Lemur Journal!

Where are you and where are you going?
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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

@Shaz - Strength and size mostly.

Ready to begin a new year. And I am a year older too. 31 years young.

December 31, 2021

Net-worth:
$571k (Up $31k)

Spending was roughly $3k this month - probably a little less. Any increases in variables expenses were due to holiday related spending. Increases due to some stock market recovery. Going into 2022, I'm looking to be less active in the market.

Physical Health / Diet: I basically stopped bodybuilding for its own sake when I was 19 after my lower back injury. I was in the military from ages 18-25 so I was always in some degree of shape due to my occupation. 2013 was probably my peak physical form (173 pounds and seeing my abs) but my training has always been on and off since then. And the past few years, just endurance related exercises, cardio, and diet was on/off.

Something in my two week break from work sparked me though. That is all I've been posting about lately. Back to my roots of bodybuilding....But this time around I've some differences that should help me:
  • I am older and wiser.
  • I'm more patient and I've much less of an ego - this should help me track progress through metrics and not get frustrated as easily. Long-term results is key. In fact, this time around I am only competing with myself so not trying to impress woman like I was when I was younger ... or other dudes with my bro lifts or anything like this. This is much more intrinsically motivated to see where I can take my own body.
  • Better critical thinker and willing to follow the experts on training programs and good nutrition.
  • I'm still working on this but I am getting to better understand neuroscience, thoughts, feelings, behaviors. Philosophy has been another key focus area for me in recent months.
  • This bullet leads to a previous bullet in understanding how habits are formed.
My goals for the next few months are to continue working out 3x a week (tracking exercises and logging intensity, sets, reps to ensure progressive overload, hitting my daily protein targets, getting good rest, hydrating, keeping up with conditioning, and adding 0.5-1lb a week for size (ensure proper caloric excess). The aim is to a add a good deal of muscle over the next few months.

Mental Health: The work break has been needed and did wonders for me. I am in an excellent state of mind at the moment. It really allowed me to consolidate my mind after a year of work and occupational anxieties. It also allowed me to dig up some of my roots (what does Lemur do with his time when he has no obligations other then friends & family?)

Lots of continued reading into philosophy and a little bit of CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy). I also discovered Rich Roll Podcast, some random YouTube ramblings by a guy named David Goggins (check that out, this guy is intense!) and did some reading into neuroscience.

Job: I'm still applying for new positions. This may take a few months. Overall, this is kind of a continued bullet point 2 to mental health (funny when I remove the occupation, all my mental health problems go away lol). But anyhow, I start back again Monday. My job is a means to an end. Should be nothing more and nothing less then that if I am truly comfortable with my values.

Though telling myself how much I hate my job and do not like it, and the stresses it gives me and such, you know, that doesn't do much for one's mental health. In fact, could probably argue it makes it worse when we consider neuroplasticity. An alternative thought and cognition, a reframe, is that I should have gratitude that it gives me the funds (pays me too much for what i do to be honest) to support my real life goals, gives me some challenges and social interactions, and does provide me some schedule in my life - I come to appreciate other things more. People depend on me to complete certain obstacles - I am not perfect but I will do my best to help them.

I want to admit something with no shame - there will be times when I stress out on things. This is normal occupational stress. It comes with the territory. That is what a human being does when they perform labor that is against there nature. And I am not some infallible superman that just because he has funds in the bank means he won't care or anything about his job and being 100% calm, cool, and relaxed. Financial independence definitely helps but it is not a 100% cure to these problems. I always thought to myself when I reach certain net-worth milestones then my stress will magically go away. That is a distortion.

And distortions carry with you no matter where you go. Hence, even if I got a new job, I would probably find a way to stress out there too. That we need to figure out for ourselves - wherever you go, there you are. I need to correct some cognitive distortions. One example is admitting that I don't know everything. I place to much emphasis on being the expert - but at work I need to learn to ask for help sometimes. A lot of my own problems are in my own mind. And I think a lot of my stresses take place because I don't ask for help because I am trying to protect my own ego.

