How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

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ertyu
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How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by ertyu »

I have a hard time with my job. Tough dragging myself out of bed, dread going every day, feel incompetent and disrespected, 11 hours later back home , crash on couch, repeat. I have no life outside of my job, and do not want a life outside of my job because of how tired I am all the time. I do not feel able to expend energy and effort on yet another thing.

I get by with the minimal self-care possible. Success looks like being vertical, not being late to work, lasting the day, and dragging myself back home.

At this point, most people who hear this go, "dude! just quit and find a new job!" Here is why to me this is not an option: I am fairly entrenched in my profession and have few other skills. Whatever other job in the same industry will suck the same (tried changing jobs a couple of times). I am not willing to change industries because I don't want to leave a job where I have reached my maximum earnings potential to just drop three-four rungs down the ladder and hate it anyway, this time with 15 rather than 3 years to DDay.

That said, I might get fired anyway: I find myself constantly paranoid.

Therapy and meds: unwilling to pursue. Talk therapy did not help the last 2 times I tried, and I refuse to take medication. The therapy/meds situation is not up for debate. I have felt crap enough for long enough to have researched and decided against. Please no, "dude! get over yourself and just do it! my grandmother swears by prozac!"

Things I know will help that I have been unable to make myself do: eat well and exercise. Brain perceives this as work and effort, and after Job, it refuses. Pretty strong cravings for crap food that are hard to resist after a hard day, and pretty strong aversion to exercise--it's the overcoming of that resistance that is a problem and feels like torture. Again: here people would go, "dude, just hit the gym!" What I can say is, you've either been there and you know what this is like, or you haven't. If I could make myself hit the gym, I'd have done it already. I bought a kettlebell and a mat and they just sit in the corner. Mat leaning judgmentally.

Things I do alright: I don't drink, I don't smoke, my salary is OK and my savings rate is high (75-80%). Could probably rack this up to 85% with conscious effort and planning. Take a multivitamin and fish oil regularly. No children or wife to disappoint. Dating is something I might consider around 6mo to a yr after I pull the plug, but I don't have the bandwidth for it now.

All I want is to stop working.

I am 63% to my target at 3%. If I were to pull the plug immediately, that'll be 4,78% withdrawal rate, which is not safe by any stretch at current valuations. Age is 38. Feel about 52. Goal is to pull the plug at 40 if the stock market is kind to me, and at 41 if it is not.

Hoping for any advice around how to make work feel less exhausting. It's hard to struggle with the intense feeling of avoidance every day and make myself go anyway. I mostly deal with the feeling of my life passing me by by numbing myself out. Being exhausted on the couch and staring in space has that covered. I am particularly looking for tiny incremental changes I can make to hopefully gradually lift off, and in what order to make them. There are probably tons of people here which felt the intense struggle against the resistance to the job, the desire to avoid it. How do you deal with this resistance. The job sucks and my life sucks, but at least I have a chance of getting out in another couple of years if I do not get fired over how the avoidance is impacting my performance. I have to grind it out anyway. Who has struggled with the same avoidance/resistance and what did you do to be able to just do your time until you can quit.

IlliniDave
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by IlliniDave »

Something to consider, but it doesn't seem like the job is the issue, just the excuse. I would suggest making the bandwidth to add interesting things to occupy your non-work time with. If nothing else it will give you some insight into what you might pursue once the three years is up. Cultivating a few outside interests might do a lot for your overall energy level. My personal experience is that having hobbies and interests unrelated to work makes the job more tolerable because the job is no longer the sole focus of day-to-day life (either working it or recovering from it).

ertyu
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by ertyu »

Dude. I know. You think I'm so dumb? If I could've done it, I would've done it. That's not what I was asking. I was asking how to deal with the resistance and what could I possibly do to start lifting off so I could potentially make the bandwidth one day. Thanks

bostonimproper
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by bostonimproper »

I think it's pretty clear you know what you need to do, but don't feel you have the energy to do it.

My suggestions:
- Meal prep on weekends. Sheet pan and one-pot recipes, quinoa bowls, prefrozen smoothie ingredients, Instapot recipes are less work. Better to have healthy food already on hand after long day.
- Schedule personal training sessions until you get back onto a workout routine. Pricy upfront, but less so than getting chucked out of the workforce due to a stress- or health-related meltdown.
- When your tired brain doesn't want to do something (eat well, exercise, etc.), think, "This will make me feel better tonight" rather than "this is abstractly good for me." Immediate consequences are a lot easier for a tired and stressed brain to grok than long term planning.
- Go to bed earlier.
- Turn blue light filter on all your devices.
- Talk to other humans. It may feel like just one more thing, but social interaction can really help pierce through the fog, at least momentarily. In a pinch, I listen to conversational style podcasts, but the irl stuff is better.
- Listen to music. Sing.

ertyu
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by ertyu »

bostonimproper wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 8:02 am
I think it's pretty clear you know what you need to do, but don't feel you have the energy to do it.

