What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Simple living, extreme early retirement, being wealthy, ...
Peanut
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by Peanut » Tue Jul 09, 2019 8:54 pm

On the OP topic, I liked what someone posted here about listing all the things you've ever enjoyed doing or think you might enjoy. I had never done that and it made me think back to my childhood, especially about hobbies that I stopped due to circumstance rather than desire. In April I started a musical one of these again and am so glad for it.

Jason
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by Jason » Wed Jul 10, 2019 5:45 am

Peanut wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 8:50 pm
I always liked Dolly Parton's version: "Find out who you are and do it on purpose."
"The Best Little Existential Whorehouse in Texas."

7Wannabe5
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:00 am

Peanut wrote: listing all the things you've ever enjoyed doing or think you might enjoy.
I think that was from a book by Barbara Sher, "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now." She recommends that you forget about all the things that started to concern you in puberty and then resulted in consequences/responsibilities/crisis through mid-life, and focus more on what you liked when you were 10 years old.

IlliniDave
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by IlliniDave » Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:00 am
She recommends that you forget about all the things that started to concern you in puberty and then resulted in consequences/responsibilities/crisis through mid-life, and focus more on what you liked when you were 10 years old.
That's actually profound in it's way, and sort of describes what's happened to me by accident.

7Wannabe5
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:19 am

@IlliniDave:

It is an interesting premise. I tried to follow the program outlined in her book, but found that there were two levels of difficulty. The first problem is that you will never again be as physically healthy as you were at age 10. It is the year of your life in which you are least likely to die. So, some of the things you liked to do when you were 10, such as performing flips on the monkey bars are less possible in your 50s, and some of the things you liked to when you were 10, such as walk to the candy store and buy a big bag of assorted sweets to eat while you read from your stack of library books, are more likely to result in immediate poor outcome, especially if combined with attempt at monkey bars flips.

The second problem with this strategy is that even if you are fully cognizant of the great life-energy expense inherent in the drives that arrived with puberty, if you are somebody who has the appearance of being post-puberty, yet not quite at death's door, and you behave as though you are a happy, healthy 10 year old immersed in creative, curious exploration of personal interests, then other humans will likely behave as though you are signaling "sexy", because you will be like a mature tree running with fresh sap.

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C40
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by C40 » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:25 am

I'm posting this without reading all the replies. My message here is heavily tied to my own considerations on the question. I have friends and family but no ties that require me to be or stay in any certain place or do any certain thing, so probably within the scope of your question.

One strategy is to narrow down the question. It's too broad. When you/we ask "what should I do with my life", the first level is to consider/decide and apply our own values to the question. For some 23 year old people, adventure and discovery is very important and that leads them to wanting to travel and what-not. For others - including some 23 year olds, starting a family and maybe not going to hell are very important, so they do entirely different things. The reason to first ask about what part of your life you want to change is because - while working or not - it's very easy to keep busy on many different things and in the end not get around to the important part. So, make sure to emphasize it.

------------

Aside from that, if simply constructing an overall life, some of the big questions may be (and some of these are coming to mind because they are things I've been contemplating)

  • If live in one place - Where? (plus various sub-questions)
  • If live in once place - What type of home?
  • If want more money - how? If a Job - the same as your career? Something else? What?
  • If want more money - how? Hobbies? Make up some work?
  • How to actually spend your time - hobbies, routines, focus, etc.
  • Relationships (love, friends, acquaintances) - various questions like what you want, how to find those people and foster relationships, etc.
  • Body/fitness - various questions about food, exercise, etc. which would end up having a big impact - for example, if one wants to bicycle a ton, living in a big city is usually horrible for it, and living in a more rural area that also has good roads (or good trails very nearby) can make an incredible difference.

    You could probably add 20+ other questions to this. The thing is to add the questions that matter. The questions could end up being radically different for different people.

    ----------------

    When I quit work, I immediately started on what some consider an adventurous type of travel/life. On one hand, that has been a lot of fun. On the other hand, because I don't see myself doing that for much of my life, I also feel like it has been a distraction and detour from building the life I want.

    I suppose, to answer your actual question about what I would do: I don't really know. Right now I'm thinking I'd love to have:
    - Some land. Room for growing things or doing projects out there
    - A small home
    - A garage and workshop
    - A city/town with 'enough' interesting people. Either my property being inside it, or nearby enough. Some close friends. Lots of friendly acquaintances that result in easy socializing and opportunities for hobby and work stuff.
    - The above all set up so that I feel comfortable leaving for 6+ months at a time. Possibly including 1+ other people living on the property (but not so close that I have to interact with them all the time) that would want to handle the living things and property maintenance while I'm gone.
    - Ways to travel that are efficient, fun, and comfortable enough for what I want at the moment.(Would like to experiment more with travel on motorcycle and bicycle)

CS
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by CS » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:34 am

@7WB5
Well, at ten years old all I wanted to do was to lie in bed and read. And now, forty years later I'm doing that - but now also writing. So the physicality is not an issue. :lol:

@jacob
That article was amazing. When I was kid I would cry when it was time to COME HOME from camp. I think it was for this reason.