If there is anything I've learned these past few months is that our behaviors can lead to better thoughts & feelings. For the latter, we can't always control these but the former we can control and that can lead to better thoughts & feelings with patience and better neuron connections overtime. So that is an action I can take - when troubled at work, ask for help. Practice the new behavior. See the result...and track overtime how this could help shape new thoughts and feelings.

These were some things I picked up from CBT:

1.) Changing behavior is key to feeling better.
2.) Changing Behavior is key to rewiring your brain - it communicates to your old brain, your old emotional brain.
3.) Your behavior does not have to be driven by your feelings.

Don't give the feelings so much weight - a lot of the negative ones are literal cognitive distortions (not true), projections (into the future and not being present), and even mind reading (how can you know what someone is thinking if you have not asked them, they have not told you, and you don't even have any evidence?).

I have a useful CBT toolkit to use for dealing with my job in 2022 should I come across these situations.

Gardening: I've garlic growing. This winter has been warm....probably record high temperatures if I had to take a guess. On Christmas, it felt like Spring out there.

Reading / Other: Still reading Beyond Good and Evil and Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Fredrich Nietzsche. Also I am picking up Atomic Habits by James Clear after my library gets the book in. CBT has been awesome - I did a few self-directed sessions and wished I did something like this a long time ago. I think I read something about CBT years ago but skipped the exercises and such and just figured it wasn't going to help or something. idk. Maybe that is part of being older - just more open minded, patient, not as in a rush? Experience...

Goals: Many but learning to enjoy the journey and the process...also continuing to take cold showers daily. They suck still lol but I'm feeling a lot of beneficial effects I can make a longer post about in the future. Also spending as much time as I can with my grandparents. My Grandfather has always been a great influence (90 years old and still kicking ass) on me. My Grandmother has unfortunately been in a nursing center home now with continued health issues. Dementia sucks - she has had it for a few years now but it has taken a turn for the worse lately.

theanimal
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by theanimal »

If you like Goggins, I recommend checking out his book Cant Hurt Me. Listen to the audiobook if you can, it's relly good.

I've found CBT to be helpful as well in my experience. I went to therapy for a few sessions a few years ago and my therapist spent most of it teaching me about CBT techniques. I see it almost like a form of active meditation. Keep us posted on your progress!

shaz
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by shaz »

It sounds like you are doing some good personal work that will serve you well going forward. Your summary of cognitive distortions is very applicable to a situation I have been dealing with regarding a family member. I'm going to go do some reading on CBT.

You might enjoy "Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain" by John Ratey.

Also, do you know anyone who does strongman competition? It seems like a lot of the guys who are into strongman like to train outside gyms using stuff like big rocks and sand bags. They get big and strong so it might be a good fit for you. Also the the strongman competitors who I know are a lot of fun to be around and don't have the gym bro attitude. They welcome newcomers to come lift big rocks and whatnot with them so you might be able to find a group you could train with for free.

Married2aSwabian
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Married2aSwabian »

Lemur wrote:
Sat Jan 01, 2022 11:41 pm
  • I'm still working on this but I am getting to better understand neuroscience, thoughts, feelings, behaviors. Philosophy has been another key focus area for me in recent months.
Sounds like you have an EQ beyond your years - that’s awesome!

I just finished reading a book that might interest you: Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson. He’s a neuropsychologist and meditation teacher - the book is about how our brains / minds are wired, fundamentals of mindfulness and suggestions for how we can make positive changes. The last chapter on ego and relaxing our sense of self is eye-opening. I find the whole concept of neuroplasticity and how we can change ingrained habit and thought patterns fascinating. It’s also appalling when you realize how social media algorithms (and other media / corporations) clearly take advantage of this human tendency / design flaw!

For a more secular approach to CBT and mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn is great.

Congrats on all your progress - financial, health, job and otherwise.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

@theanimal - Goggins is intense. His podcast interview with Rich Roll created an axiom for me: 'mood follows action.' So whenever I'm caught dealing with stress, anxiety, etc. I remind myself of this short quote because this is my mind telling me to do something and if I do that something, I will be in a better mood for it. Can be applied to many situations.

