bigato's journal

Where are you and where are you going?
Nicolino
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by Nicolino »

Haha, being vegan in Argentina will probably be not easy! Hope you watch out for your safety and your stuff while riding there, but I guess you are familiar with those things coming from Brazil. I have seen so many cases of long term travelers having their stuff stolen in my country, can´t help but feel a lot of shame anytime I read one of those cases.

If your wondering through Chile brings you to Santiago, I am more than happy to buy you a beer and hear your stories first-hand!

niemand
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by niemand »

bigato wrote:
Mon Jan 14, 2019 10:05 am
... salt and lemon ...
Get some tequila in the next town, breakfast of champions :D
Jokes aside, your cycling trip sounds wonderful, makes me think of the young Ernesto Guevara on his Latin America trip, although they went by motorbike.

m741
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by m741 »

Hey bigato, glad to hear you're enjoying yourself. If you make it to Lima, there's an amazing vegetarian (nearly vegan) restaurant, which was one of our favorite places to eat over 7 months. I think it was $3.50 USD for a three course meal w/drink:

Restaurante Vegetariano SAYEL
Calle Cantuarias 285, Lima 15074, Peru

Scott 2
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

What would you do if a professional did place you well into the autism spectrum? I think I'd land there as well, but haven't seen any benefit to getting a diagnosis. I have found benefit from reading books about people dealing with aspergers and the coping strategies they use in life. I suppose a professional could offer more direct instruction in those mechanisms. I've probably found more benefit from my wife reading those books and understanding that I'm really wired differently, not just trying to make her crazy.

Work is the best option I have found for reliable in access to do interesting things with really smart people. It's one of the top factors that keep me working. I do find working remote provides enough interaction to satisfy that need.
Last edited by Scott 2 on Thu Feb 07, 2019 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

suomalainen
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by suomalainen »

Either of you read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time? I don't think I'm on the spectrum, but my anxiety resonated with the lead character and I found it oddly soothing to read the part where he gets over-stimulated and basically shuts down in a baggage closet. I like to hide like that sometimes too.

Scott 2
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

I have not. The book my wife and I first read was:

The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

It was a life changing read for me. There were a lot of parallels to our relationship.

classical_Liberal
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

bigato wrote:
Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:54 pm
Another thing that could potentially happen...
The deeper I get into ERE, the more options that present themselves. You obviously have a ton! I'm learning this can be a double edged sword, though. At least for me. Too many options seems to have lead me to an analysis paralysis situation, so inertia always seems to win the day.

Given you've been doing this for a good deal longer, I'm curious how you decide what commitments to take on, how you limit/screen your options. Specifically, the nonfinancial factors you consider.
bigato wrote:
Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:54 pm
My life has been so much happier in the past two years
This makes me believe you are doing something right.

classical_Liberal
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

@bigato
Thanks for the thoughtful response.

I don't necessarily subscribe to a hedonist philosophy regarding decisions (pleasure/pain only), but I like the Maslow idea. I think you are correct in that the the bottom portions have been filled, hence the increasing difficulty committing/deciding on new path(s).

I have seen Kahnman referenced on these boards before, so maybe I should bite the bullet and read it, thanks for the recommendation.

Scott 2
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

I've been hesitant to anchor on a neuroatypical identity in the work place. I suspect people carry biases that would hurt me more than any benefits from special programs. I have pushed to accommodate my unique wiring when negotiating working conditions, and that has gone ok. In hindsight - before I understood my higher sensitivity to stimulus and poor ability to navigate social cues, I pursued a lot of unnecessarily stressful work situations. I was able to fall back on my analytical strengths to get through them, but I suffered for it.

You have great points on the difficulty of self-diagnosing and being blind to the unknown unknowns. One consistent message I found, is that if you've met one person with autism, you know one person with autism. The traits that express, and coping strategies that will be most effective, are unique to the individual. I can see a good professional being very helpful there. My own imperfect model of the world includes a dislike for bringing new people into my life, so I haven't pursued it.


My wife and I have worked out a stable set of accommodations over the 20 years we've known each other. She definitely has to make trade offs on the social side. I encourage her to do things with friends that don't involve me. Sometimes I also go do things with her, where we are both perfectly clear - I am not going to enjoy it. The only intent of me going is to make her happy and I focus on it. Ironically, being tasked like that can make overwhelming environments more palatable.

I also need her to be much more blunt in communication than most people will tolerate. Just tell me how it is, if my feelings appear I'll ignore them, and we can act on full information. Otherwise there's a good chance I'll ignore the message. It's become comfortable for us, but does sometimes bleed into her other relationships with negative consequences. Immediate and direct feedback is not welcomed by everyone.

For me personally, empathy doesn't work very well. With time, I intellectually understand where it should be triggered and can exhibit roughly correct responses, but it's really tough to truthfully feel it. That's especially true during face to face interaction. We've been together long enough that she knows this feature is broken and accepts it. She doesn't always enjoy it, but I don't have to pretend.

We also have worked out scripts for the interactions that are emotionally important to her, that I might not automatically demonstrate. The fact that I take the time to learn and provide them shows I care, even if the wiring isn't there.

Anyway, if you might be wired different, I do think there's a lot of benefit to exploring it. This is a video about it in the software development that I enjoyed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrQeAwe4_xw

Scott 2
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by Scott 2 »

I have a hard time with similar faces as well.

Related is eye contact. I've put a lot of energy into memorizing normal patterns, but I have to remember to use them. I have little natural impulse to look someone in the eye, and it makes people think I don't value them.

One of the things I really like about working remote, is it puts me on more even footing with nuerotypical brains. When communication is over instant message, the signals I cannot process well are not available to anyone.

