m741's ERE Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
m741
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

January 2019

An interesting month - the first (and only, for now) month without working, traveling, or moving. It still ended up being pretty busy, picking up lots of different furniture on craigslist, and so on. But we've basically filled out the entire house and I don't anticipate any more furniture purchases, unless we do a "swap" and buy/trade something to replace something crappy we got initially got. We're also stocked up with a lot of Costco bulk food, spices, toiletries, etc. The house is very cozy now and I'd estimate that we spent a total of about $10,000 on the move, the only expensive purchases of which were the car ($5500), mattress ($250), and sofa ($700).

Finance

I now have two consecutive months of actual net worth (rather than interpolations). With the market recovery, I've seen my net worth increase by 4%. This is more than half the dip since July, and it's a relief. That said, more than the dip/gain, what is weirdest at this level of savings is that you don't really have "X amount" saved, since the market fluctuates so much. There's no baseline. Tiny changes also dwarf any kind of expenses or (most) income.

Although I have as clear a picture as possible of net worth, I'm not in a good position to understand my expenses right now. February I will be tracking all expenses, and hope to continue that for March and April at least. This should give me a baseline for "Seattle expenses". It's also an opportunity to trim out unnecessary expenses. My lack of understanding expenses makes me fundamentally nervous.

Probably the biggest thing of all, was that I sat down with my girlfriend and we had a very open, honest and productive discussion of finances. I'd put this off for so long, with lots of excuses both valid and not, but now we're 100% of the same page. I really should have done this 2+ years ago, but she's fully up to speed on the FIRE community and everything.

Finally, I will begin work in mid-February. I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it. Maybe a little more of the latter.

Goals

I'll run through the goals I listed in my megapost, and my progress:

* I've spent 28 hours playing guitar, 8 hours more than necessary. This is with a goal of 200 hours per year.
* I created 6 "creative works," 4 less than my goal. More on this later.
* I studied Spanish for 35 hours, when my goal was 30. These hours were not nearly as structured as I'd like, but I feel like I have a good routine.
* I ran 29 miles, when my target was 40. I'm OK letting this lag a little, since I plan on running to/from work most days once I start working.
* Embarrassingly, I've done only 220 pushups from a goal of 1320. This is weird, because they're so quick to do, but I was able to procrastinate an awful lot.
* My weight is basically unchanged. I think my diet is getting healthier though, I've begun intermittent fasting (for a week now), I drink lots of water and I take vitamins. I'm going to slowly cut quantity of food eaten, but I expect to see progress catch up to my habits in February.
* I read 6 graphic novels when my target was 2. This is way ahead of the curve. I've actually read a lot more than this, since a few of the longer series I'm reading are almost complete.
* I watched 4 influential movies (Battleship Potemkin, Nosferatu, Duck Soup, Bicycle Thieves), when my goal was 5.
* I completed 3 video games (Sniper Elite 4, Brothers, Pyre) when my target was 1.5.
* I am ahead on my Kiva loans.

These are all my tracked goals. I think I will be altering a few of them. I realized that (A) I'm spreading myself too thin, and (B) I need to have concrete things to aspire to. To that end, I wrote out some of the things I'd like to do this year. These include: record a blues album (nothing fancy, but I'd like to have 5-8 songs recorded and mixed at the end of the year); write a (bad) novel (during NaNoWriMo); weigh 160 pounds; take and (hopefully) pass the DELE B2 exam for Spanish; run a 45 minute 10k; donate/loan/save various amounts of money; publish an Android app; complete 2x Ludum Dares (game hackathons). If at the end of the year I've done all that I'll be pretty proud of myself.

With this in mind, I will not be pushing myself on woodworking or the art stuff and cutting the "Creative Works" goal. Guitar (and programming) is my primary creative focus right now. Trying to get better at visual arts and woodworking basically triples the amount of disciplines I need to study.