My suggestions:
- Meal prep on weekends. Sheet pan and one-pot recipes, quinoa bowls, prefrozen smoothie ingredients, Instapot recipes are less work. Better to have healthy food already on hand after long day.
- Schedule personal training sessions until you get back onto a workout routine. Pricy upfront, but less so than getting chucked out of the workforce due to a stress- or health-related meltdown.
- When your tired brain doesn't want to do something (eat well, exercise, etc.), think, "This will make me feel better tonight" rather than "this is abstractly good for me." Immediate consequences are a lot easier for a tired and stressed brain to grok than long term planning.
- Go to bed earlier.
- Turn blue light filter on all your devices.
- Talk to other humans. It may feel like just one more thing, but social interaction can really help pierce through the fog, at least momentarily. In a pinch, I listen to conversational style podcasts, but the irl stuff is better.
- Listen to music. Sing.
You talk to other humans :P

Blue light filter already on, listening to music/singing can be done from the couch so giving that a try; going to bed earlier - in progress; thinking in terms of immediate positive consequences if possible. Thanks. Some smart ideas here.

Seppia
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by Seppia »

You are financially very secure already.
Is there anything specific that blocks you from working less hours?
A shorter work day opens up the opportunity to do many other things (gym, cooking, just walking around the area where you live listening to music/podcasts*, etc) with your day, which usually makes life better in general and hence work less unbearable.


*this has been one of the most beneficial additions to my day. one hour walk is a light exercise, and music/podcast help me decompress

ertyu
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by ertyu »

Seppia wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 8:20 am
You are financially very secure already.
Is there anything specific that blocks you from working less hours?
A shorter work day opens up the opportunity to do many other things (gym, cooking, just walking around the area where you live listening to music/podcasts*, etc) with your day, which usually makes life better in general and hence work less unbearable.


*this has been one of the most beneficial additions to my day. one hour walk is a light exercise, and music/podcast help me decompress
Yes, there is something specific preventing me from working fewer hours. The starting and ending times of my work day, as well as the limits to my lunch break, are not subject to debate due to the nature of my work. Furthermore, even if it were possible, reduced hours would come with reduced pay and longer time to financial independence.

One of the reasons why I want to quit working so much is being able to move to a place where I can walk. Good call, Sepia, I will keep this in mind as something to look forward to.

Also, I would not call 4,78% "very secure." Not at these valuations, not with corporate debt build-up or interest rates being what they are, not with the risk of being fired hanging over my head, and certainly not at this stage of the business cycle.

Scott 2
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by Scott 2 »

Your patterns would break me in under a month. I don't know if it's possible to build a spiral back out while working. Barring a dramatic job change, like going down to a four day week, I think you've got two paths to improvement:

1 Find something that lets you start clawing energy back from the blanket of exhaustion. How's your sleep? Any caffeine use? Could you pay for premade healthy meals delivery? Ten minute walk before breakfast and after work? Is there a vision of life after retirement to work towards? The idea would be hook into recurring patterns that give energy over time, then snowball them.

2. Spend a little more money to open coping strategies beyond screen time. Lack of a community outside work is a problem. Even if you hate people, care and feeding of the human brain requires some positive social interaction. Maybe you can buy some, like with a massage or a passive hobby. Heck, casually date a gold digger.

The difference in your time horizon for retirement is not dramatically impacted by 5-10% shifts in savings rate at this point. Loosening the screws and buying your way through the next three years might work


Assuming your brain isn't simply unreliable, drugs are used to break the bad patterns, with hopes of creating capacity to learn good ones. Doing that without chemical intervention is tough, but from everything I've read, not as difficult as later quitting the drugs. I understand refusing them.

ertyu
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by ertyu »

Scott 2 wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 9:14 am
Your patterns would break me in under a month. I don't know if it's possible to build a spiral back out while working. Barring a dramatic job change, like going down to a four day week, I think you've got two paths to improvement:

1 Find something that lets you start clawing energy back from the blanket of exhaustion. How's your sleep? Any caffeine use? Could you pay for premade healthy meals delivery? Ten minute walk before breakfast and after work? Is there a vision of life after retirement to work towards? The idea would be hook into recurring patterns that give energy over time, then snowball them.

