Getting old sucks

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Bankai
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Bankai » Sat Mar 09, 2019 1:14 pm

Campitor wrote:
Sat Mar 09, 2019 12:45 pm
If you die regretting not being with your kids and choosing the motorcycle, you chose poorly.
I used to think that way as well, but I'm not so sure anymore.

Let's say you have 200 days to live and you can either spend them doing thing A or thing B. Thing A gives you happiness level of 5/5 each day while thing B - 4/5. You decide to spend your remaining time on thing A, thus maximising your daily happiness. On day 200, you start having second thoughts about the choice you've made. Even though you maximised your happiness over last 200 days, you believe you'd be better of (in this particular moment, i.e. on a deathbed) doing thing B all along, regardless of reduced happiness every single day. But can you really reduce your last 200 days to your last thought on a deathbed? Is this one thought more important than all the thoughts from the previous 200 days combined? In other words, is compromising your happiness over the course of 200 days worth increased satisfaction in the last moments of life?

Jason
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Jason » Sat Mar 09, 2019 1:49 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Mar 09, 2019 10:02 am
. It’s hard to see our heroes/peers/family die (Ja Michael Vincent died recently, too—age 73, but apparently had a really rough life after his success).
So what category/categories does Jan Micheal Vincent fall into in the heroes/peers/family triad?

EdithKeeler
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:17 pm

So what category/categories does Jan Micheal Vincent fall into in the heroes/peers/family triad?
Well, if you include in “heroes” the group “dudes who you thought were totally hot hardbodies when you were a hormonal 16 year old watching ‘Airwolf’ on TV in the 80’s,” then the heroes category. :D

Jason
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Jason » Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:45 pm

I can only imagine your grief when Patrick Swayze died.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:10 pm

I can only imagine your grief when Patrick Swayze died.
Nah. Not my type. Now Tom Selleck from the old Magnum days..... mmm.

Augustus
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Augustus » Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:11 pm

I had to google what airwolf was, but now I am intrigued.

Jason
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Jason » Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:32 pm

It was like Knight Rider in the air. Except I don't think it was a talking helicopter.

Tyler9000
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Tyler9000 » Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:49 pm

Well one of the benefits of getting a little older is the nostalgia. I still remember the theme song to Airwolf very clearly, not only from watching the show but also from playing the NES game.

Jason
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Jason » Sat Mar 09, 2019 4:00 pm

Tyler9000 wrote:
Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:49 pm
I still remember the theme song to Airwolf very clearly,
Be careful. The last man to say this to Edith ended up looking worse than Jan Michael Vincent when she got through with him.

Campitor
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Campitor » Sat Mar 09, 2019 4:05 pm

@Bankai

If you know yourself, the actions taken in the last 200 days should bring you satisfaction at death. If you know thyself, regret shouldn't be part of the equation.

Freedom_2018
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by Freedom_2018 » Sat Mar 09, 2019 9:04 pm

My brief unscientific observation is that every INTJ I know struggles with concepts of death and more importantly decrepitude.

Not to say that other types don't.

Seems to me that those who have a high degree of need to control their situation (which also makes them successful, goal oriented etc.) take it the hardest when the body starts to do what it must in the cycle of life.

Someone said - Nobody wants to die, even those who want to go to heaven.

Getting old does not have to suck. With time, reflection and experience, aging can be a wonderful thing. No longer we have to waste time on stuff that does not matter and can discern true friends from acquaintances. Hopefully one has more resources when older to focus on and do things that as a child we could only dream of but had neither the agency nor ability to execute on.

We could hate our bodies for not being as resilient when younger or we could love it and tend to it even as we thank it for having gotten us this far for many don't even get the chance to start their journey at the gates of life and so many others have since fallen by the wayside.

Death in the modern world is easy - there are so many medical innovations and drugs etc that were not available to thousands of generations of our ancestors, many of whom perhaps suffered horribly for what we now can so easily assuage. On top of it euthanasia is an ever increasing and acceptable option. So I submit that in today's world, it is not death and decrepitude that are so much an issue but having lived a life that one can honestly say has been well lived (we all can make clever arguments and bullshit others but not ourselves, especially in the long run).

So fear not dotage or the grim reaper but the gentle solace of complacence and inattention to living.

