i’d dispute that. maybe your perception is an artifact of living in motor city?
so: no sea captain who pays the bills, after all?
im confused now
i’d dispute that. maybe your perception is an artifact of living in motor city?
so: no sea captain who pays the bills, after all?
oh, this is where i got confused. you mean the restaurant bills but not your bills, yes? i mean the dinner or bar tab or whatever, but not your electricity or groceries or rent/mortgage, etc?
ah, yes! not that you need my agreement, but i think this (which for me is just financial independence by another name) is the key. your own realm, unsubsidized, wholly independent, no matter how frugal and small, but fully yours. from there you can visit or be visited, you can venture out or retreat to it, you can accept gifts or shut the door on people’s faces, etc.
oh nononono. fuck that situation i say, fuck depending on the menzes unless it comes with highly formal bureucratic agreements (alimony, division of property, the backing of the courts and sheriff’s office, that sort of thing). it’s a bad place to be, and you can read all about it from jane austen to jean rhys.
nah... cheap bastards. a girlfriend experience should cover much more than “minuscule bills.” workers’ rights or gtfo.
i’m not saying you should marry the [expletive deleted]. im saying you should get 4x the current contribution if you want a 75% savings rate7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:53 pm@Alphaville:
True, but if you call the cheap bastard out for being a cheap bastard in that manner, you then are faced with the risk that he might suggest marriage. If not immediately, then on that sad evening a few weeks later when he attempts to make his own salmon patties after looking at the total charges he racked up tipping Ukrainian internet models.
oh! ok. that simplifies some options lol
that would be a good car-free option (literal not metaphorical). massive cost cuts.
botox? idk if that... ooof... yikes! what’s that supposed to achieve? 6-month paralysis?7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 26, 2020 1:50 pmI am already doing everything possible, including applying special compounding pharmacy cream religiously, to heal the fissure, but it’s been weeks and weeks now, and I am getting quite grouchy. However, I am going to give it a few more weeks, and then try getting a shot of Botox before considering surgery.
i like your humor a lot, but my concern here is that banking hopes of retirement and security on an assortment of uncommitted ageing lovers is bound to lead to destitution in the end.7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 26, 2020 1:50 pmI’m fine talking about my “lentil baby” or “buddy” practice, but it’s definitely not like I’m likely to suffer Tess D’Ubervilles type tragedy at the age of 55 My predicaments are generally more like post-modern ridiculous version of failed Lucy Ricardo scheme.
Right. It was ideal as an alternative or supplemental income when I was also running my rare book business with my sister. I enjoy substitute teaching if I only do it 2 non-consecutive days/week. Even at that low rate, it does provide more than 1 Jacob/month of income. At its peak, my internet book business provided lower middle class income, but these-a-days if/when I start it up again, I wouldn't count on it for much more than 1 Jacob/month either.Alphaville wrote:but hey, for any sort of boho/indie enterprise, subbing is a quick easy way to supplement income, particularly for intellectual types. i have friends who do this while they write/make movies/freelance/whatever. would be great supplemental flexible for ERE, in fact.
but supplemental is the key word here.
The theory is that the slow-healing is due to pressure differential preventing blood flow. The botox will relax the muscle to relieve the pressure differential. The cause of my injury was violent diarrhea due to terrible lower intestinal infection fever syndrome combined with delicate old lady skin. I nasal tested negative for Covid, but my doctor still thinks it is possibility, and either I tested too late, or intestinal version doesn't show up on nasal swab. Getting an anti-body test is on my to do list. I am typing this in child pose, so that is an improvement over horizontal.botox?
One thing that differentiates me from much of the rest of the crowd here on the forum is that I'm not particularly concerned about the possibility of being broke or having to start from scratch again. The challenge is more developing a sort of ideal EDC of skills/minimal resources/tools with which you can always start over again. That said, I do consider having enough liquid cash roll to carry myself for at least 6+ months to be part of that minimal tool kit. Right now, I could probably cover myself for at least a couple years without working. Also, "in the end" absent EOTWAWKI scenario, I have worked enough over the years that I will be collecting more than 1 Jacob in Social Security benefits in about 6.5 years, and mooching off of my affluent old lovers is just one of my punting strategies for in the meanwhile. IOW, the simple fact that I am so frugal in my spending habits is my best or largest puzzle piece towards security. If, OTOH, I was counting on Lentil Baby schemes to cover me even at something like needful $30,000/year level, I would feel very insecure indeed.my concern here is that banking hopes of retirement and security on an assortment of uncommitted ageing lovers is bound to lead to destitution in the end...