Thoughts

With all this stuff going on, I've actually been very lazy. I'm a bit lethargic and unmotived many days though I sometimes power through. I asked in another thread about personal mission, something that becomes a noticeable void when you stop working. My fundamental problem is one of meaninglessness - I'm not driven to complete any particular project, and as a result my days don't feel urgent and I don't really want to do a whole lot. I'm still thinking about how to deal with this. I think it comes down to two things: first, I didn't have concrete goals. Now that I think about playing guitar in order to record an album, I have some motivation. I'm happy with my goals for guitar, Spanish, weight, NaNoWriMo, Android and my financial goals. I've had these formulated for 2 weeks to a month. But I've been blocked by the next step, which is that I'm *so far* from accomplishing my goals. I'm plunking away at guitar, but don't have a clear map to follow; the same goes for basically every goal except for NaNoWriMo and the financial goals. I don't have a clear picture of what to study for Spanish; I don't know how to publish an Android app; and I haven't made progress on my weight. So immediately in the next 2-3 days I *need* to figure out what the next few months look like.

That's about it. I won't list out monthly goals for February since I haven't figured them out (beyond those generated automatically, like the bullets above).

suomalainen
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by suomalainen »

Not sure if the meaninglessness question is basically mooted by your going back to work. Work provides a nice outlet for a number of things that trip human good feelings - sociability, accomplishment, approval, etc. (which are the same feelings that "meaning" produces?). Maybe when you stop working again, you can search for something (new) meaningful to fill the time. But don't go getting preggers in a search for meaning. That's a very long-term solution to what I see as a short-term problem of what am I going to do today (or for the foreseeable future)?

m741
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

@Suomalainen - Yes, I expect that the sense of meaninglessness will recede once I go to work - work provided a way to dodge such questions historically: it won't be as pressing. And I certainly don't intend to have a kid simply to address this question (or really for any reason connected to this), though I do think I'd like to have a kid. I don't think that kids are an actual "solution" to this existential problem, so while a kid may become my top priority he/she would not resolve the underlying existential issue.

----

I did have a compelling realization today as I was doing the dishes, if you'll bear with me on the psychology here. As a kid I was always told I was very smart. Incidentally, this is advised against in parenting books these days, since it encourages a "fixed" mindset, and I've noticed the exact posited pathology in myself... It wasn't until I was embarrassingly old (really, maybe 6 years ago) that I realized how huge a population of "very smart" people there are. And there's of course an even bigger population of people who my not even be smart, but who are sufficiently motivated, who do very impressive things such as starting businesses or writing a book - things that I would consider very successful which require more gumption, vision, focus than brainpower.

I've noticed over the past year or so that my mindset, for as as long I can remember, has been one which believes that 99.9% of people are not living "meaningful" lives. That's not due to spite; I grouped myself into that category. I think now there's something quite sick about this mindset. But what I realized is that my mindset was akin to the old quote about the American public as "temporarily embarrassed millionaires." I think I've always viewed myself, subconsciously, as a "temporarily embarrassed genius." And this has both motivated me and in all honesty driven me in directions that are probably unhealthy - a need to prove myself, to at least be a footnote in history or deliver something of lasting substantial value. This top-down thinking seems both increasingly unrealistic, as well as unproductive framing.

I'm curious to hear if other people had similar experiences, came to a similar realization, have learned even more than this, etc.

classical_Liberal
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

m741 wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:17 am
I'm curious to hear if other people had similar experiences, came to a similar realization, have learned even more than this, etc.
I'm not sure how old your are, journal started "in early 20's", so I have a rough guess. I think this type of realization, ie I probably wont change the world, or be the next [insert hero here], is a normal transition in late 20's. At least it was for me, and many in my social network. Reality, wrt how the world actually is, begins to set in.

herp
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by herp »

m741 wrote:
Thu Jan 31, 2019 6:56 pm
I'm happy with my goals for guitar, Spanish, weight, NaNoWriMo, Android and my financial goals. I've had these formulated for 2 weeks to a month. But I've been blocked by the next step, which is that I'm *so far* from accomplishing my goals. I'm plunking away at guitar, but don't have a clear map to follow; the same goes for basically every goal except for NaNoWriMo and the financial goals. I don't have a clear picture of what to study for Spanish; I don't know how to publish an Android app; and I haven't made progress on my weight.
I think perhaps trying to break down your goals further could be helpful. Think of it like programming - what is the next function I'll need to write? What class should I make now? Having recently finished moving as well (although over a tiny distance), this mindset really helped me get through everything in a state where my mental health still isn't great, but slowly improving. I set goals on a day to day basis.

