Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Where are you and where are you going?
ertyu
Posts: 1404
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by ertyu »

i read that, i had high hopes for it, and then it completely missed me. it seemed to come down to, well come up with an idea and then trial-and-error it until you get to something -- which had me going, well gee thanks, trial and error, whoulda thunk, now can we have something that's actually useful? No? oh well then.

Looking forward to what you'll get out of it, maybe it'll be something i missed.

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

ertyu wrote:
Sat Oct 17, 2020 8:20 am
i read that, i had high hopes for it, and then it completely missed me. it seemed to come down to, well come up with an idea and then trial-and-error it until you get to something -- which had me going, well gee thanks, trial and error, whoulda thunk, now can we have something that's actually useful? No? oh well then.

Looking forward to what you'll get out of it, maybe it'll be something i missed.
Oof, that doesn't sound very promising. I'll post my thoughts, even if I don't finish it. I admit that the way it is written already has me feeling a bit skeptical, but it is a rather short/quick read so we'll see once I get to the exercises, etc. I think wolf has also read it, but not sure how to tag people here or if it's even possible.

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

Hmm, I should probably also add that I am giving up all my volunteering and social media for some time after I leave my job. This is because:
a) My volunteering and social media accounts are tightly connected to the job I am leaving
c) I don't feel like my social media accounts have much added value (made to waste time scrolling through the feed, information overload, echo chamber, there are other ways to stay in touch with people)

classical_Liberal
Posts: 2035
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:05 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by classical_Liberal »

Congrats on quitting your job!
Mae wrote:
Sat Oct 17, 2020 7:39 am
I welcome any personal anecdotes and insights :)
You're pretty young, so have the potential to do pretty much anything you want yet. I would try to determine if you just disliked your jobs because you didn't like the work, or disliked your jobs because you dislike the "salary(wo)man" lifestyle. Because the path forward is probably different.

I think the odds are, you're gonna want to do something productive with your life yet. So the key is to get to know what that may be and how you want to go about doing it. For me, this is being accomplished by allowing myself to settle into a lifestyle I enjoy. Basically doing whatever I want, when I want. After a period of decompression, I naturally began adding productive activities based on motivation and interest without compensation or ROI on time as a concern, because that was what I wanted to do. Although other recent "retirees" here have mentioned that's a bad idea for their personality because they tend to be people pleasers and "doing what they want" ends up being just pleasing others. So there may be some psychological issues to work on first.

Daily habits are key early on. Make sure you get outside, get exercise, eat healthy in whatever ways pleases you. If you hadn't before, make it the norm now that you have time and energy to ensure these happy human maintenance issues are habituated.

It's a journey, both exhilarating and frightening simultaneously. Endless possibilities, yet much uncertainty. Good luck!

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

Thank you, classical_Liberal! It was a difficult decision to quit this job for a plethora of reasons, but I had to do it to preserve some of my sanity I had left.

There are some things I can conclude from my 'career' so far. Let me put on my work-philosophical glasses :ugeek:
  • FrugalPatat's and my financial situation makes it possible to work 4 days a week which, in my opinion, is the ideal amount of time to dedicate to Work at this moment in my life. Full-time working leaves too little time to pursue personal interests outside of work, less than 4 days is too little to maintain a connection to work and stay on top of things. (I personally need that connection. It could be different for different jobs, though.)
  • In addition to the above, I strongly dislike having to sit behind a computer screen for most of my time. I get my best ideas during walks/physical activity and I hate that it is taken for granted that people sit behind a desk 8 hours+ a day. (Maybe this bullet point is more of a personal rant, eh.)
  • I really really really enjoy learning new things, being challenged, and being able to explore the broader context in which my work makes a difference. A good leader/boss/coach whom I respect and work culture (open, self-critical, trainings) is key in this. (The pros to having worked for different organisations in a short period of time.)
  • I like working on projects, because I tend to get bored of things fast. Projects allow for learning new things, working with new people/organisations in a partnership, and being self-critical/improving at the end of each project.
  • I don't really mind the particular field I am working in as long as the above reqs are fulfilled. However, a big plus is if it is something that adds value to the world, lessens suffering. I just want to make the world a little better if I can. I've worked in culture and social justice before. But I have self-limited my options by choosing an art history major (literature minor). I do not have a lot of hard skills or done anything STEM-related.
I could add more things to this list, but these are things that come to my mind first.

I feel like I'm a bit stuck now and, paradoxically, there are many possibilities, as you pointed out. But yes, self-care first and I'm sure I will figure something out.

Sabaka
Posts: 119
Joined: Wed Apr 26, 2017 9:41 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Sabaka »

Hi guys, hope you've been having a good 2020!

Have you considered charity work Mae? Honestly, from just reading your most recent post it seems like something that might fit those requirements? Or potentially retraining to do a more hands-on job that provides direct benefit to the community (teaching, nursing, etc)?