@Married2aSwabian - Noted to do research. Also for those reasons you pointed out, is why I don't have any social media accounts. I was down that rabbit hole last year. It has benefited my attention span. Trying to keep things as long-form as possible and remove the drug related short-term dopamine hits - things like Facebook, Twitter, Tiktok, YouTube Shorts; all of those take advantage of the circuitry of social bonding and novelty....

I do admittingly have a Reddit account again to check trends lol but I use strict rules - no caught in scrolling, and I do not post and only lurk. By posting, I'll start getting subconsciously caught in the upvote/downvote system and start altering what I meant to say...

@Shaz - I don't know anyone personally that does Strongman. Unfortunately with living in the middle of nowhere (deep in a suburb where it takes 11 miles at least to get to a major highway) and COVID, I haven't been out much in the community except the occasional Sundays where I join in with the others in the neighborhood to get the free food that is otherwise going to end up in a landfill.

Other Updates

- Work is going better. I've done what I set out to do and asked for help, set up discussions/meetings, check-ins, etc. More to come this week. This feels relieving - mood follows action so if nothing comes of this, at least I can know I tried to do something to get this project back on track. I'm also going to come out with it and ask if I can get pulled to another project. This probably won't happen (everyone is resource constrained, not just me) but it is worth a shot.

- I've a job interview for a Federal Government position this week! :D Salary is comparable to what I make now which is surprising - this was my "shot in the dark" position and was the only one that called back after the 7 or so I applied for. There are at least 3-4 other candidates being interviewed if I judge by the time slots I was given...but will hope for the best.

- Cold showers are now awesome and my preferred method to shower. Yes the body adapts - crazy enough in the middle of winter, I barely shiver. I always feel great physically and mentally when I come out of them. Just dive right in now. The initial shock really just is the first 5-10 seconds or so.. I usually just let the water hit my head first to let that numb a bit. Then the front body and weirdly enough look forward to when I turn around and feel the initial hit on the back too. I'm also unconsciously controlling my breathing and heartrate much better then when I first started (nearly hyperventilating). Been doing this for just over 10 days now I think? Give it a shot! I'm telling you its good 8-) .

shaz
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by shaz »

Good luck with the job interview! Even if it doesn't lead to a job offer, it is a good skill to practice.

I'm ignoring all your crazy talk about cold showers.

theanimal
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by theanimal »

You'll find the opposite feeling once you take a hot shower. Your skin feels clammy and it's nowhere near rejuvenating. And then of course you're cold when you get out because the air is colder. It's not very pleasant. Once you hit the crossover mark (where you stop hyperventilating) there's no going back. People will tell you you're crazy, but I've heard from more than a handful of people who ended up trying them and finding similar conclusions. I'm coming up on my 9 year ( :o ) anniversary. Stay strong!

Kriegsspiel
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Kriegsspiel »

Lemur wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 3:43 pm
@theanimal - Goggins is intense. His podcast interview with Rich Roll created an axiom for me: 'mood follows action.' So whenever I'm caught dealing with stress, anxiety, etc. I remind myself of this short quote because this is my mind telling me to do something and if I do that something, I will be in a better mood for it. Can be applied to many situations.
Can't Hurt Me was an intense book, Goggins is a certifiable beast. Another book in the same vein as "mood follows action" is Scott Adams' book How To Fail At Everything And Still Win Big. He has a lot of stuff in there about how your actions affect your mood, and especially about what kind of information you consume affects your mental health. Lots of interesting stuff in there.

chenda
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by chenda »

Kriegsspiel wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 8:23 pm
"mood follows action"
That's a great life motto which I might have to steal from you @Lemur : ) I'm someone who thrives under discipline and structure yet seemingly incapable of imposing such discipline and structure on myself.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

Work - Well I asked rather bluntly if I could be pulled to a different project. I was basically rebuffed, got the run around, and told "possibly by April we can get you pulled into some other things but the client really likes you so naturally we want to keep you there." TBH, I think my employer just likes the the net profit I bring in from this client....regardless it was nice to get it off my chest that I wasn't happy with the way things are (huge work expectations with no resources essentially). I feel like I was just rewarded with more work after the conclusion of the meeting I was given business initiatives to get involved in. The less cynical side of me says this is an opportunity to put my foot into other doors but in the end I've seen this play out before - you'll just end up taking on more overall workload with no reward. Ah well.