Hristo Botev
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by Hristo Botev »

m741 wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:17 am
I'm curious to hear if other people had similar experiences, came to a similar realization, have learned even more than this, etc.
Dante famously had this realization at mid-life, about the age of 35, FWIW. “In the middle of the journey of our life I found myself within a dark woods where the straight way was lost.”

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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by jacob »

Confucius said: "At fifteen my heart was set on learning(*); at thirty I stood firm(**); at forty I had no more doubts(***); at fifty I knew the will of heaven(****); at sixty my ear was obedient(*****); at seventy I could follow my heart's desire without overstepping the boundaries of what was right(******)."

(*) Conscious intellectual incompetence.
(**) Conscious intellectual competence.
(***) Unconscious intellectual competence (& unconscious moral incompetence).
(****) Conscious moral incompetence.
(*****) Conscious moral competence.
(******) Unconscious moral competence.

Add: Read intellectual as what has to do with thinking (T) and moral as what has to do with feeling (F).

Smashter
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by Smashter »

classical_Liberal wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:48 am
I think this type of realization, ie I probably wont change the world, or be the next [insert hero here], is a normal transition in late 20's.
Same. It definitely hasn't been easy for me, as anyone who read the dark ramblings in my journal can attest. I'm slowly doing better with it all, though.

Also, I love that Dante quote, I'm surprised I've never heard it before.

suomalainen
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by suomalainen »

Same. Mid 30s for me. I was a special snowflake until I got hit by a car. Surprise, the world didn't stop. No one (but a very select few) gave a shit whether I lived or died.

take2
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by take2 »

First off, just want to say how much I’ve enjoyed your journal. I blasted through it about a year ago when you were preparing to leave work and embark on your journey.

I gather we’re around the same age (I’m 30) and I can attest to your “realization”. I suppose you can go the pure nihilist way (a la brute) and decide that nothing really matters. However, I personally don’t find that to be very beneficial. After all, even if you won’t change the world, or leave your mark in some significant way you still have many more years left on this planet.

Personally I reframed my view such that whilst I may not be a “genius”, I am quite competent and confident that I can achieve whatever I want. Perhaps not as great as others, perhaps not to a level that’s “life changing”, but “enough” for me.

Combine that with FI and you get the freedom to chase whatever it is you want to. You may never be Jimmy Hendricks but publishing an album or even just playing good music for family and friends is “enough”. You worked hard for it and can share the fruits of your labor with those that you love.

For example - I know I’ll never be the fastest or strongest guy but I still get up at 6am to work out. Not to win a competition but because it makes me feel better and pushes me closer to the man I perceive (aspire?) myself to be.

No one will remember your name 50-70 years after you’re dead. That can scare you or you can realize that you’ll be dead anyway so what does it matter? What I think matters is how did you live your life while you were alive? Did you live up to what you aspired to be? Note I don’t mean that your aspirations should be based on external validations (like if your name is in the history books) but rather your own internal drive.

DutchGirl
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by DutchGirl »

jacob wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:20 pm
Confucius said: "At fifteen my heart was set on learning; at thirty I stood firm; at forty I had no more doubts; at fifty I knew the will of heaven
Confucius was quite the braggart, wasn't he?

As for the Spanish learning... would it help to find someone local to practise your Spanish with? In return you could perhaps help them with English.

jacob
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by jacob »

While it sounds arrogant, I don't think it's conceited.

Jason

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by Jason »

Personally, I think Confucius was full of shit, but I admire his firmness of belief.

suomalainen
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by suomalainen »

@jace Dunning-Kruger, etc

Jason

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by Jason »

Yeah, I know. Everyone tells me I have it.

m741
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

February 2018

A big month for me - I returned to work two weeks ago, after about 10 months off. I also traveled to Chicago (for a wedding) and to San Jose (for work).

Work

I started working again on the 19th. It started with some training in California, and I've been working in earnest for about a week now. It's been a bit strange - returning to the same company, it feels so familiar, but I'm also quite detached. The team I'm on has an interesting mandate and there's lots of opportunities to learn - and I think more opportunities than I expected to lead. It feels like a fairly soft team within a stronger organization, but that's just my impression after a week. Right now I'm just trying to be productive and there's an awful lot of background to pick up on.