M

I met a traveler from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

EdithKeeler
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by EdithKeeler » Sun Mar 10, 2019 11:26 am

Geeze... I just found out a woman I went to college with just died. Age 54. Breast cancer. Getting old sucks... but not being able to get old is worse.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Sun Mar 10, 2019 11:30 am

EdithKeeler wrote:And finally: Jim Carroll:
I love Jim Carroll, except he reminds me so much of my ex-husband, who also introduced me to the music of Carroll. He would dance around the living room like Chris Robinson when he was drunk. Ah youth...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYyRLTveFJQ


OTOH, I don't think I ever watched a single episode of Air Wolf. My teen crush during that era was Mel Gibson in "The Year of Living Dangerously" shortly followed by Jimmy Smits in LA Law. I am trying to remember the name of a more recent series that featured an ever changing cast of supporting men who looked good when they took their shirts off, but because my brain is aging I can't summon it up :( I think it had a single word title that meant something in between "Girlfriends" and "Sluts."

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jennypenny
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by jennypenny » Sun Mar 10, 2019 4:15 pm

Generation X’s existential panic after Luke Perry death

I'm Perry's age so I've thought about this a lot the last few days. Val Kilmer is another one from our generation who's not going to last much longer. My father was only about 5 years older than I am now when he died of a sudden, unexpected heart attack. It seemed young at the time but now I realize just how young it feels.

It's weird. It's not that I hate getting older, it's that I hate being older even though I still feel young. Does that make any sense? I have a brain that's better than ever -- more nuanced thinking, more mature tastes, a more developed sense of humor, a better appreciation of the important things in life -- yet it's trapped in a body that loses a little bit of ground every day. I guess I assumed that my body and mind would feel the same age, or at least close, but that's not the case ... at all. I'm going to be really pissed if I die now that I've finally got my shit together.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by EdithKeeler » Sun Mar 10, 2019 4:36 pm

I'm going to be really pissed if I die now that I've finally got my shit together.
Exactly!!!

I’m trying to get my head around losing my college friend. She was exactly one day younger than I am. I’ve had some school friends die—2 suicides, couple of ODs, accidents, cystic fibrosis, even a murder! I’ve had a couple of friends treat successfully for breast cancer, even. But this death... like the piece you linked to re Luke Perry—it’s a reminder that we’re getting old—but we’re still young, too. For me, it’s a real reminder to get going on that bucket list.

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jennypenny
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by jennypenny » Sun Mar 10, 2019 5:00 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sun Mar 10, 2019 4:36 pm
For me, it’s a real reminder to get going on that bucket list.
My shrink told me to make a bucket list and get started on it. He said 'if you get to the end of the list and you're still alive, make another one.' :lol:

J_
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by J_ » Mon Mar 11, 2019 5:18 am

jennypenny wrote:
Sun Mar 10, 2019 5:00 pm
He said 'if you get to the end of the list and you're still alive, make another one.
As I do for a quarter of a century now. Number 1 of that list is to take care of what I eat and how long I sleep and to go out and sport every day.. And then follows the rest of my bucket which changes with time. It gives a lot of satisfaction if you reach one of the goals you have set. A friend of mine, also in his seventies, is now president of his golf-club. He said I have become good in speeches at funerals as so many of (the old) members die. It gives him satisfaction to do so with much empathy...

George the original one
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by George the original one » Mon Mar 11, 2019 10:18 am

jennypenny wrote:
Sun Mar 10, 2019 4:15 pm
It's weird. It's not that I hate getting older, it's that I hate being older even though I still feel young. Does that make any sense?
Of course it makes sense! It's why my early retirement is focused around childhood-like activities; gotta get them in before all I can do is reminisce about them, even if I'm looking forward to 20-25 more years of activities before reminiscing is all that remains.

***
Relatives I've not met before, from an "eastern" branch of the family, happened to be in Portland this weekend, so I attended the gathering. These are children and grandchildren of a cousin who I never met. For them it was very emotional as apparently I highly resembled my cousin (he passed away about 2 years ago and was 31 years older). At the other end of aging, the grandchildren are in their 20s and to me they all looked like teenagers, so I have some mental recalibrating to do...

EdithKeeler
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by EdithKeeler » Mon Mar 11, 2019 1:19 pm

I was listening to a TED talk today by Anne Lamott and she said she had a friend who was 70 or so. He told her “I feel like I’m 30 years old but like I have something really really wrong with me.” Funny because it’s true!

7Wannabe5
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Re: Getting old sucks

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 5:34 pm

42 was great. Being 42 was just like being 21, but with fewer frets about the future. OTOH, for me, 54 is just like 14, highly erratic hormones, ass growing like a melon in August, hair frizzing out like cotton candy, making out with two boys at the same time in some abandoned barn in the woods.

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