Physical boundaries do not equal psychological boundaries. I have already attempted to do just this with my last permaculture project which I purchased right after breaking up with my "ex" and also my business. The simple fact of legally owning something does not imply the ability to say "This is mine. Stay the fuck out." and to some extent the ability to say this negates the need to legally own and/or literally physically separate realms of operation. So, I think working on my ability to maintain strong psychological boundaries is more important than my need to save up money to buy another chunk of property and, in fact, doing the second might be simply a way of avoiding working on the first.so, it’s obvious you need your own garden, but you can’t count on someone buying it for you.
so—what would be the strategy for that scenario? is there a way that you can build it on your own? i think that’s the foothold that would let you operate more freely.
thanks for the thorough reply! super interesting story. also i notice the difference between our perspectives: my psychological ability to cut off people is 100%. i’ve actually literally kicked people out of my house—i mean foot to ass, gtfo, now, lol.
there are indeed common themes in my pattern of thought (formal vs informal agreements, risk management) which i’ve been developing lately, but i don’t see the same thing at all. two very different people, very different situations
Well, I should note for the record that I have never entered into an intimate arrangement with financial profit as my motive. It just started happening that after my divorce I was usually dating men who were much more affluent than me, and because I have always been a frugal penny tracker, I felt compelled to document the transfers that resulted. For instance, I couldn't pat myself on the back for only spending $20/week on groceries if I was taken out for dinner three times. My primary motive for entering into intimate arrangements has almost always been sex. I am never alone long enough to feel lonely, and I usually only develop romantic feelings for men after we have sex. However, now that I am a year out of menopause, I think my baseline sexual motivation is way down, so it is very possible that I will not seek any sort of arrangements at all after I part ways with current BF/Covid-Buddy.Alphaville wrote:this is my problem also with entering intimate arrangements for profit
Well, whether or not an American can survive on 1 Jacob per year given cut-throat deductibles etc. is always up for debate, but I would note that my health care expenses for the last 5 years have averaged less than $20/month. However, I don't choose to do every rip-off thing they suggest. I had a primary care doctor who was very helpful in that regard, but unfortunately she retired last year. I also find that not having to report to 40 hour/week job provides you with more options for self-care.good savers still need to pay copays and deductibles, in merciless cutthroat america. maybe i’m misreading your posts because the information is not in one place, but it reads to me like lentil baby is your primary plan at the moment. which, i understand the current situation, but i’m not seeing a non-lentil way forward.
I think there is something to your suggestion, however my tendency is to take on partners after I already have a project up and running. I was running my business for two years solo before I took on my sister as partner, and I was working on my permaculture project for at least a year before my Permaculture Partner became involved on any level (at first he was just helping me for fun.) I usually (when not suffering from asphalt etc.) have a lot of initiative or Visionary energy, but I run out of Technician and/or Manager energy at some what-should-be-predictable juncture. My sister was an excellent partner for around 10 years until she suffered personal natural disaster of mental health functioning, and same goes for my collaboration with the Permaculture Partner. It's more down to my inability to maintain that sort of combo Technician/Manager energy I think of as being "walking the fence." I don't think this is unusual since many entrepreneurial guides suggest taking on partners as a good idea. Still, since things have not worked out as I would have preferred, I should give the matter further thought.i guess the conclusion that i’m drawing from this online brainstorm i’m doing right now, is that maybe you need to make something of your own with no partners or supporters so that you can develop material and psychological boundaries simultaneously? i mean, doing on purpose, for that purpose.
Very true, and primary reason why I broke up with my "ex", but he definitely would have felt free to dump stuff even on land I owned if we were in relationship based on some argument of mutuality and bulldozer personality type logic. I know this is true, because he did do this with more affluent women he dated before me. Also, I was practicing polyamory while I was working on my permaculture project, and every man I dated, not just my Permaculture Partner, had very decided opinions on what I should or shouldn't be doing with it. So, it's not just having ownership, or avoiding partnership, I have to strictly keep all men off of my turf and not even let them visit. It would still be okay for me to visit them on their turf, because I know how to behave in the gracious follow or co-operate. I did not have problems like this in partnership with my sister, because she does know how to co-operate.im guessing if the sculptor had owned the garden and the gardener was just borrowing the land, the sculptor might have showed up midweek with a truck full of junk cuz he didn’t have a place to store it, so can you please move those beds over there? sorry, it will be just that corner.... (then returns next month with another load).
aaaaaaaaaaaaah... i understand better now. you sort of stumbled into it.
that’s very true about self-care, but there are conditions that cannot be treated by one’s self, and with age those conditions unfortunately multiply—e.g, current asphalt, possible covid asthma complications, your mom in the hospital... everyone’s health worsens with age.
hey congrats i had no idea! best wishes with it. a lot of things are moving to remote work so i’d just stick to that. saves on car expense too. and with your condition it’s not worth the risk. actually if you have documentation i think you can get exemption//dispensations/accommodations to work remotely. also, i think schools are looking for online teachers now, so you can find something even there.
hahaha, same happens to me, i have plenty energy for startups but get bored with maintenance. must be my adhd or something. so i try to outsource as much repetitive bullshit as i can even if it costs a bit more. i just do not have the patience and/or have bigger fish to fry
haaahaahaaaaaaa! yeah. i can see that. go for it!