2. Spend a little more money to open coping strategies beyond screen time. Lack of a community outside work is a problem. Even if you hate people, care and feeding of the human brain requires some positive social interaction. Maybe you can buy some, like with a massage or a passive hobby. Heck, casually date a gold digger.

The difference in your time horizon for retirement is not dramatically impacted by 5-10% shifts in savings rate at this point. Loosening the screws and buying your way through the next three years might work


Assuming your brain isn't simply unreliable, drugs are used to break the bad patterns, with hopes of creating capacity to learn good ones. Doing that without chemical intervention is tough, but from everything I've read, not as difficult as later quitting the drugs. I understand refusing them.
Thank you, Scott, I will consider this. The suggestion to buy my way through the next three years appeared above as well, hiring a personal trainer was suggested. It now occurs to me I could approach this as one would a high school reunion or wedding or some such: make it a goal to look as good as possible on the day, time to shell out for those meal replacement shakes :D.

Also, yes on the caffeine use. Unsure if I can moderate this while still at work as I don't know whether my already lackluster performance can take the withdrawal (same reason for not transitioning to keto; my brain needs to work). I do fall asleep with no issue in spite of the caffeine, i think it's the overall exhaustion. And I definitely need it to function in the morning. Haven't had good luck with trying to quit; I managed to quit smoking but sugar and caffeine remain as dysfunctional job survival strategies.

Scott 2
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by Scott 2 »

ertyu wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 9:50 am
sugar and caffeine remain as dysfunctional job survival strategies
These help in the immediate term, even if the body runs "better" without long term. That's the hard part about changing patterns when already at a limit. The transition costs are rough to absorb. Outside of physical withdrawal, rituals around the caffeine and sugar provide some coping. I wouldn't remove that when you're already struggling.

Edited to add - it's possible some replacement behaviors could work there, chaining your way down. Coffee instead of energy drinks. A darker roast instead of light. Early grey tea instead of coffee. Green tea instead of early gray. Etc.

ertyu
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by ertyu »

Scott 2 wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 10:07 am
rituals around the caffeine and sugar provide some coping.
nailed it

Lucky C
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by Lucky C »

Is this a sedentary office job? Wondering if you are more mentally/emotionally tired or if you are actually physically tired from a labor-intensive job.

Sorry if some of this is obvious but this is what worked for me playing the career game. There are some things you can't control if management sucks but there is a lot you can control to make work more tolerable. I worked about a decade after I decided I didn't want to be in my industry. I went from just not wanting to be there and thinking I wasn't very good at it, to being one of the most valued employees and not really minding if I would have had to stay there longer.


Job performance: what specifically makes you think you're going to get fired? It can be extremely expensive to fire one individual (outside of layoffs) and train someone new. Unless your actions are costing the company tens of thousands of dollars instead of making them money, I doubt you're going to be cut when the labor market is so tight right now. Do you have a supervisor/manager you can be frank with and have an honest performance discussion outside of the standard annual performance review process? Maybe not your direct supervisor but a project lead or even a manager of a different group who knows you. Ask them honestly how you can improve and maybe suggest checking in once a month or so. By the way the standard large corporation performance process nowadays does not involve cutting the worst performers without warning! What is normally done is a more probationary type of thing, where your boss may say at your annual review that you are in a "needs improvement" type of category but we are going to set goals to get you up into the higher performing pack. So if you are as underperforming as you think you are, your management probably wants to start steps to help you improve anyway. If instead you have imposter syndrome and you're actually a good employee, your management will reassure you and still give you some good coaching to make improvements.

Never go to your management to complain about problems! Go to your management with solutions! When you complain about your work or colleagues to management, they will likely do nothing to help you and it can only hurt their view of you. If you present a specific concern about a project, whether it is the process, design, timeline, etc., and if you come with an idea about how it may be improved, they will love you. The worst case is they think the issue is overblown but appreciate your concern, or they agree there is an issue but don't think your idea is a good one - but they will be thankful you were trying to help and this will still get the ball rolling on potential improvements. Management is too often left in the dark and appreciate when bad news travels up to them if it allows them to do their job better - as long as it's not just whining about non-issues.


