although this one was a bit silly, that makes 2/2 journal entries so far that serve as advertisement for a healthy lifestyle. Taking care of the human body necessitate a lot of time and will, but it is worth it, definitely. (I am looking at you, Jupiter: I know you like working late nights and skipping jogging when it's -25°C and windy outside, but this should be a high priority mission for you!!)

So, on another note, if someone has a trick to share on ERE-compatible life systems that facilitate being a girl once every 21 to 41 days, I'll take it :)

AxelHeyst
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by AxelHeyst »

DGF passed out while standing a couple months ago - straight up leaned forward, then faceplanted on the floor. Once she came to and sat up, I got near her… and she passed straight out again (caught her that time), but didn’t know it until I told her. She’s probably been passing completely out at least a few times a year without knowing it. How she’s managed not to crack her skull open idk.

Most of the time she can take the peak off the negative effects if she gets full dose Tylenol before it hits. I carry a small canister with one pill in it on my keychain in case we’re away from the medicine cabinet. It’s still basically a null day for her, but at least the pain is below the “I understand why people with chronic pain kill themselves” threshold it is without.

She’s been having some luck with herbal regimens of some sort. I’ll ask specifics - would be a good option 6 to look into, if you haven’t already.

white belt
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by white belt »

I had an ex who got an IUD mostly to mitigate unbearable symptoms around that time of the month. I know of other women who aren’t even sexually actively but are on birth control for similar reasons. I suppose that falls under option 1, but at least with an IUD you only need to deal with changing it out every ~5 years, rather than remembering to take a pill every day.

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

AxelHeyst wrote:
Mon Jan 24, 2022 12:57 am
DGF passed out while standing a couple months ago...
Yikes! This is indeed very dangerous. I wish for her the consequences will never reach the level of a cracked skull, like you said.
AxelHeyst wrote:
Mon Jan 24, 2022 12:57 am
She’s been having some luck with herbal regimens of some sort. I’ll ask specifics - would be a good option 6 to look into, if you haven’t already.
Yes! I would be interested to know. I sometimes have reticence looking for natural medicines because not all of them are well documented, so I would always have the doubt of buying something for the placebo effect alone.

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

white belt wrote:
Mon Jan 24, 2022 1:18 am
I had an ex who got an IUD mostly to mitigate unbearable symptoms around that time of the month. I know of other women who aren’t even sexually actively but are on birth control for similar reasons. I suppose that falls under option 1, but at least with an IUD you only need to deal with changing it out every ~5 years, rather than remembering to take a pill every day.
Yes, IUD can be a good solution in some cases. Doctors do not always present them as an option, but I should ask if it is more efficient than pills for alleviating the symptoms.

AxelHeyst
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by AxelHeyst »

Jupiter wrote:
Mon Jan 24, 2022 10:41 am
I sometimes have reticence looking for natural medicines because not all of them are well documented, so I would always have the doubt of buying something for the placebo effect alone.
Who cares, if it works? ;) Placebo effect is present in conventional drugs as well as surgery (google ‘sham surgeries’ for a fun time). The metric to optimize is ‘positive effect’/$, not ‘source of positive effect that i like’/$. The thing to watch out for with herbal medicines I think is that some are more powerful than you might think (since, as you say, many are not well or accessibly documented), and have other side effects. e.g. a certain herb DGF uses to manage attentional issues can cause heart arrhythmia, and should be used no more frequently than X. I long assumed all herbs were basically benign and useless because they didn’t have any FDA warnings on them. That was too casual an attitude, I think.

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

I wanted to launch my journal properly with some money stuff, so I compiled my numbers for the past 17 months. These are not representative at all; because of covid, school was remote. Prior to covid, I was working abroad. The pandemic forced me to come back to Canada. Luckily I was able to stay at my parent's since then (they are angels, so so kind), so I saved a lot and did not feel lonely. I plan to move out after I finish my studies, later this year.

Since I still pay tuition and I don't pay much for living situation, and since I my sole revenue is a scholarship, I have a hard time estimating what I would need for FI and how long it would take me to achieve it. I have yet to decide where I will work (and live), which would make a big difference in those estimations. So, for what it is worth, here it is.