My interview went okay. Not my best performance but not my worst interview. I drew blanks sometimes. What @shaz was saying, at least I got some experience points here; it has been 3 years since I've had an interview. I am probably overthinking and I think my resume speaks for itself. The way the position was described sounded like it was made for me. I won't know until the 21st where I was told a selection will be made. This is for a federal government position that is full-time remote and it is even greater compensation that I make now + they even pay overtime! That would be awesome!

@Kriegsspiel - I picked up this book and I am reading this now actually.

Exercise - I recently picked up the volume. Increase my workout to adding 2 chest exercises per workout and I am also doing 50 pull-ups/chin-ups everyday. With the way I am eating, I don't think there is a risk of overtraining. I'm getting excellent core work with the sliding ab tucks as well. Overall my muscle gaining program is working out really well even without weights. I'm up to 188lbs as of last Sunday (was 182lbs about 6 weeks ago) and I don't feel as if I put on too much fat. Still keeping up cardio too. The cold showers even work in this system as well - It helps bring down inflammation and helps recovery.

Anyway 3 day weekend with a bunch of family & kids.

MBBboy
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by MBBboy »

Good luck on the 21st! Will be rooting for you

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

Thanks MBBboy. I've been incredibly busy and productive lately to keep my mind off of Friday. Work actually hasn't been terrible since the start of the year - though it hasn't changed much, I think my attitude is just better tbh.

I feel somewhat vindicated lately because we just lost another developer. That is 4 since Christmas. All told me the same thing - wanted to get out of client + burnout / etc.

Outside of work, my life has just been involved in a rotation of family members helping my Grandfather. My Grandmother has Parkinson's/Dementia for the past few years. Went to a nursing home last December before Christmas. And is not getting any better. My Grandfather is not handling things well mentally. And physically he is finally slowing down at 90. Can't drive anymore. Can't chop wood anymore as of last Fall. Like he says the mind is sharp but the body doesn't wanna go. Otherwise, reading when I can...working out consistently, playing with the son. Life is easy in a routine.

shaz
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by shaz »

I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents. One of my aunt's passed away from the combo of Parkinson's and dementia and it was so hard on the family. I'm sure your company is a comfort to your grandpa.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

I was selected for the position and signed a tentative offer! :D. A GS-13 position in the Federal Government. Only a 6.5% decrease in salary from what I make now but with all the benefits that come with being employed in Federal Service.

Gotta say I'm excited about the work too. It is full-time remote. Non-supervisory. And we're building an inhouse database(s) to reconcile the agencies financial statements and whatever other data needed to support audits. This is work right up my alley without all the additional expectations that consulting brings. I should see better work-life balance but if I do have to work more - I actually get overtime for this one lol! The comparable salary was just a plus but luck would have it that I get accepted to the position I thought was a shot in the dark when I initially applied.

I am hoping this can be the start of a trend where work is just work and after work I can really pursuit other things freely if with more mental energy.

I can't wait! Feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders right now. I am looking forward to leaving consulting behind though the experience has been invaluable if I'm being cliché. I almost don't want to get too excited (they say that the TO process (tentative offer can take a few weeks to a few months). After the TO is completed you get the final offer which has your negotiated start date.

chenda
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by chenda »

Congratulations Lemur : )

plantingtheseed
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by plantingtheseed »

Best wishes!

Western Red Cedar
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Western Red Cedar »

That's great - congratulations! One benefit of surviving a challenging or toxic work environment is that it puts things in perspective when you move somewhere different. Hopefully the grass is greener.

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by 2Birds1Stone »

Congratulations!!!

white belt
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by white belt »

Congrats! Nice work on landing a GS-13 job that won't require you to wear a suit everyday.

shaz
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by shaz »

Congratulations! Full time remote and less stress will be such a nice change for you.

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