Bz5 Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
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Bz5
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Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2021 8:10 pm

Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

I have decided to write my journal.

I was afraid of what people would think here. Now I have to get linked into the community of ERE people.

I feel very demeaned at work. I feel like I am an automaton. I play the part well.

This feeling is so awful that I will do anything to end it.

I am looking at my expenses first. I want to be financially independent of those.

I live in a 1993 toyota pickup truck. It gets 12 mpg city.

I thought i wanted to use it as long as possible. But now i am not so sure.

It needs a solid axle swap to lower future maintenance costs. I already have done everything else. The only expense is the gasoline and insurance.

Work is an issue. I do workamping. My first outing here was not so fun. I don't like ego invested people.

My ideal would be to pay 50 per month for a parking spot with a water hookup and power hookup, near internet access.

I want to become remotely employed. I study right now to achieve that. This is a interim period that feels like purgatory.

My mobile internet bill is 140


My vehicle expenses for running the car are 500 per month, (includes parts, insurance)

Once the car was fully built out with a solid axle and durable parts replaced, and a parking spot the cost would greatly reduce. If i owned my own land i could take it off insurance and use an ebike. It would be a wheeled generator at that point.

My food bill is 500 per month. I buy a lot of organic food.

I recently bought a honda generator, an eu1000i for heating the car. If i run the car at night for heat the bill is much higher.

I bought a fustinox as well, a 2.6 gallon.

Because i live out of the car, i am afraid to go lower in the scale. I could live on a bicycle with the generator, but where, and afraid my stuff would be stolen. It may be a load of bollocks, maybe i would be fine.

I consider the gold standard to be generator bicycle living. With a nice tent.

I am extremely open to feedback on what i am saying. I am extremely open right now to changing my expenses /getting rid of my dream truck/ renting if that is what it takes to be rid of a boss. I'm 27 and if i have to live with a boss forever i will just hara kiri, they are so god damn egomanical.

I am not considering suicide, but if i was 50 and had nothing to show for it, and an insane child of zoomer boss half my age, i will jump into a hippo pen at the zoo and toss that shippo salad.


Also, i am really sleep deprived right now, working many hours for two bosses. Like i said, i don't even know what good/best practice would be to move ahead here, and i don't even know how to organize my thoughts in an ere friendly way, so with some good directives (I am a model employee) I can make that happen for you. Because I feel like i could get some good help here.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

I am even considering living in an ultra subcompact. Like a scion Iq. I havent even been living in the bed of my truck forever. I sleep upright in the cab, planning my next move.

sky
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by sky »

I used to have a Toyota Pickup. It was a cool vehicle but very small and not fuel efficient. I sold it because my knees were right up against the dashboard in a normal sitting position.

If you are up for living in a small car, I would recommend getting a Prius and setting it up as a camping vehicle, where you can sleep inside if you are in an urban area, or you can set up a tent if you are in a campground. The Prius will have lots of battery power and will give you a climate controlled environment to sleep in.

Are you in the US? You could do Doordash and Ubereats and make decent money. You can drive to an area that is busy with a lot of deliveries and work that area for as long as you want to.

Prius Camper Example:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCBlydgTALI

AxelHeyst
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by AxelHeyst »

Hi Bz5, welcome. Hopefully we can help with some ideas. I slept in the drivers seat of my ‘97 tacoma for three months in school so have some idea of what you’re dealing with in terms of sleep deprivation. Some questions and thoughts:

Do you have any savings?
Approx. income vs total expenses?
Local climate? (Eg US southwest? Northeast? How hard of a winter are you looking at?)
Are you in an urban area, stealth camping in neighborhoods? How close are you to boondocking opportunities like BLM land?
Remember the big three: housing, transportation, food. Right now your transportation is your housing, but it’s possible if you sold the truck and got a cheap room near work and bicycle your total housing+transportation costs would go down.

Used trucks are going for a premium right now. You might be able to sell you truck for a decent stash, and use that to improve your situation. The flip side is that any other used car you might buy is also at a premium, so selling the truck might only make sense if you’re going full no car.

Honestly getting a good nights sleep consistently is probably your highest leverage activity right now. It’s so hard to make good decisions when you haven’t slept well in forever. Can you at least get the bed set up to sleep horizontal and warm back there?

I’m guessing your food cost is high because you don’t have good access to a kitchen? I buy mostly organic as well, and it’s possible to get below $200 without much effort *if you have access to kitchen. I can help give advice on decent cooking setup in your truck if that’s relevant.

Solid axle swap sounds like a lot of cash to drop on a 27yo truck. I’d want to exhaust all other ideas before doing this. The thing could give up the ghost 1,000 miles after the swap.

1. Short term relief. Get some breathing space with expenses and get well rested.
2. Make solid medium to long term plan to escape crap jobs ASAP.
3. Work the plan.

