My ex, whom I dated for ~8 months up until to about a month ago, seemed to have the advanced maturation you speak of. She was quite skinny and seemed in shape because she had frequently participated in horseback riding and basketball. However due to stresses from medical school, she regressed in her physical fitness habits for most of the time that we dated. I would say my preference is a combination of the 2nd and 3rd statement you point out. I admit that I didn't phrase things in such a way to my partner since I knew it wasn't going to be a long term relationship and I could tell she was already having a difficult time with other life stressors. Having said that, physical fitness is often the first thing that I have to compromise on in dating scenario due to the fact that the norm is to be overweight and out of shape in the US. Some of this might eventually get resolved as I continuously get more muscular and leaner, which in my experience means I can attract more physically attractive partners, especially on dating apps that are heavy on pictures and light on biographies.7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:22 amRe your dating dilemma, the best answer would be to try to find somebody(s) who, like you, have advanced in maturation towards inhabiting more than one table in the lunchroom. Equally important would be self-aware differentiation between seeking value vs validation in relationship. That said, you might have to stretch yourself a bit towards being a little more honest and open than the tit-for-tat of, for example, “I want/deserve somebody who is fit because I am fit.” IOW, you might need to more clearly explicate all that you would value about fitness in a partner. For example, can you imagine yourself saying (if this was true for you) something like “It has been my experience that grasping a muscular thigh at the point often triggers a very strong orgasm for me.” or “I enjoy seeing the envious looks on other people’s faces when I am out in public with a female partner who is as fit as me.” or “ I like spending quality time with a partner and many or most of the activities I enjoy require a certain level of fitness.” , a mature, differentiated partner will be better able to hear you and decide if she is willing to ante up that which you value/desire. OTOH, if you don’t know yourself well enough to break it down in this manner, then the process of “shopping” isn’t going to find it for you either.
Reading some of your other postings, I definitely relate to your preference for man candy (in my case it is woman candy?) in that I have a history of overlooking certain negative characteristics if a girl is particularly physically attractive.
I've played co-ed sports before, to include Ultimate Frisbee in everything from a rec league to a competitive setting. This is my first time living in a location in 5+ years where I am in vicinity of such rec leagues and single educated women in large numbers, so it's definitely something I will explore. I've done way too much orienteering (we called it land navigation) in the Army to have any interest in doing it again if I'm not getting paid. The rec leagues are on my list, but I'm waiting to see what my work schedule will be. The schedule that has been described to me, if it comes to fruition, will be pretty soul crushing for any sort of scheduled social activities (6 days on, 4 days off, with 8 hour shifts that rotate every week). With a schedule like that it's likely that I'd miss 50%+ of the rec leagues game just due to work requirements and different sleep schedules.mountainFrugal wrote: ↑Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:53 am@7Wannabe5's advice is excellent. Defining "why" will help you get there faster.
Co-ed sports/games are a great place to find a partner that is into fitness. If you have not thought of it, there are "nerdier" sports out there that might get you closer to finding someone that were describing. Examples of sports that I have noticed have a larger proportion of nerds: ultimate frisbee, ultra-distance running/cycling/triathalons, sand volleyball, xc-skiing, and the ultimate nerd sport...orienteering.