Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

[7Wannabe5]

+1

I also wanted to add a note for you, and the other men, who are frustrated with internet or app dating. Most reasonably attractive women who are actually looking for something in real life, only keep their profiles open for an average of 3 weeks before their "dance card" is filled enough to serve the immediate purpose. So, when you first enter or re-enter the fray, you should assume that most of the profiles of females that are already visible there are duds for one reason or another. No harm in making a few inquiries, but work on the theory that all of them are already taken or booked too solid, no longer checking/just bookmarks/accidentally re-opened (happened to me on more than one occasion), or some flavor of fake/misleading. Instead, you should keep an eye out for new profiles or profiles that have just been re-opened. Then, instead of jumping to make quick/short contact with the rest of the horde, wait at least 2 days to make inquiry that is thoughtful and personalized, but also direct in request for real world meeting. There are a lot of men who just want to chat endlessly, so don't do anything to offer that impression.

[Jean]

C40's comment is very good advice.

[TopHatFox]

Thoughts thoughts thoughts:

All good points above. THAT SAID, ended up scouring the internet's PUA forums at the suggestion of a male friend, and it seems most of them conclude that Miami is one of the hardest places to game in the world, whether day game or night game or whatever. All of that is to say, that that's great to know. Now I can stop hitting my head against a wall and pretending like it's just me that's a total fuck up when I've had plenty of success in MA and Boston.

The amazing thing is that I came here and got my jaw surgery, helped out the fam as much as I could, and now finishing up the braces and the MPA. But after that, this place has outgrown its utility, and just like NYC, I'm moooooving. : )

If I can't take it anymore though, I'm moving asap. For now I'm back to deleting all dating apps and doing day game at cafes. Honestly, Okcupid is full of psychos. Even after paying for A-list, I've gone on dates with an alcoholic hipster that pees in public, a single mom (unbeknownst to me) that wanted two more kids, the 30 yo FI- seeking woman who thinks all women have been raped no exceptions, a raw vegan who's IQ has dropped from non-prescription drugs, and more. I've been propositioned by scammers, sex workers of all genders, and even asked for sugar dating as a fucking 24 year old. These make good stories, but hoooooly shit, a man can only take so much.

------------------

Interestingly, I'm thinking of maybe moving back to the Pioneer Valley. I like the people there and honestly liked New England (not Pennsylvania, NY, or CT, but New Hampshire, Vermont, Mass., and Maine). CO may end up being a struggle-fest since it's expensive and I'm competing with fit, wealthy 30 YOs. ALSO, it pains me to admit this shit, but it was nice that in the Valley a "feminine" man is appreciated. Share your emotions? Good on you. Vulnerability as a virtue? Hell yeah. In major metropolitan areas, that kind of behavior in a man seems to be punished harshly.

[TopHatFox]

I've decided to finish off this MPA as soon as possible. The 15K stipend fellowship requires me to take 3 grad classes and a Portuguese undergrad class in Fall and Spring to get the $, all while working full-time. These four classes are fully paid for. BUT, by the time Spring 2020 rolls around, I'll only have one class left, that I can do online. This means I can be out of Miami with a bare-bones FI 150K, 2 yrs xp, and an ~MPA by then. I can use Summer 2020 to finish off that final course and apply for state park jobs in MT, CO, or AZ. Then move out there. I think this makes way more sense than moving anywhere with only a BA and <100K.

After that, I can work at that state park for 1-3 years, continue saving 30-40k/yr, and if I'm still feeling like it matches everything I want, take the GRE, and apply to a psychology PhD program somewhere in one of those 3 favorite states, trying to at least come out even with GA-ship or TA-ship. Again, that makes 100% more sense than completing a psych PhD program here in Miami and staying here for another FOUR-FIVE YEARS. I don't really think I'd ever get any more degrees after that. There'd be no point, I could already do any public sector work I want, and any counseling work I want.

The good news is that this accelerated plan has me feeling motivated rather than depressed. Like I'm able to channel all of my dislike for this city to gtfo of it. lol. Reminds me of growing up here.

[wolf]

Finishing the MPA asap, working ft and saving pretty extreme towards 150k sounds like a great plan to me. And it takes less than 1,5 years.
Also I like the idea of working at a state park. Since I have visited the west once (I'm from Germany), I cannot forget the great and diverse nature and landscape you have in the States. With your approach you can combine at several things and experiences (work, earn, save, travel, enjoy nature, ...)

[TopHatFox]

Yeah my dog wolf, what's uuuuuup.

I'm also thinking of getting a WFR from NOLS while I'm at it. Not sure of any other certifications/skills that may be worth having for state park work. Already have a driver's license, a geology undergrad, some xp leading outdoor trips as well as doing them, and management xp.

[TopHatFox]

I stumbled upon the idea of "post-trail depression" from reading about thru-hiking. Damn, I never thought that was a phenomenon. I wonder if I can make a psychology dissertation about it. That'd be a cool goal after working for a state park. Hah, what a neat idea. Get it? Post-Hike Depression = PHD.

On a more dark note, I feel like I'd be super susceptible to something like post-trail depression seeing my already-strong antagonism against the daily grind of the civilized routine. Part of me feels like once I start doing something unconventional like van-living or thru-hiking, I'd probably... never stop.

[TopHatFox]

Good news: I found that there are actually many jobs in the government that are fully remote. Gonna ask professors about them and see if I can get me one next year in tandem with the state park idea. So many directions.

[daylen]

Go Fox!