During those 17 months, I achieved a saving rate of 66.7%, which is quite bad considering I don't pay big expenses like rent, bills and some of my food. Mean expenses are at 680 cad / month :
School : 422 cad / month
Gifts : 114 cad / month (I like giving gifts).
Holidays : 44 cad / month (I did one road trip to the wilderness).
Fuel and car maintenance : 31 cad / month (I don't own a car, but I use one from time to time).
Clothes : 25 cad / month (I bought pricy but very high quality boots that will last me long, and a few essentials).
Groceries : 21 cad / month (I sometimes go when I want to make certain recipes, or when someone needs something in particular).
Restaurant : 6 cad / month (I dislike eating at restaurant, but I do concede a lot when friends ask, I hate to say no).
Hobbies : 6 cad / month (Worth it in my opinion. I have dance and aerobics classes, they are fun).
Health : 4 cad / month (Went to check my eyes at the optometrist).
Weird expenses that will never repeat : 7 cad / month

It will probably be the same for the next 7 months or so, until I have to move out. Before that, I eventually need to get a phone number.

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

I had two conversations on the subject of writing (as a hobby) today.

The first one was on its communication/art aspect, while the second one was on its financial aspect. Apparently, in my area, a book author can expect 3000 cad a year from that activity alone. This seems like a legit ERE hobby, but a very bad first career choice for a person with FI ambition. Also, the author revenue varies vastly (I hope more vastly than the world's wealth inequality) as only a few writers get paid very very well.

Since I am far from finding the quality of a book/writer to always be well represented by its popularity, this made me wonder if it has roots in people being afraid of loosing their time on a bad book (by picking up something that they have never heard of) or in people wanting to share the same set of ideas and stories. Probably both, plus other factors.

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

Sooooo.... a few days ago, ether asked me what are my big goals for after FI. That question puzzled me. I answered that I can probably chase all of my goals while working a CS-related 9-5. I don't have anything big like going to Mars in mind. I just want to play with concepts like ecology, frugality and sustainability.

After thinking about it, I still think this is true, but I recognize that I am not good at compartmentalizing my life. I let myself slide into long reflections and I always come back to them even though I am supposed to think about something else at a given moment. If I were a computer, I would say that I have very few thread capacity and switching context between multiple processes is laborious if I am too involved into one. Thus, I think I would greatly benefit from the luxury of disposing my time freely. Like ether said, money will buy me time.

In the meantime, a profitable area of improvement for me would be to learn how to switch my context seamlessly, because I like being productive: it feels so nice and addictive.

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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by jacob »


Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

Thank you jacob, this was incredibly helpful! I have never enjoyed schedules much, and this article has a satisfying and plausible explanation on that. On semesters I had classes, I always thought it could be nice to have the subjects put in sequential order instead of doing a couple hours of each every week. Plus I would never think, "Ok, let's do fifteen minutes of each homework tonight". I would try to allocate the whole evening to one subject.

I wonder if sequential ordering of school subject has probably been tested before. I imagine it has.

Instead of focusing on switching context, I will try to focus on the reservation of big chunks of time to avoid killing my processes!

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

A fear came up for me today. My mother told me she heard a story from a friend about 2 young men in their early twenties that, a year of so after starting their careers, decided to go together on a 8 months long boat adventure in the Caribbean. They were allegedly spending their time reading books and bathing in the sun. She was telling me how uncomfortable she felt at the idea of them not working, not being serious, wasting their time on travelling and leisure instead of doing something constructive.

And I am afraid that for her, being "constructive" means working 35 years in the field of your studies while finding a partner, buying a house and raising kids in it. I will not fit into this skimpy vision of what constitutes a good life, of that I am sure. I don't plan to tan all day either, but there will be tension arising no matter what.