AxelHeyst
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by AxelHeyst »

Also you ought to be able to get a much lower mobile bill. What are your cell/internet uses? Most folks around here do prepaid ~30/mo I think, Mint is popular iirc. I just go without and scoop up wifi wherever I find it. Doesn’t work for everyone but consider it.

Edit: you might browse Craigslist or local equivalent, and/or post a wanted ad, for a place to park and camp in someone’s yard with electric hookup. I did that for a winter, worked great.

Jiimmy
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Jiimmy »

Welcome Bz5!

Visible is also worth consideration for a mobile plan if you use a lot of data. Verizon towers, unlimited data and hotspot (hotspot speed is limited I think). $40/mo ish.

Planning to switch after I get rid of my internet.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

I am still delirious from lack of sleep. My decision making is poor because of this.

I just took a nap. It helped me organize my thinking.

I still feel a fire inside to get this thing done.

I am not investing my ego here in this journal. I will try EVERYTHING.

I want 3 things out of life:

A roof over my head

Food to eat

ALL of my time.
---------------
Phone/internet:

I can go completely without a phone and internet expense right now. I am studying C programming for embedded systems. I am also studying basic web development.

I can use a small flip phone and just load minutes onto it for applying for jobs.

Finding my way around can be replaced by a gps and atlas.

I love to read books. I can use libraries and public internet connections no problem.

I want to spend less than 20 per month on communication
---------------

Food:

I have been eating very spartan. Raw zuchnini, sardines.

I want to spend under 100 per month on food.
---------------

Housing:

This is where I am the least understanding.
Living in cars has trained me to withstand all sorts of weather conditions.

I like the freedom of being able to move about.

I thought getting the simplest car possible would help me become freer. It has become a prison.

The mental torture. Worried about breakdown all the time.

Even though my car is super durable, one head on collision still ends my house and maybe me. It's dangerous.
I also feel terrible. I sit all the time. I am lethargic. I have gained weight and lost muscle. It is a sedentary existence in a car.

I have a fear of committing to an apartment. I have a fear of having stuff stolen there/dealing with mentally ill people in cheap housing. Though if i had one room to myself, i could manage that.


The goal is to make more money as a remote programmer. All jobs are trash to deal with for many reasons. The whole job situation is hellish. It's just time for money.

I need a job to keep the roof over my head.

Alternatively, I have been looking at 300cc motorcycles. This is the part of me that is afraid to rent talking here.

Even though I am looking at small cars/motorcycles, I am focused on clear solutions. I don't want to do a ton of brainstorming unless it is necessary. There is a winning combination of things to do. Thats what I want to do. Because I need to be free of this.

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unemployable
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by unemployable »

There are good bosses out there. That might be the easiest thing to change.

It may be cheaper to rent an apartment than to live in the truck, especially if you wouldn't then need the car to get around. You could easily cut food to under $200; I'm around $150 without pinching every penny.

I've changed half-shafts on my Rav4. Wasn't fun, and the first two I got leaked, but now I know how to change a half-shaft. I presume yours is a full axle though. Ask around repair shops if they'll let you bring in your own parts, so that you only pay for labor. Then buy salvaged on ebay or from a junkyard. I've lived many nights at a time in the Rav, longest solid period was two months, but mostly for fun or because I didn't feel like paying for a hotel. But that two-month jaunt ended abruptly when I slammed into an elk outside the Tetons.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

Some more data for you:

truck has 87000. I bought it at 83000. Truck is paid off.

I have done a lot of maintenance to it myself.

I replaced the timing chain. Had someone else do the clutch.

I buy toyota parts because the ebay parts fail me unless they are made quality.

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unemployable
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by unemployable »

Bz5 wrote:
Sun Oct 31, 2021 12:15 am
I buy toyota parts because the ebay parts fail me unless they are made quality.
I mean off used Toyotas. I agree anything electrical or mission-critical on Toyotas should be OEM. You can cheap out on stuff like oil pans.

A new Rav4 half-shaft was like $350 OEM vs. $60 salvaged. Never had another problem with it once I got one with a boot that didn't leak.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

Buying salvaged... Depends on what you buy.

For instance, a salvage control arm still needs new bushings pressed in, and a rust scour. It has to be checked for straightness.

Bushings can be poured new from epoxy too. Resin still has to be obtained.

So a free control arm still needs at least $30 in bushings (at 10 per bushing) pressed in. It still has to be checked.

Meanwhile the car sits.

Used CV shafts work great. They are so simple.

----------------------------------

It's a location problem on some level.
To be within biking distance of work, the car solves that. But the car has all the stuff inside.

And my car is very reliable. But that could change tomorrow.

But where is the really low rent?

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

And I have to get to the low rent places somehow. So where do I sit initially while I am doing these calculations?

theanimal
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by theanimal »

Can you be more specific about where you are? Even if just a region? if you are US based, craigslist is a good option to find rentals and is used in many areas across the country.