My biggest problem is that I'm unsure what direction I want to go. It may be waaay to early to speculate, but I feel like there's an opportunity to be a leader, or to specialize in a more technical role. I'll have a clearer picture in a month, but I do wish I had stronger feelings about what I wanted to learn (leadership vs technical). Maybe it's a false dichotomy and I can pick up on both.

On a more psychological front, I realized that I missed the flow of programming (particularly today, when I finally settled into a good IDE and had some sense of the tools available). I'm rusty but I'm not as out-of-practice as I feared. There's also a definite comfort in having employer health insurance, and all the core financial perks for tax optimization and savings (401k, HSA, etc).

It's only a week but I'm also happy with the details around work. It's as reasonable as I'd hoped to run to/from work, there are showers at work, and I'm currently working from about 7:45 through 5:30. The Seattle weather has been cool but pretty. I can run along the water and either run or walk through some appealing, hip areas of the city. Of course it's still the honeymoon phase after a week, but I'm happy right now.

Finances

Because of the biweekly pay cycle, I was not paid in February. Meaning that March should be quite good, as I'll also get a relocation bonus (something I wasn't expecting when I accepted the job but which I'm treating like a starting bonus). In spite of the lack of pay, I saw my savings rise because of the stock market recovery. I'm also looking more into my savings in combination with the gf, whose finances are in pretty bad shape (horrendous student loans). I'm looking to help pitch in with her on this as I think it will yield a lot of dividends in the future.

I also tracked expenses through the month; they were about $4,050. Of that, rent is $2,250. There were a large number of unusual expenses this month (domain name renewal, VPN renewal, attending a wedding and booking future weddings), so I expect expenses to be down next month, but I want to establish a baseline for a few months.

I've also been listening to a lot of podcasts. I had a few episodes of Mad Fientist to catch up on, and there's a pretty decent podcast called "Financial Freedom with Grant Sabatier". Nothing too groundbreaking on either, but Mad Fientist in particular has a similar career trajectory as I do, and has grappled with similar concerns.

Goals

It's been tougher on the goal front. Of course part of that is adjusting to work, but I was traveling for a week and a half of the month, during which I couldn't practice guitar, etc. Here's what my progress looks like relative to my targets:

https://imgur.com/a/zmUmvOD

I'm obviously running much more regularly, guitar progress has been steady, and I'm more regular with pushups (but still lagging). Spanish has plateaued a bit, but in part it's simply that I set much more aggressive goals there. Here's where I stand in February.

* I've spent 40 hours practicing guitar; my target was 36. I slowed down because of some joint pain and had to take a break while traveling.
* I've spent 53 hours studying Spanish, right in line with my goal, but I haven't studied as much as I hoped to recently.
* I've run 60 miles so far this year, but my goal was 72. I expect to cross my target this week while commuting to/from work. At the end of this upcoming week I'm going to start doing some interval training while commuting.
* I've only only done 1000 pushups out of a goal of 5500. I just find it awkward and a little embarrassing to do pushups so it's like a "when I remember, in secret" kind of thing. I need to get over that.
* My weight has been all over the place. I'm probably healthier than I was at the beginning of the month, but somehow I gained 5 pounds in the middle of the month. I don't know how it happened, my eating pattern didn't change; it almost feels like a scale glitch. Two days ago I had the chance to do a formal body composition test, which measured me at 29% bodyfat (and also with stronger/heavier bones than 95% of the population). I'm glad I did this as it provides a good baseline with my return to work, but it's also a wakeup call.
* I've read 8 graphic novels my target was 4.5. I finished Transmetropolitan (good, but got tiring), Fun Home (eye-opening), and I'm reading The Sandman, Saga and Hellboy.
* I saw 7 movies; my target was 10. This month I watched Free Solo (amazing) and City Lights (Chaplin, good).
* I've completed 4 video games; my target was 2.7. I decided to count Age of Empires II campaigns as "games" in my accounting. I'm fine adding more games to the set of options, even without raising my goals. AoE2 is my favorite game but I always just played random maps, I had never completed a campaign. There's a ton of campaigns, each with 6-10 hours of gameplay. I completed Attila the Hun and I'm working on El Cid.
* I'm ahead of my goal target on Kiva loans.