Now that my parents are getting older I feel like I'll never escape. Talking to my stepmom, she gave me a firm 'you have to live your own life' (love her). She's right.
IlliniDave wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:29 am
The Midwest has been a big stumbling block for me. My journey leads back, or at least though, there, and it seems no one who isn't there now wants to go there (the main reason I've largely quit dating here in the Southeast--it's pointless given the nearness of my transition), and most potentially compatible people there now are ultimately looking to leave.
The irony I'm now finding is that with climate change and earthquakes, the midwest is not such a bad place to be. It might yet be more popular.
IlliniDave wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:29 am
There's some interesting ideas in this thread about living free of backstory that I need to take some time to think about, although for me I think it's too late.
It might feel too late because you are still enmeshed in your job. It colors everything. Judging that might be easier once you are free of it.
This is related, but I'm not sure how:
I found a refreshing quote that I needed to hear recently "Very successful people say no to nearly everything." This advice floats around in many places, from the The War of Art, to posts on Barking up the Wrong Tree (SO recommend that blog if you want cliff notes on interesting stuff and links to books with the longer, better read). I want to say No to much of my backstory and its demands. I want the courage to get rid of facebook frankly. I might delete the current account and make a new one that only has the friends and not twelve years of postings on it. And use it only as a phone book.
IlliniDave wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:29 am
I think getting up every day and making it the best day you can while maintaining as much openness as possible is enough so that for most of us things will ultimately turn out well.
That is great advice.

CS
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by CS » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:36 am

C40 wrote:
Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:25 am
- The above all set up so that I feel comfortable leaving for 6+ months at a time. Possibly including 1+ other people living on the property (but not so close that I have to interact with them all the time) that would want to handle the living things and property maintenance while I'm gone.
Yes, this. I've been thinking about buying a duplex somewhere and letting a family member stay in the other side in exchange for caretaking duties.

IlliniDave
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by IlliniDave » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:45 am

7wb5,

Yes, clearly you have to take that 10-year-old (I envisioned myself as 8) and in my case modify him to fit into my older-than-dirt physical trappings. So I've tried to rekindle some of that openness and curiosity I had as a kid and use it to refuel the engine. And I feel that it ties somehow to the beginner's mind idea from Zen Buddhism. Not sure I'll signal "sexy" at any point going forward, but I might achieve 'charming eccentric' someday if I keep at it. :D

IlliniDave
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by IlliniDave » Thu Jul 11, 2019 12:22 pm

CS, I've never thought the Midwest was bad myself, I only left because the best job opportunity I found out of college was in Boston. That I never made it back (at least not yet) was mostly an accident. I hope you are right and maybe some will yet remain by the time I arrive next year :lol: . I do have the hedge of owning a small cabin in NE Minnesota at the head of one of the larger watersheds on the planet, but otherwise haven't thought much about climate aside from deciding I want a heated attached garage and a full basement (I belabored that in my journal so will spare everyone here).

Re "too late": I'll have to think about that, but the first thought that comes to mind is that I don't feel like my job has much to do with it. Maybe you are on to something I missed though. Similar to you apparently, it is family that draws me back to the Midwest. My mom passed last year. Some things feel like forever, but if you're like me someday you might wind up wishing forever lasted a bit longer. However I think your stepmom is right. My dad turned 80 last month and increasingly needs help with the day-to-day, which is my current burning platform (sorry for the lame corporate jargon). I've also got grown children (and grandchildren) that live in the middle part of the country so being centrally located helps there. Living free of backstory is something I can only carry so far because of the people who in many ways are that backstory. I've been fortunate to avoid too much personal misfortune, so maybe I'm a more happy to keep ties to the past than a guy deserves to be. At the same time, the thought of getting to start over with a blank page. Sigh ... :)

I like the way you put that about FB--although I do "play along" sometimes, it really is like my phone book.

