7Wannabe5 wrote: ↑Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:37 am
Creepy = Needy + Aggressive
This definition jives pretty well with my understanding. To return to the elevator example @slsdy made earlier, the situation reads very different depending on how executed.
Exchange 1
A man standing on opposite side of elevator of a woman calmly states "*Phew* looks like I just missed getting poured on." His selected tone indicates a touch of relief at actually having avoided getting rained on but mostly is one of detachment to indicate that this is a Small Talk exchange and that he understands that any response is not an indication of attraction nor is he even trying to do anything beyond eliminate the sometimes-awkward-elevator-silence by letting the two passengers have a single exchange and then letting silence take them the rest of the way of their journey. He looks straight ahead when he speaks and continues looking straight ahead after finishing speaking so as to not appear to be forcing some kind of response nor possible unwanted eye contact.
The woman, understanding this is just a Small Talk exchange and not really in the mood to invite further conversation, also keeps her gaze forward and says "Yeah you certainly lucked out."
END SCENE
Nothing in the above exchange would read as creepy to me, but a slight change in tone and body language can dramatically alter the interaction.
Exchange 2
A man, standing a bit closer than the opposite side of the elevator of a woman states somewhat calmly but with a touch too much enthusiasm "*PHEW* Looks like I just missed getting
poured on." His selected tone indicates a touch of relief at actually having avoided getting rained on but also contains enough energy to indicate he wants an exchange to happen. He further intensifies this want by looking down at the woman while he speaks and then his gaze lingers a touch too long after. The act of looking down on the woman is a small but significant display of power when trapped in a small space with potentially hostile unknown person; so this, combined with the tone, creep the woman out and she is now afraid of responding because that would invite further conversation from a person who obviously wants a conversation which itself speaks to a want of
connection, a connection that she has no desire to be forced to give to a stranger in an elevator. But, she is also afraid of not responding because not responding might be seen as a rude gesture which might cause the man to take offense or worse injure his pride and since he has signaled he wants a response he is probably more likely to be aggrieved than not. So the woman, in the hope of not inviting further conversation but pressed to reply anyway keeps her gaze forward, uncomfortably shifts her bag, and says "Yeah you certainly lucked out."
END SCENE
Arguably that was a bit more than slight change in tone and body language but I'd argue that a non-negligible number of people, in the moment of interaction, would not pick up on these things. Human interaction and social cues are complicated business.
And I'd admit that some persons would probably be creeped out by Exchange 1 above and maybe some not creeped out by Exchange 2. Vastly differing temperaments and experiences in life and with the opposite gender will influence a person's every interaction and you cannot plan on that in advance; but, I'd still suggest that you can dramatically improve your odds at not being considered a creep by understanding some of the nuances of social cues and adjust your signaling accordingly. It seems to me that this is something people struggle with insofar as they don't know it's a "thing" to be practiced at and if they are aware they are not quite so practiced as some delicate situations require (e.g., alone in an elevator with a person of the opposite sex).
ETA: Also, it is important to note that the tone and body language of the man in Exchange 2 signal a want of a connection even in the absence of a want of a connection. This might explain some of the discrepancy of the recollection of the same events by different people. I.e., the man feels like it was an innocent exchange because it
was to
him. But the woman recalls it as aggressive because it
was to
her.