So all-in-all I'm in pretty good shape, but I cannot get complacent. In March, I will focus on weight (I've just started doing some calorie tracking), pushups, and Spanish. I expect running to take care of itself, and I think I'll be fine with guitar as well.

I'm deprioritizing the 'consumption' stuff a bit more, since on the whole I think it's more likely to take care of itself. I'm not sure how I want to adjust graphic novels; I may bump my target goal, while including books in a broader category. On my runs audiobooks and podcasts are perfect and it's easy to check out digital audiobooks from the library. We'll see.

I plan to continue tracking finances in March. I'll be double-checking my HSA, 401k, etc to make sure I'm taking full advantage of each. As I mentioned, I previously closed my lending club account, converted an inherited IRA, and now consolidated an estate account. I'm in the process of closing the converted inherited IRA by transferring funds to other savings/brokerage accounts. I'm also going through all the usual tax stuff you'd expect at this time of year. I'm going to begin doing some volunteering as well - helping out elderly/disabled people in my neighborhood. Unfortunately, there's some training I need to do, but I'm signed up to complete that in March.

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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by theanimal »

I used to/still occasionally find it awkward to do push ups/burpees/whatever in front of others. No need to feel ashamed I've done my fair share in hiding. But usually there are other people interested in doing it once you start or if you challenge them to do it. There might be some puzzlement and a few laughs but if you are confident and get to it people don't care. Maybe not so much in an office environment but I imagine there's at least one person who'd join. Eventually you become known as the guy who will bust out pushups or burpees whenever and it no longer comes as a surprise to others. In my experience, there comes a point where others actually initiate and look for me to do them as well.

Glad to hear the progression on the rest of your goals and the transition into work have gone well!

m741
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

March 2019

Work

I'm back at work and now it's been about a month of real non-training work. I'm enjoying it.

My team is very laid-back, more than I am. I was worried it would be a team of super-geniuses (given the area of software development), but I feel I have a lot of opportunities to contribute something of value. There are a few opportunities to learn some really cool stuff. I was a little hesitant to push forward on that but over the next few weeks will be making the case why I am the right person to work on these things.

I didn't realize how much I missed the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day - even when what I'd accomplished was somewhat arbitrary. Of course, I don't want to go overboard: it's the first month and although I think i'm being rational it could also be the honeymoon phase. I think a lot will depend on how recalcitrant teammates are and how fast I can execute on what I want to.

Finances

Finances are steadily improving. I got my relocation bonus and some standard paychecks. It's nice to be contributing to my accounts again. In particular it's nice to start working towards maxing out tax-advantaged accounts. If we look at the past year, from 4/1/2018 (raght after I quit my job and collected my last paycheck) through starting again but before I got a paycheck (3/1/2019), it was actually almost exactly flat (I was up $4k). That's including a trip for two around the world, buying a van, moving and living in Seattle for ~4 months.

In the past month I'm up 3.6% in net worth, about 60% of that is from income/bonus and 40% from the market. I'm still down a bit from my peak at the beginning of October.

My expenses were down $500 to $3500 for the month; that includes donations. It's very difficult to get accurate numbers here since the gf and I have a relatively arbitrary split of finances (in her favor), so if she happens to purchase plane tickets (or I do) the numbers can vary a noticeable amount. I need to think about the best way to proceed.

The good news is that in the next few months I have a few things that will finally knock 100-$200 off my recurring expenses (on the other hand, my rent will increase).