Socialize: I'm guessing you aren't the most social/talkative person at work, and if the most talkative person at work isn't getting in trouble for it, then I'd assume you can do more of it without getting into trouble. Next week will be a great opportunity after the Thanksgiving weekend. Ask everyone you talk to regularly, or maybe more importantly some people you don't know well, how their Thanksgiving went. Even if you don't particularly like them! Don't end the conversation after "good how was yours. Mine was good too...". Ask how many people there were... Did they have the traditional turkey and sides? Any odd family traditions? If you are like many people on this forum, the INTP/INTJ personality type, you have to play the part of a "normie" and have good small talk - even if you hate small talk!

Why small talk? Well it gets you past the coworker acquaintance stage and opens the door for potential work buddies. Whenever you have a casual conversation with a colleague there's a chance you may find something surprising in common, or even better, they may make a snide comment about work or management. Then you will have a confidant to share your frustrations with, which is huge. But if you do talk negatiely about work with your coworkers, it's important to keep it light and jokey, or else you will allow it to make you even more frustrated. Best to stick to discreetly poking fun at a manager's quirks or the corporation's policies. I would actively avoid anyone who only complains all day because they will only make you feel worse.


Caffeine/sugar: Not just less as mentioned above, but also be a little strategic about it. With caffeine, you will probably be OK reducing the intake about 100 mg every 2 weeks with minimal withdrawal issues. I used to have just one serving in the morning to get the ball rolling. That was my normal baseline since I had a tolerance for it and if I didn't have any I would definitely get a headache. Then I would only have another coffee (thereby doubling my dosage for the day) only if the situation warranted it - an especially bad night of sleep or a long boring meeting coming up. Therefore my caffeine use was way more effective than the people who regularly drank 3 or 4 cups throughout the day, and it had more of a mood improving effect as well. As far as sugar goes, best to avoid it during the day as much as possible in order to avoid the subsequent sluggishness as well as associated health problems, but if you had something coming up that you needed to be extra alert for, a sweet snack could give you a little cognitive boost over the next hour. Save it for when it can actually help you.


Process over product: Don't stress over product deadlines or "it's never going to work" issues or things of that nature. Don't take your work home with you (mentally or literally). Your job is to focus on the most important thing and to do it right. If you have something more important than a dreaded meeting, ask if you can skip the meeting to focus on [more important reason] and sync up with the meeting leader after. Multitasking or switching tasks frequently doesn't work! Better to give management a heads up that X will have to wait until tomorrow so that you have all day to focus on Y and get it done right. Most people don't set aside enough time to check over there work but overall it saves the company money and saves your reputation because everyone makes errors! I've been to so many design reviews where the designer is relying on the reviewers to catch all issues, but if they just spent an hour reviewing it themselves first, they would have saved more total time since there would be 5 or so other people spending valuable time in the review meetings. Anyway all of this is what I think is best for the your and the company's productivity, but more importantly focusing on one thing at a time and doing it well (and letting others worry about the big picture) is what's best for your mental state and job satisfaction.

Email/phone: Email and computer use in general can be terribly inefficient so always be thinking about how you can waste less time on the computer since that is controllable whereas you can't control some other aspects of your job like how long a meeting lasts (unless you annoy colleagues by telling them to get to the point). An email response one sentence long is great, two sentences is good, three sentences is just OK. Longer than that and you have to assume that most typical mangers and sometimes non-managers aren't going to read it all. Therefore if you have something long that you need to convey, if it's one on one make a phone call or stop by their office (1-1 conversations better for mental health vs. staring at a screen!), or if it's a group email reply with a one sentence summary like "I think there could be a problem with X because Y" and say that you can explain more via meeting, Powerpoint, etc, if needed. Finally if you are ever unsure about what someone means in their email, just call them or drop by in person if that will be easier than trying to hash it out via email! For introverts that never talk on the phone this might be tough, I know it was for me, but there should be a habit of using the phone for a quick and clear discussion when email isn't needed.


Basically emulate the coworkers who seem to get a lot of satisfaction from their job, the ones that management loves. They probably are very friendly, have a good amount of energy, are productive, and always know the right things to say to management. They may have the natural personality to behave that way but know that it is a game that can be learned. It's not a particularly fun game but if the end result is that you are satisfied with work rather than depressed about it, it is well worth playing.


Finally do not count down, especially not with 3 years to go. This kind of goes with "process over product" in that you should be living more in the moment when it comes to work. This is difficult for people who are planners outside of work but really you should just be in the mindset of this is where you are right now, who knows how long, but it's not going to be forever. Just do your best day to day and you'll be surprised how fast the time passes.