Also, I'd like to concur with Classical Liberal in saying that this is the perfect time to reset and consider what you want to do next. Of course there are endless opportunities, however very few people are ever entirely sure that their next step/job/partner/etc will be the right one. All we can do is make an educated guess and hope for the best :)

Wishing you luck on whatever path you decide to follow next!

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

Hiya Sabaka!!

I certainly feel drawn to help out the local community/ies, especially ones that suffer from covid the most. I also want to secure some sort of income for myself. So kind of hoping that after my leave and some work on my self, a couple things fall into place. I have a teacher's license but again ... for art history (related stuff) :|
Also, I'd like to concur with Classical Liberal in saying that this is the perfect time to reset and consider what you want to do next. Of course there are endless opportunities, however very few people are ever entirely sure that their next step/job/partner/etc will be the right one. All we can do is make an educated guess and hope for the best :)
Oh yeah, for sure, this job that cost me my mental health was the best educated guess at the time. In that sense, I don't regret it.

I mailed a local health care centre to help me out with the career path. Unlike all of the INTJs here, I cannot rationally think my way out of this problem. Ha.
Wishing you luck on whatever path you decide to follow next!
Thank you so much and no comment on the 2020 question :lol: I'm hopeful that things will be better going forward.

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

@ertyu, I lost interest in reading Design Your Life after the first exercise. I tend to not pick up a book again if that happens. I think what put me off was the sales pitch and supposedly USP every other page, and lots of information that they could have left out. Don't like fluffy texts.

ertyu
Posts: 1404
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by ertyu »

Same experience here. Found that it contained too little bang for the buck. The fluff and the "inspirational" stories automatically make me want to skip forward to the actual point :lol: but not too much of that to be found in that book.

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

:roll: Exactly.

Good thing is I start my first session with my coach next Friday. Hoping it'll be less fluffy :D We video called for a free intake of about half an hour and she seems understanding and good-humoured, the latter which I am not (anymore). It'll be an interesting combination. I asked for an outdoor session and she happily agreed and adapted the first exercise for the occasion.

The temp agency, however, is making a mess of my application. I have never made so many phone calls in two days, and I have phone anxiety. Anyway,

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ ... ife_at_42/

Reading this to feel better. Especially OP's edit which is so full of hope :)

ertyu
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Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by ertyu »

Will you tell us what your coach is making you do? I'm curious! Hope you enjoy it and she turns out to be a good fit. Good luck with job hunting!

disk_poet
Posts: 46
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 3:33 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by disk_poet »

Good luck with the hunt! It seems to make the rounds currently. I also really can't stand phone calls. I procrastinate them like almost nothing else :D

Also +1 on ertyu. I hope the coaching goes well. I often find it helpful to get other perspectives. It's something I've personally struggled with often times. I always thought I had to solve everything myself. I am just in the last 2 years letting people in and proactively getting feedback. It's really awesome and I am so grateful I made that change. Looks like you are far ahead of myself here.

It seems like you're doing quite well savings rate wise so hopefully you can not panic and take some time to find out where you want to go next. It looks like you're on the right track!

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

ertyu wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 1:44 pm
Will you tell us what your coach is making you do? I'm curious! Hope you enjoy it and she turns out to be a good fit. Good luck with job hunting!
For sure! And thank you.

My first exercise that I need to have ready by Friday is a visual lifeline (timeline), divided in segments of 6 years, starting with 0-6, 7-12, 13-18, etc. until now.
For each segment, try to think of (if applicable): hobbies, work, choice of friends, ... Now consider if these aspects of your life were your own choice, did your parents choose for you, ... ? How happy were you with these aspects of your life? How conscious were your choices?

Which choices had a positive influence on your current job/degree? Were there things you would have done differently?

She gave me this one because it gives a lot of information about myself in one go. (These are one hour sessions! :shock: )

Mae
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Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

disk_poet wrote:
Sat Nov 07, 2020 2:59 am
Good luck with the hunt! It seems to make the rounds currently. I also really can't stand phone calls. I procrastinate them like almost nothing else :D

Also +1 on ertyu. I hope the coaching goes well. I often find it helpful to get other perspectives. It's something I've personally struggled with often times. I always thought I had to solve everything myself. I am just in the last 2 years letting people in and proactively getting feedback. It's really awesome and I am so grateful I made that change. Looks like you are far ahead of myself here.

It seems like you're doing quite well savings rate wise so hopefully you can not panic and take some time to find out where you want to go next. It looks like you're on the right track!
Luckily, I have gotten much better about the phone calls, I used to only talk on the phone with my mom :D (years ago) But the procrastination is still r.e.a.l

I loooove outsider perspectives! I find that as I get older, I do really get more stuck in a certain way of thinking. I didn't believe that was a thing, until it was :lol: Does this mean I am no longer part of the youth? I refuse to think that. Anyway, yeah, I love learning new things about anything and myself via another person. The thing is that I need to take that information and really change my perspective and actions re: my occupation. We'll see how it goes.

Tomorrow, my final week at work starts, it ends on Saturday. I'm looking forward to closing this chapter of my life and hope it won't bug me with questions of where certain documents are or which button to click to get x, y, z. Mentally, I have already closed it almost entirely.