Goals
Overall progress charts: https://imgur.com/a/zxeretJ
* I've spent 54 hours practicing guitar; my target was 54. My joint pain has disappeared but I spent a week without practicing due to travel and post-travel fatigue.
* I've spent 74 hours studying Spanish, but my target was 80. Again, I feel lazy when sitting on a plane: I should be studying flash cards.
* I've run 115 miles so far this year, my goal was 106. I am ahead due to regular running to and from work. If I run both ways (one is seriously uphill), then I do 5 miles per day. Currently I have some lower back pain, probably from poor posture and so much sitting at work. I think the tipping point was running with slightly too much weight in my backpack. I'm taking it easy for a few days. I ran a 10k in late March and hit a time of 51:25, which I was super-proud of. That's ahead of schedule, but I've eaten poorly since; once I feel comfortable running and focus on weight I think I will make further progress. I have a race at least every 2-3 months; my next target will be <50:00.
* I have not done any further pushups. :( Sorry, theanimal.
* My weight has been all over the place. I was doing well and then BAM travel and birthday stuff really blew it out.
* I've read 12 graphic novels; my target was 7. I finished 100 Bullets (good but a little confusing), and Superman: Red Son (good but not as good as its premise). I'm still reading The Sandman, Saga and Hellboy. I'll probably finish Sandman this month.
* I did not watch any more movies from my list.
* I've completed 5 video games; my target was 4. I finished the El Cid campaign on AoE2.
* I'm ahead of my goal target on Kiva loans. I think I will actually hit my target without additional contributions (just diligent reinvestment), but I think I want to take a step back and not bump my target, since I've heard that microfinance is not actually as effective as initial reports suggested.
* I've started calorie-counting and doing some basic logging of sleep quality and mood (and weight). I've been inconsistent, but it's helpful. I'd like to at least get that right.

I will be reformulating my goals this month. There are a few I intend to drop and a few tweaks I want to make to be more focused. I'll recap that in April's updates.

m741
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

April 2019

Work/Life

It's been a busy month, with a week of travel and assorted other stuff. I'm still pretty happy at work, and I think I'm in a good position to really focus on some cool areas of program I've long been interested in (but never looked at).

One thing that's been surprisingly nice is that I only a week ago picked up the free unlimited transit pass offered through work. It's apparently a very common perk here in Seattle and having all public transit open on an unlimited basis is something I've never experienced before (except a week in Vienna). When I was in the NYC metro area, I was living in Jersey City and there was no trans-Hudson unlimited transit pass. My commute is maybe 30 minutes with the transit pass and it's easy to get downtown as well.

Finances

A very productive month. I saw net worth increase by ~2%; it's now at an all-time high for me. I also maxed out my HSA for the year. There's something that feels great about hitting the max for retirement accounts that's so rewarding. I also contribute very heavily to my 401k. Besides that, I made a number of long over-due changes (something that I will continue to work on through May):

* Donated about $6k in individual stocks to my personal Donor Advised Fund (tax-free donation of equity gains). This is part of a long-term goal to get rid of individual equities.
* Purchased additional gold ETFs.
* Emptied the last inherited IRA (it was closed in December but I still had all the funds sitting in Fidelity, which is OK, rather than Vanguard, which is best-in-class).
* Set up backdoor Roth 401k. This is something Vanguard plans with my employer offer: automatic conversion of post-tax contributions to Roth. I think they made it easier since I last worked. I want to max out the post-tax contributions this year.
* Moved substantial amount of cash-like holdings around. I had a lot of Vanguard money sitting in settlement funds, which have like .4% lower annual returns than the best Vanguard money market funds. I had cash also sitting around in other accounts, which I've mostly moved into the appropriate vanguard funds.
* Switched to a Vanguard admiral fund. I think Vanguard lowered capital requirements for admiral funds, so I converted one holding over.

In May/June, I want to figure out the best way of visualizing my holdings by asset class across tax-advantaged and non-tax-advantaged funds, then figure out what ratio I want to average into. Something like the "Golden Butterfly" seems like a nice setup, but I'm pretty far from that right now.

Goals

My progress on goals this month has been... bad. I haven't focused and lagged in a number of areas. I have a busy May and June ahead so this will require a lot of discipline, but I'm ready to crack down and try to catch up.

classical_Liberal
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

Yeah, Vanguard lowered admiral to 3K for a whole slew of their funds recently. I converted a couple of smaller, niche funds myself. Can't complain about lower expenses.

Don't be too hard on yourself wrt to goals. Starting work again is a big life-change that takes some getting used to. I really envy the way you've set up your life since through this journal. You take long periods off when you need them, travel when it suits you, and pick up challenging work when you want it. You are very much one of the ERE success stories I hope to emulate in the coming years.

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