Seppia
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by Seppia »

ertyu wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 8:30 am
Yes, there is something specific preventing me from working fewer hours.
WOW, so you're constrained to 11 hour days, that's pretty shitty. If it's just due to a long commute, definitely move closer.
With consistent 11 hour days, your quality of life is almost guaranteed to be low (unless you love your job basically)
ertyu wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 8:30 am
Also, I would not call 4,78% "very secure."
You have more than 20 years worth of expenses saved, yes sir you ARE very secure financially.
That doesn't mean it's safe to stop working and go ERE.

George the original one
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by George the original one »

ertyu wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 6:51 am
I have no life outside of my job, and do not want a life outside of my job because of how tired I am all the time. I do not feel able to expend energy and effort on yet another thing.
You know the problem and aren't accepting of the best solution, which means you're stuck. Until you can accept that something has to change, you're not going to become unstuck.

George the original one
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by George the original one »

So having said what I just did above, I'll say that you have one lever you can still pull, unless you've mentally locked that off as well. EXPENSES. If you cut your expenses by slightly less than 1/3rd, you will automatically be able to retire today.

If work is that draining, that insufferable, then you need to devote yourself to finding a way to strip away that extra expense. Consider the ridiculous extremes it may take and not discard the notions; to get out now, you'll need to get uncomfortable!

1taskaday
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by 1taskaday »

Wow what incredible and thoughtful advice from everyone... obviously you have hit a nerve with this topic.

I made myself "numb" working full-time for many years also because I felt I had no energy or life left outside of a boring job.

Now I work 2 days a week...also off for long stretches...and love my life.

Time passes and the goal is worth it if you can just hang in there...not many people can and hence ERE is rare.

I used to always try and have some travel break to look forward to (still do)...I would plan a trip/adventure every 3 weeks...as cheap as possible.

Anyone can last anything for 3 weeks...

Try and plan the whole year out in January...and be brave enough to book them with money down so you can't back out...this always kept me going.

Another thing that always effects my energy levels is constant darkness...the hated month of November especially...can you get winter sun breaks?

Sugar is a definite no no for me and my life improved immeasurably when I went paleo with my diet...forget the effort to excercise for now...just work on diet...takes less energy/motivation to get started.

Above all accept at this moment your just not capable of doing much else because of full-time work...and this is OK for now...you are on a difficult journey to an amazing end goal that will be worth it.

classical_Liberal
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by classical_Liberal »

You're in a negative spiral and are basically blaming it on your job. That may be true, it may not be true. The simple way to figure it out is to quit your F**king job!!! Seriously, you have more than 20 years of expenses saved and your life sounds like hell, but you're going to stick this out for another 2-3 years? You can't afford to not quit. Like, give whatever notice you need to not burn bridges on Monday.

This will do you three immense favors. One, you will determine whether or not it's actually your job dragging you down. If it is, great, problem solved, you have a decade to figure out how to close the budget holes or earn a little income to make yourself FI. If it's not, you have plenty of time and energy to rectify whatever it actually is, no excuses. Two, it will take you out of the addiction of fast accumulation. Yes, I said addiction, because that's what it is, I'm recovering from it right now. You're not even 40 which means you have a good 20-30 productive income generation years left in your life. There is no excuse to believe, at your level of wealth, you need to generate more income "now", or by doing something you absolutely hate. Three, you and many others in the FI-sphere, develope a horrible attitude towards work in general because you hate your job. You think any job will be just as horrible, so you want to get your working life over as quickly as possible. I get it, I've been there. The problem is work's actually not all bad, there are tons of benefits to part-time, intermittent, or lifestyle work that you don't hate. You will never be able to see this clearly in your current mentality.

Just to reiterate, you need to quit. When you're this far down the path of burnout there is no other way. Cutting back on hours, switching roles, trying to "office space" your way through a couple more years, all will only lead to more misery. You need complete separation for a period of at least a few months to clear your mind.
Last edited by classical_Liberal on Sat Nov 30, 2019 5:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IlliniDave
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by IlliniDave »

ertyu wrote:
Sat Nov 30, 2019 7:49 am
Dude. I know. You think I'm so dumb? If I could've done it, I would've done it. That's not what I was asking. I was asking how to deal with the resistance and what could I possibly do to start lifting off so I could potentially make the bandwidth one day. Thanks
I think I responded more directly than you think. I worked 12-hr days for the last three years up until just a few weeks ago. That's probably true for at least 19 of the last 21 years as well. I get it when it comes to long hours over extended durations. My suggestion is still the same. It helps a lot to have more to life than a job, and that's something you just have to do. Many good suggestions have been given and many of them are right in line with what I'm suggesting.

ertyu
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Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by ertyu »

Look, people, I am aware there are many areas of my life I could work on fixing. I am not sure why everyone assumes I have not considered the options and made rational choices about where I am.