Am I really doing this? Wowieeee

Re: the savings rate, yes, FrugalPatat and I are DINKs and we were already living a modest lifestyle before we found ERE. It does weigh on my mind that I don't have an income secured and FrugalPatat is the single earner, it looks like. I hope the temp agency will get back to me about the job I had in mind to keep myself occupied and not lose too much of a daily structure, and of course the income, though we need not worry about that. I do have 2 weeks off after my "last" week, so I should at least have a breather then. I'm sure FrugalPatat can share more on the subject of having a partner with an existential crisis (not the first, lol, sorry FrugalPatat!!!) and how that is impacting him, if you'd like. Because he is not altogether super happy at his current job, but I don't want to say things in his place.

A good thing about starting the coaching right now is that some of the sessions will already be behind me by the time I am actually unemployed. So hoping that my path will be clearer to me by then.

ertyu
Posts: 1404
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by ertyu »

It is interesting to me that the coach chose 6 year periods. There's something about "where do you see yourself in five years" that makes me automatically want to blank out :lol: and reading 6 instead of the expected 5 made me do a double-take and get my brain out of those grooves.

How has doing this exercise been for you? Has it unearthed any insights or is it just info mining for coach in a systematized manner at this stage?

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

"where do you see yourself in five years"

I hate that question.

I feel like the exercise is helpful for both info mining and unearthing insights. No world-shocking insights so far, but things I knew that got confirmed once again:
- I frequently start new hobbies and stop after 1-2 years (if not sooner)
- My parents let me choose a lot of stuff from an early age, but it was mostly due to being emotionally unavailable parents. They never really pushed me to continue hobbies or push myself to reach a goal

I'm curious if my coach will notice these things too. I'll have to take a closer look at the timeline to search for general interests and to answer the extra questions from my post above. The session is postponed to Monday because she came into close contact with somebody who is covid-positive.

Did you do the exercise too, ertyu?

Also, the temp agency finally got back to me with info that makes sense, yay! I should get a call soon-ish (next week?) from a possible employer.

A couple more days of work and after Saturday, I am on my 2 week break, and officially done with my current job after those 2 weeks.

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

The (job) coaching was interesting. Will post my thoughts on it in a couple days.

Feeling overwhelmed atm~

ertyu
Posts: 1404
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by ertyu »

Looking forward. I was overwhelmed by the last exercise :lol: I bump into quite a lot of grief around how different my life would have turned out if I had actual support - I bump mainly into parents/close friends stuff. Coaching, after all, is meant for people who are already more functional than not; I have the feeling my stuff is just therapy grade rather than coaching grade. But this process is fascinating to me and I will follow :). Looking forward to your thoughts on your next session.

disk_poet
Posts: 46
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 3:33 am

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by disk_poet »

I did the exercise too this evening while having a cold.It was kind of depressing :o . I changed friend groups a lot (basically every 6 years, with very little people staying in my life) and also while there was a point where I made several drastic decisions but it was probably around 6-8 years ago. Not a lot of risks taken till then. Good reflection though. It also showed me how bad my memory is. I can barely remember details from my 20s. I suspect once I start reflecting they'll come back but I was a bit shocked. I think I'll need to mull over that. Thanks for sharing that exercise @Mae

Mae
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:44 am
Location: Belgium

Re: Mae & FrugalPatat's Journey

Post by Mae »

Well damn, I didn't mean to make you people depressed with this exercise.
ertyu wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:52 pm
I was overwhelmed by the last exercise :lol: I bump into quite a lot of grief around how different my life would have turned out if I had actual support - I bump mainly into parents/close friends stuff. Coaching, after all, is meant for people who are already more functional than not; I have the feeling my stuff is just therapy grade rather than coaching grade. But this process is fascinating to me and I will follow :). Looking forward to your thoughts on your next session.
I am sorry you experience grief around that, I have felt the same for a lot of my life but it is more or less a closed case in my head now. If you haven't seen a therapist yet, I highly recommend, as it can help you find closure, to give that grief a place in your life and move on to better things from where you are at.
disk_poet wrote:
Sat Nov 21, 2020 1:11 pm
I did the exercise too this evening while having a cold.It was kind of depressing :o . I changed friend groups a lot (basically every 6 years, with very little people staying in my life) and also while there was a point where I made several drastic decisions but it was probably around 6-8 years ago. Not a lot of risks taken till then. Good reflection though. It also showed me how bad my memory is. I can barely remember details from my 20s. I suspect once I start reflecting they'll come back but I was a bit shocked. I think I'll need to mull over that.
I hope you feel better soon! I have a bad memory too :P I didn't really focus on the friends stuff, but I think I changed groups when I was +- 13-14, then in uni around 19, then after studying around 25. It happened rather organically and also because I deleted my Facebook profile multiple times lol. Something that is striking to me is that I often seem to make friends at work (i.e. my colleagues become people I do activities with outside of work, which I think is cool).

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