When my wife and I explored the idea that I am probably autistic, we uncovered a lot of compensatory behaviors I had developed over the years. She was unaware of many, and others, I hadn't even recognized weren't normal.

I think when you disclose to friends or family unfamiliar with the topic, it challenges their preconceived notions and limited understanding of autism as a spectrum. Much easier to dismiss you as imagining something that doesn't exist

Interestingly - I know a couple people that are relatively well versed in the topic. My behavioral traits seem obvious to them. I guess the are some speech patterns that present as well, which I don't fully understand. One day I should learn what they are and how to talk without them, but it hasn't been a big problem for me.

classical_Liberal
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

bigato wrote:
Fri Feb 08, 2019 4:06 pm
It's one of these models of how the world work that I have kept in my head for many years, but while it sounds very simplistic, I haven't found how to challenge it. So I'd be very interested in your perspective on this!
It's taken awhile for me to respond to this, because I don't have a good answer. Just a "gut feeling" (for lack of a better phrase) that there is more to a happy life. I think you are correct in that their isn't a good intellectual counterpoint to the Hedonistic model once a person realizes/concedes their likely is not a special purpose for individuals in the universe. This, by the way, it where religiousity come into play for many, or parenthood for many more. Creating that special individual purpose, where before there was a vacuum.

However, as I mature in my adult human years, it becomes obvious that almost meaningless human activities, small drops in an infinite bucket, do matter. I do not believe I have yet reached a point where I can aptly articulate this in a logical sense. However, I think this recent comment from JLF is a good starting point.
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=863&start=627

They day may come where I can better articulated this sense of feeling or morality, but I have not reached it yet. However, I no longer believe acceptance of an extremely minute role in universal history should directly lead to the hedonism/nihilism. There is something better. Something I haven't yet fully grasped, yet I know it's there. This breeds, the ever dangerous, idea of hope related to purpose.

George the original one
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by George the original one »

bigato wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:14 pm
Also, I just though that I wouldn't know how to falsify this theory of everything we do being driven by either escaping pain or seeking pleasure. And that's usually a bad sign that often means that something is just a false oversimplification.
We take on challenges that often invoke pain or anguish because we get joy from conquering.

jacob
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by jacob »

I've built stuff out of cardboard boxes before. One issue is that humidity eventually wears it down. That will probably take longer with a honeycomb structure.

For wooden solutions, see
https://www.amazon.com/How-Build-Grid-B ... 865716137/
https://www.amazon.com/Nomadic-Furnitur ... 764330241/
https://www.amazon.com/Guerilla-Furnitu ... 612123031/

For really old school furniture design, the keyword is campaign furniture. I have no book sources for that, but civil war reenactment/reconstruction comes close https://www.amazon.com/Civil-War-Woodwo ... 1933502282 ...

prognastat
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by prognastat »

I don't think spending even if it's a decent amount on hobbies has to be bad, but definitely want to keep it down by only spending on a few I feel are important to me and after I've done plenty of research. I research lots of things and often end up after spending a decent amount of time looking into it never moving forward with it. In those cases I still get some enjoyment out of exploring the concept though.

I have two categories for food myself. One for food I make myself by getting ingredients from the grocery store and combining them to make a meal and the other for everything not from the grocery store. This includes anything from restaurants, bars, fast food, vending machines etc. I'm mostly lenient in counting almost everything from the grocery store as grocery store food just for simplicity's sake in tracking. I don't tend to get a lot of ready made food from the grocery store though as most of it is done through meal prep making meals for the week on the weekend.

BookLoverL
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by BookLoverL »

I unfortunately don't have any advice regarding ventilation, but I hope you manage to end up with a housing situation you like. I guess a big factor would be a) how much do you value sunlight, and b) if there is bad management at the one place, how much will it affect you as a tenant.

classical_Liberal
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

Humm... I've never lived in anything without at least basement window access. Although I'm a big noise snob because I often sleep during the day due to overnight shifts at work, so that idea has tons of appeal to me. I guess I've never worried about ventilation because I always just go outside when I want fresh air. On the other side of things, I've had horrible rental management companies before, a couple of times. It was a huge headache, one had me threatening legal action. Since that time I have refused to rent from anyone/company that either has a bad reputation (I was warned about the worst one, but since I'm such a good tenant didn't think it'd be an issue) or that I get a bad vibe from. Given my personal experience, I'd say go with the small, quiet one with a good rental company. Besides, you sound more enthusiastic about that place... but that is all based on personal experience, so YMMV.

2Birds1Stone
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by 2Birds1Stone »

I put a high value on fresh air, even in my little basement apartment. We need to run a dehumidifier most of the time we are not home during the humid summer months, and tend to keep all windows open when it's drier/cooler out. Mold scares the crap out of me.

Btw, I went back and reread your whole journal yesterday/this morning. What an incredible journey, bigato. Thank you for your contributions to this forum.

George the original one
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by George the original one »

2nd underground level? I would be concerned about the fire escape situation.

thrifty++
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by thrifty++ »

To be honest, the underground apartment sounds really awful. I could never do it personally. It sounds like a prison cell. I think it is important for you to have some natural light and a bit of space. And poor internet and no cell phone coverage. I would feel depressed living somewhere like that. And I would be feeling worried about ventilation and air.

Are there some better options than this for you? Is it worth the savings?

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Bankai
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Re: bigato's journal

Post by Bankai »

The underground cell sounds extreme. Very few humans in history chose to live underground, and probably for good reasons. No option to look through the window or just open it to let some fresh air in. You'll be spending there each night and at least a couple of hours of each day, how confident are you your feelings about the cell won't change once you spend some time there? Is the difference in cost so substantial that the savings are worth giving up the quality of life?

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