Everyone who feels "safe" at 5% WR, I am happy for you, but I also think you are insane. Please do some research on sequence of returns risk and the current economic situation both in the EU and the US with respect to debt build-up and how that is likely to play out. Put climate change on top of this. Listen to Prof. Wade Pfau and others who have researched safe withdrawal rates.

I tried to quit and get another, much lower paid job three years ago. Got fired during probation period. Just because the job is lower paid doesn't mean it won't demand serious work discipline--I think that's where many people have it wrong, they think stepping off the ladder means less work when it really does not. All folks who successfully got "lifestyle jobs" - glad for you, man, but I see you as an exception, right there with the "follow your passion" people and the "if you do what you love, you won't have to work a day in your life" folks. Having this attitude is a luxury for people with safety nets.

I am not one of those people. I am currently geo-arbitraging and working outside of my country of origin, which is a "second world" country. I know what a proper economic crisis is like, and I know what social safety net there is in my country of origin cannot be relied on. I am not eligible for it anyway as I have not worked in my home country and thus have not paid into my country's social security. But even if I were a US/EU citizen, with all the "well, they'll just restructure the pensions" talk, I wouldn't rely on anything from the gvt. EU folks imo have it worse. They are so used to the safety net they can't imagine life without. In many ways, they are way too complacent to the instability of their system.

tl;dr: my problem really is working. I have taken 1-2 mo off between jobs, and during that time, I become cautiously hopeful. I start wanting things for myself, the beginnings of a motivation to work on my life emerges. I have arrived at the conclusion that I need to do my time, even if it means I crash and burn, and that this will be it. In another 2-3 years, we'll be at the bottom of the business cycle all this non-QE is trying to avoid, and I might be out of a job anyway. Really, rationally, what makes the most sense is to do my time, save as hard as I can, last as long as I last and then inshallah.

When I quit my job, I will also have to leave the country where I currently am. I don't see much sense in spending my already limited energy on trying to develop a community here. I deal with clients a lot, so part of my job is people-oriented. I am seriously peopled out by the end of the day and do not want to socialize. I need time on my own to recharge so I can go and do it again the day after. I am not sure why everyone decided I need to be buddies with my coworkers. I do do small talk as I see it as a part of my job. It is one of the aspects of work which is taxing and which I would love to be able to put behind me.

Anyway, I am writing all this justifying myself to people, and I shouldn't. I guess it rankled me that people don't respect the choices I have made about my life as rational and legitimate. Only one person helped with what I actually asked help for: I feel intense aversion and resistance to the job, and day in and day out, not only do I need to actually do my job, I have to force myself through this resistance. How to deal with the resistance? I get it that my subconscious would rather be anywhere but here and do literally anything else. The subconscious doesn't factor in things like "the future" and "delayed gratification", all it knows is that right now, things suck and it'd rather it didn't and we stayed on the couch at home like we get to when we are on vacation.

So, I will try again: please respect that I am not an idiot and I have considered my options. If you wonder why I didn't "just" do Obvious Thing A, it's probably either because I tried a number of times and I couldn't, or because I have eliminated it as an option after serious consideration of my situation. "Just get over yourself and do it man" doesn't help.

Has anyone struggled with the same intense resistance, and what did you do so you didn't have to force yourself through the resistance on top of having to actually do your job?

Really, I have already decided what I want to do. I wonder if anyone has advice with how to psychologically lessen the suck that is having to force myself through the aversion and the intense desire not to do it.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time.

Seppia
Posts: 1199
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:34 am
Location: Italy

Re: How to last another 3 yrs at my job? Advice?

Post by Seppia »

Sorry to be blunt, but you come here, ask for advice and get advice, but it feels like you don’t want to listen.

For example, if you read carefully what I said, you’d have seen that I meant that you are financially secure as in “you have leeway to take some time off or to hardball your employer since you have a pretty big cushion”, not as in “5% SWR is safe”.
This forum is far from being populated by 4% rule mujahidin (quite the opposite actually).

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