Then, I must prepare for the worse, but hope for a peaceful acceptation of my projects when the time comes. I also heard about FIRE people keeping their RE status a secret from their family. Maybe this will be me? I hate confrontation. At last, this will be in a long time from now.

theanimal
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by theanimal »

I have been reading a lot of Anthony De Mello lately and his ideas come to mind when reading about your situation with your mom. It sounds like you're already thinking on this, I'd say it's worth thinking in terms of attachments and living to quench the desires of others vs living to quench your own desires. In my experience, if you live to please others, nobody ends up being content. To quote a brief passage from pages 33-36 in the pocket edition of The Way to Love:
... Think of someone whose love you desire. Do you want to be important to this person, to be special and make a difference to her life? Do you want this person to care for you and be concerned about you in a special way? If you do, open your eyes and see that you are foolishly inviting others to reserve you for themselves, to restrict your freedom for their benefit, to control your behavior, your growth and development so that it will suit their interest. It is as if the other person said "if you want to be special to me then you must meet my conditions. Because the moment you cease to live up to my expectations, you will cease to be special." You wanted to be special to someone, didn't you? So you must pay a price in lost freedom. You must dance to the other person's tune just as you demand that other persons dance to yours if they want to be special to you.

Pause now to ask yourself if it is worth paying so much for so little. Imagine you say to this person whose special love you want, "Leave me free to be myself, to think my thoughts, to indulge my taste, to follow my inclination to behave in ways that I decide are to my liking." The moment you say those words you will understand that you are asking for the impossible. To ask to be special to someone means essentially to be bound to the task of making yourself pleasing to this person. And therefore to lose your freedom. Take all the time you need to realize this.

Maybe now you are ready to say, "I'd rather have my freedom than your love." If you could either have company in prison or walk the earth in freedom all alone, which would you choose? Now say to this person, "I leave you free to be yourself, to think your thoughts, to indulge your taste, follow your inclinations, behave in any way that you decide is to your liking." The moment you say that you will observe one of two things: Either your heart will resist those words and you will be exposed for the clinger and exploiter that you are; so now is the time to examine your false belief that without this person you cannot live or cannot be happy. Or your heart will pronounce the words sincerely and in that very instant all control, manipulation, exploitation, possessiveness, jealousy will drop. "I leave you free to be yourself, to think your thoughts, to indulge your taste, follow your inclinations, behave in any way that you decide is to your liking."

And you will notice something else: The person automatically ceases to be special and important to you. And she becomes important in a way a sunset or a symphony is lovely in itself, that way a tree is special in itself and not for the fruit or the shade that it can offer you. Your beloved will then belong not to you but to everyone or to no one like the sunrise and the tree. Test it by saying those words again: "I leave you free to be yourself..." In saying those words you have set yourself free. You are now ready to love. For when you cling, what you offer the other is not love but a chain by which both you and your beloved are bound. Love can only exist in freedom. The true lover seeks the good of his beloved which requires especially the liberation of the beloved from the lover.

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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by ether »

Jupiter wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 9:54 pm
And I am afraid that for her, being "constructive" means working 35 years in the field of your studies while finding a partner, buying a house and raising kids in it. I will not fit into this skimpy vision of what constitutes a good life, of that I am sure. I don't plan to tan all day either, but there will be tension arising no matter what.
It's just your typical middle class anxiety about work ethnic and material condition. If you want to be a Bohemian be a Bohemian, just don't be a blood sucker and expect others to bankroll your adventures. The whole point of this community is to make money so we can do what we enjoy.

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Chris
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Chris »

Jupiter wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 9:54 pm
A fear came up for me today. My mother told me she heard a story from a friend about 2 young men in their early twenties that, a year of so after starting their careers, decided to go together on a 8 months long boat adventure in the Caribbean. She was telling me how uncomfortable she felt at the idea of them not working...

Then, I must prepare for the worse... I also heard about FIRE people keeping their RE status a secret from their family. Maybe this will be me? I hate confrontation. At last, this will be in a long time from now.
At some point in history, one of your ancestors left the farm to seek work in a factory. This probably caused worry or judgement for their parents. Farming had been done for generations, it was "in the blood", and leaving the farm meant giving up the ability to provide food independently. Giving that up in exchange for a life where food is bought with a paycheck that might not come... that's risky. Maybe even crazy.

Part of being a parent is accepting what your children decide to do with their life. And part of being the child is dealing with parental judgement. Everyone only gets one life, and they need to live it.... and their parents need to remember that they already have their one shot. Children adapting a parent's life path make the parent feel safe. People are comfortable with what they know.