Are you sleeping in the cab of your truck or the bed? If the cab, can you find a way to sleep in the bed? Or go somewhere where you can sleep outside, whether it be in a tent or even on a sleeping pad under your truck? What's the quickest way in which you could change your life to sleep more?

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

It's funny, I feel a sort of paralysis of analysis.

It's strange. I have lurked here for 4 years on the forum, tolerating deranged monkeys at work, and I couldn't emotionally put 2 and 2 together until my current 2 bosses.

Its subconscious. I think people work hard to impress people because of human tribal behavior. If i lived with ten people ten thousand years ago, i could probably win them over by working harder. They would probably reward me. But in this era, working harder just messes with me and destroys me, it does not get rewarded.

The final neuron synapse was bridged for me observing my boss at CVS. Unfortunately, you are not around to witness this behavior. Nor could I describe it in detail that you would accept as the genuine article. But it left an indelible mark; it broke my rationalization around why I couldn't become FI.

And I am his golden employee! I get the least shit from this irrational troglodyte. With him, no news is good news and i get little.

My other boss is a evangelical, and I haven't shared my atheism with him, but he tries to convert every one to Christianity!
He says that God tells him who to talk to! The man hears voices in his head that he can't distinguish as his own thoughts, he has depersonalized his own thoughts. He should get his head checked.

Instead, everyone has to become a Christian around him to justify his belief structure and auditory hallucinations.

All my rationalizations about not becoming FI involved me being rewarded for more hard work with greater opportunity and more interesting work by a boss. This is because i felt inherently useless (because of the Mormons brainwashing a child to install core shame.). But now that that core shame has been worked through, I can see now how self destructive it is to be a living youthful battery to charge other peoples long term plans.

So back to the paralysis of analysis. I have no more mental blocks to becoming FI. I call it Bruce Lee mode. I am really serene about it. I just have to be in a position to not have a boss. I would do it in 3 years if I could. Every thing I own and do is a tool to that end. Thats how ready I am. I am totally willing to remove everything needed.

The alternative really is being 50 years old and jumping into a hippopotamus exhibit, with my tongue aiming for that salad, ready to toss.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

I just saw your question about sleep. The fastest way for me to have solved it today is to sleep diagonally in the cab. It will work for tonight.

When I wake up in the morning I need to organize all my stuff and reinstall the muffler gasket on my Honda generator. I had a friend weld a stub on for a remote exhaust. The plan is to leave the generator running in the sealed cab at night with the remote exhaust hose. I will sleep in the bed which is completely isolated from the cab, with a space heater and electric blanket on a blanket for now. I need a foam pad. If I can sleep warm, I will be fine.

I am in the Bay area right now, on the coast near Pacifica. I need to get out of California.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

I didn't think of sleeping diagonally before. But it is the quickest solution.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

I felt really funny last night. I hadn't lain down in months.

The lymph nodes in my legs began to swell and i started to feel sick. I think I have had poor circulation in my legs this whole time, and that has caused buildup of toxic matter that would normally be sequestered out.

My mind feels clearer. I have been operating out of a brain fog. I feel more capable in fighting terms after that sleep. More red-blooded. Ready to be first in and last out.

I want to finish this planning fight.

theanimal
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by theanimal »

Glad to hear of some progress! Have you considered using a sleeping bag? You could find a cheap one on Craigslist or via ebay rated for ~30F and eliminate your need for the generator at night. You may be different, but I find that my sleep quality is much lower when there is something really loud going off in close proximity to me, especially generators. With a thick foam pad and a sleeping pad, you could be sleeping like a king in your truck bed. I think you could find both for under $100 total.

Could you just work your other job instead of that and CVS? It may be worth the momentary drop in income to gain a better sense of well being. You could also use the time for further programming study.

Do you exercise at all? If not, I’d recommend getting into something physical, even if it is just walking around. It’ll help improve your mind, sleep quality and overall well being.

Bz5
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by Bz5 »

@ The animal

The evangelical pastor boss job ends in 2 weeks. I am researching ERE friendly cities on this forum, because if my car fails, i want to backup plan in a place where I need to fight from.

My ERE journey has to be fast.

I have been looking at Mazda 2's.

They come 5 speed manual. They are 6800 bucks generally.
1.5 liter 4 cylinder. Timing chain.

There are a lot of low miles examples. I know a car like this would be extremely low maintenance.

I want to live in something mechanically very simple and high mpg's. Not old.


a 6 year old car would last me the 5 years required to go FI, then i could ditch it. My 27 year old truck needs constant maintenance to be reliable, even at the low mileage. It's durability is no longer needed.

AxelHeyst
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Re: Bz5 Journal

Post by AxelHeyst »

A decent sleeping bag, or even enough wool blankets which can be gotten cheap at thrift stores, and you don’t need to run the generator at night to stay warm. Pacifica isn’t that cold. Even if you moved inland, it’s quite doable to sleep in a vehicle with no heater down into the 20s.

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