[TopHatFox]

<3

[TopHatFox]

Fuuuuuuck this shit lol. I don't want to do the salary man to FI path for years. It's too repetitive, physically unhealthy, and depressing. With a soon-to-be Masters, now fixed up jaw, and expected 150K, I'll have enough of a base to make some kind of varied life work, and I can improve it over time too! : ) : )

[TopHatFox]

I've been thinking that it actually makes a lot of sense to farm and save up an initial base amount to then live an interesting life. And while we're at it, asking ourselves "How do I live an interesting life?" is actually one of the most useful questions.

I think having that base amount takes the worry off being able to house and feed ourselves, and not only frees up the mental energy to focus on long-term projects, but also encourages calm to enjoy the present.

The "interesting life question" is then an excellent brainstorm to what to do next. Is working in a cube farm an interesting life? Hardly, unless if you find something extremely unique to work on. Is hiking the Florida Trail and writing a guide about it an interesting life? Yes, yes it is. Consider doing that.

I think after that the important question is "and how do I sustain an interesting life?" Because while that initial saved up amount is useful to take care of you, it's just a start. Other issues need to be addressed, like staying safe on trails/roads for years, and making $ while out on the road, so that you can continue living such a life for decades to come, and adjust to other life stages over time.

[daylen]

"and how do I sustain an interesting life?"

Learn to enjoy math and history. The last liberal arts.

[prognastat]

I'm somewhat planning to do that. I plan to stay in my current job which doesn't make for an interesting life until I'm at 4% SWR on my goal then switching to lower paying, but interesting jobs to mostly just cover expenses without saving much but coasting to 3% SWR. Once at 3% SWR I can even switch to jobs that don't pay enough to cover expenses as I'll be FI.

[TopHatFox]

I'm somewhat planning to do that. I plan to stay in my current job which doesn't make for an interesting life until I'm at 4% SWR on my goal then switching to lower paying, but interesting jobs to mostly just cover expenses without saving much but coasting to 3% SWR. Once at 3% SWR I can even switch to jobs that don't pay enough to cover expenses as I'll be FI.

Yeah, exactly prognastat! Having that initial nestegg, even if it's just enough to feed and house ourselves, allows us the freedom to take on interesting jobs or life paths that pay less or not at all, including lifestyle entrepreneurial paths that can take years to develop.

[wolf]

And how high would that initial nestegg has to be in your opinion? Would it has to be 25x (or 33x) of the annual combined cost for food and housing?

I think in my situation I have achieved that (perpetual budget for food and housing). But instead of switching to semi-ERE (e.g. more interesting job, going on an adventure, change to part-time) I'd rather want to stay on that high-paying full-time job. Why? Because that would be the FASTEST path to full-ERE (-FI). Maybe that's an INTJ-thing. And maybe that's because I am risk-averse. And maybe that is because of the different work culture in Germany. Or mabybe it is because I am in my late 30s. I don't know. Honestly, I am struggling with that. It is a choice between the known and highly optimized status quo with good pay and the unknown, uncertain but fun future.

So THF, what would you do? Would you work 2-5 years in that high paying (but sucking) job, in order to achieve full-ERE? Or would you switch to semi-ERE, when you reached your initial nestegg?

I find it a difficult decision, because what I thought some years ago that I wanted to do some distant future, is not the same thing I want to do now anymore. Time progresses, so do you.

[TopHatFox]

150-250K USD in a 60/40 portfolio and 20K in checking/savings sounds like a good amount. And the ability to work seasonally or do some small projects or long-term projects that lead to at least a few K/yr.

I dunno, I don't really stay in high paying but sucking jobs for longer than a few months, so that point is moot for me. If I get some sort of counseling job, I could see doing that for a few years. I guess I'd rather live an interesting life in my 20's and 30's, rather than a routine and money-rich one, just with a cushion of $ to fall back on.

I wish my current job wasn't so stressful so I could just coast...but alas, such is life at times.

In other news, I get my braces off in 2 weeks, and I finished 4 out of 14 MPA classes. : )

[classical_Liberal]

I'm all for Semi-ERE and for experimenting with different lifestyles. I also think certain things are best done at certain ages, and now is the best time for you take on these adventures. A couple of devil's advocate points though.

1) It is highly likely your priorities will change later in life. Van-life, slow travel, thru-hiking may not be what you want to do in a decade. So keep this in the back of your mind. There is nothing wrong with changing lifestyles, just don't put all your egg in one basket at such a young age. Prepare yourself for a successful transition to other lifestyles in the future if your priories change.

2) You have a ton of things going for you. Great savings for such a young age, low level spending skills. However, another you should consider is your education. You have an undergrad degree from a top tier university and soon will have a Masters. This is a huge asset that gives you significant "street cred" in the salaryman and workingman quadrants. This opens up opportunities that 90+% of the population does not have. Without usage this asset will depreciate. A decade of nonusage will make it highly unlikely this education provides you anywhere near the leverage it gives you today. I suggest you design the "seasonal work" and "projects" part of your plan to utilize your education in some form so that it does not lose value.

[2Birds1Stone]

1) Priorities seem to change daily/weekly here
2) Comparison is the thief of joy

[unemployable]

2) You have a ton of things going for you. Great savings for such a young age, low level spending skills. However, another you should consider is your education. You have an undergrad degree from a top tier university and soon will have a Masters. This is a huge asset that gives you significant "street cred" in the salaryman and workingman quadrants. This opens up opportunities that 90+% of the population does not have. Without usage this asset will depreciate. A decade of nonusage will make it highly unlikely this education provides you anywhere near the leverage it gives you today.

As a point of reference, I am finding my engineering degree from a top-10 university, not to mention a very difficult to obtain professional certification, is essentially worthless after nearly a decade since my last real job. Now I made that bed and am surviving on a sub-4 withdrawal rate, but try to stay hungry and don't stagnate.

I would have tried to do a better job of networking while still working and leaned on it more after my first couple years of quitting. Work sucks, I get it, but try to build bridges rather than burn them.