Fear of coming out as a FIREee is common, as it's not a mainstream path. FIRE is a lifestyle choice, and there have been lots of lifestyle choices that the previous generation have needed to deal with: coming out as gay or trans, "living in sin" with an unwed partner, moving out of town/state/country, being vegetarian, opting not to have kids, etc.

But, as you recognize, you have time. You can prepare. When she told you she was uncomfortable with those Caribbean guys, how did you respond? That would be a good opportunity, to discuss alternate life paths. She's may have not considered that it can make sense to take some "retirement years" early, while the body is still physically fit, and there are no career or family obligations. This is possible now since most work is knowledge work, and careers can last longer. And there's a long list of people who have taken an alternate route and then went on to be happy and successful.

For your own situation, when you do decide to RE, there's no need to announce that you're done working forever. There are many ways to go about it. The main thing to remember is that you parents care about you. If they see you stressed out about your job, they'll understand if you want to take a sabbatical. Then it's just the matter of extending that sabbatical. Or maybe you end up working for a startup that goes to the moon, and you cash out. At that point you'd have "earned" a few years off, right? Or maybe your RE plan involves managing a duplex, adjuncting at a college, or being a tour guide. Such things provide "cover" as job-like activities. Then the story becomes, "Jupiter worked in tech for a while, and now she's a landlady/author/professor/whatever."

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

theanimal wrote:
Fri Jan 28, 2022 10:57 pm
I have been reading a lot of Anthony De Mello lately...
Thank you for sharing this beautiful quote with me, the animal! It resonates with me. I have been in situations where I struggled to keep touch with myself. I was adapting to the other person to the point where I lived as my alter ego. Consequently, I would loose sight of what attracted me to the person, and eventually try to avoid them if I could. I was not at peace when I was not feeling free.

This is a goal of mine : I want to navigate my life and all my relationships with integrity. From all my goals, it appears to me that it might be the most ambitious and difficult to execute (notably because of a tendency to morph, adapt and bow to the will of others, especially when they are close to me).

I feel like all those years, I have focused on developing brain flexibility for learning, improvising and creating. Maybe it is time to do some strength training?

Anyways, I am glad you made me reflect on this! If I may ask, I would be curious to know what you are seeking for when reading The Way to Love or other books by Anthony De Mello. What has been your biggest takeaway so far?

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

ether wrote:
Sat Jan 29, 2022 2:12 am
It's just your typical middle class anxiety about work ethnic and material condition. If you want to be a Bohemian be a Bohemian, just don't be a blood sucker and expect others to bankroll your adventures. The whole point of this community is to make money so we can do what we enjoy.
Maybe it is that... But since it is someone dear to my heart, and since I know her very well, I can't help but think I could dissipate some of that anxiety by choosing a course of actions that is not brutal. I can see her walk her thoughts until understanding. I believe that she will, with time.

And no, of course, I won't! I will be a bloodgiver Bohemian expecting nothing of others but that we could be mutually kind to each other ^_^

Jupiter
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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Jupiter »

Chris wrote:
Sat Jan 29, 2022 8:36 am
When she told you she was uncomfortable with those Caribbean guys, how did you respond?
I told her that the boat life and all the books they will read might be another brick into the amount of culture and experience that will create two bright and mature men. I then described all the ways in which I felt I have grown because of travelling and shacking the routine.
Chris wrote:
Sat Jan 29, 2022 8:36 am
Then the story becomes, "Jupiter worked in tech for a while, and now she's a landlady/author/professor/whatever."
Yes! This is why fears related to potential event in the horizon are not so relevant and should not fuel one's actions. The story could unveil in many many ways, and that will never be nothing.

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Re: Jupiter's Universe

Post by Autotroph »

Jupiter wrote:
Sat Jan 29, 2022 7:50 pm
I feel like all those years, I have focused on developing brain flexibility for learning, improvising and creating. Maybe it is time to do some strength training?
I would recommend strength training. In my experience, I was frail/sickly all of my life, suffered from chronic pain partly due to not managing scoliosis, bad diet, etc. Last year I started running, and then eventually incorporated weights, fixed my diet, and a lot of my physical/mental problems reduced significantly or disappeared.
Muscle atrophy and inflation are always working against you.

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