The travel I envision is generally a lot less than 6 mos, more like 2-4 weeks typically, but some of it will be completely off-grid meaning once I'm gone I'm gone until I get back. So I've stewed about the "what to do about when I'm away" problem quite a lot and for quite a while myself. I don't have a solution yet. My first post-career stop will be locating to an area where I still have a lot of family, so if I get close enough to one of them maybe I can get them to at least check on the place occasionally. It's also going to cost me a good bit of money in the sense I've revised the criteria for a home there to include a much better neighborhood than I priced in to begin with. I guess I could also swallow a little of my introversion and love of solitude and get to know the neighbors as well, that way there's at least people around all the time who have some small reason to look out for me.

bigato
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by bigato » Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:49 pm

At 10 years old I was programming z80 assembly in a zx-spectrum that you'd plug to a tv. Nowadays I'm programming assembly in some of the fastest machines available in the financial industry, worth millions of dollars each. But I'm ready to be done with it :)

C40, my question was vague and broad on purpose as I wanted to learn about the most different types of options available and have inspirations from all the different types of people around. Exploration, not targetting.

And you bring some very interesting points and experiences. I guess again, I'm learning from you in that we share a lot. Sometimes I think that I am about done with the traveling stuff; maybe also done with traveling by bicycle. But lately I'm having these crazy thoughts involving sometimes bicycles, sometimes oceanic kayaks, or small boats. I may also end up thinking that it was mostly a distraction, I don't know. Sometimes i think about volunteering in some of the poorest places on earth for a while.

I like your ideas. We could be neighboors maybe :). Well, just joking, but who knows. I like the idea of the kind of arrangement you describe. I remember that I posted a photo of the view from my place when I bought it back in 2012 and you liked it. Brazil has free universal health care for everybody living within our territory, and in small cities like that is actually good.

I have that land that I bought, and it has a big house and a smaller one. My mother should be retiring at about the same time I will, so I could let her live there if she wants. There's plenty of space for both of my parasitic siblings and maybe by living on the other house I could actually tolerate them all. I'll probably never be able to sell that anymore but I don't think I care that much because by then I'll not even need more money. I could then keep the property and yet do some traveling around every now and then. It is 200 km from a major urban center (Sao Paulo), so a day of biking when I feel like getting social.

Yeah, so those are my answers for my own question for now. Not sure really, the idea of being so free from any kind of attachments is a bit new.

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fiby41
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by fiby41 » Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:29 pm

I don't buy into the 'just be yourself' school of thought. Here's why:
Humans are not static. Right from the moment you walk out of the door, every novel experience is having an impression and the usual one's are reinforcing existing thought patterns.
Are you not being authentic when you use baby talk with a child but dog Latin in a formal setting? The fact is different circumstances warrant different ways of interacting with the environment. Neither of which make you any less of yourself.
Telling someone to be yourself is trying to force uniformity across time.

Jason
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by Jason » Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:04 am

IlliniDave wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 11:15 am
Haha, maybe, but it was objectively accurate.
I saw this and thought of you. Out there in the prairie, as lonely as a pair of small sized men's sweatpants on a Walmart shelf. Hang in there. Apparently its never too late to find love from a decent, mid-Western woman. Even one with her own place and set of wheels.

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/nation ... story.html

IlliniDave
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by IlliniDave » Fri Jul 12, 2019 2:18 pm

Jason wrote:
Fri Jul 12, 2019 9:04 am
... Even one with her own place and set of wheels.
Now you're talking!

CS
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by CS » Sun Jul 14, 2019 12:51 pm

@IlliniDave
The facebook phonebook is not actually my idea, but something I saw Jacob say a while back. Makes perfect sense to me. It can be a positive experience, but often the negative ones outweigh them. Also, the angry politics are only going to get worse and I'm somewhat worn out from them. My mind cannot stop thinking ahead to the horrors we have coming with all the climate refugees coming. Seeing those played out of facebook? No thanks. I feel like if I'm lucky I have fifteen more top notch years to be productive. I selfishly want to spend that time in flow.

I had a house that I left intermittently empty for close to three years. My mom would check out it occasionally (monthly) but nothing untoward happened except huge snowfall that let drifts pile up over the flashing on the chimney. Even then it was only minimal water damage. I had the mail going to a PO Box, which mostly worked except for those stupid weekly community papers. I also had two independent sources of heat in the house just by chance (gas stove with thermostat in the 'great room' in addition to the furnace, whose starter would fry every three years like clockwork.) The biggest risk was losing the house insurance if the company determined it was empty.

2-4 weeks away from a residence should not be a problem.

bigato
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Re: What would you do with your life if you were FI and had no ties with anybody?

Post by bigato » Sun Jul 14, 2019 4:58 pm

I deleted my facebook in december and have no regrets, much the opposite. Didn't miss a thing and my mind feels clearer.

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